The Redemption (10 page)

After my shower, I lay on the bed as she digs through her suitcase. With a shirt in her hands, she asks, “What do you think about the red, one shoulder number for tonight?”

“With the dark jeans? Sexy.”

“Black ankle boots or black shimmer heels?”

“Ankle boots.”

“Sex with Dex or kissing only?”

I stare at the back of her head, surprised by her question, but not shocked. When she turns around, she grins with her hand on her hip. “I can tell you’re into him. You can’t hide the truth from me.”

“I like him, but it feels self-indulgent.”

She sits on the edge of the bed and I move over to give her more space. “Since when is happiness self-indulgent?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yes, I do, but here’s the reality. You are a single woman, whether you wanted to be or not. It’s been years. You don’t have to forget, but don’t do your heart the injustice of never letting it race again either.”

“What will people say if Dex and I do end up dating?”

“What people? Because everyone that is important in your life wants you to be happy. If it’s happy with Mr. Smooth and Sexy, then even better.”

“You think he’s sexy?”

“God, Rochelle. You were totally right. He’s hot, hotter than even I remembered and I remember him being pretty damn hot. I think his old hairstyle, that ratty bandana, and sunglasses hid that sexy man for too long.”

“He smells good too.”

Her eyebrows shoot up. “Oh really?”

“Yep,” I say, nodding. “He does.”

She giggles and that makes me giggle too. It feels good to talk to someone about Dex. It feels good to be unburdened from the guilt that’s weighed me down for so long and just feel giddy again.

“Did you sleep with him yet?”

No one knows of our one night years ago, except Tommy, and I’m not telling now. “Lara!”

“I’ll take that as a yes. I’m not judging by the way. I’d drop my panties for those captivating brown eyes any day.”

She gets up and grabs the red top again.

To move this topic along to something else, I say, “We need to leave in thirty if we’re gonna make it to the show in time.”

Johnny looks back at Dex sitting on his pedestal as he beats down the end of the song on his drum kit, closing the show. Dex gets up, walks to the edge of the stage and the crowd goes nuts. He launches the drumsticks into the audience and I shake my head. He pays a fine every time he does that, but he still does it because he knows how much the fans love it. He’s been warned a million times not to do it, but I kind of love that he still does. Johnny exits the stage first, then Dex, Kaz, and Derrick trailing.

“Good show,” I say as they pass. They’re usually moody or high-strung after a performance, so I like to give them space until they’re grounded again. Lara and I walk to the exit, wanting some fresh air because it smells backstage. A lot of sweaty men moving heavy equipment and lights around will do that.

With my back against the grey wall, I slide down and balance as Lara lights a cigarette. The doors open again and Kaz and Dex are there. They nod in acknowledgment, but continue talking about some screw up that pissed off Johnny. Dex winks at me before telling Kaz, “Fuck, just hit the riff. It’s not hard. You do it in rehearsal.” Dex lights up, then brings the cigarette to his mouth and inhales. The action is sexier than it should be. I’m not sure if it’s the way he holds it or the way his lips caress it, but either way, I can’t stop staring.

Through smoke-filled exhales, Kaz says, “No one notices that shit.”

“Everybody fucking notices,” Dex snaps, aggravated. “Fans know these songs inside and out. How the fuck do you mess up a song you’ve been playing for two years?”

“Fuck you,” Kaz gripes. “Maybe it wasn’t a mess up but my own fucking spin on it.”

Dex is quick with his response, “Nobody wants your spin on it, man. They want Cory’s.”

Kaz takes a drag and then says, “Fuck that music. That music is dead just like him. It’s time for us to make our own.”

I’m on my feet, moving to the door.

Kaz grabs my arm. “Oh fuck, Rochelle. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

I yank my arm free and go inside, not running though it’s all I want to do. I can’t breakdown in front of them. I can’t show my weakness, or how affected I still get. I go as fast as I can, now running despite all the strength I try to pretend to have. But I’m stopped and pulled into a dark doorway. I gasp, the sudden impact a surprise and I look up into sympathetic, but warm eyes.

My own eyes start to water, the tears forcing themselves out. Dex pulls me against him. His scent—sweat from the show under a clean shirt—sexy and strong, masculine, but overpowering. His large hand covers the back of my head and he strokes. I breathe him in, finding the comfort I need.

“Rochelle.”

We jump apart when Kaz appears. “Rochelle, I’m sorry. I really am. You know Cory was my idol.”

