The Nightingale Nurses (36 page)

‘Nurse Tre— Nurse Dawson,’ she corrected herself. ‘I hope you do not intend to report for duty this evening?’

Helen glanced down at her pristine uniform. ‘Yes, Matron. Of course.’

‘No one would expect you to work under the circumstances.’

‘Everett will be short staffed if I don’t, Matron. The probationer is already finding it difficult to cope. If there is an emergency admission overnight—’

‘I’m sure the Night Sister can deal with it,’ Kathleen cut in. ‘Really, Nurse, I think it would be far better for you if you went home.’

‘No!’ Helen came to life. The eyes that met Kathleen’s were dark with panic.

‘Just for a few days. You need some rest.’

‘Please don’t send me home, Matron.’

Kathleen raised her eyebrows but said nothing. She didn’t need to be told why Helen didn’t want to go home. The prospect of Constance Tremayne’s tender mercies would be enough to deter anyone.

‘Very well, Nurse. But you must rest. I will talk to Miss Tanner about finding another nurse to cover for you tonight. The new ward allocations are given out tomorrow, so it will be simple enough to take you off the rota.’

‘If you please, Matron, I want to work. I – I want to keep busy.’

Kathleen looked at her steadily. She knew some people believed that ignoring grief was the best way to get through it. But she had always believed differently. She had the worrying feeling that under that unnaturally calm exterior, Helen Dawson was a churning mass of emotion. If she didn’t allow herself time to mourn, those emotions would slowly but surely eat away at her until there was nothing left.

‘I could force you to take time off, you know?’

Helen stared down at her hands. ‘Yes, Matron.’

Kathleen sighed. ‘Very well, Nurse. You will not report for duty tonight. But I want you to go to the sick bay and rest. That is my final word,’ she said, as Helen opened her mouth to argue. ‘You may report to your new ward for duty the day after tomorrow. But,’ she added, as Helen let out her breath, ‘if at any time you change your mind, or you feel your duties are too much for you, then you must tell me at once.’

‘Yes, Matron.’ Helen stood up, then paused. ‘If you please, Matron?’

‘Yes, Nurse?’

‘I wondered . . . may I have some time off next Wednesday? It’s Charlie’s – my husband’s funeral.’

A lump rose in Kathleen’s throat, almost choking her.

‘Yes, Nurse. Of course,’ she replied.

‘Thank you, Matron.’

As she turned to go, Kathleen said, ‘And don’t forget, Dawson, my door is always open. If you want to talk about anything.’

‘Yes, Matron. Thank you.’

Kathleen watched her as she walked to the door. Her steps were careful, measured, as if even the effort of putting one foot in front of the other was too much for her.

If there was anything troubling Helen Dawson, Kathleen had the feeling she would be the last to hear about it.

‘That’s the second day she hasn’t eaten a thing,’ Millie commented as they watched Helen across the dining room at supper time. She sat alone at the third-year table, her untouched plate of food in front of her. ‘We should go over there, say something to her . . .’

‘Like what?’ Dora said. ‘What could we possibly say that would make her feel better?’

‘I don’t know, do I?’ Millie sighed. ‘But I hate sitting here doing nothing. We’re supposed to be her friends, aren’t we?’

All the more reason why we should stay away, Dora thought. They could say sorry a hundred times or more, and it wouldn’t take away any of her pain.

As she watched, a group of third-years came into the dining room and sat down around Helen. She instantly came to life, smiling and talking to them. But Dora could see the strain on her face. All she really wanted was to be alone.

‘She knows where we are, when she needs us.’

‘I can’t stop thinking about what happened.’ Millie put her fork down and pushed her own plate away. ‘She was completely hysterical, not like Helen at all. The way she screamed and fought, like a wild animal – I truly thought she was going to black her brother’s eye, the way she lashed out at him. She kept saying it was a mistake, that Charlie was getting better. Poor girl, she’d been saying that for days, begging us to do more tests, telling us his oedema was going down when anyone could see it was getting worse . . .’

‘She saw what she wanted to see, I suppose,’ Dora said.

Millie nodded. ‘I suppose so. I wish she’d been there when he died, then perhaps she would have accepted it. But to come back and find he’d been taken down to the mortuary like that . . . well, it must have been a dreadful shock.’

‘Death does funny things to people,’ Katie O’Hara said gloomily, reaching across for Millie’s plate. ‘God, can you imagine being left a widow like that, barely a week after you were a bride? It’s cruel, it really is.’

