The Officer and the Secret (22 page)

It was a null and void issue anyway, until she found out if the test was a false positive… did those exist? If so, now was one doozy of a time to get one. “I’ll ask Madison for a recommendation for a doctor.”

“And you’ll let me know when your appointment is.” It wasn’t a question.

When she didn’t answer, he repeated, “You will let me know. Don’t play with me on this one. I’m going with you and I’m going to hear it firsthand.”

She watched his face, hoping for one glimpse of the lovable, playful Dwayne she’d known the past few months. The man that made her laugh, made her comfortable, made her feel like she was so special.

It was as if he’d closed himself up in a hard outer shell that even a tank couldn’t penetrate. Something was driving his immediate, intense reaction to this news. Was it all because of her? Or something more?

Compassion. Though she did not always agree with her parents and their beliefs… this was one she could grasp ahold of. Maybe after a show of good faith, he could relax and show a little in return. With a softer voice, she said, “Fine. I’ll let you know as soon as I can.”

He visibly relaxed, though he didn’t drop the hard exterior. “Good. Call for an appointment today.” And he walked by her and shut the door quietly behind him.

Marriage. A baby. A very angry, very hurt Dwayne. This was not one of her best days.

And if there really was a baby? Would she be able to marry Dwayne, knowing he was harboring some ill will about the situation? But how could she walk away from the father of her child, a man she loved?

I
didn’t ask for this, you know.

Didn’t you?

The words came back to slap at her. Did he mean she did this on purpose? Or that he thought she was lying in some way? How could she convince him that she was telling the truth? That she never wanted to deceive him, never wanted to bring this on them?

She balled her fingers into a fist and rested it against her stomach. “This was absolutely horrible timing. Just so you know.”

Whatever was or was not in there didn’t respond. Not that she expected it to.

***

Despite her reservations, she made an appointment with the same clinic she had gone into for her birth control pills. Control. Right. Failure on that one. But as it turned out, they would administer the test, but not provide prenatal care. She would have to see an actual OB for that. And the OB they recommended could not get her in for another few weeks, because she was not high risk and there were no complications health-wise.

Her hands shook as she picked up the phone to call Dwayne.

“Yeah?”

Her eyes closed as she remembered the sweeter greetings. “I can go in any time for an official test. And from there I have to make an appointment with a different doctor.”

“What’s the official test?”

“I don’t know. I guess I have to go in and find out. It’s just a walk-in clinic, so I can go whenever I have time.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“Just meet me at the clinic in twenty,” she decided. “I have work in a few hours and I can just drive over after this.”

“I want to—”

She rattled off the address of the clinic and hung up, ignoring his call back. If he wanted to play the jerk, then she would respond appropriately. After a moment to grab her bag and a change of clothes for work, she hurried out the door. It wouldn’t shock her to see Dwayne pulling up to the apartment in an attempt to strongarm her into riding along. So she would beat him to it and leave now. The thought of the little rebellion, however small, brought a smile to her face.

But an hour later, the smile was long gone. She sat in the passenger seat of Dwayne’s truck, a handful of paperwork clutched in her fist. And every page of it was a reminder of one thing.

She was really pregnant.

Dwayne stared straight ahead, the truck still turned off, still parked in the lot of the clinic.

“Now what?” she asked quietly.

“Did Madison talk to you about the apartment?”

“What?” Not at all sure what that had to do with anything, she tried to catch up. “Our apartment?”

“About Jeremy moving in with her, or them getting their own place.”

“Oh.” The thought brought on another wave of panic. Where would she live? “No, she hadn’t mentioned it.”

He tilted his head from side to side, as if stretching his neck, but said nothing more and wouldn’t turn to look at her.

“Okay then.” Slowly, she opened the passenger door. “I’ll just head to work now.”

“Be safe.”

It wasn’t quite the endearing good-byes he’d left her with, but it was still a reminder that he cared. Or was it just the baby he cared about? She decided right now to stick with positive thoughts.

She pulled into work an hour early and went up to Skye’s office. Nobody else was in there, luckily, and she pulled the door shut and stepped into the storage room to change. When she came back into the office, her cousin was sitting at her desk.

“Hey. How was the doctor?”

“If you mean, am I pregnant? The answer is yes.”

Skye’s face revealed nothing. “How do you feel about that?”

Veronica started to laugh. Because really, how could she begin to explain how she felt about it? But the laughter soon turned into hiccupping sobs and she buried her face in her hands, knees coming up under her chin.