Slowly stepping back into the light, I clear my throat and steady myself. “Then treat him with the respect he deserves. He wrote that song, the one you were complaining about, when he was nineteen. It came from somewhere deep inside, somewhere slightly dark. You don’t get that. You play notes that you feel forced to play, so you’re pushing back. I
do
get that. But The Resistance isn’t about you, Kaz. It’s about the music and a band as a whole. You play over an hour of new songs. The encore will always be about the hits and what the fans love. So do us all the courtesy of setting your ego aside and playing for them instead of yourself.”

I push past him and head for the dressing room, the anger hitting its stride by the time I open the door. “Rochelle?” I hear Dex calling my name, but I walk past Johnny and Kaz, and grab my bag from the floor.

When I turn around, I run right into Dex’s chest, his arms around me again and I’m suddenly all too aware of the other guys watching us.

Johnny stands. “What happened?”

Feeling my face heat from them being privy to the intimacy between me and Dex, I free myself. Just a glance at Johnny, then to Kaz, and I see the expressions on their face, the disapproval on Johnny’s, confusion on Kaz.

“What the fuck, Dex?” Johnny asks—protective brother voice in place as he straightens his shoulders back.

I try to ease things between them before I leave. “It’s okay, Johnny. He didn’t do anything. It’s me. I just need to go. I’ll see you back in LA.”

“Rochelle? Wait up,” he says, catching up to me in the corridor.

“Dude, really. I’m okay. I just don’t want to be here right now.” I see Dex out of the corner of my eye, Lara just beyond him coming inside with Kaz. “I’ll be fine. I’ll see you at home.”

Johnny nods, knowing when to back off. “Be safe.”

“I will.” I walk in the opposite direction, leaving them all behind. With a quick glance back over my shoulder, the scene fades to black as I focus ahead of me.

As I pack my clothes, a light knock on the hotel door makes me pause and sigh. I’m guessing it’s Lara or Dex. I’m hoping it’s not Johnny. He sees right through me and I don’t have the energy to lie to him.

When I open the door, Dex is there. I smile automatically while leaning against the wall. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be out partying after the show?”

“I didn’t want to go.” An urgent kiss lands on my lips, the sweet pressure trapped between desperation and passion. I find the line often blurs when I kiss him as well. “I don’t want you to go either.” Sliding my hands down his arms to his wrists, he lifts them to caress my neck. “Sometimes we’re assholes. It was Kaz’s turn tonight. I’m sorry.”

“I know he didn’t mean it, but when he said it… I don’t know anymore,” I say, shrugging. “I don’t want him forgotten.”

“He won’t be. He’s a legend, Rochelle.” His lips replace his hands on my neck. “But let’s leave all that for now. Right here together, we can be us—no baggage, no past, no witnesses. Just us, here together.”

I kiss him, needing him close. When our lips part, I look into his eyes just as he opens his. I whisper, “No past. Just us with no judgments or expectations.”

He kisses me again, then says, “Back in LA, we have to be responsible and do what’s right. Once there, we can go back to square one, not for me, but for Neil and CJ. We’ll start over, the way we should have two years ago.”

“You’re okay with that?”

“No,” he replies, making me laugh. “But I’ll do whatever it takes to spend more time with you. Anyway, your boys seem pretty cool. I mean Neil is named after one of the best drummers in the world, after all. The kid can’t be that bad.”

I giggle, the lighthearted moment easing the heavy from before. Dropping my forehead to his chest, I ask, “What about tonight?”

“Tonight, you’re mine.”

Is this too much too fast? Am I the only one who’s concerned about what the future holds?
“Are you worried?”

“Shit yeah, I worry. I worry that this may be the last time I get to kiss you or feel your breath on my skin. I worry that I’ll never get to hear your heart racing because you’re near me. So yeah, I worry. But tonight, let’s not talk about tomorrow or what happens after. Let’s just live in the here—”

“Live in the now.” I pull him inside by his shirt and let the door slam closed, deciding to do just that. I kiss him again and again while walking backward into the room, leaving yesterday to the past and tomorrow to be dealt with another day.

We tumble onto the bed, our bodies entwined, his lips pressed to the skin of my collarbone. With one knee between his legs and his knee between mine, we move together in a flurry of overdue movements. I tug at his collar, trailing kisses across his shoulder. His strong hands flex and grip as he holds me at the waist and slides them up, his thumb rubbing gentle circles against the side of my breasts.

He moves on top of me, his erection against my stomach, his lips finding and caressing mine. Breathless, I drop my head back. “I want you. I want you so much, Dex. So much.”

His hands stop flexing, his lips stop kissing, his body stills while his breathing remains jagged over my cheek. I’m about to say something just as he pauses and looks away. His fingers tap lightly across my ribs and he leans down to whisper, “You deserve more than this.”

“No.” I release my breath and hold him by the jaw, making him look at me. “I’m good. This is good. The here and now, remember. Tonight is all that matters.”