The Ocean Between Us (22 page)

Grace had the curling iron heating up for the girls as they rushed around, getting ready for Saturday night’s dance. Brian and Emma squabbled over who would get the upstairs shower first. Katie had wisely used Grace’s bathroom, possibly setting a record for longest shower ever taken. Her mood had improved since the day before, and she could barely hold still as Grace fixed her hair.

Emma wandered into the room wearing her dress but no shoes. She had the local paper folded back to the sports section. The lead story was, of course, about the football victory. A large photograph depicted a triumphant Cory Crowther hoisted on the shoulders of his teammates.

“So you’re dating a football hero,” Grace said.

“That’s what they call him.” Emma tossed the paper on the bed. Then she lifted her hair and turned so Grace could zip her dress, a simple sheath in royal blue velvet.

“Are you falling for him?” Grace asked Emma. Her older daughter had always been circumspect about her boyfriends. Closemouthed, even. She probably got that from her dad. Although Grace hadn’t spoken to Steve about it, she suspected the idea of Emma with Cory didn’t thrill him. She wasn’t sure why,
and with the way things were between them, she wasn’t likely to find out soon.

“I don’t know,” she said. “Maybe.”

“He’s completely hot,” Katie said, trying to apply mascara with her glasses on.

“Maybe you’re the one falling for him,” Emma teased. “I’d better warn Jimmy Bates.”

That sparked a fresh round of bickering. Shaking her head, Grace went to get the camera ready. Within a few minutes, the bickering stopped, and as if by magic, three perfectly groomed young people came downstairs. They were shockingly mature, the girls beautifully made up, Brian a full head taller than his twin. And they were patient as always, posing in the foyer in their finery. Brian wore his only suit—he grew so fast she couldn’t afford to buy him more than one at a time—and his shoes had been shined with military precision. Emma seemed to have walked off a modeling runway, and Katie was adorable, poised between coltish awkwardness and ladylike sophistication. Her smile glowed with bright anticipation.

Look at our kids, Steve, Grace thought with a surge of pride and affection. They’re so beautiful. She desperately wanted him to see them and vowed to send the digital pictures tonight. No matter what state their marriage was in, he was a man who loved his children and deserved to see them in their finest moments. Over the years, she had trained herself not to resent his absence. He had a job to do, a country to serve…. But he’d missed so many of these fleeting, magical times.

“Oh, man,” Brian said, looking at Grace. “Don’t start crying, Mom.”

“She can cry if she wants,” Katie said. “But hurry up and get it over with before the doorbell rings.”

Grace got hold of herself while she checked the settings on the camera.

Jimmy Bates arrived, blushing as deeply as Katie, his hand sweaty as he greeted Grace. She introduced herself to Jimmy’s mother,
who was driving them. She would have liked to chat for a few minutes, but Katie looked as though she might pass out from embarrassment, so Grace told them to have fun, took another picture and waved goodbye. A few minutes later Brian drove off to pick up his date, a ditzy but nice enough local girl named Lindy Banks.

In the front hall, Emma checked the contents of her handbag. “What are you doing tonight?”

“The last bit of packing.”

Emma stiffened. “Dad doesn’t want us to move.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“He’d probably tell
you
that if you’d talk to him.”

“We talk.”

“You know what I mean. You’ve never given him the big chill before.”

“It’s not a chill, and it’s not anything you should worry about. We’ll work it out.” But a dark little voice wondered, as it sometimes did lately, if they ever would.

Then the doorbell rang, and Emma’s face lit up. She opened the door, and there stood Cory Crowther, glistening like a bridegroom. He took one look at Emma and his smile burst with wordless compliments.

“Hello, Mrs. Bennett,” he said when he was finally able to tear his gaze away. “Hi, Emma. This is for you.” He offered her a corsage with a white rosebud and a spray of baby’s breath, fashioned to fit on her wrist.

Grace took pictures, savoring the sight of their beaming faces. They were clearly in a hurry to be on their way. She wanted to tell them to slow down and enjoy the magic, but she knew they would not understand.

“Have fun,” she said. “Stay out of trouble and be home by midnight.”

“Yes, ma’am. You have my word.” Cory held the door open and they went outside. Grace watched the proprietary way he placed his hand at the small of Emma’s back as he led her to the car. She felt a lurch of apprehension, watching her daughter go off with a
young man. A football hero. She stood on the porch as they drove away, her hand raised in a wave they probably didn’t see.

