The Night Off (19 page)

“You just don’t get it, Col. It’s not about how many beers you drank. It’s about the fact that you’re underage, you’re genetically predisposed to addiction, and you should never drink because you’re pissed off at somebody. Dulling your emotions with alcohol isn’t healthy.” Emily folded her arms over her chest. “It’s not okay.”

Colleen sat with obvious effort. “Do I get to tell you why I
actually
drank those beers, or are we just going to agree to go with your version?”

Emily forced herself to calm down. This was a very fragile time for their relationship. Colleen’s upcoming freedom meant that she could choose to shut Emily out completely if pushed too hard. Emily didn’t know what she would do if that happened. Her entire life so far had revolved around taking care of Colleen and making sure she grew up all right. Discovering who she was without Colleen was already going to be a real challenge, but losing Colleen’s steady presence in her life would be too much. Her sister was all she had.

“Okay.” Emily exhaled slowly. “Why did you drink three beers?”

“Kaysi’s brother picked us up a six-pack to split tonight. After we fought, I grabbed half the bottles because I’d already paid for them.” Colleen gave her a defensive scowl. “So it had nothing to do with being mad at Kaysi. I would’ve had them if I’d stayed at her house, anyway. Instead I drank them here.”

Emily’s temples throbbed. “That doesn’t exactly make me feel better.” Colleen rolled her eyes and started to speak, but Emily held up a hand to stop her. “Listen, I get that young people—even teenagers—drink sometimes to have fun. I don’t love the idea that you went to Kaysi’s house to drink, but I accept that it wasn’t like you were planning to bang heroin like Mom and Dad. But you didn’t drink with Kaysi. You came home, and whether out of anger or boredom, you decided to drink alone.
That
is a problem. If you don’t see that, then I’m really worried about you.”

“Look, Em, I’m sorry. I know how you feel about me drinking. I didn’t think a few beers would be a big deal, but I get that it is, for you. I’m sorry. It was stupid. I promise it’s not indicative of a larger issue.” She put air quotes around the last part of her sentence, lowering her voice to a sober tone that Emily suspected might be mocking her. Colleen grimaced as her hand covered her belly. “If it’s any consolation, I think I’m paying for it right now.”

Recognizing genuine discomfort on Colleen’s face, Emily sighed. “Listen, I don’t like seeing you sick. Not even if you deserve it.” She gestured toward Colleen’s bedroom. “Go drink some water and take some ibuprofen. I’ll clean up, okay? You go to bed.”

Colleen gave her a bleary nod. “Thanks, Em.” She grabbed the arm of the sofa with both hands, using it to keep her balance as she struggled to her feet. “Why did they make you work so late? Who the hell needs an accountant at midnight?”

“I had some papers to prepare for a big client. A foreign client. Wildly different time zone, you know.” Emily trailed off, knowing Colleen wasn’t honestly curious enough to challenge her explanation. No need to lie any more than necessary. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you got home.”

Colleen stumbled toward her bedroom. “No worries. I’m a big girl. I was fine.”

Sure she was. Emily sat down on the couch after Colleen left, covering her face with her hands. Less than a week—and only one official date—and already Nat had complicated her life. She had always lived by an internal code that dictated she not put anyone or anything above her sister. Yet tonight she’d done exactly that. She’d chosen to get laid instead of being here for Colleen. As a result, Colleen had turned to alcohol.

She’d told Nat that Colleen wasn’t a little kid anymore, which was true. But the fact that she didn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone for even one night frankly terrified her. Here she was preparing to send Colleen away to college, yet one evening apart had resulted in Colleen making a bad choice—a choice she never would have made had Emily been here to keep her company.

She blinked back the tears that threatened to spill as she considered a possible course of action. The most obvious solution—and the one she refused to pursue—was to cut things off with Nat. That was a simple answer to the problem of not getting distracted. Unfortunately, it just wasn’t an option. She was enjoying the sex too much. Hell, she was enjoying
Nat
too much. Ditching her was out.

She could simply put the brakes on their relationship until Colleen left for college. That was only two months away—doable, in theory. But even that thought caused her physical pain. Two months was a long time, especially when she considered how hard she’d struggled to get through only three days without touching Nat.

No. She didn’t want to wait.

