The One We Fell in Love With (27 page)

I’m not even upset about it. I’m angry.

‘Where have you been?’ Toby demands to know when I flounce into work forty-five minutes late.

‘I overslept,’ I reply, barely cracking a smile at the customer who walked in the door behind me.

He looks put out at the lack of remorse in my voice, but doesn’t pull me up on it while there are people around.

He corners me later when the lunchtime rush is over.

‘Spill,’ he says.

‘Angus and Eliza are having an affair,’ I hiss furiously, wiping down a table.

He looks stumped. ‘Are they with other people?’

‘No! They’re just together! Together!’

‘Is that technically an affair?’

I straighten up and glare at him. ‘Phoebe only died a year ago.’

He shakes his head, perplexed, and I feel a wave of nausea because he doesn’t understand.

‘I’m handing in my notice,’ I say flatly, reaching down to pick up a stack of plates.

His face falls as I turn towards the bakery.

‘My mum is giving me some money,’ I say over my shoulder. ‘I want to go travelling and I want to go as soon as possible.’

The door swings shut behind him. He’s followed me in here, but he’s speechless.

‘I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘I don’t want to let you down. I’ll work up until the end of the month so you’ll have time to find someone else.’

His stare hardens. ‘Whatever you want,’ he mutters, backing out of the bakery.

He barely looks at me for the rest of the day.

I don’t want to go home to Angus. I don’t want to see his face. So I tell Toby I’ll lock up and then head out the back.

I’m wrist-deep in dirt, planting orangey-red crocosmias when Gavin appears. I’m so lost in my thoughts that I nearly jump out of my skin when the back door bursts open.

‘Jesus Christ!’ he erupts. ‘It’s you! I thought it was a burglar scratching around out here.’

‘Sorry, I wanted to finish the garden.’

‘This going to be your legacy, eh?’ he says drily. ‘Toby told me you’re leaving us.’

‘Yeah, I’m afraid so.’ I turn away from him and reach for another plant.

‘We’ll be sorry to see you go,’ he says. ‘Him especially.’

‘He’ll be alright.’

I’m alarmed when Gavin comes outside and perches on the edge of the planter box. I don’t want company.

‘I think you underestimate yourself,’ he says. ‘He needs you more than you realise.’

‘Look, I can’t be his mother! He already has one!’

Gavin’s face turns puce and adrenalin makes my pulse race with the knowledge that I’ve overstepped the mark. But his colour fades back to normal almost instantly and he speaks before
I can.

‘If that’s how you see it, there’s nothing I can say to change your mind.’ He gets to his feet. ‘I’ll stick a notice up in the window this evening,
advertising for a replacement. You can leave as soon as we have one.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I blurt as he turns to go back inside.

‘You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Rose. I’m glad we had you for as long as we did.’

Then why do I feel so goddamn awful?

I go home soon afterwards, and I find myself hoping that Angus is out, even if that means he’s with Eliza. Unfortunately, I hear the telly on as I come through the
door.

‘Hey,’ he calls over his shoulder from his position on the living-room sofa. ‘Where have you been? There’s some pasta on the hob if you want to warm it up.’

‘I’m not hungry,’ I reply, opening the door to my bedroom.

‘Rose?’ he calls after me, confused. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m just tired. I’m going to go straight to bed.’ I close my bedroom door behind me and lock it, without waiting for his response. Then I sit on the bed, reaching under
the covers and pulling out the navy and yellow journal belonging to my sister.

Of course I still have it.

I may have let Angus take back Phoebe’s clothes last night, but he wasn’t getting this.

There’s no padlock. Phoebe trusted Angus and there was no need to try to keep him out. The same can’t be said for me.

I kick off my shoes and lie back on my pillows, opening it up to the first page.

Another year, another diary!
she writes, and I can almost hear her bubbly voice speaking aloud to me.

It’s going to be a crazy twelve months! Marriage, moving back to Manchester and who knows what else?

My eyes mist over and I smile through my tears. She’s not gone after all. She’s still here with me.

Eliza

‘Which one is it, Eliza or Rose?’ Joe asks when I turn up at the bar on Friday at lunchtime.

‘Eliza,’ I reply with a smile.

‘Did your sis give you the mock-up?’ he asks.

‘I haven’t seen her yet,’ I tell him.

