The Rainbow Maker's Tale (15 page)

At this point, my brain
suddenly kicked into gear and I realised that we were surrounded by
a range of things I could have noted as being beautiful to cover my
mistake. It was a bright and lovely day – as always – I could have
said the day was beautiful, although I had a sneaking suspicion
that Cassie would have sensed the lie if I’d said that, given my
usual preoccupation with authenticity. But, there was a park across
the street, where a rainbow of colourful flowers were in bloom,
peeping their heads through the fake iron work railings. They might
have covered my stupidity if I’d noticed them a minute ago.

Well, that was great timing.
Only a minute too late to be of any use. I was such a bad liar when
I was around Cassie, it was laughable.

I grasped for a change of
subject, to distract myself from the revelations of the last few
seconds. “I’ve been in the labs all day today, it’s nice to get
some fresh air. Where’ve you been this afternoon?”

Cassie didn’t appear troubled
by my abrupt switch and answered me readily. “Joel and I were in
the fracture clinic again, working on some new techniques for
setting smaller breaks.”

“What does that entail?” I
asked, hoping to get her onto a subject that she could talk about
without my input for at least a few minutes whilst I gathered my
disturbed thoughts. Thankfully, she was able to explain in detail
about the new processes and I was easily distracted, whilst not
appearing rude by not speaking.

Cassie was in the middle of
describing how they had fitted a partial cast on a little girl’s
wrist when her father appeared. He nodded to himself when he saw us
waiting, almost as though he knew that we would both be there.
Perhaps others were more aware of my feelings than I had been
myself. I shuddered. It was an unnerving sensation for someone like
me, who prided myself on being logical and in control, to think
that others would see things about me that I was blind to.

Cassie stopped speaking as her
father approached us.

“I have some things I want to
finish before I leave tonight.” He seemed a little distracted,
barely looking at Cassie as he spoke. “You two should go on
ahead.”

When I looked to Cassie for her
response, I noticed that she appeared self-conscious now that her
father was here. Not understanding why – I was still too
preoccupied with my own issues – but not wanting to be impolite, I
turned away slightly to give them some privacy.

A moment later I sensed that
their conversation was over and Cassie moved to leave. Very
helpfully her father had extended an invitation to me to spend the
rest of the afternoon with her, something I’d so far not had the
nerve to ask for myself. Perhaps parents weren’t so bad after all,
I mused vaguely, before qualifying that thought.
When they’re
not lying to your face that is!

I was about to follow Cassie
when her father spoke again, pointing upwards. “You might as well
make the most of it, it’s a nice day.”

My eyes followed his finger,
taking in the
sky
above us.
What a pointless
observation?
There were no seasons on the station; no change to
how the light filtered down from the mirrors above us day after
day. It was the same, day in day out.

“Isn’t it always?” I asked,
automatically voicing my thoughts aloud, without pausing to fully
edit the sarcasm from my voice. I didn’t even stop to think that
I’d considered saying something similar myself only a few minutes
earlier.

In an attempt to cover over
this mistake I smiled at him. It was a little too bright. Cassie
saw straight through me. Her father smiled politely in response,
but his eyes told me that he’d understood something of the meaning
behind my words.

Nothing was said. We all turned
away, moving off on our own particular paths: Cassie walked away
from The Clinic, her father went back to work, and I trailed close
behind her, hoping that I might still get to spend the afternoon
with her, despite my almost declaration of love and insulting her
father. When I looked at it like that, it had not been the best
five minutes of our friendship.

Cassie stalked away from me at
speed. The Clinic disappeared behind us as I followed her into the
nice
afternoon. I overheard her huff in irritation as I
caught up, and knew at once that she was angry with me. My only
option was to wait for her to vent. It didn’t take long.

“Were you being rude then?”
Cassie’s words were clipped and she stopped abruptly, in the centre
of the plaza. Her subdued tone indicated I should be wary.

I stopped too, twisting my body
around to face her. My first instinct was to play dumb; after all
I’d gotten a lot of practice at that in the past few days working
with Olivia. But, I knew there was no way Cassie was going to fall
for that. It was better to be honest.

“Why do you ask that?” I tried
stalling for time.

“I thought – you looked like
you were being sarcastic when Father wished us a nice afternoon.”
She was still angry, but had to pause when she was thinking how to
articulate the reason why she was mad. I hoped it might help her to
calm down.

“Can you
look
sarcastic?” It was nit-picking to notice, but I couldn’t help
pointing out the muddle in her words. Of course, I was still
stalling as well. Cassie’s answering scowl indicated that she was
not impressed with this tact. I needed a new approach. “OK, look
I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to be rude. It
is
a nice day – as
it always is on the station, seeing as the light never changes day
in day out. That was what I meant.”

Cassie was determined to avoid
my gaze. I searched for her eyes insistently until reluctantly she
looked at me. I tried to let my sincerity show in my face as I
half-apologised. “I don’t want to argue with you, can’t we just
walk?”

After a few more seconds, I
sensed her anger ebbing away. It seemed she didn’t really want to
argue with me either. Finally, she nodded once in acceptance of my
apology.

As she began walking again –
more slowly this time – Cassie allowed me to fall back into step
alongside. I sensed that she still felt some frustration with my
behaviour and so I gave her space for silent thought as we
wandered. More importantly, it gave me the chance to focus on my
own concerns: the revelation of my true feelings for Cassie.

What could I do?

Now that I knew how I really
felt, was there anything I
could
do? It didn’t feel like it.
I knew what I
should
do: I should turn and walk away from
Cassie, right now. But, I wouldn’t do that.

Why had I let this happen? My
friendship with Cassie was supposed to be about information –
nothing more.

Was I allowing my heart to rule
my head?

