The Ride (29 page)

            She died twice last night. Code blue called over that hospitals intercom. Nurses and doctors rushed in and crowded around her. I watched that monitor flat line two times. Each time breaking my heart. All of this is the worst thing I've ever lived through. Hardest thing I've ever had to watch. There was nothing I could do. I was helpless. Three bullets hit her last night. The first hit her in the back upper right hand side under her shoulder blade. That one nicked her lung and an artery. It caused the most damage. She almost drowned in her own blood. The second one hit her in the lower back, hitting her kidney. The third went through her side hitting me in my side. It's only a flesh wound. I didn't feel it, still don't. I'm numb. Her body just off centered enough from mine that when it went through her it hit me. She came into the hospital and went right into a six hour surgery. The doctor came out of the operating room with a grim face and her blood on him. Couldn't do anything other than listen to him tell me she didn't have much of chance. “Right now Lilly has a thirty percent chance. The next twenty-four hours will be the hardest. This will be the test to see if the sutures take and the bleeding stops.” It's now been twenty-four hours. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can hardly think. Fuck I can hardly breathe. I just want my baby back. These last twenty-four hours the doctor said would be the test. If she made it through we'd be out of the woods. His words sure as fuck didn't make me feel any better. Sitting by her hospital bed I watch her, watch the monitors keep her alive and breathing. Constantly praying. Asking God to take me and spare Lil. This is all a helpless situation. No matter what I do I can't help her. No matter how much I love her I can't fix this. Holding her hand I don't let it go. Needing the warmth. The reassurance she's alive. “Brother ya need to change. Get a little rest. I'll stay with her.” Gin offers. He's been sitting here since she was brought in. He can save it, I'm not going anywhere. “Not leavin' her.” Shaking his head he puts his hand on my shoulder. I know he's hurting too, but I just don't care. The only thing I care about is lying lifeless in a hospital bed. “You love her, yeah?” There is no question. “More than anything'.” Nodding he stands up taking Peaches hand in his. “Well bring ya some clean clothes and somethin' to eat man. Call me if anything changes.” Peaches sniffles, eyes red and puffy. Kissing Lil's cheek she chokes back a sob. “I love you Lilly. Get better please, I need you,” she whispers. Walking to the door she whimpers. Gin fallows suit. Kisses Lil's forehead, tears in his eyes, “Love you sis. Hurry and get better Peaches is drivin' me nuts without ya.” Cali does the same, “I love you boo boo,” she says, her words broken. Stitch can't even look at her without losing his shit. Low can't come in because of the police and his outstanding murder charge, so he's stuck and losing it too. All of this hurts. It hurts to watch her lay there unmoving and silent. Hurts to watch everyone say goodbye not knowing if when they get back she'll be alive or not. Hurts not knowing if and when she'll come back to me. I'm mad as fuck this shit happened like this. Lil should have never been alone. If I wasn't such a selfish prick she wouldn't be in this God damn hospital bed fighting for her life. None of this would be happening if it wasn't for me. For the rest of my life I'll blame myself. For the rest of my life I'll love that girl the ways she deserves whether she wants me or not. I'll live a life without Lil as long as I know she's alive.