Skye waited until she finished her emotional outpouring before slipping an arm around her shoulder. “It isn’t the end of the world. I know it’s not quite what you grew up knowing, but here in the States it’s not uncommon. You’re an adult, and a smart woman. You’ll get it figured out.”

“Smart. Right. I don’t even have my GED yet.” The reminder brought another hiccup from her.

“A GED is a good piece of paper to have, but it’s not an indication of how smart you are. And I think you know that.” Skye brushed a lock of hair back from her forehead. “Need the night off?”

“No.” Veronica took the tissue her cousin handed her and blotted her face. “I still have an hour before my shift. I’ll pull it together. Plus, I need the money now, if I have baby things to buy.” And extra health care costs. Day care once the baby was here. More food, bottles, diapers… Oh, God.

“Dwayne will help, I know that. Don’t stress about the money. He’s going to step up, I know that.”

“Right now I think I would rather take a bribe from Satan himself.”

Skye smiled a little. “I know what you’re saying, but cut him a little slack too. He just found out he’s going to be a father. Maybe he’s not handling it well, but he might have his reasons. With a little time to accept the idea, things could turn around. Have some faith.”

It made sense. This wasn’t just a surprise for her, but for Dwayne as well. She could give them both time to figure how things would work out. It wasn’t too much to ask.

“You’re right. I need to be patient. I’m not exactly handling this perfectly myself, so he’s reacting on emotion like me.”

“Good.” Skye stood and rubbed Veronica’s shoulder. “Stay up here as long as you need. Come down when you’re ready.”

“Thanks, boss.”

Skye smiled and left her alone.

Somehow, she would figure this out. She wasn’t sure how, but she would.

He gave himself a day to calm down a little, then called, ready to apologize. She hadn’t answered. Then she’d sent him a text message saying she was able to get an earlier appointment for the doctor and could he meet her the next morning? After clearing it with his CO, he agreed to swing by and pick her up in the morning.

But when he not only showed up, but came into the exam room with her, she wasn’t all that thrilled about it.

“Do you have to sit there? Can you not wait out in the hall?”

Dwayne shook his head. Like hell he was going to go through that again. He’d stayed out of Blair’s way the whole time she was playing him, thinking OB visits were some sacred woman thing. But not this time. At least not the first appointment.

“Could you… I mean, if she needs to examine me, could you at least not watch?”

Her knees were bouncing, her hands clenched around her legs. And she wasn’t looking at him. Hadn’t looked at him since they’d walked through the doors of the OB office together.

He was still angry at the situation. But with her, he couldn’t figure out yet where he stood. Skepticism was high up on the list. As was confusion. But as much as he wanted desperately to comfort her, keeping his distance right now was the only way he could think to safeguard his own heart.

“If there’s an exam, I’ll step outside.”

She looked at him then, finally. And even shielding himself, the resigned, grateful look pinched his heart a little.

“Thanks.”

Blair had made him feel that way once. Like he would do anything to take care of her. And she’d proven he was a fool. And he had to admit, he hadn’t felt for her half of what he felt for Veronica. The fall would be that much longer, the landing that much harder.

There was likely no coincidence that he’d woken up in a cold sweat, hearing screams in his mind, echoing in the darkness of the pre-dawn morning. For the first time in a while, he’d woken up without Veronica curled up next to him, without her calming influence. Without the security of her affection locked tight in his heart.

A knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts in time to see a woman slip in and grant Veronica with a warm smile.

“Ms. Gibson?” Veronica nodded and the doctor’s smile brightened. “Excellent. I’m Dr. Smithson; nice to meet you.” They shook hands, then the doctor turned to him. “And who have you brought with you?”

“This is my…” Her voice trailed off, and he knew she was about to introduce him on autopilot. As her boyfriend. God, he hated that she’d stopped. Things were weird. They weren’t great. But still.

“I’m Dwayne.” He stood and shook her hand, ignoring the raised brow at his lack of title. He could easily read her mind. Friend? Lover? Husband? Why no clarification?

He’d love to answer that. But just now, not happening.

“Well, okay then.” She turned to the table and opened the file. “Your HCG levels from the initial testing look great, so that’s on track. I assume you are hoping for a dating ultrasound here.”

“Sorry, HCG?” Veronica looked as overwhelmed as he felt. Glad she asked, ’cause he had no clue either.

“HCG. The hormone that indicates pregnancy.”

Veronica’s hand slipped over her stomach, trembling a little. He wanted so badly to reach over and grab that hand, squeeze it. But at this point, he wasn’t even sure what was going on.