Or she could stick to her guns and make the commitment to choose Colleen’s needs first every time, even if it meant forgoing her own pleasure. That would require stealing time with Nat whenever she could, even if most of their interaction had to take place over the phone. The thought pained her, but it was far preferable to not seeing Nat at all. It wasn’t as though they wouldn’t have opportunities to get together. Colleen was attending an overnight college orientation a week from Friday. That would be the perfect time to see Nat. Another guilt-free night off.

It couldn’t come fast enough.

Nat closed her eyes and tried not to think about Emily as a gorgeous, silver-haired butch below her nudged her one step closer to orgasm. Deb was one of her oldest clients, and her kink was face-sitting. Every appointment for the past seven years unfolded exactly the same way. Deb would disrobe while Nat watched in silence. Once naked, Deb would lie motionless in the center of her queen mattress. Next she undressed, then straddled Deb’s head and lowered her pussy onto her mouth. And that was all she had to do—just sit there and withstand an intensely skillful oral assault that would sometimes last for hours. Deb liked it best when she settled her full weight on her face, allowing her only the occasional break to gasp for air. Throughout, Nat talked dirty and stimulated Deb’s clit with her fingers, until finally she allowed Deb to climax with her.

She had to admit, it wasn’t a bad way to make a living. Or at least it hadn’t been, before Emily.

Though Deb had always been one of her favorite clients—attractive, sexually voracious, and a real gentleman—tonight she could hardly stand the wet, sucking heat of her mouth. It just didn’t feel right to be with anyone else now that she had Emily in her heart. The first orgasm Deb had given her this evening had immediately flooded her with shame and regret. She didn’t expect the second to feel any better.

Still, she was a professional. She lifted herself off Deb’s face slightly, allowing her to breathe. “You like sucking butch pussy, don’t you?” She rubbed furious circles over Deb’s clit as she rocked her hips slightly, dragging her labia over Deb’s nose. “You want me to come all over your face?”

“Please.” Deb lifted her head, burying her tongue in Nat’s folds. “Give it to me.”

Nat lowered herself once more, jerking as Deb latched onto her clit and sucked hard. She missed the softer, more sensuous heat of Emily’s mouth. The memory that accompanied that fleeting thought sent pleasure rushing through her lower body, leaving her teetering on the edge of orgasm. She tensed, preparing for her body’s betrayal. Amazing how something that felt so good could bring such shame.

“Don’t stop,” Nat said automatically. She rubbed Deb’s clit harder, pulling out the lines that she knew would push Deb over. “I’m almost there. Come with me, now. That’s my good boi.”

Deb’s legs locked as she quaked in release. But her tongue never stopped moving, and though Nat tried to hold back, she was powerless against the shuddering orgasm that rolled through her body. She crawled off Deb as soon as their mutual pleasure ebbed, hoping like hell that her need for space wouldn’t be taken personally.

Deb’s hard-nippled breasts rose and fell with her deep breathing. She grabbed a corner of the comforter beneath them, wiping Nat’s juices from her face. “
Goddamn
, you taste good.” Sighing, Deb patted her on the thigh, like a sports buddy. “So come on, talk to me. What’s up?”

Nat blinked rapidly. She’d honestly thought she was doing a fine job of acting like she was savoring her work. The very last thing she ever wanted to do was make a client feel as though she hadn’t enjoyed their time together. That’s what they paid for, after all—a sure thing with an enthusiastic partner. “I’m not certain what you mean.”

Deb patted her again. “It’s only because I’ve known you so long. You seem really detached tonight. Distant. I can tell something’s wrong. How many times have you been there to listen to me bitch about my life?” She grinned broadly. “Let me reciprocate. Talk to me.”

Blushing, Nat shook her head. “Tonight is about you, Deb. You’re the one paying for my time, not the other way around.”

“That’s right,
I’m
paying
you
. So if you feel comfortable talking to me, I’m telling you that I want to listen.” Deb rolled onto her side, planting her elbow so she could prop her head on her hand. “Come on. Something’s bothering you.”

Nat exhaled. It was totally unprofessional to bring her personal life to work. She’d never done it before—well, except for Emily. As often as she’d played therapist to various clients, she’d never crossed the line when it came to revealing her own issues. The thing was, she wasn’t sure she cared about being professional anymore.

