The Remedy Files: Illusion (10 page)

CHAPTER 13
 

Gavin.

“I was just heading that way.” He says quietly. “Let’s go.” Gavin looks me up and down and then sets on the path. As he walks, he unzips his gray hoodie, revealing a black t-shirt underneath, and throws it to me.  I realize I forgot the sweatshirt I typically wear to blend in with the forest. I must have left it at the Clinic yesterday. I take his eagerly and zip up.

Gavin and I walk in silence through the woods to our usual spot. I lean over to pick up a flower with several rugged looking petals. As we continue walking, I slowly pick off each petal, marking a senseless trail. I notice Gavin taking several looks my way but he doesn’t say a word. Something must be wrong. He is so quiet and not like his usual self. I want to bring up the last time we talked and why I missed our meeting yesterday, but I keep choosing to not say anything. I want him to talk first.

The woods become lighter as we reach the end of the trail and the clearing comes in sight. We walk through the opening to our special little spot that we have spent countless hours in over the past several years. I perch on the trunk of a tree that was struck by lightning five years ago. It was the first – and only - time in my life I had ever seen lightning.

I found a book once in our Level 7 Archaeological Dig. When I found it, I slipped it under my shirt so that no one else would take it from me. They tend to screen the books that we’re allowed to have pretty heavily. If someone runs across one in the Dig, they immediately take it and then it has to go through intense scrutiny from the Community Board before deciding whether or not it’s acceptable. Even then if it is deemed up to standard, it usually ends up right in the Museum. I wasn’t going to let that happen to the book I found.

That was the first item I ever stole from the Dig. I never regretted doing it either. Night after night, for a year straight, I would flip through the book. Holding a flashlight under the covers, I would examine every inch of each picture, fascinated by all the things that had existed in The Before. One picture showed a beautiful display of lighted streaks in a dark sky over a red rock formation that looked eerily similar to the Lightstones. It was labeled as “Fall Lightning Storm in Utah Canyon”. It was my favorite of all pictures in the book and the only way I was able to identify lightning three years later when we were disrupted in class by a loud clashing noise.

Before we could react, the community sirens were blaring and the teacher was directing us to get in our single file lines to head down to the shelter. Since I was the last in the line, I poked my head out the window before the automatic blinds shut out my view and saw the same lighted streaks that were in the book except now live in our sky. It was the most amazing sight I had ever seen.

Two hours later, we were released from the Shelter. After classes were completed for the day and we walked home, we noticed the yard crews were hard at work cleaning up debris that cluttered the streets. The authorities never communicated to us why we were marched to the shelter and since we are not allowed to ask questions, we had no way of finding out on our own.    

I never actually told Gavin what I witnessed, although he knows I found the book and have discovered truths unbeknown to my peers. Since I ask Gavin all the questions that are not allowed in Impetus, he must have known that I figured it out when we returned to our location three days after the storm since I never asked what happened to the tree. When I first sat down on the broken trunk, he had given me one of his half-mouthed smiles that always remind me how transparent I am to him.

“How are you feeling?”Gavin finally speaks.

I glare at him. I don’t want to play his game today.

He sighs. “I mean, what are your thoughts about tomorrow?”

Tomorrow. The Futures Ceremony. It’s basically here already. In less than 24 hours my future will be decided.

I don’t want to talk about it. There are too many other things that I need to talk to him about and I’m not up for theorizing on the Ceremony any more than I have already. Instead, I try his tactic of changing the subject.

“Gavin, do my eyes look different?” This morning as I was getting ready I looked at them again and I could have sworn they were even slightly lighter than the day before. The green looks more prominent.

He doesn’t respond at first. I thought maybe he was going to ignore my question and go back to talking about the Futures Ceremony. But after a few minutes he quietly says, “Yeah, I noticed that right away today.”

“You noticed? Why didn’t you say anything?”

Gavin shrugs and picks at the bark on the tree closest to us. “I guess sometimes I let myself believe that if I don’t bring it up, you won’t notice.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve definitely perceived that over the years.”

