The Ranch (51 page)

“I wish I could go with you tomorrow,” he said sadly. “I hate to think of what you have to face alone there.”

“I wish I could stay here,” she said, and meant it. She hated to leave him, this place, and the mountains.

“You'll be back,” he said, pulling her close to him, and she closed her eyes, trying to engrave it on her memory for when she left it. She knew it would never be quite like this again. They would not be in this cabin, sealed off from the world. It would never be this simple again. They would be in their own house, and they would be part of the world after this. It would own a piece of them, and grab whatever it could take from them. Right now, they were safe here, and she loved it. And she hoped that they could re-create some of that at the ranch she had just bought in the foothills.

“I want it just like this,” she said to him, and he laughed.

“Could we have it just a tad bigger, Tanny? I stub my toe every time I get out of bed here.” He was a big man and it was a small house, but he knew what she meant, and he had lots of ideas about it. He had been gathering thoughts for years about a ranch of his own and he knew just what to do now.

They talked late into the night, and made love at dawn, just as the sun came up, and then he wrapped her in a blanket and they went outside and watched the light on the mountains. It was exquisite.

“It's going to be a beautiful day,” he said, “I wish you'd be here with me.” She could hardly bear the thought of leaving.

None of them could. They were all crying as they said good-bye at the bus. Hartley held Mary Stuart in his arms for ages. John Kroner and his friend had come to say good-bye, and they both hugged Zoe and all the others. And everyone applauded when Gordon kissed Tanya right out in the open.

And they all thanked Charlotte Collins when they left. And all three women were crying as they boarded the bus. Mary Stuart stood there forever looking at Hartley. And Tanya hung out the window and warned Gordon to stay away from broncos. He waved his hat at her for as long as he could with his good arm, and Zoe wondered if she'd ever see the place again, while Mary Stuart silently prayed that she'd see Hartley in New York after her trip to London. A thousand questions had been born at the ranch in those two weeks, but they did not yet have all the answers.

And as Tom drove the bus away, they all sat quietly, lost in their own thoughts, thinking of the people and the dreams they'd left there. They didn't talk for a long time, and they kept to themselves. Tom planned to have them in San Francisco at midnight.

Chapter 21

When the bus pulled up to Zoe's house, they were all asleep. They had stayed up for hours, laughing and talking about the men in their lives. They made something to eat and shared it with Tom, and eventually they fell asleep. It had been a big day for them. And Tanya had to wake Zoe up when they got there. She was in a deep sleep and smiled when they woke her. She had made them promise to come in a minute and see her baby, even though she'd be sleeping, and they'd both agreed to it.

Tanya woke Mary Stuart too, and the threesome walked up the steps to Zoe's house, and waited while she found her key in her handbag. She opened the door as quietly as she could, and they tiptoed into the living room, on their way upstairs to see the baby. And as Zoe walked in, she saw that there were toys everywhere, a plate of food, and a bottle, and then she saw them. Sam was sound asleep on the couch, with Jade in his arms. They had waited for them for hours. Inge had gone upstairs to bed long since, and Sam had kept Jade up so she could see her mommy. And the three women looked at them with warm approval.

Zoe took a few steps toward them, and bent to kiss the sleeping child, and then Sam opened his eyes and saw her. He barely moved, and smiled as she looked at him, and then she kissed him too, gently on the cheek at first, and then on the lips as her two friends watched her.

“I missed you,” he whispered, and then he stood up to meet the others. He was still carrying Jade and she was sound asleep and didn't stir. They had become good friends in the past two weeks and she really loved him. She had been perfectly happy to fall asleep in his arms, waiting for her mommy. “She was dying to see you,” he explained, and Zoe smiled. “Me too,” he said, putting an arm around her. “Are you okay?” He looked concerned and she nodded.

Mary Stuart and Tanya were anxious to get going. Tom wanted to drink a lot of coffee and keep driving, and get to L.A. by morning. They had another six hours of travel ahead of them, and it was time to go now, though they would have liked to spend more time with Sam and Zoe, but they knew they couldn't. And it was time for Zoe to be with Sam now.