Clearly seeing neither of them were following, the doctor laced her fingers together and set them on her lap. “The HCG hormone is what a home pregnancy test measures. It says on your file that you had a positive home test, and then an official test at a local clinic. Is that correct?”

“Yes. I didn’t know if it was false, or wrong or…” She trailed off, and everyone was silent for a moment.

The doctor glanced between them, clearly sensing the unease there. “There are options. If this pregnancy isn’t planned, isn’t wanted, then you—”

“No.” The sharp fierceness of her voice had both him and the doctor blinking in surprise. But Veronica’s face was set, unapologetic. “Not planned. But it’s here. Right?” She looked to the doctor for confirmation, who nodded. “Then wanted.”

At the doctor’s direction, Veronica laid back on the table and pulled her shirt up. The doctor must have told her something, but he suddenly found he couldn’t hear anything but a low buzz. Like he’d had target practice at the rifle range and didn’t wear his earplugs. The doc dropped some gloop over her stomach, and he realized he promised to leave the room. Standing up, feeling numb, he started for the door.

“Stay.”

Looking over his shoulder, he raised a brow. “I said I would—”

“Please.”

She looked so small on the exam table, so scared that he couldn’t say no. He walked back to stand close to the head of the table. There, but not invading her space.

“Okay, let’s see what we’ve got here.” The doctor pressed some wand thing to her stomach, making her gasp a little, and gave her a sympathetic smile. “Sorry, I know. Cold, and definitely not fun when your stomach is already upset. I’ll hustle.” She clicked around a few times, and the black screen went sort of gray, like a TV without signal. Wiggling the wand around a little, she found some weird black circle. And then some gray bean-looking thing.

“Is that a kidney?” He couldn’t look away now if he tried. Morbidly curious, he leaned closer, watching the screen.

“That would be the fetus. And this,” she added with a few more clicks, zooming in slightly, “is the heartbeat.” With her finger, she pointed to a flicker that he’d first thought was just a blip on the screen.

He heard Veronica gasp, saw out of the corner of his eye when her hand covered her mouth that her eyes watered. But he couldn’t stop staring at the screen.

Heartbeat. His baby had a heartbeat. And it looked like a kidney bean.

Holy shit. There was a baby in there.

“Looks like everything’s on schedule, from what you told the nurse. I’m going to say right now that we’re measuring around nine weeks.”

Nine weeks? But that wasn’t right. They’d had sex for the first time less than two months ago.

“The weeks are a little deceptive,” the doc went on as she handed Veronica a few tissues to wipe her stomach off. “You likely conceived seven weeks ago. But how we count, you go back to when your last period was. So, nine.”

Now it made more sense.

“Do you need to sit down?”

He looked at Veronica, expecting her to look faint. But she was already lying down.

“No, I meant you, big guy. You look like one poke away from pulling a timber like a felled tree.”

“No, I’m…” A little lightheaded, now that she mentioned it. He sat down with a thump in the plastic chair. “Okay. Now I’m good.” What a lie.

“Can you tell me how this happened?” Veronica asked. “I was on birth control from the start of…” She waved a hand around. “I took them every day at the same time, like they told me to.”

The doctor glanced back through her charts. “If the information the clinic faxed over is right, you started birth control just about two months ago.”

“Yes.”

“And you conceived about seven weeks ago. That’s not enough time for it to become effective. Odds are, they didn’t mention that part at whatever clinic you got the pills from. Usually, hormonal birth control takes a month or so to fully be active. It’s suggested to use a backup method for the first month of use.” The good doctor gave him a look that would have shriveled his balls on any normal day. But he was too intent on breathing properly to care.

“Oh, it’s not his fault. The condom broke, but I thought…” She trailed off again, looking pale. “This is my fault, isn’t it?”

“Takes two to tango, as we often say in this office. I’m going to leave you two in here. Check out with the nurse at the front desk, okay, sweetie? They’ll have information on nutrition, prenatal vitamins, all that good stuff. And they can schedule you for another appointment in about a month.”

Veronica nodded, pulling her shirt back down. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” She looked between the two of them, then made the pointed gesture of turning her back to Dwayne and facing Veronica alone. “And if you need to talk about anything, please call me. I’m always willing to chat.”

Even in his stupefied state, he knew what that was reference to. Him. As in
The
jackass
you
brought
to
the
appointment
isn’t disrespecting you, is he?

Much as he wanted to be upset about that, he could appreciate a doctor that cared.

Dwayne waited until she checked out from the nurse’s desk, carrying a folder full of papers and a little white sack that he overheard contained a thirty-day supply of vitamins. And still, he couldn’t talk. They walked to his truck in silence, and she didn’t fight him when he gave her a boost up to the seat.

