The One That Got Away (11 page)

Heidi:

I need my mental state testing. x

I sent the message to Shane, whilst hiding from a houseful of squealing kids and their parents during my daughter’s seventh birthday party.

I could have told you that. x

His teasing and sarcasm were nothing new and I rolled my eyes at his response.

How’s the party going? x

Smiling, I typed up a reply. He’d managed to talk me out of numerous panic attacks while planning and preparing for the big day.

It’s a raging success. Heard anything back about the interview? X

I’d messaged him the same question every day for almost a week after his big interview, waiting to be able to celebrate with him over text message when he got the job. I was more positive than he was about the outcome, but also had the advantage of not being personally involved, so could afford to be gung-ho on his behalf. Before I could read the message, I heard someone walk into the kitchen behind me, and I jumped then shoved my phone back into my pocket.

“Hey, babe. The kids are wondering when it’s cake time?” Jason leaned back against the work surface, watching me stick candles into the enormous princess cake. It didn't take long before I was ready to light them.

“Almost done. Do you want to gather them all in the front room?” Although I was happy that the party had been brilliant fun for the kids, I was ready for it all to be over so I could relax with a bottle of cider.

“For you? Anything.”

When I was alone again I shuddered. Ever since he’d mentioned us getting back together, Jason had been overfriendly, and it was starting to grate on my nerves. I lit the candles then carried the cake out, ignoring the niggling bad feeling I was having about Jason. The smiles on each and every face looking up at me were enough to make me forget everything other than what was happening in front of me, though. After a while, I could feel Jason watching me moving around, handing out cake, and, later, goody bags when the children were leaving.

Silence descended once the final guest left and my two kids disappeared up to their bedrooms to play with the new toys. I stood outside the back door to have a much needed cigarette while Jason pottered around, picking up the last of the rubbish strewn across the dining table. I was about to pull my phone out of my pocket and check my messages since it had been buzzing all afternoon when Jason came out to join me, lighting his own cigarette.

“Kids enjoyed themselves today,” he said, his eyes not moving from my face.

“They did, thanks for the help.” I’d never have survived if he hadn’t been around to help, particularly with his ability to entertain kids for hours on end. He’d played games with them, told them stories, got them dancing like idiots to cheesy pop music. In general, he’d been the life and soul of the party. But throughout the entire thing, I’d caught him watching me, looking at me like he was wishing we were elsewhere.

“Anytime, babe, you know that.”

I knew all too well that he’d be available whenever I needed him, whilst he was single. As soon as he had a new woman in his bed, he’d only be around every two weeks to pick the kids up for their weekend together. An uncomfortable silence descended while the sky turned darker.

“Anyway, thanks. Think I’d best get those two sorted and into bed. An early night for myself sounds good, too.” I pushed away from the wall I’d been leaning on and stepped back inside, Jason following on my heels.

“You chill out, I’ll get the kids sorted.”

I collapsed onto the sofa, watching him jog up the stairs. He was trying so hard, and sometimes I wished we could just be one big happy family, for the sake of the kids at least. His habit of dipping his wick anywhere and everywhere was just too much of a hurdle to overcome, though. I closed my eyes, revelling in the silence of the room, trying to psyche myself up to finish the tidying, not wanting to leave it until the morning.

A loud crash caused me to bolt upright and find the room dark. I blinked a few times to get my bearings. I was on my own sofa, covered in a blanket. Jason was sweeping up a broken bowl in the kitchen when I looked through the doorway.

“Sorry, babe. I tried to be quiet, but it slipped out of my hand.” He grinned while he spoke.

I pulled myself to my feet, groaning from the sleepiness, and walked into the kitchen. “You should have woken me up.” Stepping carefully around the shards of broken crockery, I made my way across the room to put the kettle on.

“It’s cool. You needed the sleep.”

He’d never been this attentive during our relationship so I was a little nervous and unsure how to react to him.

“Right,” he said. “That’s all cleared up. I best make a move and head home.” He hovered in the doorway, almost like he was waiting for an invitation to stay.

I led the way to the front door and opened it, waiting. Eventually, he pushed away from the doorframe and walked toward me. Plastering a smile on my face, I waited for him to walk past me and out onto the dark street, but he didn’t. He stopped in front of me, so close I could feel his body heat from head to toe. Looking me in the eye, he leaned in, placed his hands either side of my waist, and pinned me to the wall behind me.

“Jas—” I began, but he stopped me with a soft kiss.

In the past, he’d been an aggressive kisser, but this was different, it was new. I couldn’t help but close my eyes and kiss him back. My body had always reacted to his touch in this way. A split second later, my eyes were wide open and I pushed him away. “Get out.” There was no anger in my voice. I was too tired to muster up that kind of energy.

“Come on, Heidi. You know you want to.” He took a step toward me. “We’re good together, and the kids would love it if I moved back in. We could be a family again.” He tried to snake an arm back around my waist.

