The One That Got Away (2 page)

:: ::

My hands were sweating whilst I walked to the tube station to meet Heidi. It had been a long time since I’d been so nervous about taking a girl out. I wasn’t sure why Heidi made me feel this way but I decided I was going to relish it. Maybe it meant something; I hoped it did. Heidi had held my interest for a while now, but up until that night at the club, I’d never had the guts to do anything about it. I’d never even expected that she would be interested in me too.

It’d taken me hours to pluck up the courage to ask her out on a proper date. When she’d agreed, I panicked because I couldn’t decide what we should do. The cinema followed by the pub, which would be nice and intimate, or bowling, which would be less so. In the end I followed my gut. Bowling required more interaction, unlike sitting for two hours in the dark with our attention elsewhere. I guess I was also hoping there would be celebratory hugs, and maybe a little more.

I arrived a couple of minutes early which gave me the opportunity to watch Heidi walk along the street. She didn’t look too dressy, but the tight jeans and vest top she wore were more than pleasing to the eye. Several guys turned their heads to follow her when she passed them. Not only did that arouse my jealousy, but it gave me a sense of pride knowing I was the lucky one who was going to be seen with her.

“You look amazing,” I told her when she reached me.

“Thanks.” She ducked her head, hiding her face. Her long, shiny brown hair, which she always wore loose, fell between us, hiding her pale skin and big brown eyes.

“You never dress like this at school.” I was trying to make conversation while we walked into the tube station to travel the few stops to the nearest bowling alley.

“Yeah, I know. I wouldn’t feel right.”

Since I had no idea what she was on about, I let the subject drop.

:: ::

The afternoon and evening were a success. I’d been right to think bowling would be perfect. We’d been able to talk, laugh, and enjoy each other’s company. A few bottles of beer and cider helped us ignore any nerves and delve straight into a great date. I was already planning how to improve on the evening while I walked her home from the tube station. I wanted to make sure she got home safely, yet the entire time we walked, I tried to work out how I could prolong our time together. We spoke about anything and everything, getting to know each other away from nosy friends and the school common room. I had enjoyed myself, and hoped she had too.

Throughout the evening, all I’d wanted to do was kiss her. To wrap my arms around her, pull her in tight against me, and kiss her until she was breathless would be incredible. I might have acted like a gentleman, but I certainly didn’t think like one.

Heidi was amazing. Her sarcasm and humour made me laugh out loud more than once and her ability to see innuendo in the most innocent of statements was on par with my own. If I’d been a sappier guy, I’d have thought we were a perfect match.

Then I failed my exams.

:: ::

I stared at the phone for a full ten minutes before picking up the handset and dialling. I didn’t have long to wait before Heidi’s voice was in my ear, sounding happy to be speaking to me. She knew it was results day for me and explained she had been waiting a little longer before calling me herself to see how I’d done with my exams.

Looking at the clock I saw it was just ten in the morning. I had the entire day ahead of me to mope and I knew the next words out of my mouth were going to ruin the day for both of us. Deep at the back of my mind, I knew I was making a mistake but ignored the whispers of my conscience, which sounded annoyingly like my sister.

“Yeah, I didn’t do as well as expected so it looks like I need to go through clearing to get into uni.” Such a simple word, but to many students it meant being entered into a lottery. Clearing was a final option for me to get into uni after not gaining the grades I’d been told I’d needed. It meant I wouldn’t get my first choice of uni, but at least I’d get on a course, or so I hoped. Having not met the requirements of the conditional offer from my first choice university, I was going to be spending a lot of time on the phone to Lord knows who to secure a place somewhere, anywhere, to get onto the course I wanted.

“Oh, Shane, I’m so sorry. Clearing’s better than nothing though, isn’t it?” 

My heart crumbled at the sound of her voice. There was no pity, just sympathy and hope on my behalf, which is exactly what I had come to expect from her as I'd gotten to know her. That made it worse. I’d thought it through from all angles and knew I was doing the right thing—for both of us.