She went inside to fortify herself with a cup of tea and then tackle the last of the packing. She walked past the study, glancing at the floating screen saver. Steve would want to see the pictures of the kids, of course. Ordinarily she would accompany them with lengthy details, trying to recreate the moment he had missed. She had done this from the moment her newborn twins had first filled her arms. It had been her job to describe every milestone that occurred while he was gone. After all these years, recording all the moments he’d missed, she felt drained. Tonight she sent him the photos with only a subject line: high school dance. Then she broke down the computer and packed it away in boxes.

“God, I hate this,” she said, heading into the kitchen to put the kettle on.

She forced herself to concentrate on the matters at hand. The paperwork was done, the transfer made. Her dream of owning the house on the bluff was a reality. All that was left was for Grace to move into her new home.

She looked around the house, the ugly military unit now cluttered with boxes and baskets heaped with their belongings. She was an expert at moving. Hell, these days she called herself a professional. Tomorrow would be a breeze.

But she was terrified. She put a spoonful of sugar into her tea and took a sip, trying to melt the thickness in her throat.

“Some things never change,” said Lauren, watching a table full of nervous and overdressed teenagers across the dining room of the Captain’s Quarters. She felt a twinge of sympathy for the harried waitress trying to create separate checks.

“How’s that?” asked Josh.

“High school dates,” she said, indicating with her head. “That could have been me ten years ago.”

“I bet you were hot.”

“Nope.”

“You were, too.” He brushed her leg under the table. “I wish I’d known you then, honey.”

“No, you don’t.”

“You were twice as cute as that.” He jerked his head at the table of heavily made-up girls tugging at their dresses and awkward-looking boys in ill-fitting suits.

“Nope.”

“Damn, woman. You are contrary tonight.”

She folded her hands on the linen tablecloth and sat forward to whisper to him. “When I said that could have been me, I didn’t mean the girl in the Jessica McClintock dress. I was talking about
the waitress.” She saw him glance at the heavyset woman with her hair in a bun. “On homecoming night, prom night or any traditional big-date night, I was waiting tables. Right here, as a matter of fact, only back then it was called the Manor Inn.”

He spread his hands. “Lots of kids worked.”

She smiled at him. “Josh,” she whispered, “I used to weigh over two hundred and fifty pounds.”

He stared at her. His gaze moved from her face down to her cleavage. “No way.”

“Way.”

“I can’t picture it.”

“I have photographic evidence.” She laughed at his expression. “Not on me. It’s no big deal now, really. But the past is definitely part of who I am, and so I thought I should tell you.”

“You’re amazing.”

“It wasn’t that dramatic, or it didn’t seem so at the time. I was overweight all through high school and college, and didn’t get serious about my health until after I married Gil. He was…a pretty big guy, too, and that was a major factor in his heart disease. So it was kind of ironic that I was the one who got the warning. One day my doctor had a long, brutally honest talk with me about what I was doing to my health. I joined a fitness class, followed a strict diet and lost more than a hundred pounds in two years.”

She pressed her hands on the tablecloth so he wouldn’t see them shaking. Her heart rate had doubled. Although she claimed it was no big deal, this was huge for her. And frightening. She was making herself vulnerable in a way she never thought she would.

Even though Josh claimed he wanted to hear everything, there were some things she would not tell him, not now, perhaps never. She would not admit how unhappy she used to be. Or how pathetically grateful she was that Gil wanted to marry her, a dumpy, insecure neuroscience major. And she would not confess the reason she had gone to the doctor in the first place on that particular occasion.

But when she looked at Josh, she wanted to say everything. She
wanted to tell him that sometimes she was so lonely for intimacy that she physically ached with yearning. She longed to admit that since meeting him, she felt alive again. “I was such a big dreamer back in my waitressing days,” she said. “I imagined myself finally getting off this island, seeing the world. And look at me. Right back where I started.” Her voice wavered and she took a sip of wine.

“You should be proud of yourself, honey. You’re healthy and successful. You make me so damned happy sometimes I can’t see straight.”

He was constantly doing that, making simple, direct statements that took her breath away. “Not a good thing for a pilot,” she said.

“You’re a good thing for me.” He leaned across the table. “Lauren, honey, I’ve got something to tell you.”

Misgivings clattered through her head. He was shipping out tomorrow. He had a girlfriend in Florida. A boyfriend…“What’s that?”

“See that young woman who just walked in?”

She looked over her shoulder. A dark-haired, broad-shouldered boy and a beautiful girl with blond hair, wearing a royal-blue dress, were being seated at a table across the room. Lauren’s heart lurched. “Yeah?”