Hell, she wasn’t even sure she cared about being an escort anymore.

“I met a woman.” Nat pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “It’s hard not to think about her when I’m working.” She grimaced when she realized how that sounded. “No offense.”

“None taken.” Deb’s eyes danced. “Are you in love with her?”

“I’m getting there fast.” Nat managed a shaky laugh. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone before, that’s for sure.”

“Congratulations.” Deb seemed genuinely pleased, although her smile was tinged with sadness. “Does this mean I won’t be seeing you again?”

Nat hadn’t planned to make a decision right then. She figured she’d go home, weigh the pros and cons, and probably talk herself out of quitting. But instead she said, “I don’t think you will.” Her heart raced with the enormity of that thought. Sex work was all she’d ever known. She had no idea if she could actually succeed doing something else. But for the first time, she felt ready to try. “I’m sorry.”

“I won’t lie and say I’m not disappointed.” Deb sat and pulled her into a tight hug. Despite what they’d just done—what they’d always done—the embrace was almost platonic. “But I am happy for you. You deserve the very best.”

“Thank you.” She squeezed Deb gently.

“What’s her name?”

Nat grinned. “Emily.” Just saying it made her feel all gooey inside.

Deb snorted, clapping her on the back as she broke their hug. “Getting there fast, huh? You sure you haven’t already arrived?”

“Maybe.” Nat lifted a shoulder. “I haven’t known her very long.”

“Sometimes you don’t have to. That’s how it was with Laura.” As she always did when talking about her dead lover of fifteen years, Deb lowered her voice. Though Deb had never admitted it, Nat suspected she paid for her services because she craved sex and companionship but simply didn’t believe she could ever love another woman. As long as she knew emotions were off the table, Deb could satisfy her needs without worrying about betraying the woman she’d lost to breast cancer. Deb’s face softened. “A half hour after I met her, I was in love with her.”

“I met Emily a week and a half ago, but I’ve only had the chance to actually be
with
her for about three of those days.” She kept telling herself that she didn’t know Emily well enough to truly love her. But that didn’t change how she felt. “We have great chemistry and I can feel she cares about me, but we definitely haven’t made any plans. Beyond having more sex, I mean.”

Deb gave her a sympathetic smile. “Well, tell Emily she’s one lucky girl. You’re a real catch. And tell her she’d better treat you right.”

Of all her clients, only Deb could make her feel quite so girlish. Blushing, Nat said, “I’ll be sure to pass that along.”

Deb rolled out of bed chuckling. Without a trace of self-consciousness, she picked up her boxer shorts and pulled them on. “Does Emily have a problem with you being an escort?”

“No.” Embarrassed to admit it but committed to continue the openness between them, Nat said, “She started out as a client. Our first session just sort of…kept going. For two days.”

Deb failed to suppress an amused grin as she tugged a sleeveless athletic shirt over her head. “Stud.”

Nat puffed up her chest. “That’s right.” Laughing, she climbed off the bed and began to get dressed. “We just connected, you know? I don’t think she has a problem with my job, but I’m finding it difficult to be with other women when I only want Emily. I can’t stop thinking about her.”

Grimacing, Deb said, “I’m sorry. You should have told me. I hate the thought that I made you do something that was uncomfortable.”

Damn.
She turned to Deb with an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, that’s not it at all. I don’t want you to think that what we just did wasn’t completely wonderful.” She stepped closer to Deb, placing her hand on the slope of her breast, over her heart. “Being with you has
always
been wonderful.”

Deb closed the distance between them, kissing Nat’s forehead as she would a child’s. “Flattery will get you everywhere.” She sat on the edge of the bed. Since she showed no sign of tiring of hearing about her love life, Nat joined her on the mattress. “So what will you do? I assume you’re not independently wealthy.”

Nat shrugged, shy about admitting her dream to Deb. Not because she thought Deb would mock her, but because she still wasn’t certain she had what it would take to succeed in the culinary field. “I like to cook. Love it, actually. I’ve been working on my skills for years now, trying to work up the courage to change careers.” She exhaled. “Emily isn’t the only reason I want to quit, but she is the perfect inspiration to finally pursue a dream I’ve had for a while now.”