The Peppercorn Project (14 page)

The next morning Isabelle walked up the street towards the school. The sun was shining and birds were singing. She was in a good mood and nothing Rachel could say was going to intimidate her. As far as her eye could see, azure blue skies rolled overhead. A hazy heat hung over the paddocks. Once again she was struck by the difference in the landscape compared to Torquay.

She swung the squeaky wire school gate open, was heading towards the main office when her name was called. Her heart soared when she spotted Matt striding up the street. He looked as gorgeous as ever in a pale blue-collared shirt and faded denim jeans.  Isabelle felt out of place beside him in her standard beachwear. Right then she promised herself to put aside money to save for a pair of boots. She was sure she was the only person in town who didn’t own any.

‘Hey.’

Matt stopped metres away, but close enough that she could smell the fresh and now familiar scent of his cologne. His shirt bulged across his chest and biceps.

‘Hi,’ she replied, feeling her cheeks redden at the crazy thoughts whizzing around her brain. She had expected him to hug her again and found herself wishing he had. She shook her head to stop the thoughts and focus her attention on why he was there.

‘I thought you might like me to come in while you chat to Rachel.’

She hesitated. ‘Maybe.’ She didn’t want him to waste his time on her kids.

‘Does maybe mean yes or no?’

Isabelle laughed. ‘My kids will tell you it usually means no.’

‘And this time?’

The answer that came out of her mouth surprised them both. ‘I’d love you to come in with me, Matt.’

‘For moral support, that’s all,’ he said. ‘I promise not to take over.’

‘Thank you. That means a lot.’

Matt held open the door for her and followed her into the cool office. The air conditioner was running on high and Isabelle shivered, wishing she’d thought to bring a cardigan. Rachel came out of her office and her eyes widened when she saw them both. She made no comment, but Isabelle was sure the moment they left she’d be on the phone to whoever was next on the grapevine to tell everyone Matt and Issie were together – again. Maybe having dinner with him the night before had been a mistake. Rachel showed them into her office and they sat opposite her. As she spoke, Isabelle tuned out. Rachel was being careful with her words, but she wasn’t holding back – describing incident upon incident of Fletcher’s disrespect and dishonesty in class. Isabelle was horrified. Maybe she’d made the wrong decision to let him start school so close to the end of the year. If she’d waited it would have given him a couple more months to work through his grief. More than ever she wished Dan were there. He’d know what to do. He’d have just the right words to say to appease Rachel, and then he’d know what to say to Fletch. She sighed. This was the first time Fletcher had misbehaved anywhere other than at home. And if he was stealing things – as Rachel thought he was – she needed to work out how to address it before it led to bigger issues.

She forced herself to focus on what Rachel was saying.

‘It’ll be good for Fletcher and the other boys. It’s the perfect way for Fletcher to make new friends.’

‘And if you keep them busy, they won’t have time to get into trouble,’ Matt added.

Rachel checked her watch and stood. ‘I’m sorry, Isabelle, but I have to finish it here. I have to get back to class. Have a think about Matt’s offer, and get back to me to let me know what you decide. I personally think it’s a great idea.’

Isabelle nodded, but her head was spinning. Matt had come up with the idea of starting a mountain biking club for any interested grade seven boys. They’d meet after school two afternoons a week, and every Saturday morning. Matt would teach them how to ride safely and care for their bikes. When he deemed it safe, they could venture up Mount Remarkable to tackle the basic trails. Matt even touted the notion of an overnight camp during the summer holidays.

But Isabelle didn’t know how a mountain biking club was going to fix Fletcher’s behaviour. For one, he didn’t own a bike of any description, let alone a mountain bike. Two, the last time she remembered him riding any kind of bike was when Dan removed the training wheels and Fletcher crashed into the neighbour’s parked car. He had vowed never to ride again and he hadn’t, going straight from a scooter to a skateboard. However, since arriving in Stony Creek his skateboard had remained leaning upright against his bedroom wall. When Isabelle had asked him why, he said it was because no one else in Stony Creek skated. She’d asked Leah if there was anywhere to skate locally, but Leah told her there wasn’t. Perhaps instead of a mountain bike club Isabelle should have talked Matt and Rachel into building a skate park. How was she going to tell Matt she just didn’t think Fletcher would be interested?

