The Power (19 page)

“
The breeze was cold against my skin, like ice on the wind. I walked the candle-lit deck in search of the man I had come to think I could not live without after seven nights of longing for his touch. It didn’t take me long to find Lord Ewan, or rather he found me.

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Standing at the railing, I peered out at the dark waters as the moon cast its eerie light along the rippling waves. I was lost in my thoughts, worrying over Gina, but still longing to see Lord Ewan when suddenly a pair of strong arms encircled my waist from behind. His pale hands came together against the pale blue of my gown, against the tightening muscles in my stomach. I knew who it was that held me, and I leaned back into a hard chest and surrendered. When his lips came to tenderly graze the flesh of my neck, it felt natural as if it were indeed meant to be. The kiss was gentle, soft and traveled up my neck to my earlobe.

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“You are so beautiful, sweet Lillian.” his voice was husky against my ear, and I shuddered. I didn’t know what to say or to do, but to cling to the strength of his arms, to lean into him, to long for his touch, for his kiss. I closed my eyes, and he pulled me back tighter against him. “Has your mind already been poisoned against me?” he asked in concern.

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“Never!” I vowed. My eyes springing open, I turned to face him only to find him smiling down at me. Gently, his hand lifted to trace my cheek. His fingertips traveled across my lips, pressing inward, and all I could think was that I wanted desperately to belong to this man forever.

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“So sweet.” He said seductively, and he leaned down, pressing a tender kiss to my cheek. “So innocent.” He kissed the other cheek, and it was all I could do to remain standing as his hold tightened around me. “I have wanted you, sweet Lillian, since the first moment I laid eyes on you. I thought I saw in your eyes that perhaps the feeling was mutual?” he asked, and I nodded vigorously as I threw my arms around him.

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“She said that it was trick, Lord Ewan. She said I was a silly girl.” I all but cried, and Lord Ewan shushed me as he lifted his hands to tangle in my hair.

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“Does it feel like a trick to you?” he kissed the tip of my nose, and I could but stare wantonly at his lips. I had never felt like this before, as if I wanted to jump out of my skin and crawl within his chest so that we might be one! It was exciting. It was overwhelming, and yet I longed for more!

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“No.” I whispered, shaking my head. “It feels right.” I stared at his mouth, wishing desperately that he would provide me with my first kiss. I had dreamt of this moment since I was a little girl. I had waited patiently for him to come along, and now, there he stood, handsome, suave, with beautiful eyes alight with promises of things I longed to experience and discover. He was saying such wonderful things, things I had longed to hear my entire childhood, and more. He had called me beautiful. I had never felt beautiful a day in my life, yet I could see it shining in his beautiful eyes. He really, honestly, thought that I was beautiful!

““Your
cousin
wouldn’t like knowing that you are out here with me like this.” he warned, touching his knuckles to my face.

“I don’t care.” I surrendered, and he leaned down, his lips brushing mine. My knees weakened, and he chuckled in amusement, pulling me against him, and holding me there as his mouth devoured mine. It was urgent madness. He found it amusing how much I wanted him, and he would laugh or smile and give in to me, kissing me and holding me like I had never been held before.

““You are mine, Sweet Lillian, all mine.” He swore. He was suddenly very serious as he pulled back and his eyes bore into mine.

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“Yes!” I cried out in total agreement, and I threw myself in his arms once more, kissing him, wanting him so desperately that I thought I may perish with the need.

“
For three nights, Lord Ewan and I could not be far from each other. We walked the decks after Gina and I were through for the evenings. On board ship, Gina and I would hunt out large rats below deck to satisfy the demons within us. We dare not devour a mortal in fear of being discovered in such tight quarters. The hunger inside of me was not appeased, but being with Lord Ewan, or simply Ewan as I was beginning to think of him, made the hunger seem unimportant and insignificant.

