The Naughty Sins Of A Saint (3 page)

He dragged the words out as if remembering someone in particular.

“’Sexy’ isn’t just about sex. It’s about loyalty, having her man’s back. Could you imagine a strong, beautiful, Black goddess having your back? You, being faithful to her, loving her, kissing the ground she walks on and her, always there for you? Could you imagine that? Could you imagine dying in the arms of the woman who gave your children life and provided them the strongest DNA on the planet while she sustained you spiritually? No wonder so many Black men don’t want us to have any of that! They know what the fuck they’ve got!”

Over half of the audience stood up and cheered. Everyone clapped.

“Now, after you find her, your Black goddess, and she’s agreed to get to know you and vice versa, you have to woo her. Please don’t do any stupid shit like take her to a soul food restaurant on a first date, or ask her if the Cosby Show was her favorite, or assume she’s a good dancer, or touch her hair without permission.”

Laughter erupted.

“That’s a serious turn-off, Fellas. Don’t bring up sex, either. As disgusting as it may be to imagine, pretend she’s your mother or sister on that first date. Anything you wouldn’t say to either of them, don’t say to her. If you have some bondage fantasy, don’t discuss it right then either. Stick to compliments and ask her questions about herself. Give minimal information about yourself unless asked, and when you do answer, don’t make it longwinded unless she wants you to. Pay attention to her cues. That first date, she should have the floor. Pay attention very closely to what she tells you. Use it to your advantage. For example, if she tells you she enjoys a certain type of food, make sure you take her to a place that specializes in that next time. If she tells you that her mother and she are very close, make sure you ask about her mother sometime in the near future. These are basic dating rules and really have nothing to do with race, but they’ve been lost along the way, for some reason. We have to get old school in order to get these women, especially the ones who are curious but reluctant. You have to make it damn near impossible for her to tell you ‘no’ if she’s digging you in the least. Also, if you have sex with her on the first date, don’t imprint, unless you’re sure she’s the one you want. If there is any doubt, don’t do it. You’ll know if you want to marry her in three months or less. You could even know in a few days, actually.”

Heads shook ‘no’ all over the audience, grunts were made, and people shifted in seats.

“That’s one of my statements that’s drawn the most reaction. If you know what to look for, you’ll know. It doesn’t take long. Mammals don’t take years to court, and all mammals do have a courting phase. The male just doesn’t jump on her.”

Snickering erupted.

“If you watch, the male does some showing off, and sometimes he may have to fight another male. Unfortunately, sometimes we do, too. Not with our fists, but by showing what we can do. We may have to lock horns with someone. Sometimes the adversary is her own fear! After the showing off is over, the mating call is done, then the male claims her and that’s it, but you never see a male mammal just go up to a female without a notable display. It may have only lasted five minutes, but it was a show before that chase ensued. I’m not here just to talk to you about how to fuck Black women. I’m here to talk to you about how to wife them up. Anyone who’s just here to get tips on how to get into a Black woman’s pants, you need to get the fuck out. They already have enough of that. They’re told by the media and men of their own race that no one wants them for anything other than to fuck, so what could you possibly have to offer that’s different from what they already know? Besides the color of your skin, you have to have something different to bring to the table. Don’t pursue them if you don’t have a job. Don’t pursue them if you’re unintelligent or don’t care about your appearance and how you conduct your business. They’re being told they’re a cubic zirconia when actually they’re crystal-clear, rare diamonds. Now we even hear white women dogging Black women because they see what you’re doing. That sneaky, slave-master rape shit’s over. We’re actively pursuing these women out in the open. Now, the coveted white woman who’s been on a pedestal worldwide is having her position challenged. The former self-proclaimed beauty queen of the world is wobbling. The original ‘queen’ is about to get her crown back. You can’t tell her that her big lips are ugly, her ass too big, her skin too dark, her hair too nappy, while you steadily get lip and ass injections, butt pads, artificial suntans, curly perms, and dye your hair black. The truth is exposed.”