‘You’re miles away, Issie. What’s the problem?’ he asked gently, interrupting her train of thought.

‘Fletcher doesn’t own a bike,’ she said softly, looking down at the ground and kicking at dry leaves.

‘That’s no big deal. I’ve got a spare bike in my garage he can borrow.’

‘I can’t accept that.’

‘Why not?’

‘Bikes are expensive. What if he breaks it?’

‘There’s nothing Fletch will be able to do to the bike I haven’t already done myself.’

‘I don’t want you to see us as a charity case.’

‘I don’t. I want to help okay? I have a spare bike. So let me do this for you. No big deal. End of story.’

Isabelle nodded her thanks, tears welling in her eyes. ‘He hasn’t ridden in years though. What if he doesn’t remember how?’ She was making excuses now.

‘You’ve heard the phrase. Trust me, it
is
easy to get back on. Fletcher will be fine. If he can surf and skate, I promise you he’ll still be able to ride a bike. And to be honest, I reckon he’ll love the challenge of mountain biking.’

Isabelle sighed softly. ‘Okay.’

Matt squeezed her shoulder. ‘Will you trust me please, Issie?’

‘Okay,’ she agreed again. She couldn’t see any other option. ‘Thanks for coming with me today, Matt. I really appreciate it.’

‘My pleasure. I’m glad I can help.’

He touched her cheek and a jolt of electricity travelled through her. She remembered the first time he’d kissed her on the cheek after the announcement at the pub. She felt the same way now, as if her legs were going to give away. Matt didn’t seem to notice.

He smiled. ‘Listen, I’ve gotta go. I’m on duty soon, but I’ll catch you later.’ With a cheerful wave, he turned and walked off down the street.

She stood watching him until he disappeared inside the station. What kind of man was prepared to invest so much in a bunch of young boys? Her heart almost stopped when the answer came. Dan would have done it. In a heartbeat.

‘How are you settling in?’ Alison asked when Isabelle took a seat opposite her in the small treatment room in the back of the GP clinic.

A doctor only visited Stony Creek three days a week. The other days he worked in Rosebank. In between his visits, Alison looked after everyone. If there were any major problems, people could drive twenty minutes to Booleroo where there was a larger medical clinic, a small hospital and an ambulance.

Isabelle had gone in to get another prescription for her sleeping tablets. The nightmares had miraculously stopped the day she arrived in Stony Creek, but she still wasn’t sleeping well. There was something about the night. Her body longed for sleep, but her mind couldn’t switch off. Perhaps it was because of the creatures in her ceiling. She lay awake most nights for hours, wondering if they were going to crawl across her skin while she slept. She tried to convince herself that was the reason, but in truth, her wrestle for sleep had more to do with her grief. And working out her new and unexpected feelings for Matt.

‘You look tired,’ Alison observed. ‘And like you’ve lost a fair bit of weight. You didn’t have much to lose in the first place.’

When Rachel, Leah then Matt had made similar comments, Isabelle had been offended, but she appreciated Alison’s frank manner.

‘I. Am. Exhausted,’ Isabelle replied, sighing heavily. ‘This move has taken a lot out of me. More than I expected.’

‘You look rundown. Maybe it’s more than the move. How are your iron levels?’

‘No idea,’ Isabelle replied.

‘How about I draw some blood? You might be anaemic. Do you eat much meat?’

Isabelle laughed.

‘What’s so funny?’ Alison asked.

‘Matt’s already had a go at me for not eating red meat.’

‘Well,’ Alison drawled, ‘I did hear something on the grapevine about you being a converted vegetarian.’

Isabelle groaned. ‘The Stony Creek bush telegraph works quickly. Very quickly.’

Alison laughed. ‘Yes, I’m afraid that can be a good thing and a bad thing.

‘For the record, I’m not a vegetarian, I just don’t like red meat.’

‘Unless Matt’s cooking it.’

Isabelle laughed.

‘So,’ Alison continued, ‘are you sleeping? Dreams keeping you awake at night?’

Isabelle was surprised at Alison’s perception.

