The One We Fell in Love With (11 page)

At first, we talked a bit about Phoebe, but as the weeks went on, she barely featured in our conversations. He told me all about his journalism course, his professors, his classmates and his
drunken nights out in London, and I told him about life at home: my stop-gap job as a waitress at an Italian restaurant, my pervy boss Mario and the random amusing things that happened with my
customers.

Every time the phone rang, my stomach swirled with jittery nerves. I knew I was in dangerous territory, but I couldn’t stop it.

Phoebe, on the other hand, barely called home. I was hurt and upset and just a little pissed off about it. She rang towards the end of November, just before setting off for Chamonix in France.
She’d been inter-railing around Europe up until that point, but she and her friend Josie were planning to remain in the mountains until the spring, with just a short break when they’d
return home for Christmas. I asked her outright if she was missing Angus.

‘Yeah, of course,’ she replied flippantly. ‘But I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had time to think about him or home much.’

She was so casual about their relationship that it made me wonder if she had ever loved him at all. Even Angus seemed quite content without her.

In the middle of December, the university term ended. Rose stuck around in Portsmouth for a bit, in no rush to leave behind her shiny new friends, but Angus came straight home.

When he hugged me hello, I felt like my heart was going to expand through my ribcage.

‘Hello, trouble,’ he said, releasing me only enough to smile down at me. ‘Miss me?’

‘Might’ve done,’ I replied.

Judy worked as a receptionist at a local lawyer’s office, so Angus and I spent most of the next few days in each other’s company. On Wednesday, he offered to drive me into the city
to busk. He sat on a nearby bench, and every time I looked over he caught my eye and gave me an encouraging smile. At one point a couple of guys came and stood a bit too close and I saw him brace
himself, ready to get involved if necessary. It was like he was my bouncer or something, but whatever it was, I felt protected.

‘Have you had any luck getting a gig?’ he asked me later, when we were hanging out in the tree house.

‘No,’ I replied edgily. ‘I don’t think I’m ready yet.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous, of course you are.’

I flashed him a sheepish look. ‘Dad’s been going on at me, too. But I’m busy with waitressing and busking, and it’s not like we haven’t been round to a few
venues.’

It was Dad’s idea to try to line something up, but with his thinning hair and my scratty pigtails, we probably looked like a right pair when we walked into places and asked to see the
manager. I laughed at the knock-backs at first, but in truth, I was scared to death that I was screwing up my life. I had no career plans if the music thing didn’t work out. It was the only
thing I cared about.

Well, not the only thing.

‘No one wants me,’ I told Angus. ‘They all say I’m too young, that I don’t have enough experience.’

‘Have you only been looking at bars in town?’

I nodded.

‘What about trying some working men’s clubs in the suburbs, just to get some experience?’ he suggested. ‘My granddad might know someone who’d be interested,
that’s all. I could ask?’

‘Okay. Sure, why not?’

That evening, Angus came back over. His granddad’s ex-colleague Ernie ran a club just ten miles away and was interested in meeting me. The next day, we went there together. Within a minute
of our introduction, Ernie was asking if I was free on Monday night.

‘He didn’t even want to hear me sing!’ I squeaked with delight on the way back home again. My first ever gig was four days away!

Angus chuckled. ‘The look on his face when he saw you.’ He shook his head with amusement. ‘He thought all his Christmases had come at once.’

I beamed at him. ‘Thank you!’ I exclaimed, leaning across to impulsively peck him on his cheek.

His face flushed, but he kept his eyes on the road.

Once my initial excitement subsided, all I was left with was tense anticipation. I had no idea if anyone would even turn up. Angus helped me make fliers and we distributed them locally. We hung
out in the tree house going over my set list and I was touched that he was helping me.

Dad noticed how much time we were spending together. On Saturday afternoon before the gig, he brought it up. ‘You’re seeing a lot of Angus, Lizziebeth.’ He had taken to using
my old nickname again and usually I loved it, but not that day.

‘We’re friends,’ I replied defensively, wanting him to butt out.

‘Do you think Phoebe would be okay with that?’ He raised one browny-grey eyebrow at me, his green eyes challenging.

‘Of course she would,’ I replied snappily. ‘Anyway, she knows. I don’t think she could care less, to be honest.’

