The Read And Weep Bundle: Anonymous, Perfectly Hopeless, Run (50 page)

I clicked off the website I was on just as Mason came up behind me. He handed over an iced tea with a lemon wedge garnishing the glass. I gave a small smile and took a sip. The coolness quenched my parched mouth.

We were still at Jay’s and sadly I was trying to avoid him. He was constantly trying to persuade me to stay in Jersey with him. And it wasn’t going to happen.

“What’s so interesting?” Mason asked eyeing the computer behind me. I shrugged his question off.

“Nothing just celebrity gossip,” I lied. I wasn’t about to tell him that I did a google search and discovered Aunt Wanda and Payton were caught by police on the way into Canada. I knew it would do to him the same thing it did to me—create a hollow hole in the pit of his stomach.

I was sure Aunt Wanda and Payton would rat us out in a heartbeat, if it kept them from going down. The fun and games for them was over and I could only imagine what the two of them were thinking right about now.

I appreciated my freedom.

Mason’s expression fell as he walked away and took a seat on the bed. I sighed.

“I didn’t want to say anything,” I said taking a seat next
to him. Mason groaned getting up and taking off out the door. I hurried after him. “Mason, I didn’t want to upset you.”

Mason kept right on down the stairs not giving me a chance to even explain my secrecy.

Jay snagged my arm as I rounded the corner trying to stop Mason from taking off. “Upset who?”

I bit my lip, now wasn’t the time to play cutsie with Jay. We had a big problem on our hands. And it didn’t matter how cute Jay was he didn’t fix things. “It’s nothing. I just need to talk to Mason.”

Jay nodded that he understood and kissed my forehead letting me finish my mad dash out the door to Mason.

“I’m sick of watching him play cute and cuddly with you,” Mason said as I approached him on the patio.

“Me too,” I said in agreement. “That’s not what I came out here to talk to you about though. Mason, I don’t know how to even begin to say this to you.” I took a deep breath.

Mason gave me a confused look. He raised an eyebrow.

“They caught Wanda and Payton,” I said finally, I immediately grabbed him by the arm waiting for some kind of reaction. “Mason are you okay?”

“We are standing in a house probably worth ten million dollars and you think that I wouldn’t know this by now?” He raked a hand through his hair and shook his head. “I don’t even need to surf the internet to figure that one out.”

My mouth went dry as Mason stood in front of me informing me that he had been one step ahead of me the whole time.

“So what do we do now?” I asked.

“Jay said he wanted you to stay here. He can help you. That’s a pretty sweet deal, Kendall,” Mason told me, he avoided my glare.

“No,” I burst into tears at the thought of letting Mason fend for himself.

Mason grabbed my shoulders and stared me down. “What the hell do you mean no?” He was angry at me for refusing.

“I am not leaving you to figure this out on your own. What about you, what are you going to do?” I sobbed even harder sick to my stomach at the thought of Mason alone.

“Kendall, who cares about me, I care about you. Stop crying.” He wiped my face. “I’m an asshole most days, but I want you to get out of this mess. I want you to be happy.” He lifted my chin forcing me to look at him.

“I care about you more than anything. And there’s nothing I wouldn’t do if it meant you didn’t have to go through hell anymore. And we both know that’s how it will turn out,” he said, kissing me on the cheek, he forced a small smile, and for a second I saw the old Mason.

“I don’t want to lose you. You’re the only person I trust. And you’ve always been there for me,” I sobbed, hardly able to catch a breath as I begged him to see how stupid he was being.

“I want you to stay here with Jay. What’s not to like about him?” he asked, trying to be funny. I shook my head refusing to entertain his stupid idea. “Kendall, you like him. It’s obvious.”

“I don’t care.” I pushed Mason away from me. “I like a lot of things. We have gone through this together. And I will not let you go down alone.”

“Then
you’re even more stupid then I thought,” Mason said, he crossed his arms agitated.

Jay came out of the kitchen door. He looked at Mason, waiting for Mason to speak. I looked between the two of them confused.

“She’s not going to do it,” Mason said finally. Jay hurried toward me, I quickly moved away sick to my stomach at the realization of everything. Mason and Jay were in cahoots, trying to make a choice for me, trying to manipulate me, as if it were that simple.

“Was this all one big conspiracy?” I looked at Jay. “You were sweeping me off my feet to help Mason with his problem?”

Jay opened his mouth to speak, but I interrupted him. It all made perfect sense now.

“Did you think I was that stupid?”