‘Actually, no. I haven’t had the dream since I arrived.’ She didn’t need to tell Alison
which
dream.

‘You know grief is a process,’ Alison said softly. ‘A
slow
process.’

Isabelle nodded. ‘I know. It takes time. I’ve been to counsellors, I’ve read the books. They all say the same thing.’ Isabelle stuck out her left thumb. ‘Number one: you’ll feel like the world has ended but it hasn’t. Life does go on – just differently.’ She held up her pointer finger. ‘Number two: no matter how bad today feels, it’s only one day. Tomorrow is a new day. Number three,’ she unfolded her middle finger, ‘grief will come in waves. Learn to go with the flow. And number four: it’s okay to cry.’

Isabelle hated the sarcasm in her voice, but Alison’s face only held a look of compassion. She pulled her shoulders back and continued. ‘The other reason I’m not sleeping is the mice. We have mice in our roof and they keep me awake at night. Once I’m awake, it’s impossible to fall back to sleep.’

‘You should have said something earlier.’

‘I was too embarrassed.’ She felt her face heating up.

‘Don’t be, no one wants mice running around their roof.’

‘I was starting to wonder if I wasn’t up to country living.’

‘I’ll get Matt onto it tomorrow for you. He can lay some poison.’

‘Matt?’

‘Of course. He’d love to help you out. He’s that kind of guy.’

Isabelle raised her eyebrows but didn’t reply.

‘I hear you had a lovely dinner with him the other night, and that he’s going to take Fletcher and some of the other boys out mountain biking,’ Alison continued.

Isabelle blinked. ‘There’s that small town grapevine again. It must be working overtime since I arrived.’

‘Oh they’re not only talking about you, sweetie. There’s been lots of chatter going on since all the Peppercorn newcomers arrived in town. That’s only natural.’

Isabelle’s ears pricked up. If there was gossip about the other families, it might deflect attention away from her. Other than saying hello to the mothers in the school playground, Isabelle had yet to meet the families properly. She wasn’t deliberately being antisocial, but if she didn’t get involved in the community soon they’d think she was a snob. Worse, they might revoke her lease and send her packing. She understood the conditions of the lease as well as everyone else. She might get cheap rent, but she still needed to do her bit to fit into the community. Whatever her ‘bit’ was.

‘What sort of gossip?’ she asked.

‘Oh there’s been some murmuring about drugs.’

Isabelle frowned. ‘What do you mean? Like marijuana?’

‘More like methamphetamines, if you believe Matt. Apparently the ice plague is bigger than the problem we had with mice.’

‘It was a huge issue back in Geelong,’ Isabelle said. ‘I’ve never personally seen anyone affected, but the stories are horrific. It was always in the news.’

‘Then let’s hope the rumours aren’t true,’ Alison said.

‘Are people suggesting one of the new families are doing drugs?’

‘As I said, it’s the rumour mill working overtime. You know what people are like, Isabelle. It’s human nature to make up stories that sound better than the truth.’

Isabelle sighed. ‘But in my case, the truth is worse than anything anyone could make up.’

Alison leaned forward and patted Isabelle on the knee. ‘It will get easier, I promise you. So tell me, are you going to work now you’ve settled in and the kids are back at school?’

Isabelle hesitated. ‘I guess so, but to be honest I haven’t given it any thought.’

‘Well, I’m going to put this right here on the table,’ Alison said. ‘I’m getting older and I’m ready to retire. Geoff wants to buy a caravan and travel – you know, do the grey nomad thing and trek around Australia before he gets much older. He thinks it might be a good thing for his blood pressure.’ She laughed. ‘Mind you, I’m not sure what
my
blood pressure will be like having to put up with Geoff twenty four hours a day! I can’t imagine how he’ll go once he’s fully retired from the force.’

‘When does he retire?’

‘Any time. He’s waiting for me. Matt’s more than ready to take on the senior reins at the station. Although,’ she grimaced, ‘I don’t imagine it will be easy to entice another young bloke up to the country to take over Matt’s position once he steps up.’ Alison ran her fingers through her short hair. ‘I’m still not sure what brought Matt up here in the first place. He never talks about it. Anyway,’ she continued. ‘I want you to consider coming to work with me here in the clinic so I can go part time and plan my retirement.’