‘It’s hard to believe how happy we were on her wedding day,’ Millie sighed.

‘I wonder if she knew what was going to happen?’ Lucy Lane mused. Dora shot Millie a look across the table but neither of them said anything.

‘It doesn’t sound like it, does it?’ Katie replied through a mouth full of food. ‘Besides, would you marry someone knowing they were going to die? I don’t think I would.’

‘Not even your Tommy?’ Dora said.

Lucy grinned nastily. ‘That’s the only time he would marry her, over his dead body!’

Katie crossed herself. ‘Don’t even joke about it. I don’t know what I’d do if he passed.’

‘I can’t believe she’s going back to work tomorrow,’ Millie said, her gaze still fixed on Helen. ‘I’m sure that can’t be a good idea.’

‘It’s her choice.’ Dora shrugged. ‘Maybe she feels like she has to keep herself busy? Besides, she’s only been assigned to Male Orthopaedics. They’re a lively lot there, it shouldn’t be too depressing for her.’

‘I don’t know about that,’ Katie said. ‘My sister Bridget is a staff nurse there, don’t forget. She’d be enough to get anyone down!’

Helen had already gone by the time they left the dining room after supper.

‘When do you think she’ll be moving back into our room?’ Millie asked.

‘If she’s starting back on the wards tomorrow then she should be coming out of the sick bay tonight, I suppose,’ Dora replied.

‘Good.’ Millie smiled. ‘Perhaps she’ll feel like talking to us then?’

‘Perhaps,’ Dora agreed. ‘But we shouldn’t push her, if she doesn’t feel like it. We’ve got to give her time.’

Millie, Lucy and Katie were due back on the ward at nine o’clock, but Dora had already finished for the day. As she made her way back to the nurses’ home in the fading evening light, she was so deep in thought about Helen she didn’t notice the tall, broad-shouldered figure stepping into her path.

‘I need to talk to you,’ Nick said.

‘Nick!’ She glanced beyond him to the nurses’ home. ‘You’re taking a chance, ain’t you? What if Sister Sutton looked out of her window and caught us?’

‘I don’t care. I’m desperate.’

She peered at him. Even in the shadowy dusk, she could see the tension in the harsh planes of his face. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’

‘I’m leaving Ruby.’

‘She lied to me,’ said Nick. ‘She was never pregnant. She made the whole thing up just so I’d marry her.’

Dora’s mind raced, all kinds of thoughts crowding in on her at once. ‘Who told you?’

‘Danny heard her and her mum talking about it. Ruby was telling her about this plan she’d come up with, to pretend to lose it. And that old cow Lettie said she’d help make it look real, so I’d be none the wiser.’

He stopped speaking abruptly, and Dora saw the flash of pain cross his face.

‘I’m sorry,’ she murmured.

‘She had me fooled,’ Nick went on, his voice ragged. ‘I felt so sorry for her. I thought if she was suffering half as much as I was . . .’ He gulped in a steadying breath. ‘She watched me breaking my heart, let me go on thinking our baby was dead. And all the time she was laughing at me!’

Dora kept her hands pinned to her sides, fighting the urge to reach out to him. ‘I’m sure she wasn’t laughing, Nick.’

He looked up at her sharply. ‘You’re not sticking up for Ruby, surely?’

‘No, of course not. I just think she must have been really desperate to do something like that.’

‘Conniving, more like!’ Nick’s lip curled with contempt. ‘She’s been lying to me the whole way through our marriage, right from the minute she walked into that church and said “I do”. How she had the brass neck to make her vows before God, I’ve no idea. I’m surprised she didn’t get struck by lightning!’ His face was bitter. ‘I should have known,’ he said. ‘I should have realised she’d pull a trick like this to get her own way. She never thinks about anyone else, not for a second. Why should she, as long as she gets her own way?’

Dora flinched from the raw anger in his voice. He was right, Ruby had been cruel and deceitful; she deserved his contempt, and a lot more besides.

But she’d drawn Dora into her lie too.

‘Aren’t you going to say something?’ Nick was staring at her, his eyes hard and searching.

‘I – I don’t know what to say.’

‘You don’t seem very surprised. But then I suppose you know her better than anyone, don’t you? You were her mate for a long time, you must know what she’s capable of.’ He eyed Dora narrowly. ‘You didn’t know anything about this, did you?’