‘Never mind. I went ahead and got them printed.’ He reaches under the bar and hands over a small stack of fliers. ‘You can circulate them to your friends.’

‘Great, thank you! Hopefully my boss will let me stick some up at
Roxy’s
again.’

‘Perfect. Now, what can I do for you? Drink?’

‘Sure. Just water, please. I’ve got to get to work soon.’

I feel nervous as I watch him get a bottle of sparkling water out of the fridge. By the time he’s turned around again, I’ve psyched myself up enough to ask my question.

‘Joe?’

‘Hmm?’ He raises one eyebrow.

‘Do you think there’s any chance you might invite some of your record industry acquaintances to my next gig?’

‘Aah.’ He gives me a knowing look.

I wasn’t planning on asking him for help until we’d got to know each other better, but then I thought, sod it. I can’t keep putting things off. I just have to bite the bullet
and go for it. Plus I need something to take my mind off Angus. We haven’t spoken since Wednesday night.

‘Well, I can’t promise anything, but sure, I can ask a couple of old friends to come along. Don’t get your hopes up, though, love. It’s not easy to break in these
days.’

‘I know, and I won’t,’ I reply eagerly. ‘Thank you!’

I walk out of there with a spring in my step. Next stop: Rose. I haven’t given up on Angus and me, but there are things I need to sort out first.

The bakery where my sister works is in Sale town centre. Angus told me about it, but I wasn’t expecting it to look
this
nice. I push open the door and get my
second pleasant surprise at the sight of the hottie behind the counter.

‘Hello,’ I say, my eyes widening.

He frowns at me. Not the reaction I was expecting.

‘You’re not Rose,’ he says.

‘I’m Eliza. Is she here?’ I ask.

‘She’s just nipped out. Does she know you’re coming?’

‘Nope.’ I smile at him. ‘Can I grab a cappuccino? I’ll wait for her.’

‘Take a seat.’

He’s not very friendly, is he?

It’s quite late in the day so there’s no one sitting at the tables in the rear. It’s a good set-up, I muse as I wander back there, but I don’t imagine there’s much
scope for tips. I wonder how Rose gets by. But then I doubt Angus charges her much in rent.

After a few moments, the guy comes over. It dawns on me who he might be.

‘Are you Toby?’ I ask.

‘Yep,’ he confirms, placing my coffee cup on the table.

Aha! Now I understand why Rose wanted to hang out with him after hours. But hold on, didn’t Angus say he was practically a teenager?

The door opens and we’re both distracted by the sight of Rose bustling in, struggling to carry what looks like a heavy bag of soil. This is getting curiouser and curiouser.

She halts in her tracks, her eyes darting between Toby and me.

‘What are you doing here?’ she splutters, her grip on the bag slipping. Toby rushes forward and takes it from her.

‘She came in looking for you,’ I hear him say and they seem to exchange a meaningful glance.

I have a feeling he knows more about me than I’m comfortable with.

‘I’ll put this out the back.’ He heaves the enormous bag over his shoulder, much like I imagine he would a sack of flour. He doesn’t look at me again as he goes through
the door behind the counter.

Rose dusts her hands off and hesitantly approaches, but after a couple of steps, her chin juts out and she holds her head higher.

I think Angus might’ve read this wrong. She doesn’t look to me like someone who wants bygones to be bygones.

‘What do you want?’ she asks.

‘I wanted to see you,’ I reply.

‘Why?’

‘Bloody hell, Rose, don’t you think we need to sort this out, for Mum’s sake if not our own?’

‘I thought I wanted to see you, too, but your timing sucks.’

I’m baffled. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I know about you and Angus.’

My stomach is instantly overcome with nausea.

‘Did he tell you?’ I ask.

‘Did he fuck,’ she snaps and I balk because Rose rarely swears.

‘Hey.’

We both start at the sound of Toby’s voice. He pushes the door behind the counter open again and jerks his head towards it. Okay, so I agree that we shouldn’t be having this
conversation in a public place, even if it is currently deserted.

‘Come with me,’ Rose mutters, leading me past Toby and out through the bakery to a back door. A moment later we’re standing in a small courtyard, enclosed by a high brick wall,
the back face of which has been painted a vibrant mauve. It’s the exact same shade as the colour of our rear garden wall at home, but this thought distracts me for only a second.

‘How did you find out?’ I ask as Rose closes the door behind us.

She gives me a look of disgust. ‘I could smell your perfume on him when he hugged me the night before last.’