Isabelle drew her breath in sharply. ‘Oh Alison, I can’t.’

‘Give me one perfectly good reason why not.’

Isabelle sighed. ‘I’m not cut out to be a nurse anymore.’

‘Why not?’

Isabelle looked down at her lap and picked at a loose thread on her sundress. She crossed and uncrossed her bare legs before replying. ‘Daniel died because of me. He had a heart attack and I couldn’t save him. I did CPR, but he still died.’

‘Issie, sweetie. I had no idea. Do you want to talk about it?’

It all came out in a rush. Isabelle told Alison everything. She replayed the whole scene in her head and let the words spill out of her mouth, as the tears she kept locked up inside poured down her cheeks. She hadn’t cried properly in months – not since the day after the funeral. Her father had suggested she see a psychologist but she’d recoiled at the idea. She’d gone along to a grief support group once or twice, but had come away feeling more alone than ever.

‘I feel hollow inside,’ Isabelle said, wiping away her tears with a balled-up tissue she’d scrounged from the bottom of her handbag. ‘Like a part of me was washed away in the ocean with Dan. I feel like such a sham. As if I’m smiling on the outside, but inside I’m still screaming. Like Fletcher was screaming at me to save his dad.’ Isabelle blew her nose loudly on a fresh tissue Alison handed her. ‘It’s worse at night. I’m so alone. I try to pull myself back into the moment, but some nights I’m lost. If feel like I’m the one who’s having a heart attack.’

Alison nodded but remained silent, allowing her to continue. Isabelle was grateful.

‘And now there are times I forget Dan’s face. I can’t remember what his laugh sounds like.’ She drew in a ragged breath and a tiny sob escaped.

‘That’s normal, sweetie.’

‘But since I moved here there are flashes of light and colour, and I’m not sure I’m ready for it.’

Alison raised her eyebrows. ‘What do you mean?’

Isabelle was reminded again of how Matt’s hug in the doorway had made her feel. Like there was finally hope – hope and light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel. ‘The best way I can describe it is, it’s like I’ve been living in black and white since Dan died. Since I’ve come here, little cracks have opened up inside me and new life is trying to burst out. Or in. I can’t work it out.’

Alison smiled. ‘It sounds to me like the timing of this move has been perfect.’

‘But am I ready to nurse again?’ Isabelle shook her head. ‘I don’t think so.’

There was heavy silence between the two women and another question surfaced in Isabelle’s mind.
Am I ready to love again?

Where had that come from?

‘I disagree,’ Alison said.

Disagree with what?
Isabelle tried to clear her head. What had they been talking about?

‘This job isn’t stressful, and it would be perfect for you. Honestly, you’ll get to immunize kids, do basic wound dressings, and assist the doctors on the days they’re here. You’ll get kids with asthma, and the odd chest pain, which usually turns out to be heartburn. Then it’s basic things like helping the doctors syringe ears and do pap smears. Anything more serious and you send them to Booleroo. Simple.’

‘Don’t try to make it sound too glamorous,’ Isabelle said with a small chuckle.

‘Will you at least consider it? All I’m asking is you work two days a week to start with, and if you enjoy it and it fits in with the kids, we could maybe extend it to three days a week, with the view of you taking over from me fulltime when I retire. Of course you only have to work school hours, and only while the doctors are here.’

‘Can I think about it?’

‘What about you do a trial run for a couple of weeks and see how it goes? Give me your answer after that.’

‘Okay. I’ll do it.’ The words were out of Isabelle’s mouth before she realised.

‘That’s the spirit,’ said Alison. ‘Now, let’s do those blood tests.’

Ten minutes later Isabelle was walking out of the clinic, holding the necessary paperwork to fill in before starting work the following Monday. It happened so fast there was no time to dwell on her decision.

She turned to Alison. ‘Promise me, please, you won’t breathe a word of this to anyone? Only Leah knows the whole story about Dan and how he died, and until I’m ready, I’d rather no one else knew the details.’

‘You have my word, I promise.’

Isabelle walked slowly home, wishing she could talk to Dan about her new job. But when she tried to conjure up his face, it was a different face that appeared.