“The jury’s out on that at the moment. I’ll need to wait and see where I end up.” I couldn’t stop the sigh of exasperation from escaping me. Right then I was hating myself for not only screwing up my future, but also for making plans which were going to hurt Heidi.

“Do you want me to come over, keep you company while you deal with clearing?”

Wanting nothing more than to say yes, wanting her to sit with me, to hold my hand, and to be there for comfort, I almost agreed. I could wait the twenty minutes it would take her to get here by tube, but I didn’t. No, I ruined the best thing in my life at the moment and she was going to hate me for it, for not having the balls to do it face-to-face.

“It wouldn’t be worth it, I won’t be decent company . . .” I began, needing to take a break, putting off saying the words.

“If you’re sure?”

“In fact—” Joanne walked past and cut me a dirty look, stopping my words. I’d talked stuff over with her when I’d received my exam results. She was disgusted with me and thought I was an idiot. I didn’t disagree.

“Hello? Shane, you there?” Heidi’s voice sounded in my ear, bringing my attention back to the matter in hand.

I took a deep breath before speaking again. “In fact, I think it’ll be better if we call it a day. I can’t guarantee what’s going to happen with clearing, and I think it’ll save us both a lot of heartache in the long run.”

“What does that mean?” She was trying to keep her cool, but I could hear the tears threatening to burst through her dam of calm.

“It means we have to stop seeing each other, stop being a couple.” It wasn’t what I wanted to say, but it was the best all round. Thanks to my dismal exam results, I had no idea where I was going to be living. I didn’t want her to feel compelled to remain in a committed relationship with someone who wasn’t around. “Soon, you’ll soon see I’ve made the right choice.” I hung up so she wouldn’t hear my voice crack while tears rolled down my face.

15 Years later

Heidi:

Even though it could be tough at times, I loved my life as a single mum to two kids, both under ten. Stephen and Emma were the lights of my life, but they knew how to push my buttons. Particularly when I was tired, or after they’d spent the weekend with Jason, their dad.

After eight years together, it had become clear that things worked better with Jason and I being friends, rather than a couple. Maybe it shouldn't have been a surprise to discover monogamy was an alien word to him.

Things were good overall, but recently I’d started to regret moving away from London ten years previously. Seeing pictures on Facebook of nights out and meet-ups I’d never been able to attend usually left me feeling more than a little despondent; but this time it was different. My best friend at school, Angela James, was also going to be able to make it to this reunion, and had arranged for me to stay with her. It was going to be her first get-together with people from school as well, so we planned on having a great night. We promised ourselves and each other there were to be no limits.

Another text made my phone vibrate in my pocket. It was a message from Shane letting me know he would meet me at the pub.

The internet was great for getting back in contact with people, whether you’d liked them at school or not. Shane had sent me a message almost a year ago, and since then we’d chatted. It started off pretty innocuous, but soon escalated into flirting. Sometimes more. We’d recently upgraded to swapping phone numbers, but we’d never moved beyond text.

I thanked God for the internet daily, not only for getting me back in contact with Shane, and many others, but I would never have heard about the reunion otherwise.

Thanks to it being planned so far in advance, I was able to take my time with my preparations. Naturally, I felt the need to show all the boys who had turned me down or dumped me what they’d missed out on. I retouched my hair colour a dark, chestnut brown, far removed from the mousey brown and grey it was naturally. I popped into town and got my nails done and, most important of all, I went shopping for the perfect outfit. I didn’t want to go too dressy—that wasn’t me—but I did want to show off a little. In the end I went with a pair of skinny jeans which looked like they’d been sprayed on, and a low cut top that showed off my ‘assets’ without being slutty. The outfit was also purposely reminiscent, yet sexier, of the one I’d worn for the one and only date Shane and I had gone on. The main attraction was the shoes, though. I loved shoes, the higher the better, thanks to my somewhat restricted height of five-feet-two-inches. These beauties were gorgeous—black baby-dolls with a four inch heel that made my slender legs look like they went on forever.

