The Mystic Wolves (10 page)

My thoughts.
I couldn’t help the shiver that erupted through me. I didn’t want to think anymore. I wanted Mason and my body demanded I take what I needed.

I could’ve strangled him as he laughed and I looked at him accusingly.

“You get me all hot and bothered—you show me how much you love me, and now you want to chat?” I tried my best to protest but failed miserably. I just wasn’t that kind of girl.

He reached for a strand of my hair and twirled it around his fingers. He looked thoughtful, and I resigned myself to the moment. There was no point in avoiding it, the sooner we could talk the better, and I had a few questions of my own to ask.

“So where do you want to start?” I asked tentatively.

His fingers stopped and trailed down the side of my cheek, his gaze full of seriousness.

“Would you have really left me?” he whispered, his hurt lying just beneath the surface. “I heard your thoughts earlier when you first woke up. Would it have been that easy?”

“It would’ve killed me, but in that moment, it seemed like the only thing to do.” I answered just as softly. “I love you so much, but I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed you. How could I expect you to forgive me? I had a responsibility to Jasmine and instead of doing what was necessary, I hesitated. All I can see in my mind is what would’ve happened if I’d changed and eliminated the threat. All I can think is why am I so adamant about being human when I’m a werewolf? What happened was inexcusable and I’ve brought shame to myself, and ultimately to you. Do you really want a mate who everyone thinks is a coward?” The last sentence blasted out and the question hung in the air. I pushed myself away from Mason and began to pace back and forth in front of him.

“You know, as your mate, every single wolf who feels they have something to prove will throw down a challenge. If I can’t protect one of our own from a human,” I spat the name out as if it was poison, “How the hell am I supposed to protect them from greater threats? You need strength by your side, not weakness. Not me.” It stunned me how passionately I felt about this. It didn’t mean I was ready to pack my bags and leave, I understood where my place was and where I wanted to be, but this had to be spoken otherwise it would fester forever. I needed Mason to hear how strongly this affected me, how deeply it had shaken my foundation. I just prayed I could come back from it.

“When have you ever been asked to be strong, Darcy?” He moved to stand and comfort me. I thrust out my hand to stop him, growling a warning that it wasn’t the time. I didn’t need comforting. I needed to purge.

“It’s what’s expected!” I screamed, tears finally falling down my cheeks. “As your mate, I will always hold the standard and expectation to be infallible. Mistakes can’t happen. Not in the Alpha and the woman he chooses to bond with. I thought I was made of stronger stuff, I really did.” I felt his gaze follow me as I reached my hand up to the tree and plucked off a leaf. I was silent for a moment, trying to regain my composure. My fingers worked shakily at shredding the small foliage, tiny pieces of it fluttering to the floor before I dropped the stem to the ground. I went to pull another but thought better of it. The tree hadn’t done anything to warrant my destroying part of it. I scowled and resumed pacing.

“I love you so much it hurts. I can’t imagine not having you in my life, waking up each morning knowing I’m blessed enough to be mated to a man who is everything I could ever hope for. I love knowing you will forever be the first and last thing I see each day, but I’ll not be your downfall. I couldn’t bear it—so yes, I would’ve left, but don’t ever believe it would’ve been easy.”

I threw myself down beside him and pulled my knees into my chest to hug them. I shook so hard I was surprised I didn’t rattle myself to pieces. Strong emotion coursed through me, spiking my adrenaline levels so hard it was a wonder I hadn’t changed. I felt beneath the surface for my wolf and for once she was quiet. She wasn’t there howling or demanding freedom. She also sensed it wasn’t just important for me to get this out, but was also crucial to her future. A werewolf divided within itself was dangerous. I felt her brush up against my skin in support and dragged in a deep breath, hoping it would settle me. I was angry—at myself, at Gary, and everyone, including Mason.

“Why?” I looked at him pleadingly, before banging my fist against his shoulder. “Why didn’t you come?” I fell apart and this time didn’t resist when he pulled me into his arms again. I felt his hand stroke the back of my head and the slight shush sound he made as he struggled to soothe me.

“I know it was my fault. I should’ve listened to you when you said it wasn’t safe. There was nothing wrong in taking extra protection. I was wrong to fight and now Jasmine is gone, but you should’ve come.” I couldn’t hold back any longer and I felt his arms tighten as the electricity in the air began to crackle.

Even as I heard myself blame him for not being there, I knew it wasn’t right. There was no way Mason could’ve known because my ability to use our connection was sketchy at best.

It was one of those things where you tell yourself, “I know I need to work on this, but hey, everything is safe so there’s no rush.” We’re counseled to prepare for every situation, for peace and war, but I had been arrogant. I’d constantly put it off, and when I met Mason I declared since I was to be the Alpha’s mate, didn’t that mean I could do it at will? My pride had vicious consequences.

I felt him take in a breath as he prepared to speak, but I wasn’t finished, and even as the words flew out, I cringed. “You said you would protect me. You promised and where were you?”

I sobbed so hard my chest felt like it was on fire, and I struggled to regain my breath. Everything hurt—my body, my heart and I knew I wasn’t the only one.

“Will you let me speak now, Darcy?” Mason queried.

I nodded against his chest, and absently used my hand to wipe away the collection of tears. His skin was hot to the touch, and I could feel his blood thrumming beneath the surface. He was tightly leashed and I braced myself for the outpouring of anger I knew had to be coming. How could he not after my attack?

It was unfair to pour my anger and blame him because I felt guilty over my inadequacies. I knew it the moment I’d opened my mouth, but I hadn’t been able to pull myself back from spewing forth the words.

“If I could, I would rip Gary limb from damn limb—slowly, painfully, for him placing these doubts in your mind.” Mason spat through clenched teeth. “The fact you sit here, twisted in knots, questioning the value you hold—to not just me, but the pack, makes me wish a thousand painful deaths on the traitor.”