Jay shook his head. “I really like you , Kendall. This favor was just an added bonus.”

“I don’t like you and I don’t care if I ever see you again. You can take all your money and your help and shove it up your ass,” I said full of venom.

Mason groaned.

“I guess I’m all out of options, I wish you both the best,” Jay said, he was obviously hurt. “Anything I can help you with that’s on the up and up let me know.”

He went inside letting the door slam behind him.

I looked at Mason. He looked away.

I wished he understood he was all I knew, my only answer to figuring everything out. I was scared though that he might not know that answer either. He wasn’t so confident anymore.

I sat down next to Mason on the steps. His body was tense. He had his head down, and he was twisting his hand in angst.

I bit my tongue, holding off on saying anythin
g until I found the right words, something that would take his pain away, if only for a moment.

Mason looked over at me.

“Mason, I love you.” I blurted. I brought my hands to my mouth in shock. I stared at Mason with wide eyes shocked at my words.

“I love you too, Kendall.”

If you listened closely you could hear the ocean from the patio. You could feel freedom right from the porch steps. The water so close yet so far away.

I took Mason’s hand in mine, our fingers interlocking. I tried to squeeze some life back into him. I wanted him to be the old Mason again, not this depressed version of his former self.

“I love you,” I whispered, resting my head on his shoulder.

He let out a breath, pulling me close, and kissed me on the cheek softly.

I think I made him feel better if only for that moment.

I could name about fifty horrible moments in my life. The time when we were held at gunpoint at a truck stop, and Aunt Wanda drove away without me. I was only thirteen.

The level of fear that coursed through me as I stood there
helpless against two men was terrifying. That was the first time I had to fight for my life, and I mean literally fight.

Those men were sorry they ever messed with me after I got done with them. I kicked one so hard in the nuts I was sure he probably never had kids after meeting cute little Kendall at that truck stop.

Aunt Wanda eventually circled back around. She smelled of booze and the car let out a cloud of cigarette smoke as she flung the passenger door open to let me back in.

“How long would you say it’s been since you were home?” Mason asked as we packed our things. We were getting read t leave Jay’s. And we were heading back to our tiny hometown of Gusby, South Carolina. Sure, I might have been known for lying about where I came from my whole life practically, but it all comes out in the end I learned. I was a southern girl, as southern as they came even when I didn’t want to be.

“I don’t even know, I can’t really remember. Maybe ten years,” I said, I hated talking about it.

Mason zipped up the backpack and sat down on the bed. “The last time I saw you  on those busted porch steps was when you were seven and I was nine,” he said. He looked at me to confirm, there was nothing to confirm, I didn’t remember.

I hurried over to my backpack and started unpacking and refolding the shirts. My nerves were getting the best of me and I needed to keep busy before I lost it.

“That’s a long time,” I said, looking away.

“A really long time,” Mason agreed.

Nobody would have ever guessed Mason was a guy that came from South Carolina. He was nothing like the slow souls that slithered their way through life not a care in the world. He had grown out of it all the years on the run.

He learned to be fast. He learned how to think on his feet to get himself out of any situation. He adjusted to every place he called home no matter how brief.

I thought back when Mason was eighteen, Payton got involved with a pimp in New Mexico. And Mason despised his mother so much at the time, but he wouldn’t leave. Instead he did everything he could do to annoy this man until he beat Mason senseless. I had never seen someone so bruised, but he smiled all the way to the hospital. Mason knew as long as he hadn’t died his Mother would get rid of her man after what he did to her son. And he was right, he left before the cops showed up when neighbors called them.

We had been through a lot of crap plain and simple. We had stories that people would never believe. We lived through things you only saw in the movies if you were lucky.

And in the end we were coming back to where we came from. The place we first laid eyes on each other. I remembered it like yesterday. We had formed a bond from the beginning. I knew Mason would always be my protector. He would always be the guy that I could count on.

“Well, at least we can say we got to fly in a private jet,” Mason said, taking my backpack from me. Jay was letting us use the family jet to get back home. And we were thrilled because I didn’t want any more road trips.

I wasn’t sure what to expect. It was the last place I ever expected to be heading in my life. But now that so much had changed it seemed like the right choice. I didn’t want the last bit of my life to be on the road trying to make it back to the beginning, back to where it all began, back to my real home.

I took one final look in the mirror at myself. My eyes were clear and full of life. They stared back at me as I pleaded for a way out. I tried on a smile to mask the fear, it looked nothing but fake.

