The Navy SEAL's Bride (15 page)

She was a teacher. Her role was to coach others to fulfill their dreams, and she was okay with that. Caitlin had loved the discipline of ballet, had lost herself within the structure of the dance. It had allowed her to be in control, and no one had been able to take it away from her. Until the accident that had ended her career forever.

Ballet would always be in her heart, but it was time to move on for good. And she was finally ready to, or at least she liked to think she was.

Caitlin smiled to herself as she cut into the melon, popping a piece in her mouth. Tom wasn’t exactly a bad distraction, and she couldn’t wait for him to get back.

* * *

Tom wasn’t ready to pull over, but he also wasn’t prepared to forfeit seeing Caitlin again. He’d run home fast, punishing himself, when all he’d really been interested in doing was getting back to her.

Last night had been… He stroked his hand over the steering wheel as he parked his vehicle. If he had to choose between Caitlin and his car right now, he’d give up the car, and that was saying something. Tom almost dialed his brother but jumped out instead. Daniel would laugh all day if he knew his brother was so keen on a woman he’d give up his car. Hell, it’d be like admitting he’d give up a limb for her. And he’d
slept
. After he’d woken and she’d held him, he’d slept like a newborn baby for hours. No waking up in a hot sweat, the sheets damp and tangled from his nightmares again. He’d gone to sleep with Caitlin in his arms and he hadn’t woken until morning.

“Tom?” Caitlin was calling out from the front door when he stepped out.

“Come and meet her,” he called back, inviting her down.

Tom tried to keep a straight face as Caitlin walked slowly, carefully down across her porch and toward him. She looked confused and her ankle was obviously tender from the way she was hobbling.

“You got a new car?” she asked.

Tom closed the distance between them and looped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in for a kiss before taking some of her weight from her leg. “This isn’t any old car, Caitlin.”

She groaned. Over-the-top-loud kind of groan. “Please don’t tell me this is who you wanted me to meet?” she asked, looking at him as though she pitied him. “Here I was thinking you were Mr. Perfect, but instead you’re actually a car nutter.”

Tom squeezed her closer and forced her to walk by his side to the car. “I am
not
a nutter.” He tried not to laugh. But he sure liked the sound of
Mr. Perfect.

“Oh, yes, you are,” she goaded, poking him in the ribs. “Absolute nutter.”

Tom gave her a push sideways, nudging her with his hip to move her away without letting her put any weight on her leg. “I’ll have you know that this beauty is a 1965 Ford Mustang convertible,” he said, as proud as if he were introducing Caitlin to his own flesh and blood. “I restored her from the ground up myself, whenever I was home.”

Caitlin’s gaze flicked from him to the car and back. “Okay, I’ll concede that the car looks nice, but I’m not so sure about the formal introduction.”

“Sally,” he said, trying not to smirk.

“Excuse me?”

“Her name’s Sally.”

Now Caitlin was roaring with laughter, holding her belly and looking as if she was going to hyperventilate. “You named her? Oh my God, you
are
some kind of weirdo.”

Tom tried to act offended, hurt, but her amusement was contagious. “Just get in the car,” he ordered.

“And here I was stressing that you were going to have a secret wife and kids or something,” she muttered.

“What’s that, I can’t hear you? You’ve got my bad side,” Tom joked. He’d never thought his lack of hearing was something he’d ever be making fun of, but away from work and his usual life, Caitlin seemed to make him capable of laughing at anything.

Caitlin poked him in the ribs again and tried to do a fast shuffle-limp around to the passenger side. “I’m not falling for that one again, Cartwright.”

He intercepted her, moving fast to pin her to the side of the vehicle before she could open the door. “What did you call me?”

“Cartwright,” she said, her voice bold as she looked back at him defiantly. He liked that she looked so confident, none of the seriousness he’d once seen remaining in her eyes.

Tom didn’t know who this guy was or where he’d left his real self, but he slid both hands to Caitlin’s waist, skimming down to her hips and locking her in place, shuffling his body closer so that they were pressed together.