I had occasionally dropped it into conversation that Angus and I chatted to each other, but as conversation with her
was
so occasional, it was possible it hadn’t properly sunk
in.

‘As long as you know what you’re doing,’ Dad said, making me squirm.

His anxieties were still playing on my mind the following day. Judy answered the door when I went to call on Angus.

‘Oh! Hello, Eliza, I thought you were Phoebe there, for a moment!’

I forced a smile. ‘No, she doesn’t get back until Saturday.’ She was coming home in time for Christmas, but would return to France before the New Year.

‘What a shame she can’t make your gig tomorrow night. I’m looking forward to it.’

‘Are you coming?’ I asked with surprise.

‘Of course! Angus wouldn’t forgive me if I didn’t support you.’

It was a sweet, innocent comment, but it made my heart sing.

The problem was, nothing could stay innocent forever.

Angus was the first person I went to after I stepped down from the stage. He took me in his arms and hugged me hard. I was ecstatic. Despite the uninspiring surroundings, I had loved every
minute of the set.

‘What about me?’ Dad interrupted. He and Mum had both come along to support me.

As I pulled away from Angus to hug him, I caught sight of Judy’s face and the look of wary concern she was wearing. I was instantly on edge.

‘Meet you in the tree house later?’ I asked Angus before we left.

‘Yeah, see you there,’ he said in my ear, touching my arm.

I waited for forty-five minutes and it was flipping freezing. Just as I was about to give up and blow out the lantern candle, he appeared.

‘Where have you been?’ I exclaimed.

‘Sorry,’ he muttered. ‘I got talking to Mum.’

‘What’s wrong?’ I asked, noticing his mood. ‘Has she said something about me?’

He looked alarmed at the question. ‘Why would you think that?’

‘I saw the look on her face, after we hugged.’

His eyes dropped to the floor.

‘Does she know you’re here?’ I asked.

‘No,’ he replied uncomfortably.

‘Tell me what’s wrong,’ I urged, leaning forward. I gave his forearm a small squeeze and he glanced down at my hand before looking up abruptly to meet my eyes.

‘Do you think Phoebe would mind that we’re friends?’ he asked.

I let him go and sat back against the wall. ‘She shouldn’t. Why? What has your mum said?’

‘She thinks that I’m being reckless.’

‘Reckless, how?’ I asked, my pulse jumping unpleasantly.

‘She’s worried I’m leading you on.’

‘And what do you think?’ I asked hotly, trying to cover up how mortified I felt.

‘I think that I feel more for you than I should.’

The intensity in his expression made my heart skip a beat.

‘Angus,’ I warned, shaking my head. I knew I was playing with fire by getting close to him, but I thought I was the only one who’d get burnt. I didn’t think Angus would
be affected, and I certainly didn’t expect to hurt Phoebe.

He hadn’t taken his eyes from mine. ‘This is where you admit that you have feelings for me, too,’ he said in a low voice.

‘No,’ I replied adamantly, shoving open the rickety wooden door and climbing out into the dark, frosty night. He didn’t try to stop me from leaving.

I was all over the place the next day. Luckily, it was snowing, so I could hibernate indoors.

But then another day passed without us seeing each other and I began to fret. It was clear that he was avoiding me as much as I was avoiding him, but did that mean he regretted what he’d
said? I wished I could truthfully say that I hoped he did.

With Phoebe due home on Saturday, we were running out of time to smooth things over. But his mum had finished work for Christmas and I was too chicken to call on him for fear of bumping into
her.

Then, on the Thursday afternoon, I was sitting on the windowsill when I saw Angus going outside to his car. Without thinking, I opened the window. He looked up at me.

‘Where are you going?’ I tried to force an easy smile.

‘To the supermarket for Mum,’ he replied flatly.

‘Can I come for the ride?’ I asked casually.

His brow furrowed, then he nodded hesitantly. I ran downstairs and grabbed my coat, calling out to Mum and Dad to see if they needed anything.

By the time I’d hurried them up for a list, the ice had thawed from his windscreen.

‘Sorry about that.’ I climbed in and pulled the door shut with a clunk. ‘Mum and Dad asked me to grab a few things.’

‘It’s fine,’ he said, putting his left hand on the back of my headrest and looking over his shoulder as he reversed. I snuck a glance at his face and my heart contracted.