“It’s the whole theory of what you don’t know can’t hurt you.” It was something we read together once in a book about old sayings of The Before. Of course, it sparked a huge debate between us as Gavin was agreeing with it and I was disagreeing especially now that feelings were out of the picture. I can’t believe he wants to bring it up again. “I know it doesn’t make sense to you, Evie, but it’s a really messed up way of me trying to protect you.”

“What could you possibly be protecting me from? Other than my times out here with you, Impetus keeps me safe. They protect me. I’m fine, Gavin.”

Gavin opens his mouth but then closes it again. He does that a lot with me when he can predict the way the conversation is going to go and then tries to steer it elsewhere. He’s looking down on the ground, tracing a tree root that’s poking out of the ground with his foot.

It’s strange how different he can look in these moments. Most of the time he’s in control of absolutely everything; but other times, he looks smaller, less secure. It’s almost as if I have the ability to do that to him. I’ve noticed that my words can affect his looks drastically. It’s so strange.

“Do you have any idea who they could pair you with?” He’s back to wanting to talk about the Futures Ceremony.

I sigh. I didn’t want to talk about it but none of our other conversations have seemed to go well lately. I still need to talk to him about the strange man and Doctor Bordine’s conversation that I overheard. But with Gavin looking so defeated right now, I decide to abide by the direction he wants to take the conversation in.

The question of who they could pair me with is something I had thought about each time we would watch previous Levels get paired. Supposedly, the Committee makes their pairings decisions by the time we turn 14. No one really believes that and always wonders if they ever make any changes after that point. Although now  it’s been confirmed with Doctor Bordine’s call that I had eavesdropped on. They definitely still make changes long after.

“There are ten males in the class. I haven’t interacted with any of them very often throughout the years so I can’t figure out why they would choose one of them over any of the others for that reason. So I guess genetics will be their only deciding factor. It doesn’t really matter to me.”

“Do you ever wonder if there could be more?” Gavin whispers.

I look around. “Why are you whispering?”

“Just answer the question.”

“What do you mean by ‘more’”?

“Well… do you think genetics and interaction is enough to pair two people up for the rest of their lives? You would be spending every single day with the same person.”

“No, it’s like I said before, I don’t really get why Impetus gets to make those decisions for us all and choose the Pairings. But what else would there be other than genetics and interaction levels anyway?”

Gavin sits down on the tree trunk and gazes out at the little pond that’s been decorated with falling leaves. I sit down next to him, but face the trees instead.   

“Let me have your hand.” Gavin reaches for my right hand, taking it in his own. His fingers latch onto my fingers as though protecting them.  He turns my hand over and then takes his left index finger and begins tracing the lines in my hand.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

Gavin remains silent and instead guides my hand to a group of flowers, barely sweeping the tops of them. The beautiful array of yellow, red, and purple petals sway in reaction to my hand.

“Do you feel that?”

“No.” Nothing.

Intently watching my face, he then brings my hand to the log, grazing the top of it.

I shake my head. He’s knows I can’t feel anything. Why in the world is he doing this right now?

Gavin’s eyes furrow. He then dips our hands together into the little pond of water left over from the rain last night, in and out several times. I watch as the water ripples expand and then disappear.  The ripples are always so neat to watch as a reaction from touching the water. I still can’t feel a thing, though.

Gavin hastily stands up and begins pacing back and forth. His face is a bit redder now and he seems deep in thought.  I watch as the vein in his neck becomes more evident and his arm muscles thicken each time he clenches his fists. The sun is shining through the tree tops and at times it hits his face just right as he walks back and forth, showing the innocence of youth that still resides, poking under his beard despite years of what he has called “hardships that you wouldn’t quite understand.” 

I never before considered how attractive he is. Gavin has always been a rock in my life, a part of me that I could never imagine not existing. Now seeing his light blue eyes slightly squinting in concentration and the outline of the muscles in his back through his t-shirt, I could not believe I had gone this long without noticing it before.  He is extremely attractive. He represents strength to me, security, and consistency.

Gavin surprises me by stopping in mid pace and dropping down to a squat right in front of me. He puts one hand on each of my knees and gazes attentively into my eyes.

“Evangeline, tomorrow is a very important day…” he begins.

This is the closest Gavin has ever been to me. His nose is almost touching my own. 

