The Perfect Emotion (43 page)

Once we clean up we lock ourselves in Reed’s room making out, fondling each other and Reed thrusting himself into me slow and then fast.  Just as I start to see stars and my vision goes fuzzy he whispers in my ear, “I don’t want to ever be without you, Katherine.”  I gasp as I come down from another high and twist my arms and legs around him so tightly knowing that I don’t want to be without him either. 

In between the lust we do manage to study and then we head down towards the city to meet my parents for dinner at my dad’s favorite German restaurant.  The ease of being together in their company only confirms my feelings for Reed.  He fits into our dynamic like a glove.  Daniel even openly talks with him all the girls that call.  I laugh out when Reed gives him some very PG rated tips on how to handle them.  My dad talks to Reed about sports and law school in more depth.  Then eventually, he asks about Kyle.  A pit forms in my gut at the mention of Kyle’s name and Reed tightens his hand across my thigh.  When I see his jaw twitch out of the corner of my eye I suck in a shaky breath.

“Listen, Katherine, I still feel strongly that you need to file a restraining order,” my dad says firmly. 

“Dan, honey, let’s finish our dinner,” my mom’s smooth voice interrupts. 

“Dad, it’s fine, nothing else has happened now.”  I look to Reed to get his support, but he’s looking at my dad for further information.

“No it’s not fine.  He’s… he’s been to the house, Katherine.  He left a box for you.”  My heart skips a beat and I nervously bite the bottom corner of my lip.  “You need to protect yourself.  I can’t do that for you.  None of us can.  This has gone on long enough now.” 

“But, but I’ve been fine up here. There’s been no contact.” I protest, but even I feel myself wavering in my stance.

“I’ll take you to do it,” Reed says confidently. 

Straightening my pose and squaring my shoulders with agitation rolling through me I look to my dad and then Reed, but my mom’s eyes filled with sorrow pull me in. “I’ll decide and I can do it by myself,” I tell them all.

The rest of the dinner proceeds with tension and awkward silence. I don’t let the tears that fill my eyes fall even though I feel like having a tantrum. I leave my parents feeling frustrated and angry, but not at them, more at the situation. Even Reed’s attempts to calm me fail. He drops me off at my dorm reluctantly. It’s a strange mix of feeling anxious and relaxed and comfortable in his presence. The lines of stress and tension etch his face, but he kisses me soft and tenderly. As we begin to part his lips brush my cheek and he says, “Hey, don’t push me away.”

My eyes close delicately and I snicker because he’s right. “Okay, I’m sorry. I won’t do that. I just need to think… and figure this out in my head.”

“Call me later then.” His thumb traces the outline of my lips and I pucker them into the pad of his thumb.

Before I walk into my dorm I call his name and he turns around with a look of restraint. He bites down on the inside of his cheek as if holding himself back from me. Hoping to ease his worry I mouth, “olive juice.”  He places his hand over his heart and winks at me before walking away.

I cross through the lobby with a pressure building in my head.  The elevator door opens and Brandon and the new girl he must be seeing come out. 

“Hey, Brandon,” I say as I step into it, but am stopped when Brandon lightly wraps his fingers around my upper arm.

“Wait, Kate, I need to talk to you.”  Surprised and shocked I step back out.  Brandon tells the girl he’ll meet her at the front. 

“What’s up?” I ask curiously, afraid he’ll ask about Maggie.

“I came by yesterday, but you guys were still out,” he stalls for a moment shifting his eyes. “Um, Kyle was up here yesterday. I saw him at a party on campus.”

“Oh… shit.  Really?”  The pressure builds in my head a bit more and the words of my dad come haunting back about Kyle. 

“Listen, I don’t like the guy, but I didn’t want to get involved.  He asked where you were and said he came to the dorm looking for you.  I told him to fuck off and stay away.  Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded punching him, but it looks like someone beat me to it.  He didn’t look too good.  Busted up, nose is messed up.”  I can’t help wondering how bad the fight got with Reed.  Optimistically, I thought that he would keep his distance for sure now.  Even getting the shit beat out of him hasn’t stopped his persistence. 

My mouth has gone dry and the tightness in my chest has restricted me from getting in a deep breath.  “Okay, thanks for telling me.”  Running my fingers through my hair and tucking the loose strands behind me ears I step back inside the elevator.  “Wait, Brandon… don’t tell anyone, any of the others, okay?”

“You got it, later Kate,” he says and swaggers over to the blonde girl waiting for him at the doors.

I cover my face with my hands and let a little scream out as I travel upward alone.  It’s not an out right lie if I keep this from Reed, especially now that I know I need to do what I’ve been avoiding all along.  It’s time to file the restraining order.  I need to do it and I need to do it on my own for the right reasons.  Kyle has pushed me long enough and I’ve tried to take the high road and give him the benefit of the doubt, but I’m done.  This week I’ll head into the courthouse in the city and file.

