The Queen's Vow: A Novel of Isabella of Castile (39 page)

I held his gaze for a long moment. I tried to summon compassion, sympathy, any feeling from inside the vault where my heart used to be. Then instead I said coldly, “You should not have come back, not while he held as much as a single tower in Castile.”

His eyes narrowed. “What was I supposed to do? We’ve no siege engines, no cannon, no powder. You knew that. We’ve been woefully unprepared for them from the start.”

“None of that matters.” I thumped my chest with my fist. “We have God on our side; we are in the right, not those who come to steal what is not theirs. With our faith and an army like ours, how could Afonso of Portugal’s words rob you of the courage that moves men to battle?”

He flinched visibly. His voice hardened. “Isabella, I am warning you: Stop this. You were not there. You do not understand.”

But I was beyond heeding him, beyond reason. It was as though every insult, every fear, every flight I’d ever taken since the perilous days of my childhood had coalesced into this vast, excruciating humiliation—this unbelievable moment when my husband, one of Aragón’s most vaunted warriors, had turned tail and fled from the very enemy whose sole purpose was to wrench our throne from us.

“You may say I do not understand,” I said. “So many men believe that women cannot speak of war because we do not risk ourselves on the battlefield. But I tell you, nobody has risked more than me, because I wagered my husband and king, whom I love more than anything.” My voice broke. “I risked my heart for the good of these realms, knowing that if we failed, I too stood to lose everything!”

My words echoed around me, across the silent plain. Our army was immobile—miles of men, of faces I did not know. Fernando remained motionless on his destrier, his face an impassive mask.

“If you’d torn down the walls of Zamora,” I added, “as you would have, if you had my will, Portugal and its sovereign would have been wiped from this realm and we would not find ourselves here in this shameful hour.”

He clapped his hand to his saddle, making his horse paw the ground. “I don’t believe this. After everything we’ve endured, you complain because we’ve returned whole? We may have not won a battle, but neither did we lose one.”

“No?” I retorted. “You may think there is glory in defeat, but
I
will not be satisfied by anything less than victory.”

The moment I spoke, I knew I had gone too far. His expression
turned inward. “Well,” he said softly, “then I fear we’ll have a heavy task ahead, for it seems you cannot be satisfied by the efforts of any mere mortal man.”

His voice cut through the haze of my anger, returning me with a jolt to the present, the stark situation before me—of our army, ragged and threadbare but, as he had tried to tell me, still intact; of Fernando himself alive, not lying dead or wounded under a heap of corpses. He had drawn himself up in his saddle and I saw before me the prince I had chosen for his tenacity, who had fought time and time again for his own realm. He was a king, who had made an impossible decision today in order to spare us potential devastation tomorrow. And he was my husband, who, out of love for me and my realm, had gone to war to battle our foes, prepared to die, if need be, for the good of Castile.

With sickening clarity, I gazed toward the plain. I saw for the first time the tired admiral regarding me from his horse in discomfiture, and the soldiers—all the brave men—crippled by flux, hunger, and heat. They regarded me with a heartbreaking mixture of awe and disillusionment. I was their queen, but rather than expressing my gratitude for their salvation, I had chastised them for their refusal to sacrifice themselves.

I felt like hiding my face. Was Fernando right? Would I never be satisfied by the efforts of anyone, most of all my own self?

“Forgive me,” I whispered, and I forced myself to meet Fernando’s eyes. I expected to find him remote, distanced from me, perhaps forever. I had attacked him before his men, the worst insult anyone could inflict on a commander; he had every right to hold me accountable for my actions. Instead he showed me reluctant comprehension, as though he understood all too well the fount from which my anger had sprung.

“There is nothing to forgive,” he replied. “Henceforth, let us show humility before Him for whom even the most powerful are weak, so in our hour of need He may grant us mercy.”

My throat knotted. I had no words. None seemed adequate to erase those I had so thoughtlessly strewn. I turned Canela about. Together, Fernando and I rode back to the castle, with our army marching behind us.

WE SUMMONED THE
Cortes to session in Valladolid, where I made a passionate appeal for help. We now had a foreign army on Castilian soil, intent on our destruction. But the representatives of the cities—drained by their past donations—voted us no new funds. All we had left, said Cardinal Mendoza as we sat bleary-eyed at our council table, was the Church. If I declared that the ecclesiastic authorities must donate half of their gold and silver for defense of the kingdom, we could melt it down for the money we needed. Otherwise, we’d have no other choice than to seek a parley with Afonso and Villena.

“Out of the question,” said Fernando. He glanced at me. “Not one tower, you said. We cannot leave them a single tower.”

I repressed my smile. Our confrontation in Tordesillas had marked a shift in our marriage. Though it had been too strident of me, too overt a demonstration, it had shown him I was ready to strap on armor and sword myself; that I too would live and die, if need be, in defense of my throne. That realization had inflamed his lust, so that he’d taken me in our bedchamber with a passion that left me raw. More interestingly, it had led him to accord me moments like these, moments where he left the final decision in my hands—hands he now judged as capable, as worthy, as any man’s.

“Rome won’t like it,” I said warily. “His Holiness has yet to issue the dispensation Afonso needs to wed Joanna la Beltraneja, but if we confiscate Church treasure, he might suddenly see fit to do so.”

Cardinal Mendoza’s face registered his agreement. “He might, yes, but His Holiness will be advised that it’s in his best interest that Your Majesties prevail, as you shall prove devout and generous champions of the faith in years to come.”

The cardinal’s implication was clear, though in his eagerness to gain this new source of funds, Fernando did not see it. “Yes,” my husband said. “We shall, absolutely. Put it in writing.” He searched my eyes. “Isabella, what say you? We need cannon, powder; all the modern accoutrements. We can buy them from Germany and Italy but they’ll want the payment up front. This is our only hope.”