“…and I really need you to remember who you are and the things that you want. I need you to stay focused on the bigger picture, on all of the things we talked about throughout the years.”

My thoughts become cloudy as I breathe in his scent, a mixed aroma of woodchips, fire, and soap. How have I never noticed this before?

“Promise me tonight you will give a lot of thought to all--”

Beep. Beep.

I glance down at my monitor, surprised that it’s working this far out of Impetus walls. “I have to go.”

Gavin placed his hands on my face. “Please… I need you to listen to me.” His eyes were insistent.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I jump up from the trunk, knocking Gavin backwards to the ground. “My monitor- I have to go.” I slide off his hoodie and throw it at him and then take off in a sprint towards Impetus, rushing to get back to the Clinic as the beeping increases.

“Evangeline, wait!” I hear Gavin call out behind me. “Please stay!”

Stay? He knows I can’t stay when my monitor is going off. I need Remedy as soon as possible.

As well as we know each other, he still confuses me at times. Today maybe even more than ever before.
 

CHAPTER 14
 

I run back to the thickets, push through them and then dart to the Clinic, making sure no one is watching me along the way. Sliding through the doors to the Remedy Cube dispenser, I scan my wrist and out pops two tiny clear pills. I lean my head back, throw the Remedies in my mouth, and swallow. Within just a few seconds the beeping on my monitor fades and the yellow light stops blinking. All is well again.

I close my eyes, replaying the scene that just happened with Gavin. I don’t know what to make of it at all or why he moved so quickly between discussing the feelings game and me making a decision for my future. I wish we left tonight on a better note. It’s not his future that will be determined tomorrow but he acted as though it was. Maybe he wanted to tell me about how his Futures Ceremony went.
 
 I should try to get out there again tonight. It's our last day like this and we need more time together than what we were able to have. I'm not sure how we will be from here on out or if we'll even be able to still do this. It all depends on what Impetus decides for me. If I'm an Unpaired, it'll be fine. If I'm Paired, it'll be the end of my daily visits with Gavin. 

Preparing to leave, I then remember the hoodie I left behind so I go to the office door, unlock it, and enter. I locate the hoodie on the floor, stuffed in the corner in the Lost and Found box. I must have dropped it when I ran out of the office after hearing Doctor Bordine’s call. Grabbing it, I turn around to begin leaving when I notice a bright red envelope on the floor, poking out from under Doctor’s door.

Red envelopes are restricted for use by most people in Impetus since they signify only official community business. No one except current Community Board members are allowed to look at them. Technically, no one is supposed to even touch them. It’s wise to stay as far away as possible. I know this. I get it.

Impetus has told us a lot of things over the years that I have slowly realized aren’t completely true. I used to be able to justify the truths I discovered as lies- that the noble purpose is to keep us safe and to prevent us from making mistakes of The Before. I’m just not sure that’s the whole story anymore. All of these conversations that have taken place… the ones I’ve overhead as well as the ones with Gavin… they’re just all too much. There are too many secrets. There’s something more than what they’re telling us and I need answers. Gavin has proven he won’t tell me what he doesn’t need to. It’s up to me to figure it out. 

Slowly walking to the Doctor’s office, I take a deep breath so I do not set my Remedy monitor off again. I’ve done a few things that have broken the rules, but I could see this being even worse than leaving Impetus walls. Then a thought hits me: my monitor was activated outside of the Community walls. They said it wouldn’t work that far out. But it worked tonight. It’s another lie they’ve told us. Tomorrow, my entire future is going to be determined and I’m not sure I trust the people who are making those decisions anymore.

I knock on Doctor Bordine’s office. No answer just as I expected. I lean over and look under the door. No light on. I slowly pick up the letter and open it, carefully preventing any obvious signs of tampering so I can seal it back up. On the front of it I notice the stamp states “Official Committee Decision. Confidential.”

Carefully I slide the letter out of the envelope, unfold it, and read its contents. One paragraph immediately stands out:
 

“On behalf of the General Counsel, Termination of Patient #878   

has been approved. Procedure should be completed as soon as

birth of Patient #1024 is completed.

