The New Rakes (21 page)

It was like waving a red rag at a bull. Kara’s uncertainty dissolved, pushed aside by a reckless fury she could taste in her mouth.

Without a word, she grabbed her shirt and wrenched it up over her head. She dropped it on the floor and checked Mike’s
reaction.
To her delight, his face had darkened with a mix of surprise and anger.

Behind them the musicians sputtered with laughter. But when Kara reached behind her back to unhook her bra, they fell utterly silent. She focused on the drummer as she loosened the fastening, watched his tongue flicker over his lips and his eyes dart back and forth.

‘You can watch,’ she said calmly. ‘I’m not shy.’

She pulled her flimsy cotton bra off and draped it over a mike stand. Her brazenness and the sudden cold made her shiver, and she felt her breasts tingle, her nipples tightening as she bent down to pick up her shirt. As she slipped the shirt back on the tips of her nipples grazed against the light fabric, sticking out in proud points judging from where the musicians’ eyes were fixed.

‘So?’ she said, putting her hands on her hips. ‘You want to go again?’

‘No,’ Mike said, his gaze murky and furious. ‘Not yet. Undo your skirt.’ He jerked his chin at her.

‘You think it’d help if I sang naked?’ Kara demanded, but she popped the button of her skirt and pulled the zip halfway down. ‘That enough?’

‘What do you think, boys?’ Mike asked, throwing the question over his shoulder at the musicians behind him. ‘Will that help?’

The guitarist crossed his arms, flexing his curvy biceps as he considered Kara’s déshabillé. ‘Oh yeah,’ he said. ‘Looks good. But she can go ahead and take more off if it’s going to help. You know, with the singing.’

‘Fuck you,’ Kara said sweetly. ‘Mike, let’s pick up the song again.’

Mike nodded. ‘OK. But while you’re singing –’ he came in close and smacked her ass, grabbed a handful of flesh ‘– tense up here. Nice and tight.’

Kara’s muscles contracted automatically. Memories of Mike as her teacher and Mike as her lover glanced off one another, the feel of him twisting his finger inside her and opening her up gave her another shiver. Mike kept massaging her bottom, watching how it made her chest rise and fall.

He leaned in to whisper to her so close his breath tickled her ear. ‘That’s good. Just think of me,’ he said, ‘fucking you there. Can you do that?’

Kara nodded.

Mike pulled back and talked loudly. ‘Lovely. Loose in the chest, tight in the ass. If you can’t keep it up, we’ll do some more exercises and I’ll get the boys to join in this time.’

Kara kept her eyes fixed straight ahead. Don’t let him see you’re embarrassed, she told herself, but the shame was clear on her face, and she was wet between her legs. Would Mike strip her and throw her to the wolves, let those gormless hired guys perv over her? Would he enjoy that?

Of course he would. Just another way to exert his control. He liked her in thrall to him, unsettled and horny. The trouble was, Kara thought as she gripped the mike and leaned into it, that she liked it too. He made her feel like a slutty fool, and she couldn’t get enough.

The strange thing was that Mike’s instructions worked. Whether it was because of his impromptu singing lesson or the fact that she was half aroused and agitated, Kara sang like she was on fire. They played without a break for the next two hours, laying down one track after the other. Everything rolled with unstoppable force until Lina came in.

Shut away in the wood-lined box of the studio, Kara had forgotten the rest of the world existed. There was nothing but sweaty tension, Mike and the other musicians, and the songs
bouncing
off the walls with energy so fierce it vibrated in her hair.

When Lina appeared, it was as though she had broken into their secret den without a password. For some reason, a rush of guilt swarmed over Kara, as though she’d been caught in the middle of doing something she shouldn’t.

‘Sounds good,’ Lina said, leaning back against the wall and settling in to watch. ‘Don’t let me stop you, please.’

Kara wiped her face on the back of her sleeve. Tension flickered in the room, the presence of Lina disrupting the hothouse atmosphere as if a cold draught had blown in the door.

‘What is that?’ Lina was frowning at the bra hanging inelegantly draped over the mike stand.

Kara shrugged. ‘Mike’s idea,’ she said, raising her eyebrows.

Lina nodded, very slowly. ‘So you’re all letting your hair down,’ she said. ‘And how’s it playing out?’

‘Very smooth,’ said Mike. ‘We’ve got something special happening.’

‘I’m glad to hear it. Hope the pressure’s not getting to you, Kara. I know it’s not easy keeping up with Mike’s demands.’