“You can disrespect me, but not the car, okay?” he told her, his lips hovering above hers, waiting for her to invite him closer, to kiss her.

Caitlin tilted her head back, taking her mouth farther from his instead. “Where’re we going?” she whispered back.

Tom thrust her forward, tighter against him. “Anywhere you want.” He didn’t let her ask any more questions. Instead, he kissed her, relaxing in the warmth of her mouth against his, of the warm, willing woman in his arms.

A few weeks back, he’d resented everything about his life. He’d hated his job, not wanting to teach, and he’d hated the way his life had changed. But this was helping more than therapy had so far.

He still wanted to be out on the water, working in the field and doing what he loved. That longing would probably never go away, but he was liking this, too. Caitlin was helping to heal his wounds, if that were even possible, and today he intended on thanking her. She was like a ray of the brightest sunshine, a fluffy white cloud in a patch of azure blue when the rest of the sky was black with rain-filled storm clouds. There were still things he felt he didn’t know about her, things she was holding close to her chest that he didn’t want to push, but she was starting to trust him.

He pulled back before pressing one last kiss to her lips. “Thank you.”

She raised her eyebrows in question. “For what?”

“For making me remember who I am again.”

Tom ran his hands down her sides before forcing them away from her body so she could get in the car. He’d admitted to being addicted to exercise, but he was fast seeing how easy it would be to become addicted to Caitlin, too.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

“
S
O,
where’s Sally taking us today?”

Tom would have thumped her, but she looked far too little to deal with one of his lighthearted punches, and besides, she was probably right. It was stupid to name a car, even if he wasn’t going to admit it to her.

“I thought we’d take a drive and stop for lunch somewhere.”

“Anywhere in mind?” she asked, head tilted to the breeze, hair pulled up off her face.

He was tempted to pull her hair tie out so he could watch her dark mane whip around in the wind, but he didn’t. Because even though they’d just spent the night together, he didn’t want to ruin anything, to risk mucking up what was happening between them. Whatever that something was.

Tom pulled at his earlobe and tried to forget about his deafness, but times like today, when he could barely hear through that ear except for a weird ringing sound sometimes, he resented what had happened to him. No matter how hard he tried to fight it, he was close to being sucked back into the pathetic “why me” thoughts, when he knew he should be happy to be alive instead.

And fortunate to be in the company of someone like Caitlin. The kind of woman he’d never thought would be a part of his life, a life that involved being on call every single day, never knowing when he might be needed and how many days or months he could be away from home.

“Tom?”

He refocused, annoyed he’d lost concentration. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

Caitlin cast him an amused look that he caught from the corner of his eye. “I asked you what was for lunch,” she repeated. “Did you have somewhere in mind?”

Tom nodded his head to the side, indicating for her to look in the backseat. “I picked up some food on my way over to your place. Sushi and sandwiches.”

She laughed. “Sushi
and
sandwiches?”

He raised his shoulders. “I wanted to get something you’d like and I had no idea what that was,” he admitted. “So I figured you’d like one of the options.”

“I like both, for the record,” she told him.

They kept driving, content in silence. He liked that. Tom had spent plenty of time talking to Caitlin, but he’d never really been one to open up, to chat for the hell of it. But she’d drawn him out of his shell without seeming even to make an effort. Without realizing what she was even doing.

“Tom, do you have to see a specialist about your ear?”

Her question took him by surprise. He hadn’t expected her to bring it up. “Ah, yeah,” he said, not wanting to talk about it but not wanting to be rude, either. “I have regular checkups, if that’s what you mean.”

She was silent for a beat before answering. “I just wondered if you’re planning on teaching indefinitely, or whether you’re going to be sent back offshore again.”

Tom gripped the steering wheel tighter, hating what he was about to admit. “I’d do anything to give up teaching, but it’s all I
can do.
The docs have been pretty clear about the realities of my injury.” He fought to keep any bitterness from his tone. “I’ll never be a SEAL again.”

“Once a SEAL always a SEAL though, right?”