That night I sleep like a caged animal fighting the burn in me to hover over Kate and never let her out of my sight.  I know her though and I know when I need to back off.  She’s got to figure some of it out on her own.  I’m relieved though when she calls me first thing in the morning.  She hasn’t pushed me out or away.  I don’t bring up the restraining order again even though I know it would benefit us in more than one way.  I hate the feeling that Kyle could reach her unexpectedly at any moment.  Even more so I hate that I might not be there.  Watching her walk along side of me across campus carefree and happy only makes me want to see if there is away to file the restraining order on my own with my dad’s help.  I know he can pull strings, but asking him to is another story.  Being indebted to him anymore will only hold me back.  Plus, I know how he feels about Kate already.  This will only add fuel to his fire. 

I drop Kate off at her class and head over to mine on the other side of campus.  My phone starts buzzing and I look down to see it’s my dad. 
Shit
. Grudgingly, I answer, “Hi.”

“Grant, it’s dad.” His stern and unenthusiastic tone racks through the phone.

“I know.” I try to keep my resentment out of my tone.

“You need to be here at seven on Wednesday.” I sigh, but I’m relieved that Kate will have her night class that evening.

“Ok, I’ll be there,” I state dryly eager to end the conversation.

“Jessica will be here too.”

“Why? What does this have to do with her?”

“Need I remind you, you got yourself into this predicament all by yourself.  Weston will get you out of this, but what he wants from you is to deal with Jessica.  That’s the trade off.”

“Fine,” I grit out.  “See you Wednesday.”  I press end not bothering to wait for a goodbye.  It usually doesn’t come anyway.  The urge to toss my phone across the courtyard through the flowering trees doesn’t pass quick enough. 

Getting through classes the next few days is a struggle.  Hiding my frustration from Kate is even tougher.  My whole demeanor is rigid with the weight of Wednesday night sitting on my shoulders.  I don’t tell Kate and that makes it worse.  I hate hiding the fact that Jessica will be there from her, but its necessary.  Necessity over takes anything else when it comes to keeping Kate from more hurt.

That Wednesday evening comes like a wrecking ball, heavy and hard into my gut. Kate and I finish up some sandwiches at my place. She sits back and fidgets with her fingers licking her lips. Before she even speaks I know what she’s going to ask.

“Will she be there… Jessica?”  Her eyes stay focused on mine when she asks.  It’s crazy the way I want to squeeze her to me because she’s lost some of her timid demeanor and instead she’s confident and bold.  With the dread of my meeting in my gut it lightens as it hits me that she finally trusts me. 
Fuck
.  And now I’m going to try to avoid answering her.  I can’t avoid her gaze, it’s roped me in tightly.

“It’s just a meeting, Kate.  I’ll text you, okay?”  I say with hope to appease her curiosity.  She runs her long fingers over my cheeks and through my disheveled hair.  Ruffling my hair she places a sweet soft kiss on my nose.

Once back at the dorm I can’t shake the feeling that Reed is hiding something.  A pretty girl with brown wavy hair that I’ve never met is in bedded in my mind. 
Jessica.
  I remind myself that I know Reed, he’s mine in a way that no one else has experienced.  Not even Jessica can claim that.  Reed’s never given me a reason not to believe in him, myself or us.  My ragged breath stirs in my chest before I release it. 
Breath in and out, in and out, in and out.
My therapists words creep in…
this is what it is trust in someone. You push doubt aside and trust in the relationship that you’ve helped create
.  

“Hey, you okay?”  Maggie breaks through my dwelling. 

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine.” I reply robotically, but as soon as I get a glimpse of her I know she knows me well enough.

“You don’t look like it. Did something happen with Reed?” She asks as she changes into comfy pants and a t-shirt.

Skittishly, I begin filling my bag with my books and notebooks for my night class.  “No.”  I pause and she moves close to me with a hand on her hip.  “I’m kinda. I don’t know. It’s me I’m sure.”

“Kate, spit it out.”

“He’s got another meeting thing with his dad and I just feel uneasy about it. I’m pretty sure his ex, Jessica, will be there again.” Frustrated I grate my bottom teeth across my top lip. “I’m also pretty sure she still wants him,” I mutter lastly.

“Oh.” She plops herself in my desk chair and spins around. “Well, you know you have nothing to worry about. The boy would slay dragons, walk through fire and climb the tallest mountain all in a day to be with you.” I laugh at her sill analogy, but know what she means.

“I-I know what you mean, but they have a history that I can’t compete with. She’s part of his family dynamic.”