He still had an arm around her shoulders when they left, after a tearful good-bye, and Sam and Zoe waved from the stairs as the boy pulled away, and then he took Zoe inside, and set Jade down on the couch, and gently took her mother into his arms and kissed her.

The bus reached L.A., on schedule, at six o'clock the next morning. It had been almost twenty-four hours since they left Wyoming. And when they got to the house, Mary Stuart found a fax from her husband. He was inquiring about exactly when she was arriving. She had her reservations made, but she had not yet told him. And there was a long list of messages for Tanya, from her lawyers, her secretary, and her agents. But looking at it now, after being in Wyoming for the past two weeks, it all seemed less important. And as the sun came up over L.A., Mary Stuart and Tanya sat at her kitchen table. It was an enormous room, and it felt good to be home in a way, but they both missed Wyoming. They had left a great deal there. And they sat in the kitchen, talking about Gordon and Hartley. It had been an extraordinary trip for all of them, it was hard to believe now it had happened.

“When are you going to London?” Tanya asked. She didn't know either.

“I thought I'd stick around today and tomorrow, and go Wednesday,” she said, “unless you want me to go sooner.”

“Are you kidding?” Tanya said easily. “I wish you'd stay forever. And I hope you come back soon.” They had both made Zoe promise to stay in touch, and they were talking about spending a weekend with her somewhere, maybe in Carmel, if she felt up to it, or Malibu at Tanya's, or even in San Francisco. They all thought it sounded terrific. They were not going to let time or distance or, worse yet, tragedy get between them.

Tanya spent the entire day working with her secretary, and trying to make decisions after two weeks away, and late that afternoon, Gordon called her. He was fine, working in the corral, missing her like crazy, and he'd gone up to see the house, and had a contractor drawing up plans for her. He said they'd be ready to move in, in no time. And she told him about all the horrors of coming back to work in the real world. He told her to just hang in until he got there.

“I can't wait,” she said, her eyes filling with excitement.

“Neither can I,” he said, closing his eyes, and imagining her just the way she looked in his cabin in the morning. He couldn't wait to set up their ranch now.

They talked for a long time, he had gone to a pay phone to call her. He kept putting quarters in, and he refused to let her call the number, or call her collect in future. He was stubborn. And he promised to call her again the next day, and asked her to say hello to Mary Stuart. She had heard nothing from Hartley but she didn't expect to. They had agreed not to call each other until she settled matters in London. And she didn't even know where to reach him in Boston or Seattle. She knew he'd be home on Thursday. And she knew what the code was. “Adieu, Arielle,” or “
Bonjour
, Arieile,” depending on what happened with her marriage.

Tanya took her to Spago that night, and introduced her to Wolfgang Puck, the owner, and she explained who everyone was. Victoria Principal was having dinner with a big group. George Hamilton was there. Harry Hamlin… Jaclyn Smith… Warren Beatty… And George Christy of the
Hollywood Reporter
was at a comer table. And everyone knew Tanya, but it was one of the few places in Hollywood where, no matter how big the star was, they never disturbed her.

She and Mary Stuart talked for a long time about everything, and Mary Stuart seemed to have made her mind up. She went shopping the next day when Tanya went to rehearsal. And they went to bed early that night. Gordon had called again, and there was a fax from Bill, confirming her arrival. He had said absolutely nothing personal at all, and Mary Stuart shook her head when she saw it.

And the next morning when she left, she and Tanya clung to each other and cried. She didn't want to leave at all, and they both wanted to turn the clock back and leave for Wyoming.

“It'll be okay,” Tanya encouraged her. “It'll be fine. Just think of Hartley.” It was all Mary Stuart could think of, as she left, and all the way to London. She even wrote him a letter. It would be their first, she smiled to herself, the first she'd written to him. Maybe he'd even keep it. He was wonderfully sentimental. She told him how much he meant to her, and how wonderful Wyoming had been, how empty her life had been before she met him. She was going to mail it when she got to the hotel in London.

The hotel had sent a car for her. She was staying at Claridge's after all. It seemed easier than going to another hotel when he was staying there. But she had reserved her own room. She had no idea if Bill knew that. But actually, the hotel had told him.