No – my heart wasn’t ruling my
head. Grim realisation swallowed me: my head was in full agreement
with my heart and was even trying to help it with excuses to pursue
this unhealthy friendship.

So much for my sensible and
logical side!

How had things become so
complicated? I was sensibly logical and had one objective: to get
out of the Family Quarter and find out the truth of why we were
living as we were.

Maybe ‘confusing’ was the only
way this could be? I was only human after all.

Even though I was always
striving for the rational answer; searching for reasons and
explanations for everything around me. There was no coherent
rationale for how I felt about Cassie…but should there be? Love was
not supposed to be scientific.

If that was the answer, then it
left me with a new problem. How could I reconcile these two
opposing desires in my life?

Ever since I’d realised that
there was something
amiss
with life on the space station,
I’d vowed to myself that I would find out what that was. I was so
close now to actually carrying out that promise. Could I let go of
the obsession that had changed my life?

The strange incident with
Scarlett had haunted my childhood, and driven me away from others
ever since. As I had watched from the shadows since then, I became
convinced that everyone else was complicit in whatever was being
hidden from us. Even if it was only through blind acceptance – they
were still allowing this system to work.

I hated that we were being lied
to.

I hated that we were being
watched and tracked during our daily lives.

What purpose could any of this
possibly have, and why did it seem like I was the only person who
even noticed what was happening?

To add to all these issues, I
now had a new dilemma. I peeked sideways at Cassie. She was still
there…still beautiful…still intriguing… Why did
she
bother
with me?

It hurt to ask the question
because undoubtedly I was in love with her. I knew why I was here
right now, but why was
she
here? She was more patient with
me than I should expect – certainly more than I deserved – and
seemed genuinely interested in my odd observations and negative
attitude towards the station: why would
anyone
in our
society be like that?

Maybe Cassie was part of the
lie too.

Just thinking this brought a
sickening lump into my throat. I swallowed thickly, forcing it away
as I turned over the idea in my mind. It seemed excessive, that
whoever was responsible for controlling the lies we lived within,
would actually involve someone like Cassie to distract or monitor
me; even if they were aware of what I was planning – which I was
confident they did not.

But then, what did I know
really?

I’d seen a girl come back to
life nine years ago, only to disappear right before my eyes – I had
discovered hidden circuits inside viewing screens, that triggered
specifically to record our private movements and conversations –
I’d found pieces of metal and other unknown substances in Father’s
study that he should not have access to, if he only worked inside
the Family Quarter.

OK. So, I knew lots of things –
it was just that every truth I discovered led to more
questions.

Looking at it this way, the
only thing I
really
knew was that anything was possible. And
so, back to Cassie: was she part of the deception, just a friend,
or something else…? It was time to find out.

“Have you ever been to Park
42?” I blurted out the question, as a plan hastily formed in my
mind.

“Remind me which one that is?”
Her eyes scrunched in concentration as she tried to work out where
I meant.

Under normal circumstances I
might have found that distractingly cute. Not today. Today there
would be no more distractions. I wanted – no, needed – answers.

“It’s the park with the
post-glacial landscape over by the boundary to the Married
Quarter,” I replied. Adding silently:
“It’s big, usually empty
and will give us the perfect place for us to talk in private (just
in case you think I’m a raving lunatic).”
With no viewing
screens close enough to pick up our conversation, I knew I could
deny everything if Cassie told someone. There would be no evidence
and I could either discount Cassie as a threat or distance myself
from her – if I had to.

“Oh right,” she remembered,
smiling slightly at some unknown thought. “Are you feeling
adventurous this afternoon?”

Her question took me by
surprise. I wasn’t sure why she would think – or ask – that, there
was no obvious link I could see. Maybe she meant something else? My
mind coloured the tone of her words in a new way.

“Why, are you?” I infused my
words with enough mischief to indicate something else…perhaps.

It had some effect at least. A
pale pink blush rose immediately on Cassie’s cheeks. I saw it for
only a second before she turned away to look across the square, in
an attempt to disguise her embarrassment. My heart soared
uncontrollably as I interpreted her reaction positively, then I
noticed a frown creasing her brow and my flight stuttered.

“So are you?” I repeated,
sounding nervous.

So much for my plan of exposing
her true motivation for our friendship!

The realisation of how
desperate I sounded irritated me, but I couldn’t help it. A part of
me needed to know what she was thinking.

Cassie shook her head, as
though scattering unwanted thoughts from her mind.

“I only meant that I had heard
the walks in that park are quite demanding,” she said.

“I’m sure you’ll be able to
keep up with me.”

“Don’t worry about me,” she
replied, her tone coolly confident. “I’ll do my best.”

“Great!” I was pleased by her
sudden conviction and began leading the way across the square
towards the Red Residential Zone. My fingers twitched minutely,
wanting to reach out and take hold of Cassie’s hand as I guided her
away, but I could not do that.

We strolled through the
peaceful residential streets in an amiable silence. In my head I
was busily finalising my plans for working out what Cassie’s role
in my life was, and it was only when I had settled on a strategy
that I became conscious of her quiet thoughtfulness.

“You do that a lot you know?” I
remarked, turning to look at her more fully. She glanced up, an
apologetic smile instantly on her face. I expected her to say
something, but after another few seconds it seemed she was losing
herself in thought once more. “You’re doing it again!” I laughed,
pointing out the obvious.

“Doing what?” Cassie asked in
mock-confusion. She knew exactly what I meant.

“Floating off into your own
little world. You keep making me wonder where you go.”

“Sorry – I don’t mean to be
rude – does it bother you?” Her expression was contrite and she
seemed worried that she might have offended me.

“It’s not rude,” I reassured
her. “I’m just interested to see where your thoughts take you.”