The Red Thread (29 page)

I leave the house, telling my parents I’ll be back much later. I throw my bag into his backseat, and I immediately feel Adam’s soft lips on mine. Will I be feeling those lips everywhere tonight?

“So am I allowed to know what we’re doing now?”

“You’ll s-s-s-s-s-s-see s-s-s-soon.” He seems very proud of himself as he speaks.

“I’m scared.”

“I-I-I am here to p-protect you.”

I like the sound of that. Adam protecting me is a feeling I could get used to. He takes one hand off the steering wheel and grabs mine, weaving our fingers together. I let out a contented sigh, and I just look at him as he drives. His focus stays concentrated on the road. I spend the entire car ride just watching him and that beautiful face of his. I notice the freckles; there aren’t a lot, but they sit along the bridge of his nose and some under his eyes. I connect them, playing my own game of connect the dots. I am able to make out a badly drawn seahorse.

The car comes to a stop, and we are outside his apartment building.

“This is your apartment? The surprise was we were coming here?”

“No. I have t-to get s-s-s-s-something from here f-f-first. Wait here.”

And so the plot thickens. I watch him skip out of the car, and I swear he actually skips. I look out at the cloudless night. Each star can be made out, and the moon shines full and bright. Adam comes running back to the car with a bag and a couple of large blankets. He throws them into the back and gets back behind the wheel.

“Where to now?”

Adam just smiles and hums and then kisses my hand before driving away. He is really intent on keeping this all a surprise, isn’t he? We don’t drive for too much longer, though, and we come to a stop outside a small wooded area. Now this is just getting plain weird. He grabs the blankets, and I offer to help, but he says he has got it.

We walk toward the trees. The night is cold, and the wind isn’t too strong, but it’s there.

“It’s a, a p-picnic.” He seems to explode, unable to keep the secret any longer.

“Isn’t it a bit late to have a picnic?”

He leads me through the woods, and I can’t stop the shiver as the night continues to get colder and more bitter. He takes an arm and brings it around my waist, holding me close to his body.

“N-n-never too late,” he jovially replies.

I start to shiver worse, and now all I want is to be back at his apartment wrapped up in his blankets with my head on his chest.

“Isn’t it a bit cold to have a picnic?”

“I-I’ll keep you, um, w-warm.”

“I’m holding you to that.”

He uses a flashlight to guide our way until we reach a small clearing. We have a perfect view of the night sky, and I have to admit, it is a beautiful sight, even if it is colder than hell frozen over. He unrolls the blanket from under his arm and spreads it out on the ground, putting a rock on each corner. He sits down, pulling me down with him, and throws the other blanket on top of our laps. He opens up his legs and pulls me in between them so I can rest as close to his body as humanly possible, and he wraps his arms around me, taking my hands in his.

“Is this just an excuse to get close to me?” I joke.

I always knew he had a nice laugh, but to feel him laugh against me is a new experience. I feel like I am a part of him.

“I, um, d-d-don’t need an ex-excuse.”

“Getting cocky now.”

He answers by kissing me on the back of my head. Okay, he wins this round. He’s lucky he’s adorable. He’s my goofball of a boyfriend.

I take in my surroundings—the oh so dark and ominous woods, the setting of many of the horror films in my collection back home. Now is the time a masked killer with a machete would jump out and slaughter us or chase one of us until he is the sole survivor. My mind really is weird.

Adam opens the bag and hands me a thermos. I take a sip, and it is English breakfast tea, made exactly the way I like it. I take another large sip, allowing the hot liquid to warm me up, although Adam is already doing a pretty good job of that.

“Any other surprises in your bag of tricks?” I ask.

“Actually j-just the tea.”

“Some picnic,” I joke.

“I, um, d-d-d-don’t like b-b-bugs, s-s-s-s-so I n-never eat outdoors,” he admits sounding embarrassed.

“It’s okay. I hate bugs. Disgusting little things.”

“They f-freak me, me out… to, to the p-point I a-actually m-may s-s-s-scream. It’s n-not a p-p-pretty s-s-s-s-s-sight.”

No, it’s not a pretty image in my head, but I like that he screams at the sight of bugs. I also like that he makes me feel warm when we’re sitting outside on a winter night. I like how he knows how I like my tea. I especially love how he makes me feel. He makes me feel important and special, like I matter. He makes me glad I didn’t die that night and he makes me glad to be here with him right now. I want to tell him how much I love him, but I know where that leads a person. Heartbreak. I don’t want to have another breakdown, so I plan to keep my declarations of love to myself.