Josh waved at the two of them. They looked uncomfortable, but waved back and then gave their attention to the waitress. Josh leaned even closer and whispered, “That’s Emma Bennett.”

It was all Lauren could do not to stare. She kept sneaking looks at the blond girl. Josh’s half sister. Grace’s daughter.

“I think there’s a family resemblance,” she said. “Something about the eyes. So is everything all right between you and the Bennetts?”

“As far as I know. I’ve only ever met Emma, and she doesn’t have a lot to say to me. I’m her ALO—admissions liaison officer—for the Naval Academy.”

“Does she think that’s weird?”

“No doubt.”

“So do you feel any sort of…connection with her?”

“None at all.”

Lauren debated with herself about whether or not to let Josh know she was acquainted with Grace. Maybe another time, she thought. She liked Grace a lot. And she’d misjudged her. When Grace had first shown up for fitness class, Lauren had seen her as a typical Naval officer’s wife to the last inch of her tired, out-of-shape shadow, an unlikely prospect for success. She figured Grace would come a few times and then find herself too busy to continue. That was the way it usually worked.

But Grace had surprised Lauren. She often had more humor than stamina, but she was making progress. When she started the class, Grace had that soft, doughy look of a woman approaching her middle years. In Lauren’s experience, women at that point found themselves at a curious crossroads in life. Some ignored the impact of time and gravity, and started buying pants with elasticized waistbands and tunics long enough to hide their hips. Others fought back, spending retirement nest eggs on surgeons and spas. But the women Lauren admired most were those who looked after their health and took their age in stride.

Grace’s determination was paying off. Her fitness level was increasing, along with her confidence. Lauren was sometimes tempted to talk to her about being a wife when your husband was at sea, but given the odd connection between Grace and Josh, Lauren didn’t go there.

Just as dessert and coffee arrived, a family of six bustled into the dining room. The hostess looked apologetic as she seated them at a nearby table. The kids were all little, adorable and extremely loud. Lauren watched Josh, half expecting to see annoyance in his face. Instead, he caught the eye of a boy of about six, wearing a plastic gun belt and cowboy boots. Josh winked at the kid, who grinned and ducked his head.

When Josh looked back at Lauren, he laughed at her expression. “Don’t look so surprised. I’m nuts about kids.”

Lauren felt the dull ache of an old yearning. She and Gil had never used birth control. His first wife had refused to have kids, and
once he married Lauren, he was eager to start a family. They both had so much love to give to children. But there was no pregnancy.

They weren’t worried the first year. By the end of the second, they were frantic. They made an appointment with a fertility specialist. There was a three-month wait to see Dr. Hendler, but they never got to meet him. Gil died on their third anniversary, two weeks before the appointment.

“I want a bunch of kids one day,” said Josh.

“Hence the minivan.” She tried to sound amused. “Why would you want to have kids if you’re not going to be there for them?” She couldn’t help it. She had to know.

“That’s why the marriage is so important. In a Navy family, raising the kids is definitely a team effort. You like kids, too, don’t you?”

“I adore them,” she said, taken aback. “In fact, I’m adding a kids’ after-school fitness class to my schedule. And I’m going to teach it myself.”

“You’re amazing, Lauren Stanton,” said Josh. “No wonder I’m falling in love with you.”

Her heart skipped a beat. “That’s not funny.”

At the adjacent table, two of the kids were playing hockey with oyster crackers.

“I’m not joking.” He placed his hand over hers on the table. “I’ve been wanting to ask you something.”

Lauren felt every hair on her body stand on end. This wasn’t happening. It wasn’t. But something in his eyes told her that what he was about to say might change her life.

She started to feel afraid. Only in movies did a handsome, buttoned-down Naval officer ask the desperately lonely woman to marry him. It didn’t happen in real life. It was too terrifying.

She wanted to freeze everything, right here, right now. They had rushed into a mad fling, but suddenly it was turning into something else, almost against her will. She was losing her heart to a man who would make her quiet life a whirlwind, a man who craved the whole package—the career, the wife and kids on the home front.

“Why me?” she whispered.

“Good question,” he said. “We’re all wrong for each other.”

All the anticipation rushed out of her like the air from a deflating balloon. It wasn’t disappointment, she told herself. It was a reprieve. Some things weren’t meant to be easy, she reminded herself. Maybe loving a man like Josh was one of them.

“True,” she said. “I just don’t think this can work.”

He smiled. “But it’s going to.”