The Problem With Heartache (10 page)

They were not the type of people who made mistakes. They were not the kind of people who had secrets.

Not child-sized secrets that could rip you apart.

I couldn’t imagine that; so alone in the world, a kid at fifteen, and with a baby to a guy you’d just met, who you’d presumably—

“You guys did still lose your virginity to each other though, right?” I asked through narrowed eyes.

“Yes!”

“Of course!” Mom and Dad replied at the same time, and air whooshed through my lips. I mean, nothing wrong with having sex with a few people in your life. But probably not when you were fifteen and younger, was all. Or specifically, if you were my parents. Because, ew.

“So I have a …”

“A brother.” Mom nodded, and she smiled. I gave a small shake of my head. This? This was a lot to take in. But it wasn’t the end of the world. I mean, it was hardly the scandal they’d made it out to be.

“It’s …” I nodded. “… a lot to take in. But, you know, cool.” I gave a weak smile. It was a heap of news, and I was overwhelmed, but I really had to get to this party. I stood up, checking my towel was still secure, and turned to head to the bedroom in the suite.

“Wait,” Dad called.

There was something there, in his voice. Urgency, maybe.

No.
It was desperation.

“We got an email from him this week.” Mom’s voice was trembling now. “When we gave him up, we left our details in the system in case he ever wanted to get in touch.”

“And he … did?”
Thu-thump.
My heart pounded, loudly.

“Yes.” Mom nodded. “He still has no interest in meeting us. But he wants to speak to you.”

Present day …

I
T WAS
waiting for me on my seat when I sat down on the bus. A small white envelope. My name scrawled in black pen on the front.

“What’s that?” Lottie asked, leaning over.

I shoved the letter under my arm. “Nothing.”

“Nothing, huh?” She raised her brows, and I smiled. At least she was being nice.

I scanned my gaze past her to the small boy sitting by her side, his eyes glued to the window. “How’s he doing?”

“He’s good.” Lottie gazed adoringly at her son. “I mean, touring’s a lot to get used to, but he’s getting there.”

Silence washed over us, but she didn’t look away. Did she want something from me? “If you need to go grab anything at the next stop, you know I’d be happy to look after—”

“Thanks.” She pressed her lips together, a smile curling them up at the sides. “That would be good, Lee.”

I settled back in to my seat and she settled back into hers. When I was certain Lottie’s eyes were back on Jay, I turned my focus back to the letter. I ripped it open, eager to read the contents.

Dear Lee,

Thanks so much for your letter. It was really nice of you to write, and you didn’t have to do that. You know, I kinda thought you might have been some jerky rock star who, say, likes to take his top off to make young employees feel flustered, but maybe I got the wrong impression of you after all.

I stopped my reading and looked over at Kate, but she was asleep, her head resting against the windowpane opposite me.

Still, you need to know that you don’t have to do this. If you need me to leave, or if I’m not pulling my weight, let me know. Just don’t jerk me around.

It’s strange—I’ve never met anyone who has family problems similar to my own. I feel like we maybe … maybe have this connection, or something? Like I can trust you.

Don’t be one of those dumb tortured artists who looks for an opportunity to make everyone else feel inferior. Who uses people for lyrical material. I know you apologised when Dave wrote that song about me, and somehow I don’t think you would ever do anything like it, but it still … well, it still stings.

Trust is a big deal. Please don’t let me down, Lee. My heart has already experienced more than it can take.

Kate

I crumpled the letter up. The fact that she even thought for a moment I’d do something like that … it made me so damn angry. My muscles tensed, and my fists clenched.

I was not that guy.

I wasn’t the guy who hurt people.

Not anymore.

W
HEN
I’
D
sent Lee the letter, asking him not to use me for material, I’d felt a little like an idiot. But I just couldn’t really see why he’d wanted me on the road, why he was being so damn nice when I was just a kid from Australia.

All I could think of was the parent connection. It made sense. And I so desperately wanted to believe it was that, rather than the horrid alternative.

Still, when I found my next letter, this time sticking under my hotel room door a few days later, apprehension stirred in my veins, pumping my blood at double-speed through my body.

Dear Kate,

It’s taken me a few days to reply because your letter made me so damn mad. I would never do something like that dickhead ex of yours did. I would never treat a woman, an employee, and especially not a lover the way he did you, so don’t for one second think that I would.

I know it seems strange that I hired you … let’s just say I have a debt to pay to society. And if I can help you, help your family … that’s gonna mean a lot to me.

Anyway, enough of the heavy shit! You’re doing a real good job on tour at the moment, but I just thought I’d let you know that this morning, you’ll probably need to go in and wake Xander up. I think he took sleeping tablets last night.

Lee

Dear Lee,

It’s taken me a few days to reply because I AM SO MAD AT YOU! You knew, didn’t you? When I opened Xander’s door and saw him with that woman—oh my God! Thank goodness I heard him first, so I was able to close my eyes before the image of him banging some random was burned into my retinas. I was just grateful that even though I lost my ability to form a coherent sentence, I was still able to yell ‘no’ when he asked if I wanted to join in.

You know, this is kind of sexual harassment …

Kate

I shook my head, staring at my letter before I left it on Lee’s seat in the bus. It hadn’t really been all that bad. I’d seen no naked body parts, unless you count Xander’s back—to be honest, it was a really fine back, too.

I hadn’t known how to respond, but after a few days I’d decided to have a little fun with it. After all, the guy was clearly asking for it.

That was why I tucked a condom that I’d dosed in milk a few times and then let dry into the envelope. It mightn’t have look one hundred per cent believable, but it was close enough.

Dear Kate,

You are sexually harassing me. Did you seriously just send me a used condom? And dear God, please tell me it wasn’t one of Xander’s. No wait; I don’t think I want it to be one that you’ve used, either.

Seriously, when I got that I pissed myself laughing. And then rapidly tried to hide the “balloon” from Jay, who wanted to blow it up. Lottie was not impressed.

You know, most employees we’ve had in the past just smile and say “Yes, Lee”. They don’t bite back when I put them to the test. You’re different, Kate.

By the way, how’s your dad? Heard from him since you got here?

Lee

P.S. I like different.

Dear Lee,