He takes a sip from his own thermos.

“C-c-coffee for me,” he says almost sounding proud of himself. Adam, I’m noticing, is a bit of a prideful man. But it’s never boastful or annoying. It’s cute. Like when a puppy is so proud of himself after performing a trick. I lean my head all the way back so I can look right up at Adam. He smiles down at me, and he brings a hand up, resting it on the side of my cheek, and he brings his cold lips down onto mine. I don’t need the tea anymore because this is enough to keep me warm. I never knew love could be so warm. It is like lava circulating through my veins, warming every inch of my body.

His lips leave mine, and I lean my head on his shoulder and just let myself enjoy the moment. He gets up, and I pout, missing the feeling of his body against mine.

“L-let’s go b-b-back to, um, to my place.”

“Okay….”

This is where my heart begins to pound. Why am I so nervous? I’ve slept over at his apartment before, and it was fine. Yeah, I slept over when he was incredibly sick. All we did was cuddle. But tonight, he is going to expect something more. Geez, even my thought process is painfully awkward.

I spend the entire car ride back, all five minutes of it, anticipating what is going to happen next. At the sight of the apartment building, my breathing all but stops. I follow Adam into his apartment, and I welcome the coziness of his home.

“Where should I leave the blankets?”

“J-just put them on the floor,” he states while sitting down on the couch. “Now c-c-come here.”

He holds out his hands, and I throw the blankets to the ground. I take his fingers in quivering hands, and I sit on the couch beside him. I greet his lips with mine as his fingers slowly glide up my arms, sending goose bumps all along my skin each place he touches. It is like a million tiny magnets underneath my skin attracting one another. A small, electric sensation pulls his body and mine together. We fall over as he leans into me, his body on top of mine. His lips are soft, and his body is warm and so inviting.

“Wait, wait,” I say, pulling my lips away from his.

“Wh-what?” he asks concerned.

“It’s just…,” I whisper, my eyes glancing back to his lips. They’re so full and pink.

I bring his lips back to mine. Maybe I am ready. I mean, I love Adam, at least I think I do. My mind and body certainly believe I love Adam, but am I ready to go to the next level? His lips move to my neck, and I have to stop myself from letting out a moan because it feels too good. He starts to suck on the soft flesh, and I fail at keeping my moan in. I feel his smile against my skin. He’s enjoying this.

“Wait, stop, sorry,” I say again. What the hell is wrong with me?

“What? Are you, you o-okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just….”

“Wh-what?” he pressures.

“I’m, um, notreadytohavesexwithyou…,” I say under my breath, too fast for anyone to understand. Everything seems to tumble into one word, creating a mess of dialogue.

“S-s-s-s-sorry, what?”

“I’m not, um, ready to have sex… with you…,” I repeat, taking a breath between each word. I feel the angry red blush rise to my cheeks at my admission: I’m a virgin who is not ready for sex.

He leans back and looks surprised, and he is probably angry too. I mean, he invites his boyfriend to spend the night, only for said boyfriend to say he’s not ready to have sex yet. That must be disappointing.

“I’m sorry,” I say.

I sit up and look away. I feel like I’m putting Adam through the ringer right now. One moment I’m hot and then the next moment I’m cold. Why can’t I just be a good in-between warm? Adam grabs my shoulder, and I look up to see his giant smile and his warm eyes.

“We d-d-don’t have to, to do anything you d-don’t w-w-want t-to, Jess.”

“Really?”

“Of c-c-course. Don’t be s-s-s-s-silly.”

He places his hands on the side of my face and lays a soft kiss on my lips. “I, I really l-like you, Jess.”

“I like you too,” I say back to him with a large, relieved smile on my face.

My heart finally begins to slow down, and it no longer feels as if I’m about to have a heart attack. I don’t know why I was so nervous about this. Of course he’d understand my hesitation; he’s Adam. He is gentleness in human form.

“I c-c-can just hold you, if you, um, w-w-would like that.”

“Yes,” I respond. “I’m definitely up for some holding.”