“Jason. Stop it.” I pushed him away from me again. “Listen to me, and listen good. We are not getting back together. Yes, it would be great for the kids, but it wouldn’t be great for me, always wondering who you else were fucking. Things are working well as they are, so let’s just leave them that way.” With one final shove he was on the other side of the doorframe and I was able to close the door between us.

My anger was building, and rather than open the door and scream at him, thus waking the kids or the rest of the street, I stomped upstairs to my bedroom where I flung myself onto my bed and screamed into a pillow in frustration.

“How fucking dare he?” I muttered to myself as I undressed for bed. “Of all the bloody nerve—”

My phone buzzed on my bedside table where it was charging. I snatched it up, thinking it was a grovelling text from Jason. It wasn’t. Shane’s name flashed up instead. I opened the text and read:

Is there any chance we can meet tomorrow? I’m in your neck of the woods for the day. x

Just what I needed, more complications in my life.

:: ::

Shane:

Sure, let me know where and I’ll be there x.

Heidi’s reply came through after five long minutes. I tapped out a reply, giving a time in the afternoon, and then turned my phone to silent. Hopefully she’d take the news well and wouldn’t think my choice was deliberate. I crawled into the too-soft hotel bed and switched off the lamp on the bedside table.

Waking up in a strange bed, in a strange room, always threw me for a loop until I was able to orientate myself to my surroundings. I sat up and rubbed my hands over my face in an attempt to wake myself up. I needed to be alert for my interview and then my meeting with Heidi. Dragging myself out of bed, I stumbled into the shower, washing away a heavy night’s sleep.

Once dressed, I checked my phone. There was a message from my mum wishing me luck for the interview, but nothing else. Contact with Heidi had been sparse lately, but I understood that she was busy with her kids and living her life. After all, I had my own life to live, and my main priority had to be getting a job. All the signs where this interview was concerned looked positive, which excited me. Yet, I was still worried about telling Heidi I would be moving to her city if I got the job. I’d told her I’d wanted more from her, but I didn’t want her thinking I’d engineered this somehow.

The interview went fantastically and I left the huge office building feeling quite positive. They’d promised to be in contact within the next twenty-four hours with a decision.

With a couple of hours left before I was due to meet up with Heidi, I had enough time to head back to my hotel room to shower and change out of my suit. It wasn’t until I walked into the small pub we’d arranged to meet in, that my nerves ramped up a notch. I held my breath and scanned the bar, only exhaling when I realised I’d arrived first. I ordered a pint and seated myself at a table in the direct line of sight of the door.

The moment she walked in and saw me, a small smile flickered at the corner of her mouth. Taking that as a positive sign, I stood up to greet her and take her drink order. Standing at the bar whilst she sat herself down and got comfortable, I couldn’t help but grin to myself. She was easily the best looking woman in the place, and she was with me.

“Thanks.” Her voice was soft when I placed the glass of wine in front of her. “So, what brings you to this neck of the woods?”

I had hoped for a bit of small talk first, but at least if I answered her question first, I could get the awkwardness out of the way. Or she could up and leave.

“I was invited by Northerton Pharmaceuticals for a follow up interview.” I watched her face for signs of . . . anything. “If I get it, I’ll be moving to the area.”

“Oh, that’s great.” Was she talking about the job or the entire thing?

“I wanted to tell you myself. I didn’t want you to think I’d purposely gone for this job in the hopes of . . . Oh, to be honest, I don’t know what I was thinking. I just wanted you to know about it.” Sitting back in my chair I watched her face, no idea of what she was thinking. It was hard enough to work out what
I
was thinking these days.

“I understand why you’ve told me, and I think I’d have done the same if the roles were reversed, especially after everything, but I’m not sure exactly
what
you’re telling me. Why don’t you start again, from the beginning, after I order some food?”

:: ::

Leaning against the wall behind my hotel bed, looking at the television without seeing what was playing, I couldn’t help but think about the afternoon spent with Heidi. Once I’d organised my thoughts more and told her the story from the beginning, she had been pleased for me. It hadn’t bothered her at all that I would be moving to the same city as her if I was offered the job. In fact, she seemed quite excited about the prospect, and was positive for me. There’d been no awkwardness borne from us having fucked like bunnies in an alley a few months prior. We were merely two friends chatting and having a laugh.

Unfortunately, our meet up had to be cut short when she got a message from her friend to collect her kids, as one of them was sick. Heidi made me promise to let her know the moment I got the call from Northerton, and even offered to help me look for a flat somewhere.

I smiled to myself, pleased that she had taken the entire thing with her usual grace. Just thinking about her eyes flashing in excitement gave me hope, not necessarily for a future together, but at least for the possibility of being able to meet up now and then for lunch or a drink. It would be nice to be in contact in person, rather than just online or by phone.

The shrill ring on my phone jolted me awake from a doze. Fumbling, I grabbed it and answered the call.

“Any news yet, love?”
Mum’s voice rattled down the line.

“Not yet, no. I’m still waiting for the call.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll get it. Make sure you let us know the moment you find out. And remember, whatever happens, me and your father are very proud of you.”
She ended the call, allowing me to sink back onto the bed.