I turned out and let out a sigh, looking at the room one last time, the room that had been my saving grace for a little while. I was going to miss the feeling of security Jay’s house allowed me to feel. I was even going to miss Jay and all his staff, his grandparents, his life, all the things he wanted to give me. Even if I wasn’t sure if he wanted to give them to me to help out his friend or because he had true feelings for me. I hoped I didn’t regret not taking the easy way out.

Someone tapped on the door. Mason wasn’t the one b
ehind it as I expected. It was Jay and he looked very somber to see me packed up and leaving.

“About that time?” he asked, pointing at the backpacks.

I nodded, allowing him to wrap his arms around me. I patted his back trying to offer him some comfort. I knew there was something between us, just maybe not the same thing he thought.

“You know how to get a hold of me. I want you to be safe. Call me if you ever need anything?” He held my face between his hands, his eyes showing the regret that pained him for not being able to convince me to stay.

“I will,” I promised him. “You really are amazing, Jay.”

“Not enough or you would be staying here with me not leaving with Mason,” he grinned.

“Jay, don’t take it personal. Anyone would be lucky to be with someone like you. It’s just not in the cards for me. I have to finish this mess. Mason and I both do,” I insisted.

I knew I couldn’t start a new life without ending my old one.

“I don’t want to scare you, but what exactly do you think is waiting back home for you?” he searched my eyes.

I sighed, not even sure myself. “Meaning.” I kissed his cheek and picked up my things from the floor.

“That doesn’t make sense,” he said.

“I want to know what the point was. And if in the end it made sense. I want to know that I was better off living this life, rather than the one I left behind,” I told him.

“And what does that help?” Jay scratched his head confused. It was okay if he didn’t understand.

“It makes everything worth it. It helps me move on and deal with what is to come, whatever it may be. I had no choice. Maybe I am everything I knew that I would never be.” I looked back at Jay and smiled.

“Bye, Kendall.”

I waved. “Bye, Jay.”

I started down the stairs ready to go to that little place Mason and I called home.

I was like a bird touching down from a glorious flight. When you were above the world everything below was insignificant. I was untouchable for once. I was detached from the world and I could just be.

But that soon ended as we touched down in the small airport an hour away from Gusby. We were one of the thirteen colonies to declare our independence from the British Crown. The first state to vote to secede from the union—and I knew this because everyone in my family made it a point to say it at every arrest or big gathering just before a fight was about to break out. I think they thought it made them special. When in reality it had nothing to do with them.

We had the Atlantic Ocean. We had beautiful mountains that took your breath away. Salt marshes and estuaries, swamp lands and even farming. It was a lovely place to live when you were happy and didn’t have a messed up life.

Oh, and we had heat.

“It’s as hot as the hinges of hell,” Mason said, hopping down from the steps of the jet. He nodded at the pilot and doorman as we headed toward the bus stop.

I ignored him collecting my things and I gave the jet one final look before we were gone for good from the luxurious life so many wanted but very few would ever get to have.

“It’s as hot as Hades,” I said, finally giving in and playing along with Mason.

He brought a hand to his hip taking everything in. His hair blew lazily in the heat.

“It’s as hot as a two dollar whore on the fourth of July.” He shot back with a grin. It was the kind of grin that told me part of Mason felt good to be home.

I drew in my bottom lip trying to come up with something to top his. “It’s as hot as a billy goat in a pepper patch.” I laughed. We both took a seat on the lone bus bench. The cracked and peeling red paint crackled beneath my legs.

Mason handed me my sunglasses. We were trying to be as hidden as possible. You never knew who you might run into. And everyone in Gusby knew everyone. We weren’t sure if that was the same for us—two kids that hadn’t been back in over a decade.

“It’s as hot as a summer revival,” Mason said, tapping my leg as a signal to try and outdo him. He leaned back, his arm slipping around me.

“Uh, let’s see,” I said. “It’s hot enough to melt the nuts off a brass monkey.”

We both laughed. The tension finally faded away as the bus came to a screeching halt in front of us.

The bus driver opened the door with one smooth move. He nodded his head at the two of us as we passed by getting on the bus. I gripped the seats one after the other following Mason to the back.

I sat down first. We both stayed quiet as the guy in the seat closer to the front looked at us. I held my breath, hoping he didn’t know who we were. I feared we might be plastered all over Gusby in black and white. I imagined the flyers littering the streets with two reject kids that were wanted for murder and robberies all across the states. But the guy only nodded his head in our direction and went right back to thumbing through the paper in his lap. He threw his feet up on the seat in front of him, his dirty black boots cried out for a good spit shine or garbage can I thought to myself.