Everyone applauded.

“Now, on to the part everyone has been waiting for. You want to know the A, B, Cs of making love to a Black woman? For those of you that have already had sex with a Black woman, forget about what happened, what you did, and what you were told. You need to start over. I assure you, you need to listen up. First of all, obviously their bodies are no different than those of another race; pussy is pussy. They don’t have a different moan or unheard-of desires. They aren’t more promiscuous than other women, nor do they fit any other stereotypes you may have heard. They want foreplay just like anyone else. Everything is the same except her skin tone and hair texture. Some of you get a charge out of seeing your white dick going in and out of something that’s brown. It’s supposed to turn you on. The thing that’ll be different is dealing with a woman that’s never dated outside of her race. She’ll be harder to break. You’ll have more hurdles to jump, but that doesn’t mean you don’t try. She could be the right person for you, so don’t give up on her if you suspect she likes you but is just scared unless you’ve tried multiple times and she’s still not interested. Take a break from the situation, then return to it. If the answer is still ‘no,’ then go hunting someone else. You don’t have a lot of time to waste, but you do want to practice some level of patience. She may be apprehensive and have some preconceived notions, one of which many race supremacists rely on. That myth is the penis length argument. She may be concerned that you’re going to come up short. If you do have a tiny dick, so what. Plenty of Black men do too! The largest dick on record belongs to a white German man. The truth of the matter is that white men on average have smaller penises than Black men only during the flaccid state. Flaccid dicks can’t fuck anyway, so that doesn’t matter. A hard dick is what’s sought after, so don’t believe the shit you’ve been told about this fictitious Black Mandingo. What helped spur some of this bullshit were white men who were jealous of Black male slaves, especially since their women wanted them because they appeared virile. They’d castrate some of these men out of rage and jealousy. No doubt the white men that did this had little dicks.”

People laughed.

“But some of them were too stupid to realize that if they would’ve compared their dicks while hard, it wouldn’t have been as vastly different. As far as Asian men, you do have smaller penises, but that’s because you’re smaller people. There are always exceptions of course, but my whole point is this – your dick size isn’t as important as you think it is, and it’s a mind trick being used against you. You need to know how to make love properly, and she won’t even be thinking about that. We think about it far more than women do anyway,” Saint said, as he shrugged his broad shoulders.

“You need to know how to fuck properly. Even if you have a big cock, the size means nothing if you don’t know what you’re doing. You better have your eating game on point as well. There was a time when many Black men weren’t eating their women’s pussies, and that gave us an advantage. Now, they’re doing it, so we have to make sure our oral skills are better. Oral sex is crucial. You need to drink from her and she from you. It’s not just to get her off. Going down on her brings more of her spirit into your body. I’ll go more into that later. Stamina is also important. The very first time you make love to her, be there for the long haul. Quickies aren’t acceptable. You want her to be tired afterward. You want to fuck her so good that she falls asleep. That first time is crucial. It’s the only opportunity you’ll get to leave a first impression. Make sure she can feel you. I don’t mean beat the pussy up and be rough with her. I mean, do it right. Aggressive sex is fun, too, but it’s not appropriate when you’re with her the first time. Start slow and build up. Ask her what she likes and what she wants if you’re clueless. Most important, be dominant. Don’t let her control you in the bedroom that first time. You can get into that role play ‘mischievous boy and mean teacher’ shit later.”

Laughter burst forth.

“I have several sex therapy videos available that go into great detail about how to do this. If you follow the steps and practice, I promise you that she won’t be looking anywhere else for great sex. She won’t have any complaints, I guarantee you. Also, be romantic. Flowers and candles are a must, but also try to be creative. Set the scene in advance. Have nice music. Be well-groomed and clean. Start seducing her days in advance. What I mean by that is you need to make her pussy wet before you even touch her. Send her flowers, text her sweet messages, call her just because, present little gifts to her, and compliment her. Make sure it’s sincere. The art of seduction is fucking a woman’s mind first, then her body. By the time you get to her pussy, she should be putty in your hands. On that note, I’ll take a few questions before we take a quick break.”

