The Princess's Bride (9 page)

"Um… such a shame it is," Martin grumbled and coughed into his hand. "I take it we will set sail for Flaundia in the morning?"

Dread nodded. "By daybreak. I want to make sure we arrive with enough time to spare so we can plan our attack." Dread reached under the table and produced a bag. She opened it and pulled out a month-old newspaper clipping, sliding it across the table to Mister Martin.

He picked it up and began reading. After a minute he looked up at Dread and scratched his chin. "All it says here is that Humphrey is holding his annual charity ball for one of the Flaundian orphanages."

"Read further down. The article goes on to say rumors keep persisting that Humphrey will announce his engagement during the ball."

Mister Martin took another drink from his mug and covered a burp. "Who's the unfortunate lady?"

Dread crossed her arms and shrugged. "The article never mentioned the woman by name.

Most likely some rich society brat. Knowing Humphrey, he would only go for some loaded beauty he can line his pockets with, since he is close to going bankrupt because of us."

"Captain, are you certain you want to go to such lengths? It is one thing to steal Humphrey's livelihood, but to kidnap an innocent woman, regardless of whether she's spoiled or not, and hold her ransom is something different all together. This is somewhat uncharted territory for us both," he cautioned.

Dread slapped her palms on top of the table in anger. "Anyone who sides with Humphrey, including his future bride, is also my enemy. That bastard deserves to suffer for what he has done to me. If not for him, Uncle Wallace and my mum would still be alive. Humphrey is the one who started this all. He must pay for killing my family." She hit her fist into her palm and gave Martin a tense smile. "I will hit him where it hurts: in his bank account. And when his friends and admirers find out he can't pay the ransom, he will be ruined. My revenge will be complete."

"As long as only Humphrey is ruined. I wouldn't want a young, innocent miss, even if it is Humphrey's fiancée, to get hurt."

"Martin." Dread gave him a hard pat on the back. "Are you turning soft on me?"

"Hell no, Captain!" he exclaimed and finished up his ale.

"There is no reason to worry about some virginal debutante. Look at it this way. She'll have stories to tell her children and grandchildren, if she still wants to marry Humphrey after all of this."

"Speaking of our soon-to-be hostage, how will we know who she is? We can't just walk in wearing our Sunday best and ask for the future Lady Humphrey."

Dread laughed out loud, and a few patrons turned her way to give her a glare. She lifted up her mug into the air, and those around her did the same and started to cheer. After a moment they quieted down. "Can you imagine me walking in like this?" Dread tugged on her mask and pointed to her facial scar. "Right you are, Mister Martin. Again, I have everything planned out.

As we speak, I have a spy acting as a servant in Humphrey's house. She'll be able to tell me what his fiancée looks like and what she'll be wearing."

"Your spy is a
she
, Captain?" Mister Martin waggled his eyebrows.

Dread smiled in return. "What can I say? I have a way with the ladies."

A loud noise interrupted them, and both glanced around the room. A fight had just broken out between two men in the corner. One man flashed a knife, while another man and his friends began throwing empty bottles at the bartender.

"Well, lass, I'm not liking this group of delinquents. I think we should get back to the ship."

"Glad to know you have my back, Martin." Dread finished her drink, stood, grabbed her bag and cocked her gun. Martin did the same with his gun and walked out into the humid night air.

****

Mister Martin and Dread assumed no one was brave enough to have eavesdropped on their conversation. But two individuals did just that. The James siblings had been sitting on the staircase right above Martin and Dread the entire time.

They looked at one another in mirth.

"Did ya hear that, Jimmy? We're gonna be rich!" Judie tugged the hood off the cape she’d used to cover her face and slurped from her mug as she swung her legs in between the wooden railings.

Her brother pulled down his hooded cloak and looked up at his sister, who sat one step above him. "But sis, the Cap won't let us on her ship. How can we join in on the kidnapping?"

"Fool!" Judie bopped her brother on the head and rolled her eyes. "We ain't getting back on the ship or joinin' the Captain in on her plan. We're gonna find our own way to Flaundia and kidnap the lady bitch ourselves and hold her for ransom. Dread won't even know we're comin'.

