The Ranch (43 page)

“I'd like to come in,” she said quietly. She wanted to see where he lived, what he had, what he liked, she just wanted to be with him.

“I think everyone's out, but we need to be kind of quiet about it.” She knew how much trouble he'd be in if someone saw them, and she worried about it. The other cabins were nearby, although his was less accessible than most. But she didn't want anyone to see them.

“Is this all right for you?” she asked with worried eyes, and he smiled the smile that tore her heart out.

“About as all right as it gets,” he said, and then got out of the truck, and strode quickly into his cabin. She followed him in and he locked the door, pulled down the shades and turned on the lights, and she was surprised at how orderly it was, and how pleasant. She had expected it to look a lot rougher and a lot more disheveled. The cabin itself, as it had been provided to him, was nicely decorated, with a denim couch and Western decor, and all around the room he had put photographs of his son, his parents, a horse he'd loved. There were books and magazines in neat piles, some tools in a neat box, and an entire bookcase filled with music. She was surprised by how many albums of hers he had, but she also liked his other choices.

There was a living room, a large kitchen with a dining area, and that was neat too, though the refrigerator was all but empty. He had what she called bachelor food. Peanut butter, an avocado, two lemons and a tomato, some soda water, a lot of beer, and a lifetime supply of Oreo cookies.

“You must not do a lot of cooking.” She laughed.

“I eat in the staff dining room,” he said, pointing out, as he pulled out a refrigerator bin, that he also had eggs, bacon, jam, butter, and English muffins.

“I'm impressed,” she laughed, and he put a pot on for some coffee. He had whiskey and wine and offered her both, but she said she wasn't a drinker, although after the fracas at the rodeo he thought a shot of whiskey might have done her good, but she said she didn't want it. And as she walked out of the kitchen again, with a mug of coffee in her hand, she glimpsed his bedroom. It looked small and spare. There was a bed, a dresser, and a large comfortable chair. He pointed out that he didn't spend a lot of time there. But it was nice being in his world, seeing where he lived, and she felt surprisingly at home there. It was nicer than a lot of homes she had seen in her lifetime.

“It's almost as big as the house I grew up in when I was a kid,” he said, smiling. “There were two bedrooms, my parents had one of them, and there were six of us kids in the other.”

“Sounds like where I grew up,” she smiled. “I'd probably still be there, if I hadn't gotten a music scholarship to Berkeley. That changed my life,” she said, thinking back, and to the women she had met there.

“You changed mine,” he said softly, as they sat down on the couch, and he put an arm around her. And a few minutes later, he put on some music. It was so peaceful there, she couldn't imagine any harm ever coming to her with him. She felt completely safe and totally protected. They started to kiss again after a while, and all the terror and the relief and the sheer horror of what had happened that night seemed to flow away from her as he held her. They kissed for a long time, and then he looked at her. He didn't want to do anything she didn't want, or would regret later. At any time, he would have taken her back to her cabin if that was what she wanted.

“Tanny?” His voice was gentle in the dark. He had turned off the lights and lit a fire, and the music lulled them as they held each other and kissed and slowly discovered each other's bodies. “Are you all right with this, Tanny? I don't want to do anything you don't want,” he whispered.

“I'm fine,” she said softly, and kissed him again, giving him her whole heart, her whole soul, and he lay on the couch next to her, and slowly peeled off her torn T-shirt. And as he took off her clothes, he was overwhelmed by the beauty of her body. She was like a young girl in his hands, she was tanned and honed, and had limbs that never seemed to end, and they both lay there naked side by side as he smiled at her. He had never been happier in his life, or loved a woman more, as she wrapped her arms around his neck, and gave in to what he had wanted almost since the day he met her.

They went into his bedroom after that, and she slept in his arms, and when he awoke at dawn and looked down at her, he wondered if he was dreaming, if this was all a fantasy and it would end by morning. She would go back to Hollywood and forget she'd ever met him. But as he thought about it, she opened her eyes and looked up at him and told him how much she loved him.