Saint took his seat and dabbed the slight perspiration along his brow.

“Great job, Saint. You’re a real inspiration for these guys,” one of the speakers whispered to him. Saint nodded and waved, maintaining his silence while the host approached the podium.

“I hope you guys realize what an honor it is to have someone as important as Dr. Saint Aknaten come and speak to you. He’s usually booked at least two years in advance but went out of his way to be here for the L.A. Rainbeau Valentine Conference even though he had a sudden scheduling conflict. He knows how important this is. We’re going to take some questions from you and then after a refreshment break, we’ll resume with his portion of the lecture,” the host announced. “Raise your hand if you have a question. We won’t be able to get to all of them right now, but we’ll answer a few. Yes, you over there.” The spotlight moved to a lanky young white man. Saint slowly stood up and approached the podium.

“Hi, Dr. Aknaten,” the man said nervously. “It’s an honor to speak to you. I’ve read all of your books and watched your videos. I’ve dated a couple of Black girls, but I must be turning them off or doing something wrong, because they tell me they only see me as a friend after the first one or two dates. Can you help me figure out what I’m missing?”

“So you were put in the friend zone? It’s hard to tell what went wrong without hearing the particulars, but let me start by doing some shooting in the dark. Did you mention anything, and I mean anything at all, about race?”

The young man thought for a minute. “I think I may have told one I really find Black girls attractive,” he said tentatively.

“OK, were you specific about what you found attractive, and did you say this early on?” Saint questioned.

“I believe so. I told them I liked their complexions and their lips. One of them, I told her I liked her hair and asked her if it was really hers, and I think she got offended.”

“That may have been the problem. Saying you like Black girls doesn’t always come across right. They want to feel that you’re dating them because you like them, not because you find their skin a sexual turn-on, at least not at first. Also, for many Black women, the hair topic is taboo, especially when it’s being discussed with a white person, so in the future, just compliment her hair and leave it at that. You went too far, and that question wasn’t appropriate for someone you didn’t know that well yet. When you’re first dating, act as if she’s a white girl. Don’t do anything differently. That’s really key. If you deviate from this, it may make her feel like you’re fetishizing. Also, I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, but your voice sounds prepubescent.”

There was some intermittent laughter.

“Stop laughing men, seriously,” Saint snapped. “I’m not trying to embarrass him. He had the courage to stand up and ask me for advice. I’m trying to help him. This is a common issue, especially with younger guys. Your voice is fairly high for a man, and you don’t have much natural control over that, so you need to concentrate on lowering it an octave or two until it becomes your usual tone. You have to train your vocal chords. You don’t have to sound that way. You may need to work with a speaking coach. I’ve advised several of my past patients who had similar issues to do that, and it’s helped them tremendously. Black men have more testosterone than men of other races, and it lowers their voices, making them more appealing to women in general. That’s actually one of the handicaps of white men – one that bred jealousy when white women wanted Black men in their beds. That’s the one thing white men coveted – adoration of women from all around the world, even for the wrong reason. We just need to tell the truth here, and that’s part of the reason so many white women run around trying to fuck a Black man. Darkness and deeper voices are considered more masculine in our society. If you’re short, that’s another strike against you, so in order to compete, you need to make sure – without sounding ridiculous, of course – that your voice is as low as it can possibly be. Don’t try to be like a Black man, but you need to embody qualities that are considered masculine. Don’t try to sound like Barry White either. Only Mike Tyson can walk around with a high voice and not be mistaken as a sissy. Unless you’re knocking motherfuckers out with one punch and have muscles all over your body, you won’t be able to get away with that.”