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Gina knew that I was seeing Ewan, yet she didn’t again utter a word of caution. Instead, after the hunt each night, she would go her way, and I would go mine. Of course, my way always led me to Ewan where we would talk and laugh, and cuddle together until the coming sunrise would force our separation, and he would return to his quarters and myself to mine and Gina’s.

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On the fourth night, I rose with an intent in my heart. I was going to tell Gina that when the ship docked in America I would be leaving with Ewan, but somehow, she already knew.

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“It is a mistake, the biggest mistake you will ever make.” she warned with a bowed head.

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“You still believe that he is tricking me?” I accused, and her blue eyes lifted. She appeared so sad as she stood, and shook her dark head in regret, but it only angered me. “You don’t know him! Not like I do!” I swore.

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“Do you forget my power, Silly girl! I can read his mind!” Gina swore suddenly, but I would no longer listen. Turning, I swept from the room. I hunted the rats alone that night, and then I went to find Ewan. Coming toward his cabin that night, I wondered if he had yet risen. Would he invite me inside? Would I surrender heart and soul to all that he offered? Thinking that I was in love, I went there with every intention of giving myself to Ewan in every way, but a sudden shriek of terror lit the hall, and I stopped in my tracks. What was that, I wondered as I continued once again down the hall, only to once again stop suddenly at the shrill sound of a tormented scream.

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Ewan’s cabin was at the end of the hall. The door was closed, but when I touched the handle, I felt that it was unlocked. When the next scream came from within, I feared that something was happening to Ewan! Had the mortals discovered the truth, the rats’ corpses below? Did they know what we were? Were they in there now torturing my love? Without thought for my own immortality, I shoved the door open wide. Instantly, my gaze shot to the center of the room where to my utter shock Ewan and two of his friends stood. They were shirtless, and blood oozed from their mouths and sharpened nails. On the floor before them set a cabin boy that I had seen upon more than one occasion aboard ship. His dark eyes were wet saucers when they found me standing there. Bloody fang marks riddled the boy’s naked, upper chest and neck. I watched as a blood trail seeped into his dark slacks.

“
And then he cried out, reaching for me. “Help me, My lady! Save me!”

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The laughter that ensued afterward was hideous and cruel. I watched as Ewan stepped back from the other two men, and staring at me with white eyes, he turned and sent the back of his hand flying across the white-haired one’s cheek. The man fell to his knees next to the boy. “How dare you bring this child here to my cabin of all places!” Ewan shouted in outrage, and the boy on the floor began to cry in earnest.

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“Please, Ma’am. Please.” his arms lifted toward me as if I could save him from the horrible scene I had walked in upon. I wanted to do just that, but the smell of the blood was to be my demise. Without permission my eyes began to fade to an unnatural white, and take on a glow of their own. The child cried out in horror, and I did my best to shush him.

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“I mean you no harm, boy.” I swore, meaning every word of it. I knew that I would die rather than harm the child. I also knew that Ewan was as much a part of the brutal torture of the child as the other two vampires in the room had been. It opened my eyes to him, and suddenly it was as if the last week and a half had only been a dream, a mere fantasy that had burst the moment I had walked into this room of horror.

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“Get him out of here, you fool!” Ewan was shouting at his man, but I shook my head, and stood to block the doorway.

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“They will kill him!” I swore violently, and my eyes lifted to meet Ewan’s demon gaze. Yes, a demon. That was exactly what Lord Ewan was! “As you meant to.” I hissed.

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“You don’t mean that, Love.” Ewan came toward me, his palms up as if in surrender. “You don’t honestly believe that I would harm a child. I found them here like this. I meant only to save the boy!”

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“And the blood on your lips testifies to that!” I roared in outrage and disgust. “Come with me, boy. I will not allow them to harm you a moment longer!” I swore, but my eyes were aglow, and the child was frightened. I had not fed on anything but the rats in such a long time, but I trusted myself not to harm the child. Now, if only the child would trust me as well. I felt when my fangs cut through my bottom lip, I tasted the blood in my mouth and I looked sharply away.