My head spins. ‘Does he know you know?’

‘No.’ She shakes her head. ‘What you get up to is your own dirty business. I’ll be gone soon and the two of you can shack up and shag each other to death, for all I
care.’

‘Not likely at this rate,’ I say unhappily. ‘Listen, we were going to tell you. He wanted to tell you on Wednesday night—’

‘How long has it been going on?’ she interrupts.

‘God, only a few days.’

Now it’s her turn to balk. ‘Days?’

‘Since Sunday.’ I feel suddenly very deflated. ‘You thought we’d been together longer.’

She nods.

‘I bumped into him around the same time as you moved in with him.’

She looks mildly shifty. ‘You knew about that.’

‘Yeah.’ I nod ruefully.

She sighs. ‘I thought you’d be angry.’

‘I was,’ I admit before waving her away. That’s not the most important issue at hand here. ‘Listen, I didn’t tell you about Angus because I knew you’d say it
was too soon. And it
was
too soon.’ My voice trembles. ‘I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Phoebe and how upset she’d be. It will probably always be too
soon, for you and for us. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but Angus and I didn’t leave each other on good terms on Wednesday night. We might be over before we’ve even
started.’

Rose takes a deep breath and lets out a long sigh. I’m not sure if it’s with relief.

‘I don’t even want to be in the same room with him at the moment,’ she murmurs.

I close my eyes briefly in resignation. ‘I’m sorry we hurt you.’

She doesn’t speak. This is not an easy conversation to have, but I need to be honest with her.

‘What you read about in my diary,’ I start. ‘That night with Angus in the tree house was the beginning and also the end. It was the first time we’d ever kissed. Sunday
night just gone was the second. He was never unfaithful to Phoebe. They were on a break ten years ago and he wanted it to be permanent. I pretty much pushed them back together.’ I swallow.
‘Angus loved Phoebe, and he would have married her and they would have been very happy together. But I knew he had feelings for me, too, and it hurt too much to watch him move forward with
Feebs. I missed you both badly when you were living in London together. Yes, you too,’ I say when I see the look on her face. ‘But I couldn’t be around Phoebe and Angus. I still
loved him and no other guy ever stood a chance while he was in the picture. I know you cared for him, too,’ I say carefully. ‘I know you still do. But you never loved him,
Rose.’

‘How would you know how I felt?’ she snaps.

But I continue, and I’m not trying to hurt her, it just needs to be said. ‘And he has never loved you, either. Not the way he loved –
loves
– me.’

Her eyes well up with tears. ‘Well, I hope it all works out for you both, then,’ she says.

I’m not at all convinced she means it.

Rose

‘Are you okay?’

I’m still standing in the courtyard, staring at the space recently vacated by Eliza.

I turn to look at Toby. ‘Yeah. I’ll be back in shortly,’ I reply.

‘I’ve locked up,’ he tells me. ‘You want to talk about it?’

‘No. I’m still trying to get my head around it myself.’

He nods.

‘She and Angus really seem to love each other,’ I find myself blurting, despite what I’ve just said about not wanting to talk. ‘I used to believe I loved him too, but
Eliza thinks what I felt wasn’t even on the same page, let alone the same book.’

‘She doesn’t know how you felt.’

‘No, she’s right. I don’t think I’ve ever really loved anyone. I’m twenty-eight and I’ve never been in love. How sad is that?’

He sits down on the wrought-iron bench seat and stares up at me with those dark eyes of his. He pats the space beside him.

I go and sit down.

‘Why does it bother you so much?’ he asks. ‘You’ve still got the rest of your life ahead of you.’

‘Phoebe didn’t,’ I point out sadly. ‘But by the time she’d died, she’d already been in love twice.’ With Angus and Remy. ‘I always used to think
that Eliza went after men who were bad for her, but her heart was with Angus all along, so she had a reason for doing that. The more I think about it, the more I think that maybe I’m the one
with the problem.’

He doesn’t say anything for ages and I sit there, my mind ticking over.

‘If you sort things out with Eliza, will you still leave?’ he asks eventually.

‘Yes. I want to go to Chamonix and around Europe generally, maybe even Australia. I never took a year out between school and university so I think it would do me good. And Mum likes the
idea of me seeing the world. She’s healthy and relatively happy right now. If I leave it too long, I might not feel able to go.’