“I'm scared,” he said in the soft light of dawn. He had never admitted that to anyone before, but he said it to her, just as she told him all her secrets. “What if this never happened?… What if it all goes away again, what if…”

“Stop it… I love you…” she said. “I'm not going anywhere. I'm just a girl from Texas,” she smiled, “don't you forget that.” He laughed in the soft morning light, and they made love again, and it was ten o'clock when they woke up again, and she strolled into his living room stark naked.

“Oh, my God,” he said, staring at her. “How did this happen to me?” He sat on the edge of the bed with a look of amazement, and she laughed happily.

“I think we both figured it was a good idea, some time around midnight. Or were you drunk?” she teased, but he still looked awestruck.

“I don't mean that… I mean look at you. Lawd, lawd… look at that woman. It's Tanya Thomas waikin’ buck naked around my living room holding a cup of coffee from my kitchen.” She laughed at the way he said it, and he laughed too. It was a crazy thought, all of it. Him, her, the place her life had gotten to, the fact that people wanted to tear her clothes off and rip her hair out.

“You look pretty good to me too,” she grinned, and she proved it to him in his living room on the floor and on his couch, and then back in his bed. He was torn between spending the day making love to her and showing her all the things he wanted to share with her. It was a tough decision, but he told her that the best time for them to leave would be when everyone went to lunch. So at noon, they made a quiet getaway, and much to their delight no one saw them. She was wearing her jeans, an old hat, and she tied an old workshirt of his just beneath her breasts. She looked spectacular, and he shook his head in mock amazement at his fate, as she put on the radio and turned up the music.

She had left a message for the others at the ranch that she'd be back sometime that night. She wanted to spend the whole day with him, and she did.

They'd gone to a waterfall that day, and he had driven her high into the mountains. The view had been incredible, and they had gone for a long, long walk, while he talked about his childhood, his family, his dreams. She had never felt as comfortable with anyone in her life. And on their way back to town, he stopped at an old ranch. He said it had been one of the finest in town once, but the owner had died, and it wasn't showy enough for the kind of people coming to Jackson Hole now. A couple of movie stars had looked at it, and some German guy. Gordon knew the realtors. It was being offered at a fair price, and it needed some work, but most people thought it was too far out of town and too rustic. It was about forty minutes from Jackson Hole, and it looked like something in an old cowboy movie to Tanya. They walked around and peeked inside. It had a good-size ranch house, and three or four decent cabins for employees. It had stables that were in disrepair, and a big handsome barn, it needed some fixing up, but the meat was there, and it was obvious to Tanya that Gordon loved it.

“I'd like to buy a place like this myself one day,” he said, squinting out at the mountains. You could look right down into the valley from where they were standing. There were some beautiful rides, and it was good land for horses.

“What would you do with it?”

“Fix it up. Breed horses probably. There's good money in that. But you've got to have start-up money to do it.” It seemed a shame to him that no one had ever bought the place. He thought they were all missing the point. And Tanya agreed with him. She liked the ruggedness of it, and she could just imagine hiding away in a place like that all winter. You could do great things with the ranch house.

“Could you get in and out of here in the snow?” she asked, and he nodded.

“Sure. The road is good. You could get out easily with a snowplow. You'd have to send some of the horses south, but you could probably keep some here, with a heated barn.” And then he laughed at himself for making plans with a ranch he didn't own. But Tanya was glad he'd shared it with her.

They drove around for a while after that, and then he took her to dinner at an old ramshackle restaurant half an hour out of town, where a lot of old cowboys hung out. There were fancier places he would have taken her to, but he was afraid that anywhere they went, people would recognize her, and they'd start another riot. But she liked the funny old place they went to, and after that they went back to his place. She'd had a great time, and knew she should go back, but she didn't want to. She sat in his living room with him, listening to music. And then, for the fun of it, he put on his favorite CD of her singing, and she sang it for him, and he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He felt sure that he was dreaming, he said, and she laughed at him.

“No, you're not,” she laughed, and started to take his clothes off.