‘Everything’s lush. All going according to plan,’ Kara said.

‘Kara’s been very good,’ Mike added. ‘She’s got spirit.’

‘I can see that,’ Lina said, her eyes dropping to Kara’s clothes, the obvious braless breasts under her shirt and the pulled-open skirt.

Kara straightened her spine, stuck her chin out and let Lina get a good look.

‘Well, you’re not shy,’ Lina said. ‘Can’t wait to give everyone a show, can you?’

‘My body is an instrument,’ Kara said, not even bothering to keep the mocking tone out of her voice. ‘I know how to play it.’

She was pinned between Mike and Lina, she realised, trapped by secrets and unspoken longing. The atmosphere was so sticky she could hardly breathe, desire and hate and jealousy ran circles round the room. And nobody was willing to let go.

‘Nearly finished, aren’t you?’ Lina said. ‘I can tell you’ve been working hard. But you want to be careful you don’t burn yourself out. You’ll need to be on fighting form soon.’

‘For the gig at Polar?’ Kara said. ‘Can’t wait.’

‘Everybody will be there,’ Lina said, slipping her hands into her pockets. ‘Everybody. I’ll make sure of it.’

There was a warning in her words. Kara heard it quite clearly, and had the sudden image of Lina priming a gun.

‘I got hold of your old band mates.’ Lina shrugged. ‘Not sure if they’ll make it. Tam seemed a bit … preoccupied to be honest.’

There it was. The sound of the safety catch slipping off.

‘Maybe he’s upset you gave him the elbow. But he’s hot property, that boy.’ Lina smiled. ‘Even if you did drop him, someone else’ll pick him up –’ she clicked her fingers ‘– just like
that
. I told him, but he still looked a bit pissed off to be honest.’

‘Looked? You saw him?’ Kara answered sharply, before she could stop herself.

Lina gave her a wide smile. ‘He came by earlier. Must have been looking for Judy. Don’t worry – I told him you guys were busy.’ Lina studied the ceiling as though lost in thought. She shook her head and laughed, letting her hair shake free. ‘He didn’t seem to mind all that much. Damn. I’m keeping you guys back. Go on.’ She gestured to the microphones. ‘I can’t wait to hear this special thing you’ve got going on.’

Kara hugged herself. The muscles in her neck were coiled so tight they cracked when she lifted her shoulders and her
ears
were ringing. She looked at the mike in front of her and the blank faces of her new backing musicians. There was a sharp ashy taste in her mouth and, as her eyes fell on Mike sitting coolly at the keyboard, she felt something snap.

‘I have to go,’ she said bluntly, reaching for the coat she’d hung on a chair and then shoving her arms into the sleeves, already walking. She was halfway to the door when Mike called after her.

‘Kara.’ His voice was hard and full of warning, and her spine went rigid at the sound.

‘I’ll be here tomorrow,’ she said, ‘don’t worry.’ She threw the last words over her shoulder and slammed the door behind her.

Outside the night was icy black, the pavements slippery with early-spring rain that was already beginning to freeze. Kara walked without thinking, inhaling the cold air in short quick breaths. She pushed past a knot of drunk students spilling across her path and hurried along the tunnel of trees that led to the messy heart of the West End. The roots of the old trees had burst through the tarmac and churned up the pavement, and she stumbled just as a car with dimmed headlights crawled past.

Picking up her pace, she felt anxiety sparking in her fingertips as the car pulled alongside. The window scrolled down and the engine purred softly.

‘Fuck off,’ Kara said curtly, flicking her middle finger at the invisible driver.

He revved the engine and took off, leaving her behind in the dark with a metallic screech. She walked faster, heading for the orange glow of Gibson Street and the steep terraces beyond.

Her mobile was in her pocket and she gripped it tightly. It
was
tempting, but this wasn’t the kind of conversation she could have over the phone. She needed to see him face to face. Even if Judy was naked in his bed, even if it meant he ended up hating her. Christ, she thought, what if he isn’t in? But then she gritted her teeth. Of course he was in. She knew Tam. If he had a new girlfriend, he’d be holed up in his bedroom fucking her senseless.

Kara reached his street and glanced up at his window – the light was on. Not sure if she was relieved or rattled, she made for the door and buzzed. This time, when he answered, she didn’t run away.

‘It’s me,’ she said, ‘let me in.’