Termination of Patient #1024 is also approved. Please proceed

with excess dosages. Canisters will be delivered Sunday for both

patients."

The letter slides out of my hand to the floor. My thoughts become convoluted. I bend over to pick up the letter but instead slide on my knees to the floor. Patient #878 and Patient #1024. I knew from staring at the files yesterday: Liam’s wife and the Breesmain Baby.

No. This can’t be. I don't understand. I stand up, go to the cabinet and search for their file. There has to be a reason- some logic behind this. There’s no file to be found. Doctor Bordine… it has to be in his office.

I try the doorknob on the Doctor’s office. It’s locked. I jiggle it, hoping that maybe I could knock it loose. No luck. I wish I knew how to break through locks like we’ve seen in old movies. They always make it look so easy.

Leaning my forehead against the door, I scramble to collect my thoughts. What can I do? What would Gavin do? I need his help. There has to be a way I can stop this. They can’t kill an innocent baby.

I stumble to the front desk, feed the document through the printer and make two copies of the letter. I know the risk I am taking. If someone catches me, the act would be severely punishable.

Right now, my head feels foggy and I keep seeing circles of light in front of me. Things aren’t making sense. Suddenly a world that seemed to be built on such logical concepts doesn’t make sense. Why would they kill a baby? Why would they kill the baby’s mom? When I looked through the file earlier, there was nothing highlighted- nothing that stood out as urgent. Only the Elderly pass on. Not a woman merely four years older than me and definitely not a newborn baby! I need to find Gavin. 

I slip the original letter back in its envelope carefully. I am vigilant to put the envelope exactly as I originally found it, slightly poking out underneath the door at an angle. I fold the copies of the letters carefully and slide them deep into my back pocket. I take another quick glance around to make sure everything was exactly as it was before I entered the facility. Once I leave the Clinic, I break into a sprint, staying close to the shadows, desperately hoping that Gavin is still at our spot.

As I near the edge of the bushes, voices catch me in my tracks and I quickly duck close to the ground, finding some cover in the shadows of taller plants in the gardens.

“He’s going to go to waste now. We needed his genes.” It’s the same angry voice from the other night.

“We can still use them. We will just to have to be more creative with how we do it.” Is that… the Doctor? I try to get a better look but I can only see the outline of darker shadows. The height… and the belly… it has to be him.

“What do you mean by that?”

“We can mix the implants. We can do that with the next group. I can switch it and no one would notice. There are two that we haven’t been sure about. We can go ahead and pair them and then use the mixture instead. I can insert specific vitamins to make sure the same mistake doesn’t happen again.”

Are they… talking about us? Are they talking about my Level?

Silence. Then the other voice says, “It would be the first time we have a perfect even pair across the Level. Impetus would love that.” They
are
talking about us! No, this can’t be happening! 

“It’ll be a win for everyone. I’ll take care of it.”

“Good.” Another pause and the voice lowers considerably where I could barely hear it. “I was hoping they’d give a status update on the new recruit. Have you heard anything?”

“It’s been less than 24 hours. I sedated him last night and they threw him in a cell not long after. Not all of it has left his system yet. He’s definitely a fighter.”

“Which is why we will need him on our side, I suppose.”

A bright glow suddenly lights up the fading afternoon sky and disappears as a loud tin door slams shut once again.

“You guys don’t need to be standing outside having these conversations. You’re getting careless.” A woman’s voice this time. She sounds familiar too except with a slight southern drawl that I’ve only heard before in old movies. “I heard you all the way inside.”

“Sorry…” The strange man mumbles. Doctor Bordine remains quiet.

“You don’t need to be worried about the new recruit until we have him ready.” She says sternly. “Now, come back on in so we can finish everything up before tomorrow. It’s a big day.” She says the last part in a fake singsong sort of way as though intimidating someone else.

The glow breaks across the sky for a few fleeting moments before followed by the echo of the tin door shutting once again.

I wait a few minutes, still holding my breath, careful to not move until I’m sure everyone has gone. Once I feel it’s clear, I turn in the opposite direction and start to run.

Out of the blue I hear a voice say, “Evangeline?”

