The Redemption of Callie and Kayden (32 page)

appointment next week.”

I nod, scooting to the edge of the booth. “All right.”

Doug tosses a few ones down on the table. “Kayden, I feel

like I have to say one more thing… about your father.”

I wince. Over the last several hours I’d said a lot of terrible

thing about my father and even though I wish it weren’t that way,

feelings of guilt and betrayal lie within me. Maybe one day,

though, they’ll be gone. “What?”

He takes his time answering. “I think you should consider

pressing charges against him. What he did to you that night…

there’s a lot you can do to him.”

I shake my head. “I can’t… especially since I might be getting

charges pressed against me.”

“You don’t have to do it now,” he assures me. “There’s a

somewhat lengthy time frame for these things… Maybe it’s

something we can talk about next week. If you feel up to it. But

that’s the key here. I don’t want to push you until you’re ready.”

Press charges against my father? I want to. The idea of

throwing him out to the world is fucking appealing. But every grain

of fear that’s ever been inside me rises. “Okay, we can talk about it next week.”

He nods and then gets up from the booth. I follow him

outside, zipping up my jacket and tugging my hood over my head.

I sling my bag over my shoulder as he gets into his car and drives

away. I stand beneath the shelter of the carport watching the

sunrise and the sky shift to a bright pinkish orange. It’s blinding to look at but I can’t seem to turn away. I keep staring at it until I see spots and then slide my hand into my pocket to call Luke, figuring

I’ll skip the cold, numbing walk in exchange for a car ride. I turn on my phone and instantly feel like an ass. Callie has called and texted multiple times, asking if I’m okay. I’ve been gone all night and

she’s probably worried sick.

My voicemail light is flashing so I dial into it and hold my

breath, fearing what she has to say, fearing she’ll say it’s over and realizing that I don’t want it to be over, a feeling that amplifies at the first sound of her voice.

Kayden…

So Seth thought it would be a good idea for me to write

everything that I’m feeling down and please, pretty please, keep in

mind that I wrote this before the beach, but I’m sure I still feel the same way.

She takes a deep breath and it sounds like she’s about to cry.

Before I met you, I was kind of a mess. Even though Seth had

brought me out of my shell, I still felt so ugly on the inside and

outside… so broken… so ashamed I guess. Sometimes the pain was

so bad that I couldn’t take it, and it’s part of the reason why I’d

make myself throw up. It’s part of the reason why I chopped my

hair off in sixth grade. Why I wore baggy clothes for so long. Why

walking through a crowd sends me into a panic attack. Why I

hated being touched. It was basically the reason for everything

that I did. And it was always there all the time… Sometimes I just

wanted a break from it, but every time I looked forward to see if a

break was possible, it never seemed like it could happen. I honestly

thought I’d be that way forever, which sometimes made me wish

that forever would be a really short time.

She takes another deep breath and her voice falters.

I actually thought about making it short a few times, but I

never got further than the thoughts. I’m glad I did too, because

despite all the ugly and heaviness and panic attacks, it was worth

the suffering because I got you… You saved me from a lifetime of

self-loathing and torture. You saved me from myself, from my past,

from the painful, lonely future I’d set up for myself. And I thought

everything would be okay. But then I found you on the floor… that

night… and I realized how much you’d been hurting and how

much you needed to be saved too. Not just from the injuries but

from the pain I know you have trapped inside you.

I get it. I really do. And I’ll do anything to help you. You just

have to let me help. And I need you to let me help you because I

need you. I can’t… I can’t….

She starts to cry and it makes my own eyes water up. There

are people walking in and out of the café and I’m standing

underneath the carport in front of cars crying like a fucking baby.

But it doesn’t matter. The tears, the pain, the past, none of it

matters. They’re just things that exist inside me like the scars on

my body. Sure, they’ll always be there, reminding me of what I

went through, but it doesn’t mean I have to hold on to the pain.

Scars fade and become marks on my skin. They weren’t originally

there and although they do alter how my skin looks, they don’t

change how I work and function.

Her tears quiet and she sniffles before speaking again.

I can’t do this without you. I… I-I love you, Kayden. And I

don’t expect you to say it back. I don’t expect anything. I just

wanted you to know because you deserve to know and you

deserve to be loved.

The line goes quiet. I hear her breathing for a moment

before she hangs up. Her words echo in my head. It’s like she

knows. Knows that no one’s ever said that to me before, except for

Daisy and that wasn’t the same. It was fake and easy to say back to

her because it was just words to both of us. Callie means it. I can

tell through the sound of her tears.

I don’t know what to do. My heart is thumping in my chest

as I glance around at the people getting in their cars and eating

their breakfast inside the diner. I know what I want to do. I want to turn it off, make my heart relax, run away from the feelings nipping

at my heels.

I get up, sliding my phone into my back pocket, and then I

start to run down the road right as the wind kicks up. Snow flurries

are falling on the sidewalk and road, but I run against them,

pushing forward, unsure where I’m going. And that’s okay.

Sometimes the best things are the ones that aren’t planned, the

decisions made while living in the moment.

#1 Overcome your worst fear

Callie

“Have you heard anything from him?” Seth asks me. He’s

lounging on the bed, with the remote pointed at the television as

he surfs through the channels. Kayden’s been gone all night and

I’m extremely worried about him. I text him a couple of times, but

he doesn’t respond. Everyone keeps reassuring me that

everything’s okay, but Luke left really early, saying he needed

coffee, when really I think he went to look for Kayden. At least I

hope he did.

I shake my head and set the brush down on the counter.

“No, not yet.”

I wonder if he’s heard my voicemail, if he’s heard me pour

out my heart and soul. If he has, he’s probably upset, or pissed, or

maybe even scared. But I needed to say it. No more hiding. I love

Kayden and he needed to know that.