I knew this to be true, yet I still shrank from the idea. I did not want
to incur such a debt with the Church, for regardless of how assiduously we fulfilled our end of the deal, there would be hidden interest. But without fresh resources, we were as good as dethroned. We could harry the Portuguese, as we’d been doing since our retreat, cutting off their supply lines and torching the surrounding farmlands so they had nothing to forage; keeping them caged in Zamora, Toro, and the few cities in Extremadura they’d overrun. But we couldn’t expel them. Like vermin, they would multiply, spreading their dissent like a disease. Eventually, they would wear down our people’s resistance; in time, their presence would become acceptable; welcomed, even, if they promised enough in return.

And if that happened, Afonso and la Beltraneja would prevail. They would see Fernando and me captured or killed, and they would seize our throne.

Reluctantly, I nodded. “Let it be done. But only under these conditions: We will return whatever we borrow in three years’ time. And every
maravedi
we mint is to be used toward our war effort. Not one goes into our privy purse.”

Mendoza inclined his head, signaling his agreement. Fernando rose purposefully, leaning toward me to murmur, “This time I promise you I’ll wipe those whoresons off the face of the earth.”

He meant it, too. His shame and fury ran deep. Never had Fernando of Aragón found himself in a position of supplication, and he plunged into the requisitioning of our army tirelessly, tallying inventories, overseeing the purchases of weaponry, tracking the shipments as they arrived, and devising safe passage from the ports to our base camps.

In turn, I organized the food provisions, recruitment, and training. I made agreements with the grandees and even sent Cárdenas to the Moorish caliph of Granada, with whom I signed a treaty, promising the Moors free range within their kingdom and personal redress by me of any grievances, should their borders be invaded by our Andalucían grandees. In exchange, the caliph sent four thousand of his best archers, who could each shoot a hundred arrows from horseback without so much as a pause.

The hard work and long hours suited me; like Fernando, I was burning over the insult done to us. Any lingering affection I’d had for
Joanna la Beltraneja was extinguished in those frenetic months, as Fernando and I devoted every minute to defending what she so callously offered up to Afonso.

I did not see Isabel for months at a time, though I corresponded regularly with Beatriz. I did not read, embroider, or engage in any of the feminine pastimes I’d always enjoyed. I took a brief trip to Arévalo with a contingent of fresh guards, for I did not put it past Diego Villena to attempt to raze the castle. There, I found the staff gray as cinders, caught in an insular existence. They were barely aware of the tumult outside their walls, save for the perennial lack of goods. My mother behaved as if she’d seen me just the previous week before she forgot who I was, lost in her inescapable delirium. Gnarled and now clearly faltering, Doña Clara refused my offer of retirement; she insisted she would die on her feet, serving my mother as she always had. I had no doubt she would. Nevertheless, I hired extra women from the village to do the chores. I had nursed the secret hope that perhaps the time had come to bring my mother to court, where she could assume her role as dowager and where I could take better care of her, but during that painful visit I realized she would never be fit for public life. I couldn’t risk it; I could never let it be said that the taint of madness ran in my family nor let it blemish my daughter’s prospects for marriage. Though rumor would invariably spread, no one must see the proof for themselves. My mother would stay in Arévalo until her death, forgotten by the world; and I departed the castle with that sad sense of disorientation I invariably felt whenever I returned home, as well as the irrevocable guilt that I had condemned my own flesh and blood to an isolated existence, both for her sake and for the future of Castile.

Christmas was a quiet affair. Winter precluded any armed conflict, and while Fernando took advantage of the lull to go to Valencia to fetch a phalanx of soldiers sent from Aragón for our cause, I finally reunited with Isabel in Segovia. She was nearly five years old, startlingly lovely with thick burnished golden hair and turquoise-green eyes that were so like my mother’s. I was content to do nothing but take wintry strolls in the alcazar gardens with Beatriz, wrapped in furs, while Isabel dashed about, enchanted by the magic of the snow; for a time, I pretended I
had no other care in the world beyond whether or not the hearths had been lit.

But all too soon the New Year arrived; before the snows had even thawed, Fernando departed with our newly equipped force, pared to lean precision. The fierce Moors on their jennets were joined to our cavalry; the German cannon and Italian gunpowder were on ox-drawn carts; the oiled siege engines and catapults wheeled behind the serpentine procession of iron and blades like unwieldy giants.

Once again I took up residence in Tordesillas; once again I was receiving my news from couriers, waiting, always waiting, for the next dispatch.

The war began with promise. The Portuguese had grown slack in the intervening months, fatted on the plunder of our looted cities, and in a bold step, Fernando quickly seized Zamora. Afonso sallied forth from neighboring Toro in high temper, engaging us in a flurry of arms, all aimed at distracting us while his enterprising son managed to sneak past our border patrols. To my furious disbelief, he arrived with reinforcements from Portugal. Suddenly, the army we had spent eight painstaking months assembling was outnumbered, surrounded on all sides by an ocean of the enemy.

Fernando bid a hasty retreat behind Zamora’s stout medieval walls. I immediately sent reserve squadrons to harass the Portuguese and send them scurrying back to Toro. I hoped to secure Fernando an opening salvo, but after three weeks of skirmishes and hot words flung at each other from across walls, it became clear that if Afonso—trapped in Toro, in unbearable cold—was not winning anything, neither were we. In fact, the last of the gold we’d borrowed from the Church was fast dwindling and Fernando, holed up in Zamora, which the prior Portuguese occupation had emptied of everything edible, was starting to feel the pinch. Communication between us was nearly impossible; but one or two of his couriers did manage to reach me.

We may have to start eating our horses
, he wrote,
if something doesn’t break soon
.