The OK Team
THE
 OK
 TEAM
First published in 2008
Copyright © Text, Nick Place 2008
Copyright © Illustrations, Heath McKenzie 2008
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National Library of Australia
Cataloguing-in-Publication entry:
Place, Nick, 1965- .
The ok team.
For children.
ISBN 9781741751864 (pbk.).
1. Heroes - Australia - Juvenile fiction. I. Title.
A823.4
Cover and text design by Josh Durham, Design by Committee
Cover and text illustrations by Heath McKenzie
Cover and text hero photographs from
bigstockphoto.com
and
istockphoto.com
Chapter opening photographs by Nick Place
Set in 11.5/14.8pt Baskerville by Midland Typesetters, Australia
Printed in Australia by McPherson's Printing Group
10Â 9Â 8Â 7Â 6Â 5Â 4Â 3Â 2Â 1
Again, to Wonder Anna, the amazing flame-haired
super-heroine.
And to the Fitzroy Hero Development Squad:
Lightning Rod and the Boy Who Moves the Stars.
Whatever superpowers I do possess can never
be enough.
CONTENTS
1 ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER HUMILIATION
4 THE VICTORIAN SOCIETY FOR THE BLURRED
7 THE WORST WEDGIE IN HUMAN HISTORY
23 THE BATTLE OF THE TICK TOCKS
CHAPTER 1
ANOTHER DAY,
ANOTHER HUMILIATION
I
knew it was going to be a bad day from the moment I leaned back in my chair while having breakfast, and fell clean through the kitchen wall. Most of me ended up in the dining room, except for my left leg which stayed in the kitchen. Mum wasn't happy. She hates it when I go through walls â even though I keep telling her it's a total accident and I can't control it. I head off to school, and I'm zipping and zapping in and out of focus. Today is the first rehearsal day for the Year Seven School Ball and I've been dreading this moment for weeks. It's OK for normal freaks like you. What's your biggest fear at a dance rehearsal? Standing on a girl's toes? Having to dance with a kid with bad breath? Going left instead of right during the Evening Three Step?
My heart bleeds for you. Now welcome to my world . . .
I'm standing on the polished wooden floorboards of the school assembly hall. All of us boys are on one side and all of the girls are on the other. Any other day of the year, we all just get on with the job of surviving our schooldays, regardless of whether we're male or female. At dance rehearsal, the school manages to make us feel awkward about who we are and forces us to look at our classmates as somebody we might have to consider romance
with. Thanks a lot, Northcote High.
Actually, now I think of it, I'm the one thirteen year old who doesn't have that particular problem â wondering if romance is an option with one of my female classmates. What are the odds, do you think?
I can barely bring myself to do it, but I sneak a glance at the glory that is Ali Fraudulent, kind of looking from under the long fringe of my hair. If the girls in my year have an ultimate freak contender, then she'd be it, but I ache with the unfairness of it. Because Ali Fraudulent is a total babe. She's beautiful, tall, athletic, has pure white hair â which is admittedly weird at thirteen years old â and never ever speaks. To anybody. Not even to the teacher. She simply turns up each day, sits near the back of the class, apparently takes in everything that is being said, and then leaves. She can write OK, when she has to deliver an essay or something, but no sound has passed her lips. Even when somebody cracks a joke and she smiles, I've never heard her laugh.
But this is where life is so unfair. Whereas Ali is Queen Freak and gorgeous, I'm King Freak and a total dweeb. More or less average height but skinny to go with it, plus over-long hair and a slightly high-pitched voice. Oh yeah, and completely blurry. Long live the King.
And now, to prove that the Gods of Humiliation just don't know when to quit, Mrs Strangefloosie, the dance teacher, is bringing the boys and girls together to practise the tango and yes, to my horror and secret joy, Ali Fraudulent and I find ourselves herded together. I see her eyes briefly panic as she realises that Mrs Strangefloosie is blocking any avenue of escape, and I can't slip sideways either, because already Boris Scumm, our year's self-appointed bully and half a metre taller than me although only three months older, is right there, hissing, âHow perfect. The Freaks get
to dance.'
âLeave us alone, Scumm,' I squeak, managing to take my eyes off Ali's mortified face to give him a glare.
Scumm leans in close and I'm almost overpowered by his body odour. âI'm sure you two will have a terrific conversation,' he says, leering nastily at Ali, âalthough babe, I don't know what you see in him.'
Scumm laughs like an idiot. A few of his henchmen join in. Ali and I are left, miserably looking at one another and not knowing where to begin. Then she puts out her right hand, slightly to the side, and raises her left elbow revealing her hip, and I momentarily forget all about Boris Scumm because you know what, she's inviting me to take my dancing position, and that means I'm about to hold Ali Fraudulent in my arms, a secret dream for at least the last year, and I don't have to let go for the duration of a tango.
I smile and lean forward and lean a little too far . . . and then I'm confused because I'm lying on my face and all I can hear is laughter. Explosive laughter that threatens to take the roof clean off the school hall. I lift myself up on my elbows and look back over my shoulder. When I see Ali's now horrified face looking back at me, I realise what has happened. I got so caught up in the moment that I fell clean through Ali Fraudulent.
Of course, that realisation means I go in and out of visibility like you wouldn't believe and end up so embarrassed and upset that if you were to look at me, I'd be little more than a cloud.
The only thing left is to get the hell out of there. As the
cloud that is me stumbles past Ali, looking for the door, I manage to say above the laughter, âI'm sorry.'
Ali opens her mouth, and I'm scared that she is going to laugh, that she will join the others with their cruel eyes and their savage fun at my expense. But she doesn't laugh. She closes her mouth again and just looks sad.
MEDICAL REPORT
ROYAL MELBOURNE HOSPITAL
FILE STARTED:
DECEMBER 1994
UPDATED:
JANUARY 2008
DR H. LONGABAUGH
PATIENT NAME:
Hazy Retina (Hereby referred to as the âSubject')
AGE AT MOST RECENT UPDATE (2008):
13 years old
PARENTS:
Harold & Iris Retina, Fairfield
PATIENT CONDITION:
Born âout of focus'. An physical condition, to say the least.
DESCRIPTION OF SYMPTOMS:
Subject appears blurry around the edges and the features of his face are indistinct. To look at the Subject is to feel that you are looking through binoculars that are out of focus, or eyeglasses with the wrong
prescription.
When Subject is very nervous, scared or
uncertain, which is often (see Psychological
Report), Subject can almost disappear, as though
his entire body has become molecularly unstable.
Subject has no control over this âcondition'.
Subject has no control over this âcondition'.
Subject's parents report many occasions where Subject has fallen through walls, or been similarly physically âunstable'.
Examples:
1999:
At kindergarten, Subject reportedly âlost' focus and accidentally walked through a see-saw. Vivid recall of, quote: âother children screaming as I stood there, apparently impaled on the wood, wondering what the fuss was about.'
2005:
At 10 years old, Subject recalls being accused by his cousin, Lucy, of cheating at hide and seek by making himself invisible. After much coaxing by counsellor, revealed that his other cousin, Olivia, had kissed him and he had involuntarily disappeared. Was mortified to be accused of cheating, and reports he could not deliberately make himself vanish.