Caitlin’s tone was kind, understanding, but it still grated on him. In his heart he was a SEAL all the way, but in his mind he knew that he wouldn’t be ready to go back even if his ear did miraculously heal. After losing one of their team, they’d all struggled with it, but Tom had been the one closest to the explosion. He’d never stopped wondering if there was something he could have done, something he should have seen that would have saved the other man’s life.

Which was why he didn’t want to be having this conversation. Not now, not when the mood between them was so happy and light.
So easy.

“Why are you asking me all this, Caitlin?”

He watched confusion and then…hurt cross her face. He hadn’t recognized it straight away, but he could see it now as plain as he could see the weather in the sky.

“Because I like you—isn’t that reason enough? Because I want to try to understand what you’re going through,” she replied, but her tone was different now. The lightness, the warmth that had rested between them had disappeared to be replaced with something cooler.

“I’m sorry, it’s just…”

“What Tom? It’s just what?” she asked.

Tom didn’t answer her, he kept driving instead. Caitlin kept her head turned, was looking out the window, and he didn’t disturb her until he found a place to pull over. He drove into the parking lot, well off the street, and looked out at the beach. He’d imagined a picnic, laughter, kisses, but not this. He should have known it would come up again, eventually, but he hadn’t. Why was it that she was so desperate for him to confront his past?

Tom got out of the car and waited before going around to her side, but she’d already opened her door and was stepping out. He’d needed the burst of fresh air before talking to her again.

“Let me help you,” he offered.

Caitlin’s gaze stopped him. But she still didn’t say anything, was clearly waiting for him to answer her question.

He walked slowly and she hobbled alongside him onto the sand, looking out to the water.

“Caitlin, I don’t know what to say to you. What you want me to tell you.”

Her gaze was sad, almost sorrowful, and it hurt him. He didn’t like seeing her in pain and she was clearly hurting, but he didn’t know what to do, either. Didn’t know how to make this right when she was asking something of him he didn’t want to give. He was used to being pitied by those closest to him, not confronted like this, and right now he didn’t know what was worse.

“I want you to tell me how you feel,” she told him, her bottom lip quivering. “I want you to open up to me instead of keeping your pain bottled away inside. Because we can keep pretending that everything’s fine with you, but we’d be lying. And then we’re only kidding ourselves that something real’s happening between us.”

Tom looked away, fought the urge to focus on her again. His temper was bursting, fighting to emerge from within him, like a fury he hadn’t ever experienced before.

“Caitlin, there are some things better left unsaid and this is one of them,” he told her, firm but trying not to show his emotions.

She looked angry. “Yeah? Well, there are some things that need to be said, and what happened to you, wherever the hell you were when that bomb went off, is one of those things.”

He didn’t trust himself to answer so he didn’t. Tom clamped his jaw down tight, as if it had been wired shut, and tried to focus on his breathing, to deflect from the situation until he was capable of acting like the man he wanted to be for her. For Caitlin.

“I like you, Caitlin. I
really
like you,” he admitted, reaching for her hand. She gave it, not immediately, but when he grasped her fingers with his own she didn’t resist. He tugged her closer and ran his hands down her back when she faced him. “Last night was incredible, and I don’t want to argue today and ruin how happy we should be feeling.”

She returned his kiss when he dropped his lips to hers, but the feeling was empty. Not the electric, excited current they’d had the night before or this morning, and he knew it was because she felt let down somehow.

Caitlin pressed her palms to his cheeks. “Tom, every time I ask you about the Navy, every time I try to tell you that I understand…”

He pushed her away, couldn’t fight the surge of anger any longer. “When will you get it?” he barked, his voice colder than ice. “You don’t understand and you
never
will.”

She didn’t move and he couldn’t stop.

“You want to know what I’ve been through?” He was yelling now but he’d lost the ability to keep himself in check. “I’ve been through
hell,
Caitlin. I’ve seen the depths of a hell that you couldn’t even imagine, worse than any pathetic nightmare you’ve ever dreamed of.”

She went to back off but he grabbed her hand. “You want me to open up, well,
listen here.
”