The Problem With Heartache (35 page)

“She’s not random,” I spoke through gritted teeth.

“So you’ve asked her to be your girlfriend?” Lottie asked.

I chewed my lip. I didn’t look at Kate. I couldn’t. “No.”

“You’re going to choose her over Jay?”

And there it was. The big guns. I knew she’d pull them out sooner or later.

I looked to Kate. Her knees were pressed tight to her chest and she clutched at them, holding them close to her. “What are you guys talking about?”

“I … I don’t want to discuss it.” Lottie’s voice was quiet. “Lee did something, something I’d asked him not to do. I made a mistake; I made a huge mistake, but I never knew just how ruined I really was. Just how much I’d fucked up.” Lottie shot me a look that screamed murder. In that moment, she reminded me of that day, that day long ago when she’d yelled at Ryan in the courtyard. Only now she went by Lottie, instead of Carly, another version of her formal name. Now I was bound to her. “I fell pregnant.”

“W
HAT
?” I squeaked. What the hell was going on? A minute ago I was mid losing-my-virginity and now I was in the middle of some argument to rival in volume those in housing commission out in Sydney’s west.

“You want to tell the whole story?” Lee thundered. He grabbed his pants and, after throwing the condom in the trash, pulled them on then strode over to Lottie’s side, looking down at her, his face fierce as a storm. She matched his prowess, arms folded, chest puffed out, and something like lightning striking her face alight.

“People make mistakes. How many times do we have to argue this?”

“Then why is it one rule for you, one for everyone else?”

“Enough!” I yelled. The two of them spun to face me, and I straightened my spine. “Okay. Lee … you have a son?” My voice was so high, I was sure the neighbourhood dogs would have been howling.

Lee’s face softened and he rushed to my side. “I don’t really know, I—”

“How do you not know?” My mind spun. “Is it Jay?”

Lottie and Lee both fell silent. Well, this was awkward.

“Jay could be Lee’s, or he could be his brother, Ryan’s. We don’t know.” Lottie finally broke the quiet, and I blinked.

“You do have a brother.” I levelled Lee with my gaze, and he winced. “Had.” I added in quickly. “And you could be … you could be Jay’s dad?”

This to me seemed the least believable part. How could Lee, Mr Puts Family First Lee Collins potentially be the father to a child he hadn’t embraced as his own?

“It’s possible, yes.” Lee conceded, and I rested my forehead against my knees. Lee and Lottie had
slept together?
My mind whirled, and my stomach churned. Weird tension between them. Lottie letting Jay hang out with Lee, a freaking rock star. Hardly the best choice of babysitter.
I was an idiot.

“How do you not know?”

“Because she wouldn’t
tell
me. Probably because she wanted to go open her legs to another—”

“Can it, idiot,” Lottie snapped. “Look, are you going to keep her? Is she going to be your girlfriend, or what?”

I looked from Lottie to Lee. Lottie radiated menace, and I didn’t know that I’d ever seen her look so mad. Did she still hold a candle for him? “I’m sorry you’re seeing this …”

I trailed off because it quickly became apparent to me that neither of them was listening. Instead they were locked in a silent battle of wills, staring each other down, emerald eyes locked to icy blue.

Right then, right at that moment is when I saw something break in Lee. Something deep that went right to his core. “Lottie, get out.” His voice was quiet, barely a whisper.

She paused and chewed her lip, then spun on her heel and flounced from the room, slamming the door in her wake. It was just him and me. Me and him.

“Start.” I pulled the sheet farther up my body, as if having some material between the man I thought I’d had feelings for and me would help protect me from whatever bullets his words contained.

“I met Lottie when we’d just hit the big time.” Lee swallowed, and his eyes got this faraway look. “We were young; eighteen, and I fell head over heels for her. I thought we were meant to be.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and slumped over his knees at the end of the bed, defeat and utter exhaustion written in his posture.

“We started seeing each other, hanging out all the time, and then … well, a few months earlier my parents told me I had an adopted brother. We’d met a few times, and he’d had a rough life. Family who had abused him.”

I shivered. I couldn’t imagine …

“One day we met up, and he told me he was going to propose to his girlfriend. We got drunk. I met up with Lottie, went to my hotel room and we …”

“You don’t have to fill me in on every single detail,” I snapped, shaking my head.

“I’d left my key at the bar. Ryan thought he was being a good brother by returning it to me. Little did he know …”

“You were banging his girlfriend?” I guessed. Lee nodded. Hmm. It was at least a good thing he didn’t know she was taken. Even if that was a damn small silver lining in the grand scheme of things.

“So Lottie got pregnant, and then … did you really kill him?” I tightened my grip on the sheet. My stomach rolled and I felt physically sick. How had my night gone from deciding to take a chance, from living in the moment, into this worst possible version of that?

“I … Lottie got pregnant. We didn’t know who the baby belonged to—me or my brother. She didn’t really know what was going to happen—with us, or with her and my brother. I thought she wanted me, though. I really thought she wanted me.”

“You went back,” I guessed.

“I don’t know what I was going to do. I …” He turned to face me and his eyes were rimmed with red. “You have to understand, Kate. I didn’t know.”

“What happened?” I reached out my arm to touch his shoulder, but he flinched, and I pulled back to my chest as if the simple action had burned.

“Ryan withdrew. The stress of it all, competing with his famous brother who already had it so much better than him … He started to do a lot of drugs … hell, I think he already dabbled, but things turned pretty serious, pretty quick.” Lee stared off into the distance, his eyes glossed over.

It was in that moment that I knew.

I wasn’t the only one with a past that haunted me. I just didn’t know if Lee was ready to let go of his to be with me.

Four years, four months ago …

“Y
OU SURE
he wants to see me?” I asked Mom for the tenth time, and she nodded. Her face was terse with strain, and I knew this was hurting her just as much as it was hurting me. Since that day at the hotel, Ryan had withdrawn not only from me, but from Mom and Dad, too. They’d lost the son they’d finally gotten back.

I got out of the car that was parked outside Ryan’s house, and when I say house, I was being generous. Ryan lived in a trailer, an old beaten-up white number that was parked in amongst thirty of its lookalikes. I only knew which one was his as Carly had told me.

Carly …

It still hurt to think about her, but I straightened my spine. I had to do this. I had to face them both. I had to fight for what I wanted.

I walked toward the trailer and rapped on the door. Seconds later it flew open, and there stood my brother.

He was shirtless, and sweat coated his body, as if he’d been working out. He wore baggy pants that sagged around his waist, and his hair was matted, clumping up around his face. The whites of his eyes were spidered with red, and he smelt like smoke, and sweat, and meat.

“You came.” He folded his arms across his burly chest, looking me up and down. “Get in.” He jerked his head in the direction of the trailer and I edged my way past him. He didn’t move an inch, making me brush up against his body. I wasn’t a small guy; I worked out, but Ryan made me feel like a damn ant.