My first thought is to keep running as though I didn’t hear him at all. This is the worst possible thing that could happen in this moment. I’m done.

“Evangeline?” He repeats again. I immediately know it is indeed Doctor Bordine. There’s no chance to run. He knows it’s me.

I slowly turn around. I have to play this off. My life counts on it. “Oh, Doctor. How nice of a surprise it is to see you.” I lie. It may be the worst of all lies I’ve ever told before.

Doctor Bordine walks closer to me, his glasses falling down the edge of his nose. “What are you doing all the way out here? The office is closed right now.”

I scramble to come up with an excuse and then remember my hoodie. Holding it up in my hand for the Doctor to see, I say, “I forgot this at work the other day. Since I’m not sure yet if I’m ever going to get the chance to work there again, I wanted to grab it before the big day tomorrow.” Hopefully I made that as believable as possible.

Doctor Bordine nods. “You’ve done a fine job there, Evangeline.” Clearing his throat, he then says, “I had you paged to the office a couple of different times today.”

Oh no. I almost blurt out, “When?” but luckily caught myself in time. That would have just made things so much worst if I asked a question on top of everything else. He looks suspicious of me right now as it is.

“Sorry. It’s been a, uh, busy day spending time with everyone. You know, before tomorrow and all.” I stuttered way too much. He knows, I’m sure of it.

“Hmm,” he doesn’t look convinced. “Well, the nurses were alerted of your Remedy levels. Apparently they’ve been more sporadic as of lately. We’re a bit concerned.” He’s suddenly leaning in closer as if observing my eyes.

He’s trying to see if my eyes have changed color anymore! Hopefully the evening onset is making it too dark to tell. This just keeps getting worse.

I move my eyes to my wrist monitor as if the whole purpose was to check the time. “Sorry, Doctor, I don’t want to cut you off but I can’t miss out on the last dinner tonight. I hope you understand.”

Doctor Bordine leans back on his feet, putting more inches between us again which is good. “Yes, very well then. I shouldn’t keep you from dinner. I will be requesting you to come in tomorrow. I would prefer before the Ceremony but since I know it’ll be a busy day as it is, I’ll plan on immediately afterwards before you leave to get situated in your new arrangements.”

“Okay.” I say much too quickly. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Without waiting on a response from him, I run back to the Levels 14-17 Home. I decide to take the path I always try to avoid which is running by the steel sheds, just in effort to make it seem that is indeed what I was doing out this way. I didn’t want to give the Doctor a chance to doubt me any more than what I’m sure he already has tonight. My appointment tomorrow is going to be terrible. He’s going to see my eyes. They’re going to know that they’re getting lighter.

When I make it back to the Home, I sprint straight to the Cafeteria. I’m actually somewhat relieved when I don’t see Jacqueline in there. She would be the only one that seeks me out. I scan my wrist monitor, grab my regularly scheduled pills from the Attendant and head to the food line to grab a few pieces of fruit that can be easily carried back to my room.

For the second night in a row, I go straight to my bed with only kicking off my shoes but not changing clothes. I lay there, trying to process everything I just saw, everything I just heard. Things have been getting stranger but today… I don’t even know where to begin with my thoughts. I don’t even know how to process this.

Things are getting too dangerous. There have been way too many close calls lately. Something strange has to be going on for all of this to take place in such a short amount of time. Now the Doctor is going to test me again tomorrow. Gavin never explained what all of this means but now I need answers.

I reach back into my back pocket. The papers are still there. I think about hiding them but there’s nowhere to hide. All of my items will be automatically moved tomorrow into whatever housing I end up in.

I snort at the thought. No, that’s not right. Now I know no matter what, I’m ending up in a paired housing. I don’t know if I was originally supposed to. I don’t know who those “other two” people are. Now, it doesn’t even matter. They just proved they don’t make the decisions when we are 14 years old. They can change them at any time. I think about the other conversation I overheard between Doctor Bordine and whoever he was talking to on the phone. That must have been what the conversation was about. 

I have to find a way to get the copies of these papers to Gavin. I have to talk to him. I’ve never needed answers so badly before.

Tomorrow, everything was supposed to change. However,
my
world… my world just changed one night too soon.