“It’s hotter than two gophers fucking in a wool sack,” Mason said pulling at his collar. I rolled my eyes; I was done with the hotter game. I was sweating like mad and starting to wish I never left the air conditioned jet.

Suddenly a loud noise came from Mason. I jumped unsure what was happening. He slipped a cell phone free from his pants pocket. I could have slapped him for being so stupid.

“Jay gave it to me, it’s legit,” he said pushing me as he answered it. “Sup, my main man.”

I stare
d out the window while Mason yucked it up. I knew it was Jay calling to check up on us.

I was nervous, more nervous
than I had ever been in my entire life. Aunt Wanda warned me never to come back. But I did because we both realized the best way to go out was where we came from. I had no favorite spots. I didn’t have some favorite state somewhere. This was home.

I wanted to feel I belonged before everything ended for me—because that was a possibility. I wanted to see what happened to everyone. I even wanted to see my old house.

Mason nudged me, pushing the phone against my arm. I took it and brought it to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Gorgeous. How you feeling?” Jay’s warm voice sent an immediate pang of guilt and regret through me.

“Hey, handsome,” I said back, it was my nickname for him. I had actually gifted him a name. This was odd behavior for me, it wasn’t something I did.

“So is it all you thought it was going to be?” he asked, waiting for my answer.

“I don’t know yet. We are still on the bus.” I looked at Mason. He smiled and pushed passed me to see out the window.

“I was thinking about you. I’m glad you made it safe. I hate to sound like a sap but I miss you.” He laughed, sounding embarrassed to have admitted such a thing.

“Thanks for saying that,” I told him. My cheeks warmed.

“I’m serious. I think you’re an amazing girl. The little I learned about you was remarkable. There’s nobody like you and I am going to be kicking myself for the rest of my life for letting you get away.”

I smiled. It felt good to hear someone talk so highly about me.

“Hey, we are close to our stop. I’ll call you tonight maybe.” I remembered the old stop sign by the old pharmacy in town.

“Huckabess,” Mason said, jumping out of his seat. The kid in the front looked at him like he was nuts.

I said goodbye to Jay and snagged Mason by the arm so he would calm down.

“I want to hump you at Huckabees,” Mason said, he kissed my cheek. I swatted him off of me annoyed with his overly aggressive lips, the stubble of his chin scratched my face.

“Gusby!” The bus driver announced sending chills through me. It brought me right back to when I was a kid. I remembered my hair nice and neat, the yellow sweater over my red dress and even my shiny black shoes. I closed my eyes trying to make out who was with me. I was clean and happy, smiling, as I skipped to the back of the bus a sucker in my grip.

“Kendall, let’s go.” Mason yelled from the front of the bus. I shook the memory away and hurried to catch up. My hair fell in my eyes as I climbed out. The bus driver gave another nod before he took off.

I jumped down to the asphalt of my old stomping ground.

We made our way through town. Everything was still old. Storefronts were nothing but huge windows draped with dark curtains. The names were painted on them by hand like the last time I laid eyes on them.

The road was still brick and in need of repairs.

“The old church with the annoying clock.” Mason pointed out. He was right; it chimed every hour on the hour, three dings. No matter if it was eight or three, just three dings.

“Remember the liquor store? And all the times you and I played outside while Payton or my Mom was in there drinking free booze?” I said to Mason laughing as we passed by it.

“They both blew Bobby Nathan behind the counter for free rum. Well, my mom did anyways.” He laughed dryly. I was sure it wasn’t as funny as he was making it sound.

“Mom was more Vodka and Jack Daniels.” I sighed; he was right about the blow jobs—wrong about the drink of choice.

“I wonder if Bobby Nathan runs this place still,” Mason said. He stopped walking and spun back around on his heels heading right back to the old liquor store. I gripped his hand tightly afraid but intrigued. Mason didn’t hesitate, he marched right in. The bell chimed overhead, and sure enough, there was Bobby Nathan. A little grayer but I still recognized him.

“Mornin’ all,” Bobby said, his thick southern drawl catching me off guard, it had been a long time since I heard one like his. He was fatter than before, as he rounded the counter his bulbous stomach jiggled with each footstep.

I wasn’t sure if he recognized us.

“Morning there, Bobby,” Mason said looking around the store. The wine lined our feet just like old times right by the old register. It was just as dusty and dark as the last time I stood inside it as a little girl. It even smelled the same—like dust and stale cigarette smoke.