            Seven days in this hospital room. A few hours ago they stopped the medication that was keeping her in a coma. Now it's a waiting game. Seems her surgery went well after all. After the surgery they did a full examination of her body. Three gunshot wounds, multiple broken ribs, twenty-seven stitches for the gash on her thigh, two fractured wrists, and the sick asshole didn't feed her for four days, and maybe a glass of water or two. But no other sustained injury. No sexual abuse. Gave a million thanks that none of this sick motherfuckers touched her. Doctor said it was all up in the air after stopping the medication. She could never come back to me or she could recover fully. That's a shit answer, but it's my reality. “When this shit gunna wear off?” Gin barks impatiently at the doctor. Giving him the same answer, “only time will tell,” he says with a grim smile. After the doctor leaves we wait. Gin, Peaches, Cali, Stitch, Tiny, Kiki, and Low wait with me. Police finally backed off. Low was able to see her. We've been waiting a while now. The nurse bustles in smile on her face. She's sure as shit optimistic. “When's my daughter wakin' up,” Low snaps at the cheery nurse. Looking at Lil softly and back to Low she smiles. “Lilly's a strong gal she'll come back to us when she's ready.” Oh yeah great fucking answer. I can't take much more of this shit. “I'd suggest you all get a little rest. Seen it a few times. It takes people a while to come back. Usually twelve to twenty-four hours. Be rested, because when she wakes up she's going to need you all.” Low grumbles something heading for the door. “Call me the second somethin' changes, yeah?” Nodding my head I watch as he leaves. The rest fallow. I'm not going anywhere. The nurse checks her vitals, smiles at me, and leaves. I look at my girl. Face pale. Eyes closed, long lashes fan her cheeks. She looks like Lil, except she's not the laughing smiling girl I know. I want
my
Lil back. “Please baby wake up. Miss you so fuckin' much. Can't do this life shit without you.” Fuck I wish she'd wake up. I need her. Hell she can even hate me as long as she wakes up. Pulling my chair closer to her bed like I do every night I sit my ass down. Take her hand in mine. Rest my arms on her bed, head on my arms. This is how I sleep since they won't let me in her bed. Sleep doesn't come easy, but I get a little rest. Drifting off when I hear it. “Tank?” My mind pulls from a groggy sleep instantly. My heart hits the floor. “Sleeping?” I hear it again. That voice I've needed. The voice I've heard only in my dreams. My head shoots up. Heart in a damn panic. Her eyes are closed but she's smiling a small smile. Holy fuck. “Lil?” My body's shaking. Heart beating frantically. Nothing. No I swear to God I heard it, heard her. Jesus Christ. “Fuck baby.
Fuck!
… Damn it Lil look at me.” I'm fucking desperate. Barely hanging on. Those lips tilt into a bigger smile. “Bossy ass.”

Lil

            What the hell happened to me? My heads pounding to the point of explosion. My body hurts. Aching and throbbing. I've either been tramples by a herd of elephants or a big ass truck it me. I haven't been to Africa and don't remember playing in the road. Christ what's going on? My body feels off. Almost feels like I'm floating around. I can feel pain, but it's distant. Trying to open my eyes I give up when they start to feel like hundred pound weights. Moving my hand I feel a hand on mine. “Tank?” Shit my throat feels dry. It's tight and scratchy. It has to be Tank. It's a rough and warm hand. The hand moves. Hopping like hell that hand belongs to Tank. He doesn't say anything. Maybe he's sleeping. “Sleeping?” I try again. There's more movement. “Lil?” My heart flutters. Tank. His deep rough voice is music to my ears. Swear I love that deep gruff voice. Besides sending my body into a frenzy it also makes me smile. “Fuck baby. Fuck! … Damn it Lil look at me.” Oh Lord there's the angry Tank. I like that Tank too. Hell I like every Tank. “Bossy ass.” I tell him, because damn he is. For a few moments there's silence. Then I hear a shuddered breath and a sniffle. He's crying? Why is Tank crying? Giving myself a mental pep talk I try for the eyes again. It's not easy, but they crack open. Muted light hits me first. Tank's heartbroken face materializes in front of me. “Fuck baby. God I've fuckin' missed you,” he rasps voice thick with emotion. “You okay?” I ask him. I don't understand what's wrong. Is he hurt? For a brief second he closes his eyes looking pained. Opening them he smiles a sad smile at me. “Baby, yeah.” Bringing my hand up to his lips he kisses my knuckles, “I love you Lilly.” My eyes catch the tubes, needles, and bandages. Oh God. It hits me in a flood. Eyes to Tank. He's alive. I'm alive. My family? “Are they ...” Shaking his head he smiles that sad smile again. “Everyone's good angel.” My heart settles. Closing my eyes I smile. I'm alive.