I was incredulous and whipped my head up suddenly, desperate to catch his meaning. Eyes blazing with an anger that could have leveled a city met mine, but it wasn’t directed at me. Mason had been able to see to the heart of the matter and place the blame firmly at the feet of the true villain.

“How can you not be furious at me?”

“Is that what you’re wanting, Darcy? Will it help if I rant and rail at you, shredding what little confidence you have left? Really?” He looked searchingly into my eyes, the hard stare of an Alpha. “I know you
feel
you need to claim this burden and I can understand why. But not once have I blamed you for anything that has happened. If anything, the guilt would fall on my shoulders as Alpha because I ignored my instinct to go with you or at the very least send someone with you.”

Pain lanced my heart as I heard him assume the responsibility. To hear him accuse himself was too much. I began to speak, but he gently placed his finger over my lips to silence me. For a brief moment, he traced their outline and I savored the touch.

“My turn, remember?” He continued, I blushed, settling into him, and pulling his arms back around me. The feeling of security was instant, and I clung to it.

“But, Darcy, despite the “what if’s,” despite any feelings of fault I may want to assign, the fact of the matter is the ultimate responsibility lies with Gary. We trusted him and thought he was a friend. Last night was about his actions. You and Jasmine unfortunately got caught in the cross fire. Regardless of what you think, you handled it fine. There was no right and wrong. You saw a threat and you acted.”

“Like a coward, though.”

“No, as the strong, compassionate woman I know and love. You say you have to be this strong and infallible leader and mate. Never has that been an expectation, and I don’t know why you would think that. All I ask—all I will ever ask is that you be yourself. We’re a team and we both bring traits to this relationship that will strengthen us and help us lead the Pack together. I count on the compassion you showed last night. On your ability to think first and seeing if there is a more peaceful solution before rushing into a situation. Yes, you saw a threat to both you and Jasmine, but you also saw a friend and before you acted as judge and executioner, you tried to resolve it. That shows the marks of an honorable leader. Don’t ever doubt it and don’t bury it under whatever you
think
you should be. You are perfect in my eyes, and I wouldn’t have you any other way. Understand?”

If I could’ve spoken, I would’ve told him just how much his words had reached in and soothed me. I felt the burden I’d been carrying ease slightly, and a lightness which hadn’t been there since this whole fiasco had started.

“Whenever you begin to doubt your worth, Darcy, come to me. I’ll show and keep showing you until it’s so entrenched in that beautiful, stubborn head of yours, you’ll start seeing yourself as I see you.”

Images and memories began to form in my mind as Mason was true to his word, showing me what he saw and felt as he watched me each day. He was so observant, catching every subtle change in my facial expressions and body language. He had been studying me and it now made sense why he could read me so well. He was the diligent student and I was his favorite subject.

His emotions flowed over my skin and settled, filling me with a sense of wonder at being loved so completely. There were flashes of brief frustration, and as I watched the images they were attached to, they were times I was being pig headed—adamant in doing things my own way. But they were quickly replaced with feelings of pride and satisfaction in loving a woman who was confident to speak her mind and knew how to fight for what she believed in. He even found it humorous I had no problem going toe-to-toe with him. No one ever questioned him and he actually looked forward to our mini battles.

I couldn’t witness his feelings or memories and deny he was incredibly happy as well as deeply in love with me. After everything, he was still one hundred percent commitment and devoted. Before I could think more on it, his voice interrupted the silence.

“This is what I want you to see.” And he recalled the moment we met.

Chapter Seven

I remembered the day. We’d definitely met under strange circumstances, but we joked about it later. Fate doesn’t care how she brings two people together, as long as she does. After a night of dreaming about Mason—a vision that felt so incredibly real, I’d woken to a phone call from my mother.

She was unbending in her belief she could hear my biological clock ticking away into oblivion. I tried, desperately, to assure her there was plenty of time for mates and babies, but she was determined to have me bonded and shipped off as soon as I hit my twenties. I couldn’t remember how many
eligible
werewolves she paraded in front of me over the years, each one
“the one
.” As I turned every one of them down, I’d leave my poor mother an exasperated mess. She just didn’t get it. I was waiting for something ... that spark, the moment where my stomach tipped as butterflies stirred. I wanted passion and the sense of certainty knowing I’d met my soul mate.

I’ll never forget the day I tried explaining that to her. It resulted in an angry tirade about how I was breaking her heart and being an ungrateful whelp. The love I was wanting wasn’t important, she claimed, all I needed was a strong werewolf mate who could provide and protect me. She almost choked on her tongue when I defiantly stood there, hands on hips and declared I didn’t even know if I’d marry a werewolf. I didn’t want to be controlled and dominated over. Her face turned a mottled shade of red before she stormed out of my house, muttering about how she didn’t know who I was. The next day I came home to all my beloved romance novels shredded and unceremoniously dumped into trash bags. A note was left on my dining room table.

Darcy, I blame the nonsense you read in these books for your insane idea of marriage. It’s time you realize there are no heroes to sweep you off your feet. Pick a mate and settle. It’s time.

Settle. Out of everything she’d said on the page, that word jumped out like it was written on a neon sign. It was one thing I’d never do. I’d rather die old and alone than ever settle for something less. It also made me sad wondering if that’s what she had done with my father.

We never did talk about the note and her destroying my books. We continued as we normally did—her sending me candidates and me tolerating her. I found a better place to put my books, and life carried on.

The day she called, she was excited about a man she’d met who she thought would be perfect for me.

“It’s like he stepped out of one of those books you love so much,” she chattered over the phone. “Surely you won’t find fault with him as well. Just wait until you meet him.” She continued to prattle on and I tuned her out.