She jogged up the stairs, pulling on the handrail and reaching the second floor out of breath, her heart thumping in her ears. Tam stood in his doorway wearing just a pair of faded jeans with the zip half done up. He looked like he’d just got out of bed – hair all mussed and a confused look on his face.

Why did you have to be half naked? Kara thought. That skin was satin, dewy, bitable. She shook herself and met his eyes.

‘Kara?’

‘I have to speak to you.’

‘It’s kind of late.’ Tam said quietly, but she was pushing past him already, swerving to avoid the half-open door of the bedroom and heading to the kitchen. Even dizzy and full of nerves, Kara knew she might be interrupting, and the last thing she wanted was a showdown with Judy. The kitchen should be safe.

She flicked the light switch on and walked to the sink, where she picked over the dirty crockery and found a glass that looked relatively clean.

‘Did you just stop by for a drink of water, then?’

Tam was rubbing the sleep out of his scrunched up eyes. Kara stole a glance at him as she held the glass under the tap, wondering how he managed to look sweet and filthy at the same time. When his eyes cracked open and he looked at her, the heat of his brown eyes scorched her.

‘I know everything went all … wrong, with us,’ Kara said. Now she was here, the desperate angst that had driven her out of the studio and along the night streets seemed to have suddenly evaporated. She was flailing around for words, for a way to broach the subject that wouldn’t make her sound like a jealous bitch. Playing for time, she took a long sip of water and smacked her lips.

Tam had crossed his arms over his satin, dewy, bitable chest and now he gave her a cool look, raising one eyebrow as if to ask ‘What have you got that’s better than bed?’

‘You saw … You talked to Lina today,’ Kara said.

The smile that curled across Tam’s mouth almost broke her heart. ‘Sure,’ he said, kicking at the floor with his bare foot. ‘We went for a drink. She’s a pretty cool woman.’

‘Oh, spare me,’ Kara muttered before she could stop herself. She sighed and set her glass on the kitchen table with a firm knock. ‘She’s poison, Tam.’

‘Ahhhh,’ Tam said, nodding very slowly. ‘I see.’

‘No, Tam, you don’t.’ Kara shoved her hands in her hair and closed her eyes. She sighed again. It wasn’t easy to concentrate with Tam standing there dripping bare-naked testosterone all over the linoleum. He wore his jeans slung low and every time her eyes dropped below his face they were instinctively drawn to follow the trail of hair that trickled over his belly and down to the wider tangle …

‘Do you have anything to drink?’ Kara asked sharply. ‘That works better than water?’

‘I just finished the last beer,’ Tam said, walking over to her and smiling right into her face. He dragged the tip of his tongue over his lips with a movement that made Kara’s own mouth go dry. ‘Want to taste?’

18

‘I’M SERIOUS, TAM
,’ Kara said, putting her hands flat on his chest. She pushed him back with the equal and opposite force of what she really wanted to do, which was grab him and hold on to him hard.

‘Please, listen to me,’ she said. Meanwhile, she tried not to think about how warm and smooth he felt under her hands.

‘You don’t want me to see Lina. But you don’t want to see me either. Can’t have it both ways, Kara.’

Tam spun away from her and paced across the kitchen, stretching up to knit his fingers together behind his head. He rolled his neck as if to work out the kinks. ‘Oh God,’ he said, ‘why do I fall for this crap. Every time.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Kara said. ‘Tam, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to –’

‘You didn’t want to what? Push me away? Or you didn’t want to come round and screw up my life again?’

Tam walked up to the cupboard where a dartboard hung on the back of the door. He tugged a dart out of the cork and twisted it in his hands, smoothing the feathers back along the shaft. He’s nervous, Kara thought. Seeing him this uncertain – cocky, irrepressible Tam – made her legs feel shaky. She leaned on the table and waited for him to talk.

‘Lina’s got a lot of ideas,’ he said, testing the point of the dart against his thumb. ‘She can hook me up with the right people.’

‘She could,’ Kara agreed. ‘But she won’t.’ Lina’s words rang
in
her head:
I could help him with that broken heart. And then shatter it all over again
.

Kara stared down at the table between her hands, looked at the knots in the wood and the scratches where knives had scored the surface. She’d rather break her own heart, she realised, than let Tam get hurt. So how did she end up in his kitchen acting the angel of doom, trying to crush all his hopes for the future?

‘She’s setting you up,’ Kara said quietly.

‘Right. And why would she bother?’