            I've spent two weeks in this hospital room. One of those I was out cold, but this last one I've been awake. It has not been great. I really want to go home. This icky sterile blue and white hospital room makes me long for Tanks room. I want to crawl in Tanks bed, pull him with me, and sleep for a life time. I can't sit here any longer. I feel good. A little sore, but really it's nothing I can't handle. “Sis, you can't just get up,” Gin grumbles from beside my bed. Glaring at him I throw my blanket back. I'm not staying in this bed one more boring ass second. “Gettin' up. Get outta my way.” Grumbling Gin moves aside. He doesn't look happy about doing it, but he does it. “Shot three God damn times n' you're still a pain in my damn ass.” Smacking at his shoulders I move to the edge of the bed. Tank's standing at the foot of the bed learning against the wall. Arms crossed across his chest, smirk on his lips. “Babe get back in bed,” he chuckles softly. Shooting him a glare too I put my feet on the floor. Burr I should have slipped socks on. “Shut up!” Throwing his head back he laughs, “I fuckin' love you.” His eyes soft and caring. He's been saying that a lot this past week. He says it every chance he gets. Says it for no reason at all. He says it when he's staring at me like I'm about to vanish into thin air. Says it when I'm yelling at everyone. Says it while smiling at me. Along with telling me he loves me he keeps apologizing. I never needed one. His love is all I need. It's all I want. I'm over all that shit. I've forgotten about all the shit he said to me, because deep down I know how he really feels. “Love you too. Now help me outta this bed,” I tell him holding my hand out to him. Those strong hard features soften. Taking my hand he pulls me up. An arm resting gently around my lower back, the other holding my hand. “You okay?” Nodding I bury my face in his chest. He smells just like I remember. Tank, leather, smoke, and man. Breathing deeply I sigh. My favorite spot. “You wanted up so you could smell me babe?” Yes. I'd walk through hell just to be able to bury my face in his chest. “Yep.” Gin snorts a laugh. “Still a fuckin' nerd.” Maybe so, but Tank is my favorite smell. I love it, just like I love everything else about him.

            Four days later they released me. I've spent the afternoon at the club letting everyone wait on me and tell me how much they love me and how happy they are that I'm okay. Everyone needed that reassurance. Seeing the love and worry my family has for me makes me appreciate them that much more. It was good to see everyone, but to be honest all I want to do was go to Tanks and crawl into bed. Tank hasn't left my eye sight since I woke up. Sitting on the couch he's a few feet away talking with Sargent. “Tank?” I'm tired and ready to go. Turning around he's on me before I blink. “Babe?” Scooting closer to me he looks me over. Always looking for something wrong. Pulling him close I talk quietly. “Can you take me home? I'm tired.” Leaning forward he takes my face in his hands. Kissing my forehead he smiles. “Baby yeah.” Saying my goodbyes and getting out the door was a thing all on its own. Took an hour, but finally I was able to get out of there. Driving down the road Tank turns his blinker on. “No not my dad's place.” I watch his face slowly turn towards mine. An eye brow cocked in question. “Said home babe?” I did and I meant home. Through this whole thing all I wanted was Tank's home. Wanted his bed. His arms. “I did.” That happy face now's etched with a scowl. Here comes bossy. “Swear to God Lil you mean Seattle I'm gunna ...” Holding up my hand I smile reassuringly. He's worried about me leaving. That handsome face's scowl full of worry. “No babe your place. Home.” Out of now where he veers off of the road. I all but fall over in my seat. Skidding to a stop. Face forward, eyes on the road ahead. Hands gripping the steering wheel with a white knuckled grip. My heart thuds into my ribs. Doubt wonders in. Maybe he doesn't want me to move in any more. Tank's is the only place I've wanted to be. I don't think I can be at my dad's right now. The club is too busy and loud. And I definitely don't want to go home to Seattle alone. A small trickle of panic sends a chill over my body. Where am I going to go? Fear of losing Tank weighs heavy in my heart. I fight the tears. “If
…
I mean I don't … well I don't have to go to ...” Grabbing my arms he tugs me to him. Hands wrapped up in my hair. “Shut up Lil. You come home with me to
our
place.”

About the Author

           I live in a small hick town right on the coast of good ol’ Washington State, about two hours outside of Seattle. Although I live in a small town don’t mistake my location for my love of all things country, because I’m a city girl through and through. My heart lives in the fast paced hustle and bustle of the city. I live with or right next door to my tribe, or as most know them, my family. My lovely, but nutty mother lives right next door with my hair brained grandma. I currently reside in my nut house with my strange, but wonderful fiancé and my wild as hell little monster boy. My biker mouthed, but funny and amazing little sister lives not too far away with my adorable nephew and hick down to his bones brother in law. I have an enormous love for music. I love it all. My sister and I go to as many concerts as humanly possible. But my passion is reading and writing. I have a love of all things book-related. If it has words, I’ll read it. I decided one day to write because my poor brain couldn’t take any more of the massive stories I had stored away. I figured hell I love them, maybe someone else will too. So I started writing and couldn’t stop. I still can’t stop. It’s now become an obsession. A lovely, lovely obsession.

Thank you!!