He takes my hand and leads me to his bedroom, but first I tell him I want to change. I take my bag to his tiny bathroom and pull on a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved T-shirt. I brush my teeth, because who wants to kiss a guy with bad breath? I find him in his bed with his shirt off—why must he do this to me?—and a pair of shorts on. He opens up his muscular arms, and I slide into his embrace. I feel his strong muscles against me, and I have never felt so safe in my entire life. It’s like nothing can touch me as long as Adam holds me close to him.

I close my eyes and breathe in his scent. He smells like vanilla and strawberries. I have always loved strawberries, so of course the world would allow Adam to smell like that. It’s like the world is tempting me more and more.

I snuggle up closer, and soon I feel his rhythmic breathing against me. I quietly slither out of his arms and I just look at his rising chest, and my eyes wander over his abs and biceps. I still wonder how I got so lucky. It’s not just because he’s good-looking—but goddamn, we can admit it: he’s just plain hot—but he’s so incredibly nice and caring and just so dorky. Every time I’m around him I have to stop myself from turning into a puddle on the floor. He makes me feel like goo every moment of the day.

I grab my meds from my bag and swallow them, grimacing at the feel of the pills going down my throat. I’m too lazy to get myself water. I turn the light off in the bedroom, and I find my way back into his arms, doing my best not to wake him. I hear him sigh, and I allow myself to relax beside him.

A small voice in my head seems to speak up:
He will break your heart.
Shut up, small voice. What do you know?
More than you know. All love does is hurt you.
Adam won’t hurt me.
As long as you get close to him, he will hurt you. They all do in the end.
I tell myself to shut up because this is getting weird now. I’m creating a conversation in my own head. I just want to allow myself to be happy, but my mind never seems to want that.

Geez, I’m arguing with a voice in my head now. Dr. Wheeler would have a field day with this. I’ll file this into the folder of things I will
not
be telling Adam anytime soon. That’s not exactly the thing someone wants to hear about their boyfriend.

I try to calm my thoughts, and I just let myself fall asleep.

I SMILE
as I wake up to see Adam’s sleeping face next to mine. He looks so sweet and happy, and his hair is in a wavy mess. I notice a tiny bit of drool at the corner of his mouth, and I can’t help but marvel at the childlike image before me. He moves closer, wrapping his arm around my lean waist.

“You’re w-warm,” he mumbles against my neck.

His lips create a warm sensation on my bare skin.

“I am going to make some tea. Do you want some?”

I feel him nod, and then he looks up and stares right into my eyes, and he gives me his famous dorky lopsided smile. Seeing it makes me feel like I’m about to float, like I’m a bubble in the air. All thoughts from last night seem to drift away like petals in the wind.

Looking into my eyes he says, “I’d l-l-love s-s-s-s-some tea.”

I stare into his eyes as his hair sits in a mess on top of his head. The sheets are tangled between his legs, and sweat dots his chest.

“You’re the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my life.” This falls right out of my mouth. I can feel a blush rushing to my cheeks, but as I turn away, I feel his strong hands on the sides of my face, and he looks right at me.

“You’re am-m-mazing, Jess.”

I kiss him and tell him to stay in bed. I want to do something nice for him, because he always seems to be playing the role of perfect boyfriend. I find my way around the kitchen, and after a lot of fumbling—seriously, I couldn’t find anything—I bring two steaming hot mugs back to his bedroom.

“S-s-smells delicious. Thank y-you.”

We sit in bed sipping our teas, and I silently pray to whomever is out there that Adam keeps his shirt off. Yeah, seeing him shirtless makes me feel incredibly flawed, but I still like looking at his muscles. I’m a hormonal guy after all. I can’t help it. It’s like in my nature or something to have thoughts like that.

“D-do you have w-work today?”

“Nope,” I state quite proudly. No work for me today.

“W-would you like t-to s-s-s-s-s-spend the day t-together?”

“Of course.”

I mean how else would I spend it? Probably alone on my computer reading blogs about horror movies or something. I’d go on Tumblr and see people talking about their favorite ships. I live an exciting, fast-paced life, so be jealous.

“Yay.” And he literally says “yay.” Could he be any more adorable?

We both dress, and I take my time, trying to get my hair to stay down. Yeah, no luck. Why do I bother with it? My mom used to tell me I needed a haircut, but she has recently given up because she knows it’s a losing battle. While it annoys me, I like how my hair falls into my eyes. It’s my shield. When I don’t want to deal with the world, I just throw my hood over my head and let my hair cover my eyes, blocking everything from my sight.