‘How have you been?’ I asked when we were moving forward again. One of us had to bite the bullet.

‘Fine,’ he replied shortly.

‘Have you been busy?’

‘Liza, it’s okay,’ he said out of the blue. ‘I get it.’

‘Get what?’ I asked carefully, tensing as he pulled up at the kerb and turned to face me.

‘I know that you feel the same as I do.’

The blood rushed into my cheeks as he continued.

‘But I also know that Phoebe will always come first for you. You’d never hurt her.’

‘I wouldn’t,’ I agreed, fervently shaking my head at him.

‘I know that this is a bit screwed up. I still care for her a lot, probably more than she cares for me, judging by how little she’s been in touch.’ He didn’t even sound
bitter; he was just stating a fact. ‘But even if she and I call it quits for good, which feels like a distinct possibility at the moment, I know she wouldn’t like you and me to be
toge—’

‘She’d hate it,’ I interrupted.

We both fell silent. After a while, he spoke.

‘Anyway, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything, but I was confused and I can’t shut up around you.’ He smiled at me pensively. ‘Do you reckon we can go
back to being mates?’

‘Of course we can,’ I replied, relief intermingling with regret.

I somehow managed to convince myself that once Christmas was over and he’d returned to university, we’d be able to get back to the way we were. But then Phoebe came home and I was
completely and utterly unprepared for the jealousy that I felt when I saw her with Angus.

Don’t get me wrong: things weren’t great between them. She seemed a little cool, and maybe he was more bitter than he’d let on about her not calling him much, because you
could’ve cut the tension between them with a knife. Still, I backed right off.

Surprisingly, Rose proved to be a decent distraction. I found myself hanging out with her, asking her about her course and her friends. She loved telling me gruesome nursing stories and most of
the time I enjoyed listening.

Phoebe headed back to France the day before New Year’s Eve. That evening, I opened my window to have a sneaky cigarette. I’d only taken a couple of puffs when I heard Angus’s
window opening.

‘Hey,’ he said, leaning out.

‘Alright,’ I replied offhandedly. I knew I was going to find it hard even to look at him for a bit.

‘You okay?’

‘Fine.’

I felt him watching me, but I fixed my attention on the front garden below.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked eventually.

‘Are you still going to Darryl’s New Year’s Eve party?’

He seemed surprised by my out-of-the-blue question.

‘Um, yeah. Are you?’

‘I think so. Do you know if your mate from the Leisure Centre, Jake, is?’

‘Er, I don’t know,’ he replied uneasily. ‘Why, do you want him to be going?’

I shrugged. ‘Maybe.’

Angus and Jake had worked as lifeguards at the pool over the summer. Jake had come to my gig and I’d caught his eye a few times. He was a little older than us, good-looking, fit and,
importantly, still lived locally. Why shouldn’t I set my sights on him?

‘I could ask him, if you like?’ Angus said.

‘Yeah, that would be good.’ I felt a sudden, inexplicable swell of anger.

‘Are you sure you’re alright?’ he asked again.

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

He shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Are you missing Phoebe? Did you like having her home?’

‘Did you?’ I turned his second question around on him.

He shrugged again. ‘It was okay. No, actually, it was pretty pants,’ he admitted truthfully.

I frowned at him, meeting his eyes at last.

‘You know we broke up properly, right?’ he said.

‘What,
permanently
?’

‘She didn’t mention it?’

‘No, once more, she didn’t.’

He nodded at my cigarette. ‘Have you got any more of those?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Want to meet me in the tree house?’

I hesitated, but only for a moment. ‘Okay.’

I snuck out of the house without telling Mum and Dad where I was going. It’s not like I needed their permission to do things at my age – after all, I was eighteen – but they
might’ve found it a bit odd. I hoped they wouldn’t check up on me on their way to bed.

Angus was outside before me and I watched as he folded his long limbs over the fence, just missing the flowerbed as he dropped to the soggy grass. He had a bag in his right hand and he gave me a
small smile before climbing up the ladder. I followed him up and pulled the door closed, then we both took off our boots. I lit a couple of candles and settled in one of the beanbags. He pulled out
a small bottle of vodka, a big bottle of coke and a couple of disposable cups.