We'll stick it to her and that hoity toity Lord whatnot and laugh all the way to the bank."

"Bank? When did you open an account?"

"
Arg
!" Judie pushed Jimmy hard, and he rolled down the few steps to the bottom of the stairs. She stood, fluffed her black curls, and pulled down her bodice, hoping to catch the eye of a sea captain who was sailing to Flaundia. She noticed a few men who could help her. She licked her lips as she walked down the stairs.

"Stay here and outta trouble. Since you're an idiot and I have to do everything myself, I will gain us passage." Judie bent down and shook her finger in front of her brother's face. "But remember, I get more then half of the ransom money."

"Why's that?" Jimmy sat up and held his pounding head.

"'Cause I'm the one who came up with the idea and did all the work. Unless you want to be the one lying down with your heels up in the air for the next few days on a ship? I betcha a few of these men wouldn’t mind stickin' their pricks in your mouth."

Jimmy's face went pale and he shooed his sister away with his hand. She blew him a kiss and sauntered over to one of the patrons who wore a big blue hat with a long white feather.

Jimmy sighed and wiped his nose, watching as his sister shopped her wares.

****

"You are ravishing Daisy," Thomas said as he helped Daisy out of their carriage. She smiled at her brother and squeezed his hand as she stepped down.

"You too," she responded and patted her intricately arranged hair. It had taken her trusted maid over an hour to create her coif.

Thomas let out a deep chuckle and placed her hand on his arm. "Daisy, I know you are the woman of the hour and you must be nervous, but forgive me if I poke fun at you for a moment. A man can't look ravishing."

Daisy covered her mouth and blushed. "I simply must work on thinking before I speak."

Thomas turned and held out Daisy's arms. "You, my dear, are a bright shining star. No-one here tonight will care what comes out of your mouth. They will be too stunned by your beauty."

Daisy tucked in her chin. Her brother's somewhat over-the-top praise did not help steady her nerves. She tugged on her diamond necklace and brushed at the skirt of her long, emerald-colored ball gown that sparkled along with her necklace in the moonlight. She glanced back up at her brother and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Let me rephrase that then. You look dashing, Thomas."

And she certainly thought so, for Thomas wore tight black breeches and a matching jacket close to the same shade as her dress.

Thomas was the one to blush this time as they began walking up the long driveway. "It is a good thing Humphrey will claim you tonight. Otherwise I would have to stand guard as the men all vie for your hand."

Daisy squeezed his arm and held up her skirt as they walked up the marble steps and into the foyer. "I may have to do the same with you tonight. The eligible ladies won't allow you a moment's rest."

Thomas pulled at his snow-white cravat and swallowed. "Um… In that case, I hope to find the billiard room and remain there most of the night."

Daisy giggled. She wanted to continue teasing her brother, but then she spotted Humphrey walking down the long staircase to meet them. He nodded at a few guests as he passed them, but he kept his eyes on Daisy's face the entire time.

Humphrey pressed a moist kiss on Daisy's bare knuckles. He lifted up her hand to admire her engagement ring. "I am so happy you have worn the jewelry I gave you."

Daisy ignored the way Humphrey stared at her gleaming bosom where his necklace lay.

"This is your special night, and you did request that I wear your gift.

"This is
our
special night, my lovely Daisy." Humphrey gave her another kiss on the top of her hand. "You look simply ravishing."

"Why, I just said the exact thing a moment ago." Thomas slapped Humphrey on his back and glanced around the room in wide-eyed wonder.

Daisy noticed Humphrey's smile didn't reach his eyes. He also wouldn't release her hand when she tried to tug it away. "My lor-Draco, are you well?" she inquired.

Humphrey blinked and coughed in to his hand. "Forgive me, my dear. Planning the charity ball this year, like most years in the past, has had me working many a late night. But it is all for a good cause." He pressed his hand over his heart, and this time his smile reached his eyes. "Shall we go meet our guests, my lady?"

Daisy nodded and gave Humphrey a bright smile. She thought he looked very handsome dressed all in black. But she had no feelings of desire. She wished she felt some deep attraction for him, or some sort of a twinge in between her legs. But alas, that never had occurred.