I leave my hair down and walk back into the room. I drop

down on the bed, flat on my stomach, and stretch out. “I need

caffeine,” I say through a yawn. “I didn’t sleep very well.”

He tosses the remote onto the foot of the bed. “Maybe it’s

because you spent half the night talking to a voicemail.”

I prop up on my elbows. “You heard that?”

He nods. “I heard the crying too.” Leaning forward, he

sweeps my hair out of my face. “Do you want to talk about it?”

I shake my head and pivot to my side. “Not really. I kind of

talked about it last night.”

He crooks his eyebrow. “On a voicemail.”

I nod. “He’ll hear it and that’s all that matters.”

“And then what?”

“And then he hears it.”

Seth waits for an explanation. “And…”

I trace the floral pattern on the faded bedspread. “And then

nothing… I didn’t tell him because I expected anything. I just

wanted him to know how I felt about him… He deserves that.”

He presses his lips together, contemplating. “Did you tell him

you love him?”

I look up from the bedspread. “Y-yes.”

“Callie, I…” There are drops of pity in his eyes. He doesn’t

think this is going to end well.

I sit up and tuck my feet under me. “Seth, I promise

everything will be all right. The very fact that I could tell him I

loved him means something to me… It means I’m growing. Do I

wish he’ll say it back? Yes. But either way, I’m glad I did it.”

He gives me a lopsided grin and then brushes the tip of my

nose with the tip of his finger. “That’s good.” He sits up and swings his feet over the edge of the bed. “But Callie, if he doesn’t say it

back, as your best friend and protector of evil guys who want to

hurt you, I’m going to have to kick his ass.”

I snort a laugh and cover my mouth. “Yeah, okay.”

He stands to his feet and presses his fist into his hand,

popping his knuckles. “I’m not joking. I’ll hurt him for hurting you.”

Laughter sputters from my lips at the sight of tall, thin Seth

trying to kick Kayden’s ass. “Well, thank you, protector. I appreciate your getting your ass kicked.”

His nose crinkles as he scoops up a pillow and throws it at

me. I duck and it zips above my head, landing on the floor. I start

laughing at him, clutching onto my stomach as I roll onto my back.

“What the hell’s so funny about that?” Seth sounds offended

and he rolls up the sleeves of his gray shirt. He flexes his muscles

and I just about die of laughter. “Well, I’m glad I can entertain

you.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, wiping the tears away from my eyes. “It’s

just so funny to picture.”

He glares at me, but it vanishes as someone knocks on the

door. “Oh good, there’s my breakfast.” He heads over to it,

collecting his wallet from the nightstand. “And if it’s so funny to

picture then stop picturing it.” He grins at me as he grabs the door

handle. “You know we’re going to have to come up with a solution

to the no-car dilemma…” He trails off as he opens the door and his

jaw hangs to his knees.

Kayden is standing on the other side of it, with a thin jacket

on, and the bottoms of his jeans are wet with muddy water and so

are his boots. He has snowflakes in his damp hair and water beads

off the end of each strand. His lips are purple, his eyes are red like he’s been crying, and his hands are tucked up in the sleeves.

“Nope, not breakfast for me,” he says, glancing at me. “I

think this is what you ordered.”

He’s making jokes, but none of this is funny. Kayden’s here

after he took off and then I told him I loved him and sobbed on

the phone as I told him my story. I don’t know what it means or if

I’m stable enough to find out. I want to believe I am though, that

I’m not the weak girl I used to be. That I can handle anything.

Kayden runs his hand over his head, ruffling his hair and

sending snowflakes to the floor. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Seth says, glancing at me from over his shoulder.

Kayden maintains his gaze on me, his emerald eyes sparkling

in the sunlight flowing from outside. There is snow falling from the

sun-kissed sky, something that occasionally happens when a small

section of the sky is cloudy but the sun still can spill through.

Kayden lowers his hand to his side and I just stare at him as I

remain on my back, letting the cool breeze sink into my body. I

can’t tell if he’s listened to my message yet, but I hope he has.

“Um…” Seth coughs into his hand. “I think I’m going to go

check out what’s taking room service so long.” He squeezes past

Kayden, leaving the door wide open.

Kayden doesn’t budge. He keeps looking at me with this

perplexed, intense look on his face, like he’s afraid to cross the

threshold. The moment keeps building, bricks stacking on bricks,

as we just look at each other, afraid to move, to breathe, to be the

one to speak first.

I sit up, my hair blowing in the wind. “You can come in,” I say

and my voice nearly gets carried away in the wind and knocks the

bricks to the ground in a pile of dust.

He doesn’t disconnect our gaze as he bends his knee and

steps one foot into the room. He repeats the movement with the

other foot and then shuts the door. The wind ceases and the

curtain is closed so the room is mostly dark.

“I got your message,” he says, shocking me with his

bluntness.

“Oh…” My throat feels like it’s closing as I kneel up onto the

bed, bringing a pillow to my lap to hug it. “Kayden, where have

you been all night? Were you with your therapist?”

A breath eases from his lips as he rakes his hands through

his hair, shifting his gaze to the wall just over my shoulder. “I’m

sorry, but I couldn’t do it with you there.”

“Did you… did you tell him about your dad?” I ask and he

just stares at me, with a strange look on his face, like he’s really

studying me. I don’t know if it means he told him or not. I don’t

know what any of this means. I move my feet to the floor and

stand, tipping my chin up to meet his eyes. “Kayden, you need to

tell someone… I thought we… I thought we had a deal.”

He gives me a small smile and then threads his fingers

through mine. His hands are as icy as breeze outside the room. “I

did tell someone. I just didn’t want you there when I was giving…