The drive back was painful, to say the least. He had to say something. Anything. “Um, when we’re married, if you want to see a doc on base, we can probably fix that up.”

“No, thank you. This doctor is fine.” She was still as a picture, staring out the window, voice so taut it might crack the air.

“Well, I’m sure we can figure out how to keep you off base if you like this doctor.”

She said nothing.

Annoyed? Pissed? Terrified? Probably a combination of all three, just like him. Now he knew it wasn’t a joke. He was going to be a dad in approximately seven months. But holy hell, what was he supposed to think? The one time the condom breaks, her pills fail? Or, rather, they weren’t working at all. Did she really not know? Was this her first go-round on birth control?

Exactly what
were
the odds of that? He didn’t think to ask, or see if Veronica knew. He filed it away for something to think of later. The kid was here now. Or, well, sort of. It existed, no going back there. Time to man up, do the right thing, and make sure his child had the best life possible.

But he realized she hadn’t actually agreed to marry him. At first he thought it was resistance based on the unknown. But it was official now, and they couldn’t look back. But the fear that she might reject him was almost overwhelming.

Time
to
man
up, grow a pair, and do the right thing.

“I need to know. Are you going to marry me?”

***

Veronica stared out the window of the truck, her body on autopilot. Despite the fact that she was sure the test was right, confirmation from the doctor meant she couldn’t ignore it any longer. Couldn’t pretend or bury her head in the sand. She was, officially, the very picture of what her mother always feared most out of her daughter.

And though she knew—knew to the bone—that her mother was wrong about many things… this wasn’t what she’d wanted for herself either. And yet here she was.

“Um, when we’re married, if you want to see a doc on base, we can probably fix that up.”

“No, thank you. This doctor is fine.” It was automatic, saying no. He could have asked if her name was Veronica Gibson and she likely would have said no.

“Well, I’m sure we can figure out how to keep you off base if you like this doctor.”

Her fingers tightened, crunching the bag holding her vitamins. She forced them to relax and rolled her neck once to release as much tension as possible. Not that it helped much.

It hurt. It hurt so much that he might have ever doubted whether she planned it or not. And he still hadn’t taken it back. She watched as another exit flew by, and felt like her grasp on her own life was following the same path. Falling back farther and farther behind her.

“I need to know. Are you going to marry me?”

Just another knife in the wound. She bit her lip to keep it from trembling and swallowed a few times. This was definitely not morning sickness that made her nauseous. It was knowing the man she loved just asked her if she was going to marry him… because of an obligation.

And knowing she wouldn’t be able to say no.

“Can we talk about it later?” Her voice was hoarse, probably from not speaking much. She thought she would have to repeat herself when he surprised her and nodded.

“Yeah. Sure. Just think about it. Please.” His hands gripped the steering wheel, knuckles turning white.

Was it stress of impending fatherhood, or the idea of marrying her that made him so tense? “Thank you.”

The scenery rolled by and she did her best to block out anything resembling a conscious thought. More often than not, those thoughts were tinted with her own mother’s voice. Not helpful. Not in the least.

When he pulled up to her complex, she waited for him to help her down. Though touching him wasn’t on her short list of things she wanted to do at the moment, jumping down and spraining an ankle was the worse of the two evils. So she sat silently as he walked around the truck and opened her door. But when he normally would have grasped her waist to lift her down, he slung an arm over the door, used his other to prop himself up on the frame, and leaned in just a little.

For a man of Dwayne’s size,
just
a
little
was more than enough to crowd.

“I lied.”

She blinked and refocused on his face. Nope, not joking.

“I lied about waiting for later. I need to know now. If you’ll marry me.”

His drawl was thicker, she realized. And she doubted he would have liked to hear it. “I don’t know why we need to—”

“Rush?” He rubbed a hand over his neck. “Yeah. See, I think we were doing a pretty bang-up job of going slow in our relationship. But things changed. And there’s a lot more at stake now. So if you’ll step into my boots, you need to know where I’m coming from. The simple practicality of the situation is enough for me. Health insurance for you and the kidney bean, you moving in to make things easier on you, someone there to take care of you. Help. Easier for me to be there for the baby. And I want to be there. I need to be there.”

Practicality. The word didn’t quite invoke a passionate swoon. But she had to set aside her romantic ideals and embrace the reality. Everything he said was true. She couldn’t afford a baby while she was waitressing and finishing up a GED. That alone was true. But what’s more… wait.