The only time she’d felt something down below was late at night when she spread her dew over her throbbing woman's button and fantasized of a love that never came to pass…

Daisy internally shook these disheartening thoughts away and followed her future husband into the growing crowd.

****

Daisy had become very overwhelmed during the last few hours. The ballroom was filled to capacity. Countless bodies were squeezed into every corner of the room. Most of the guests were wearing strong perfume, if only to cover up their strong body odors. The combination of smells made her feel faint. She was waiting anxiously for Lord Humphrey to announce their engagement, but she longed to take a walk outside in the garden for some fresh air.

Sweat trickled down her back and she wiggled her nose as her brother waltzed her around the room. The smell of rotting onions drifted around them as they danced by a very large woman accompanied by her equally large, rotund husband.

Both brother and sister gagged at the same time.

"I do hope this set ends soon." Daisy titled her head up to whisper into his ear.

"This room is stifling with all these… people. I would not be the least surprised if they admitted to never using soap and water before this night. I need a cool glass of water and some fresh air."

"I agree." Thomas sniffed and grimaced. "I wouldn't mind taking a walk around the balcony, since it is a marvelous night."

Daisy patted Thomas's shoulder. "Oh? I assumed you would be rushing into the billiard room."

Thomas spun her around one last time as the music came to an end. "I would love nothing more, but the amount of men and cigar smoke in that room is bound to make me nauseous. Can you imagine if I passed out? Egad, the gossip mongers would be vicious."

Daisy coughed, covering her laughter. Sometimes the words that came out his mouth brought on uncontrollable hysterics.

Thomas pulled her off the dance floor as the band played a much slower tune. Humphrey met them both as they reached the French doors that would lead them out to the balcony and away from the heat.

"Ah, Daisy! I have been searching for you everywhere. Will you do me the honor of a dance before we make our announcement?"

Thomas nodded and stepped back, holding out Daisy's hand. Humphrey barely gave Thomas a glance before he grabbed hold of her hand and pulled her out onto the middle of the floor. The other dancing couples made room and watched in wonder as Humphrey held Daisy in his arms.

A crick in Daisy's neck grew as she titled her head up to stare up at Humphrey.

Why is he so tall? He should be more considerate and bend down to suit my needs.

Daisy wrinkled her forehead as a bead of sweat splashed down in between her cleavage.

She looked straight at Humphrey's chest where more than a few sweat stains had developed. She sneezed at the overpowering stench of grease and cologne wafting up from his chest.

"Excuse me, my lord," she apologized and held back another sneeze.

He moved his head in closer until his mouth met her ear. "That is what I love most about you, Daisy. You are so considerate about my needs. I can't wait until you are my wife in truth.

You are probably unaware, but there is another type of dance a husband longs to introduce his wife to."

Daisy licked her lips and tried to step away, but Humphrey held her in an inescapable grip. His knee went in between her legs, and she let out a gasp.

"Lord Humphrey!"

Humphrey chuckled, and in a quick maneuver, brushed his knee up against her mound.

"My dear, I long to show you the sort of intimacies you have been denying yourself for so long.

Well, I do know that a woman likes to give herself a tickle now and again as she lies in bed late in night under the cover of darkness. But that is no longer your concern. I'm here now to lend a hand… and a mouth, if need be."

Daisy tried to stomp on his foot, but he twirled them around the floor and pressed her face against his fetid chest. As he swayed them both to the music, he nudged his crotch into her hip and rubbed his hard arousal against her.

"Please stop." Daisy pushed her head away from his chest and moved back a step. The lusty look in his eyes frightened her, and she searched the room for help.

"You must be feeling overheated. Why don't we get a glass of lemonade? I also have a surprise waiting for you in my study." Humphrey winked and went to kiss her.

Daisy was finally able to step away as a couple jostled them. He mouthed a word she didn't catch, and when he turned, holding up a clenched fist at the couple, he was met with a hug.

"Oh my boy, this is such a lovely party!" The woman wore enough jewels to feed the entire nation of Flaundia. She was wearing a shockingly bright pink ball gown, and she had wrapped her arms around Humphrey's waist. The man behind her, who was wearing an equally garish, bright magenta frock coat, slapped Humphrey on the arm.