The morning of the reunion found me up at the crack of dawn. I had to pack for myself and the kids before dropping them at my parents’ house, a prospect that excited them as much as my weekend away excited me. I left them on the sofa in their PJs, snuggling under a huge blanket while watching cartoons and munching on toast. Climbing back into the car, I popped in a mix CD and pulled away, heading toward the motorway. I paid little attention to the miles piling up behind me while I sang along to the club music of my teenage years, my excitement building the closer I got to London.

After driving for an hour, I pulled into a service station to grab a bite to eat and give Angela a quick call to let her know I was on my way. I lit a cigarette as I walked across the car park and dialled.

“Hey, Ang, it’s Heidi. I'm on my way. I’ll be with you in about another hour.” She squealed at my words.

“Hey hun, the wine’s in the fridge awaiting your arrival. The kids have just been picked up by their dad so we’re all sorted for fun and debauchery.”
Being in the same position as me, a single parent, Angela didn’t get much time to herself either, so our excitement levels were sky high.

“Fab. I’ll see you soon.” I shoved my phone back onto the hands-free adaptor and set off again.

:: ::

When I hit the outskirts of London, an overwhelming feeling of coming home hit me. People who’d never lived in the city always told me it felt too rushed to them, but it was a relief for me to be back. Regardless of how long I’d been away, it would always be my home.

I was more than a little pleased with myself. It had been so long since I'd driven through the area Angela lived in that I was surprised I’d managed to find my way so easily. Pulling up outside a small block of flats, I grabbed my overnight bag and then walked over to the main entrance where I waited for Angela to buzz me in. The door lock freed and I hurried into the building, flew up the stairs, and ran into my best friend's arms.

“It's so great to see you. It’s been way too long.” We both yelled at each other while we hugged. She led me into her small, neat flat. “This place is great, Ang. Point me to the fridge?” I held up a bottle of Rosé with a wide grin.

“Thanks, we’ve been here a while and I’ve only recently gotten it how I want it.”

I hated decorating and always managed to get someone in to help me, usually my dad, so I commended her for doing it all herself.

Following her into the kitchen, I looked her over. She hadn’t changed much, her long black hair showed no signs of the dreaded grey that plagued me. She looked amazing. If anything, she’d lost a little weight, but not enough to make her look ill. Ang took the bottle and put it into the fridge to chill.

“So, what're you wearing?” she asked the moment I put my bag onto the kitchen counter, so I pulled my clothes out to show her. “Nice. That is going to drive Shane mental.”

Shane Hughes, the one guy I’d never forgotten. I could picture him as if I’d seen him mere days before.

His dark blond hair, curling at the nape of his neck was softer than any hair I’d ever touched, and I’d loved touching it. Usually, when we kissed, I would tangle my fingers up in it, often tugging on it gently. I fell into memories, reminiscing about how soft and talented his lips had been. I shook my head and thought more about how we’d got together.

We’d been mutual friends with Samantha Walker, who was organising this weekend’s reunion. She had been advanced a year from mine to his. Sam was tiny and ridiculously observant, noticed how I looked at Shane whenever we were sitting together in the common room. Being the consummate social butterfly, she’d managed to get the pair of us included with the group of lads Shane went to the local park to play football with every Friday. It was Samantha I had to thank for the best, and worst, relationship of my life.

Sam and Ang had been the most pleased when Shane and I got together, and the most upset when it ended so soon after. Hard endings aside, I was looking forward to seeing him again. I'd never held a grudge about him ending it between us, even understood why he had.

“Time to get ready.” Ang jolted me out of my memories by handing me a glass of wine. The cold liquid caused condensation on the outside of the inexpensive crystal.

I took a large gulp and grinned.

:: ::

Shane:

I hated long train journeys with a passion, but driving wasn’t something I excelled at so I had no choice if I wanted to attend the reunion. Which I did.

I was a little hurt that Sam hadn’t filled me in personally given we'd remained friends over the years and since she was the organizer of the event. According to her, she'd assumed that because I’d pretty much cut myself off from everyone I’d been friends with at school, I wouldn’t be interested in going. 