‘I—’

‘No, of course you didn’t. Forget I asked,’ Nick dismissed his question. ‘You’re not like her, you’d never lie to me the way she has.’

Dora glanced behind him at the nurses’ home. Light glowed in every window as the students started to return from their day’s work. She wished she could be safely locked away with them.

‘Have you talked to Ruby?’ she asked.

Nick shook his head. ‘I’m too angry to face her, I didn’t want to do something I’d regret. Besides, I wanted to see you first. I just thought you could – I dunno, help me make sense of it all.’

He ran his hand through his dark curls. He looked more lost than angry, Dora thought. Like a man who’d had the stuffing kicked out of him and didn’t know why.

‘You need to talk to Ruby,’ she said.

His mouth tightened. ‘I’ve got nothing to say to her.’

‘Then listen to what she’s got to say.’

‘Why? All I’ll get out of her are more lies. She wouldn’t know the truth if she fell over it. I just don’t know what to believe or who to trust any more. Except for you.’

He reached for her hand, but Dora pulled away. She felt too dirty, too dishonest, to let him touch her.

‘She took that away too, didn’t she?’ Nick said heavily. ‘We could have been so happy together, and Ruby ruined it with her selfish lies. But it’s not too late, is it? We could still be together . . .’

Dora could feel the tension coming off his body. ‘Don’t say it,’ she pleaded. ‘It’s not right.’

‘Why not? I love you. I’ve always loved you.’

‘But you’re married to her.’

Nick’s eyes met hers, dark and direct. ‘For now,’ he said.

Dora felt sick. None of this should be happening, it was all wrong.

‘Talk to Ruby,’ she urged. ‘See what she’s got to say for herself.’

He sighed. ‘All right, if you think that’s best. But I’m telling you now, there isn’t a damn thing she can say to make me change my mind.’

CHARLIE’S FUNERAL WAS
a real East End affair, no expense spared. Two black-plumed horses pulled the elaborate hearse, heavy with banks of colourful flowers, through the narrow streets, followed by a procession of Charlie’s friends and family. It felt as if the whole of Bethnal Green had turned out, lining the streets. As they passed Columbia Road market, the cries of the traders fell silent and everyone stood still, pulling off their hats and bowing their heads to show respect.

Helen kept her face stony as she followed the funeral cortege. She wished she could let her feelings out like Charlie’s family were, but her mother always told her it was undignified to cry in front of other people.

Not that Charlie’s family seemed to care. His mother, brothers and sisters were all sobbing. Even his father, burly costermonger that he was, had tears streaming down his face. They put their arms around each other, holding each other up. But there was no one to support Helen as she walked alone behind her husband’s coffin.

Dora and Millie had come, and Helen’s father and brother. All four of them followed behind the procession, their heads bowed.

Of course, her mother hadn’t come.

It was probably just as well, Helen thought bitterly. She could only imagine what Constance would have made of Charlie’s family, howling with grief at the graveside. How she would have shuddered at the vulgarity of it all, the showiness of the flowers, the outpouring of emotion. Helen could just picture her, pursing her lips with distaste.

But at least Charlie’s family were there to console his widow. After the service, Nellie Dawson came up to her. She was huddled in an astrakhan coat, her face bloated and blotchy with tears underneath her black hat.

‘Oh, my poor little girl.’ She drew Helen in her arms, enveloping her in a lavender-scented embrace. ‘How you must be suffering I just don’t know.’ She held her at arm’s length, scrutinising her face. ‘How are you bearing up, love?’

Helen nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

‘Well, you know, you mustn’t be a stranger to us. You’re family now, remember that.’ She stroked a stray hair off Helen’s face. ‘Anything you want, anything you need, you come and see me, all right?’

‘Thank you,’ Helen managed to whisper.

‘No need to thank me, my darling. Like I said, you’re family now. That’s what Charlie would have wanted.’ Nellie sniffed back the tears that threatened to spill from her watery eyes. ‘He loved you, you know. Loved you with all his heart, he did. I’ve never known him so happy as he was with you.’ She pulled out her handkerchief. ‘Why the Lord decided to take him away from us I’ve got no idea. They say He works in mysterious ways, don’t they?’ She gave a wobbly smile. ‘Charlie’s probably watching us now from up there and having a right old laugh at us carrying on, I shouldn’t wonder.’

‘I expect so.’

As Helen went to walk away, Nellie Dawson said, ‘I almost forgot. Charlie asked me to give you something.’