Bobby studied us both long and hard. His eyes roaming over every inch of the two of us as he tried to solve the mystery, I could tell he remembered us but couldn’t place a finger on just who we were exactly.

“Now wait a minute, I feel like I know the two of you,” he said waving a hand in the air to jar his memory.

Mason picked up a bottle of Jack Daniels and set it down on the counter. Bobby grabbed a brown paper bag and bagged it up in a flash. He kept his eyes on me—stumped.

“You remind me of someone. Just can’t place a finger on it.” I smiled a little. It was either Leon Talbot Halstead III or my most wanted photo. I wasn’t anything like my mom as far as I knew.

“Well, I wouldn’t know who that would be. Not passing out clues, maybe it will come to ya’” Mason grabbed my wrist and moved me toward the door before I would spill the beans, which I knew I wouldn’t. Bobby shot me a friendly grin, confusion still panging his features.

We wrapped around the building and Mason undid the cap and downed some of the Jack Daniels.

“Want some?” he asked, leaning against the brick of the store.

I took the bottle and inhaled the nasty liquor.

“I remember he used to call me a mutt,” he said, his expression grew serious.

“Mason,” I said. I touched his hand.

“I’m not bothered, it’s just all these years I forgot about that until this very moment. It’s funny how things come right back to you.” He grabbed the bottle back and took a long swig.

“I know what you mean,” I agreed, staring off.

“It meant a lot to hear you tell me you love me,” Mason said. It was sudden and caught me off guard that he would bring it up. I sighed, leaning against the brick beside him.

“It might have been the best thing I ever heard. And I wouldn’t want to hear it from anyone else but you, Kendall.” He moved in front of me and took my hands in his.

“You’re the only girl I want to marry. To have kids with. The only girl I want to do any of that crazy shit with. You know what I mean?” He concentrated on our hands.

“Yes, I know what you mean. The idea of it,” I said, I knew just what he meant.

“I don’t know what it is, but I have always felt okay with you. You know how to pull me out of the dark spots and back into life. Even if it sucks.” He moved in, closing the gap between us and kissed me softly. I grabbed the back of his head pulling him closer, the taste of whiskey invading all my senses.

We broke apart and I looked into his eyes. “Why Mason, I feel the same way about your crazy ass,” I said with a smile, we kissed again.

“I’d never forget you no matter where I was,” he said, closing his eyes. He pressed his forehead against mine. I tried to force him to look at me, but he wouldn’t budge. Everything was silent suddenly.

“Mason?” I asked as his body started to shake. I was confused until his tears hit my hands. He wiped them away with his fingers holding my head hostage as he lost it, sobbing noisily. I stayed still and tried to pretend I wasn’t disturbed Mason was breaking down right in front of me. He never cried.

“I wanted to be a good person. I wanted to be better than my dad and mom. I was a little fucking kid. I wanted to be a race car driver,” he cried. His voice faltered, his nose was a running mess and he sniffled ever so often to deal with it.

“You
are
better, Mason. You know that. Please tell me that you know that,” I said from beneath all his tears. I was pinned in place trying to deal with Mason’s breakdown.

“Do you think I got a shot at heaven?” He asked. I wrapped my arms around him; he hugged me tightly, resting his chin on the top of my head.

“Since when are you worried about heaven? I don’t know anything about religion I never went to church.”

“When we were in Jersey I sat in bed every night thinking about the death penalty. I don’t think I could do it. What if all those people’s family come and wish me to hell?” He didn’t wait for me to answer he just kept right on rambling.

“What if I die for all my mother’s wrongdoings? She’s probably sitting back laughing her ass off right now. I slept with people to get us to the next state. I shot people for her. I stabbed people. I set fires, lied, stole cars, beat up an old couple.” He cried harder confessing his darkest secrets.

I wiped his face, breaking free finally. He took a couple of breaths letting me clean him up.

“You are a good person. You are the only good thing that’s ever happened to me. And I want you to stop beating yourself up about any of this. There is nothing you can do. There was nothing you could do back then or now. No one hates you, Mason. And fuck them if they do,” I said suddenly angry that he was so sad.

He sat down, his back against the brick, clutching the Jack Daniels, his legs sprawled out in front of him. “I’d never know what to be anyways right?” he asked, taking a sip as he looked up at me. I sat down next to him.

“Stop, I think we should get a motel and call it a day ok?”