“
“Lillian, if you would but listen to me, I could explain.” I felt Ewan’s hands on my arms suddenly, and I threw them off of me in utter disgust and contempt!

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“Don’t touch me! Don’t you ever touch me again! You’re demon, a monster! Gina was right about you. She warned me, but I wouldn’t listen. I was so enraptured by you. It was so overwhelming. I should have known! I should have known all along! Gina was right! It was your power all along that pulled me to you, and not anything that I actually felt, not anything that was real!” I screeched.

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“Don’t say that.” Ewan closed his eyes as if I had hurt him physically.

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“But it’s true.” I pressed, wanting to suddenly hurt him more if I could. “I loathe you. I despise you.”

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“You love me!” Ewan shouted in furious outrage, and he hit his chest hard. I could not help but to laugh at his shouted statement, because suddenly I knew that it was the furthest thing from the truth!

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“You?” I looked him up and down, and found what I saw standing there suddenly lacking and inadequate. I shook my head with disgust. “You are nothing more than a dirty, child-killer, a bully!” I spat out, and he rushed me, grabbing me so hard by the arms that I seemed to fly back into the door, and it slammed shut. My back connected hard with the thick oak of the door, and I winced in pain, but my glare only intensified.

“
“Let the boy go!” I snapped fitfully, and Ewan grinned madly. For a moment, I thought that he wouldn’t listen to me, but then he nodded to the men behind him, and the white-haired one picked up the boy. I screamed, realizing what was about to take place, and knowing that I could not stop it. I fought, but Ewan was much stronger than I. He held me there, firmly planted against the door as the two others devoured and killed the boy. Tears poured from my eyes. I hit at Ewan’s chest, his arms, his face to no avail, and then the cruel laughter filled the room once more. I watched in horror as Ewan moved me away from the door with ease, and the two carried the lifeless body of the boy from the room. The child was dead! I had not been able to save him! I could still hear his small voice begging in desperation, “Save me!”

“
I cried in sorrow, in guilt at what had occurred there that night. I barely heard when Ewan pulled me to him, and whispered against my ear. “I told you, sweet Lillian. You are mine. You will always belong to me.” he swore, and I shook my head madly.

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“Never!” I vowed in sheer hate, and his face fell as if I had wounded him mortally. But then his mouth was on mine in a savage kiss that was meant to punish, I was sure. My nails dug into his arms, tearing at his skin, but his mouth did not lift from mine, and then suddenly, his teeth sank into my bottom lip, and pain sliced through me. I screamed out. I begged for him to stop, but he would not. It was as if he wanted to punish me, punish me because I was no longer disillusioned by him, because I had seen him for what he truly was. Then, he was tossing me down on his bed and coming over me. I screamed for him to stop, to let me go, but he would not, and then he was tearing at my clothes and soon his body was invading mine with excruciating pain. His hand covered my mouth as hot tears poured from my eyes. I bit into his hand, but it only made him erupt in cruel laughter.

When it was over, he leaned down over me and brushed my ear with a kiss. “You will always belong to me, my Lillian.” he swore, and then he rolled off of me. I lay there, free from his bruising hold at last, but violated in everyway. I had come there that night to give myself to him, but what he had done to me had been cruel and punishing. He had not made love to me. He had raped me. When just hours before, I had been dreaming of running away with him forever! It was laughable really. What a fool I had been! If only I had listened to Gina! If only I had listened!”

Tears were swimming in Nicole’s eyes, and she had to set her untouched food aside and grab a tissue. She had read these pages before, many times, but it still confused her. Weren’t all vampires alike? Weren’t they all out for the kill? Weren’t they all cold-blooded monsters? Reading Lillian Saint Rose’s journal was like reading something she herself might have written.
It was very…well, human. Nicole tossed the tissue she had been sniffling into aside after tending to her eyes and her nose, and then she picked up the journal again and read on.