She went through customs easily, and reached the hotel shortly after. It was all very civilized, and when she reached Claridge's they ushered her upstairs like a visiting dignitary from another country. And they informed her that Mr. Walker was in the suite he was renting as his offices, with his secretary, he was working. But she did not call him as soon as she reached her room. She wanted time to regain her composure. She washed her face and combed her hair and as usual she looked impeccable in a black linen suit that had traveled perfectly from L.A. to London. It was typical of Mary Stuart.

And when she had ordered a cup of tea, and finished it, she called him. By then, it was ten o'clock in the morning. But she had no idea that Bill was going crazy. He knew her plane had gotten in at seven. He assumed she had gone through customs by eight, and gotten to the hotel at nine. And he had called the desk to confirm it. He knew she was in her own room, and hadn't called him. He had been agonizing ever since then. But Mary Stuart was in no hurry. It was Thursday by then. She had allowed a day for this, and as she had been unable to reach Alyssa, she was flying to New York on Friday. It was certainly a circuitous route from Wyoming.

He answered on the first ring when she called him. It was awkward even speaking to him now, and she gave him her room number, and he said he'd come right down to see her. He left his secretary and told her not to disturb him. He was going to an important meeting.

Mary Stuart opened the door and looked at him, and it was painful to see how familiar he looked, how much like the man she had loved for so long until the year before. But she knew this man was different. They both were.

“Hello, Bill,” she said quietly as he came in, and he was about to put his arms around her, but when he saw her eyes, he decided not to. “How are you?”

“Not so great actually,” he said, and surprised her.

“Is something wrong?” It was odd for her, of all people, to ask him.

“I'm afraid so,” he said, sitting in a chair, and stretching his long legs out before him.

“What happened?” She assumed the case wasn't going well, and she was sorry to hear it. He had certainly put enough time and effort into it to win it.

“Actually,” he said, looking at her mournfully, and seeming very young to her. He looked vulnerable and kind of pathetic. “I've fucked my life up pretty badly and yours.” She was startled by the way he looked, and even more so by the way he said it. She wondered if he was going to make some terrible confession, like an affair since he'd been in London. But in some ways, that might make it easy. This was not as easy for her as she'd hoped, just telling him their marriage was over. Suddenly he was a real person, with wrinkles and flaws, and things she had once loved about him.

“What do you mean?” she asked, looking puzzled. What did he mean, he'd fucked his life up?

“I think you know exactly what I mean. That's why you're here, isn't it? I figured that much out, stupid as I am. And as men go, I've been pretty dumb. I've spent the last year with my head buried in my desk somewhere, thinking that if I ignored you long enough you'd go away, or my misery and my guilt would, or Todd would come back, or the stupid things I said to you would be forgotten. But none of that seemed to happen. It just kept getting worse. I felt more awful every day, and you've come to hate me. That was actually pretty predictable, given the way I behaved. The only one who didn't predict it though was me, which is pretty awkward.” He said it all looking like a kid, she had to smile at what he was saying. Sometimes he was very endearing. “Anyway, I don't suppose any of this surprises you. I think I'm the only one around here who's amazed not only by my stupidity, but my behavior. So now you've come to let me know very politely, and in person, which is very kind of you, my dear, that you're going to divorce me.” He was the criminal helping the executioner set up the guillotine, and agreeing all the while that he deserved it. It actually made it harder to kill him.

“Where have you been all year?” she asked. It was the one thing she had wanted to ask him. “How could you have completely hidden from me, frozen me out? You never even spoke to me, or answered questions.” It had been like living with a robot. Or a dead man, and he had been.

“I was unhappy,” he said. He was the master of understatement, and she kept silently reminding herself to think of Hartley. “So what do we do now? Did you bring the divorce papers with you?” He figured she had them ready when he talked to her in Wyoming. It had all suddenly become clear to him, and he knew exactly why she was coming.

“Was I supposed to? Do you want them?”

“Do you have them with you?” He looked ready to sign them, and it annoyed her even more to see how willing he was to give up on what they'd had for twenty-two years. He really didn't care at all, from what she could see. And it infuriated her even further.