Not one of my old school mates had mentioned a word of the event to me online, the only contact I had with them, so I’d known nothing about it until Heidi had asked if I was going. We’d been in touch via the internet for a while, chatting, catching up, and even flirting a little. Well, I’d flirted whilst she tended to laugh at me. It wasn’t often women laughed at my flirting, but for some reason, her doing so didn’t bother me—because it was Heidi.

I often thought back to that first night when I’d finally made my move. Up until then, I’d never even considered she was interested in me and I was . . . not quite content, but able to deal with admiring her from afar. Our early friendship had grown from hanging around in the same circles—again, thanks to Sam—and I was willing to accept that was all I was going to get.

Then a decent amount of alcohol made me bold, bolder than I had ever been. I wasn’t exactly known for being a lady-killer, and often found myself tongue-tied in the company of an attractive girl. But there had been something about that night, that moment in the quiet, dark nook that compelled me to tell her the truth. I was sure she’d rebuff me, but I’d needed to get the truth ‘out there’. Heidi hadn’t said anything in response which had scared me—but not enough to make me resist the urge to kiss her. After all, what was the worst that could happen?

That first kiss had gone on for what felt like hours, leading into several more that night. Each one turned me on more than the one before. I remember going home in the wee hours of the morning and struggling to sleep until I was able to bring myself to release in almost total silence. It wasn’t the first time I’d had a wank in the middle of the night thinking about Heidi, and I doubted it would be my last.

The five or so months that followed were stored away in my mind as part of my happy place. Whenever I had a shitty day at work, I would transport myself back to the days we spent sitting in a pub or a park, talking and laughing. I’d remember the way she would grab the hair at the back of my neck whilst we kissed, sometimes getting so turned on by the memory, I would have to excuse myself from whatever conversation I was having.

One thing I’d never explained was the phone call which had ended everything almost as soon as it had begun. It was a choice made in panic and haste, in the hope of preventing either of us becoming hurt from our growing attachment to the other. I knew I had to go to London for University, and a long distance relationship held no appeal for me. Nor was it something I wanted either of us suffering through. It was a choice I’d regretted from the moment I ended the call, but I had been too much of a chicken to call her back and tell her I’d changed my mind. That I didn’t mean it.

I’d spent the rest of that day, and the few following, on the phone trying to organise myself a university placement. Eventually I managed to secure a definite place on the science course I’d wanted, but wasn’t so lucky with where I’d be living. While I had hoped to stay close to London, my exam results hadn’t been good enough so I would have to move to Liverpool.

My sister Joanne and Mum had given me the third degree over ending things with Heidi, badgering me every day to talk to Heidi and get back into her good graces. Both of them had hoped we’d have a long future together, even though I was only just eighteen and she was still seventeen. Mum had met her a handful of times but adored her. My sister, who wasn’t in the same circles as Heidi at school, got to know her better and had been getting close to buying a bridesmaid dress. They took my breaking up with Heidi as a personal affront and never let me forget it, which Dad thought was hilarious.

I moved out, got on with my life, and ended up graduating with a first class degree, cementing my job in Liverpool at a pharmaceutical company. Even as the years passed me by, I never quite forgot Heidi Johnson.

She was the one I let go.

:: ::

Thanks to a social media site, we’d gotten back in contact and started reconnecting through random chit-chat about everyday things. She filled me in on her life since leaving school and London, and I reciprocated. Even though her recent history wasn’t connected to my own, I’d seethed when she’d told me about her fella cheating on her. At the same time, I was proud of her for calling him out on his bullshit and kicking him out. Back in school, she had been outgoing and vibrant, but she hadn’t been confrontational the way some girls were. It was good to see her stand up for herself.

We’d also talked a bit about our own history, i.e., the short-lived relationship back at school. Reminiscing about the one date we’d had and the time we spent together reminded me of the feelings I’d once had for her. It wasn’t the easiest subject for us to discuss, but I felt we’d needed to talk about our past.

Things got a bit strained between us when I admitted I’d made a mistake and how I’d almost turned up at her door, begging forgiveness. When she asked why I hadn’t, my excuse was lame and we fell out of touch for a while, until Sam began arranging the reunion. Heidi had contacted me then, and we hadn’t stopped talking since.