“Yes, I am,” he said, laughing too, “this is a fantasy, just look at what I'm dreaming… I'm listening to Tanya and she's taking my clothes off…”

“No, she's not,” she denied what was happening, as he took hers off too, “and you're not taking hers off either…” They were laughing, and playing with each other and kissing, and he couldn't believe how much he loved her or how she excited him. And a minute later, they wound up back in his bedroom. And they didn't look at the clock again until long after midnight.

“Maybe I should just move my things in here,” she said sleepily, with a deep, sexy voice that drove him wild, and he smiled, thinking of what she had done to him and how much he liked it.

“I'm sure Mrs. Collins would be glad to help us. I'll just tell her I'm offering you my cabin for the rest of the week.” They both laughed.

“Or you could move in with us.”

“That would be nice,” he approved, and she started making love to him again, as he moaned and writhed beneath her tongue and fingers. “Oh, God… that is nice, Tanny…” They lay together until the dawn, and then she knew she had to get up before someone saw her. But she hated to leave him.

“I don't want you to,” he said sadly, watching her dress after he showered with her in his tiny bathroom. And that had almost started everything again, but this time he knew they couldn't. “What am I going to do when you go?” he asked, looking like a lost child, and she smiled at him. She wanted so badly to be with him. And she knew he was referring to Sunday when she had to leave for L.A., to continue fighting her battles.

“Why don't you come with me?” she asked, knowing it was a wild idea, but she didn't want to leave him either. But he was far wiser than she was.

“And how long would that last? What would I do? Answer the phone? Carry in flowers for you? Answer fan mail? Be your bodyguard? You'd hate me after a little bit, and so would I. No, Tanny,” he said sadly, “I don't belong there.”

“Neither do I,” she said unhappily, not sure how to resolve the problem.

“But it's your life, not mine. You'd hate me after a while.” He was smart. That was exactly what had happened to Bobby Joe. He had truly detested her by the time he went back to Texas. “I don't want to do that.”

“So what happens to us?” she asked, looking panicked.

“I don't know. You tell me. I could come to visit once in a while, for as long as you could stand it, or I could. You could come back here. You could get yourself a place here, it might do you good. A place to come to and get sane again after the kind of lunacy we saw the other night. If you lived here, it'd be different. You could live here part of the year, Tan… and I'd be here waiting for you. If I had a life with you here, going to LA. with you would make some kind of sense. I'll do anything you want, stay, let go, disappear, wait for you, I just don't want to go to L.A., give up my whole life, and watch you come to hate me.”

“I could never do that,” she said honestly. She hadn't hated Bobby Joe either.

“I'd hate myself and you'd know that. Come back here,” he said, winding his arms around her, and bringing her so close to him that she couldn't breathe as he kissed her. “I'll be here, waiting for you. Forever, if you want.”

“Will you come to L.A. sometimes, really?” She was worried about him now. What if she never saw him again? If he forgot her the moment she was gone, if he moved on to another ranch, another town, another singer? She was every bit as frightened as he was.

“Sure I will,” he reassured her about coming to L.A. “As long as it's just for a visit. What about your living here, at least part-time?”

“I've never thought about anything like that,” she said honestly, giving it some thought. “I kind of like it.”

“I think you'd love it.”

“If I bought a ranch, would you run it for me?”

“Yeah,” he said, thinking about it, as they sat on his bed, talking. “But I don't want to be your employee.”

“What does that mean?” she asked, looking puzzled.

“It means I don't want you to pay me,” he said quietly, and she could see in his eyes he meant it.

“How are you going to live then?” She was worried about him, and she wanted to work it out with him. There had to be a way they could do it.

“I've got some money saved up. I haven't worked all these years for nothing. I could buy some horses, do some breeding, do some extra work here on the ranch. I could work for room and board at your place. We could work it out,” he said, pulling her close to him again. “I'm not worried about it.” He was feeling better again, he loved her so much, he knew he could do anything with her, as long as they were on equal terms, just so he didn't wind up feeling like one of her employees. But she liked his ideas, and she was thinking about it while he kissed her.