The Morning After (23 page)

“Child, if you kill yourself, going to heaven is the thing that you ain't gonna have to worry about doin'.”

Elaine pressed her thumb and her middle finger in the corners of her eyes. She just couldn't win for losing. Living or dead, she was doomed to hell.

“Talk to me 'bout you and Mason.” Essie straightened out the blanket that she'd knitted with her own hands. “What's been going on 'tween the two of you?”

“Nothing, Ms. Essie; that's what's been going on between us. Absolutely nothing.” Elaine became annoyed at the thought of it. “I might as well be dead. As far as Mason is concerned, I am.”

“That's not true, baby. He's just—”

“Yes, it is!” Elaine was fed up with people making excuses for her husband. “I know I messed up, Ms. Essie. I know I did. And I admit that I deserved to be punished. One month, sure.

Two months, maybe. Three months, understandable. But a whole year? A whole year of sleeping in separate rooms? A whole year of no touching, no kissing, no lovemaking? Mason might as well have divorced me. I can't tell you how many days I've wished he had.”

“Hush your mouth, girl.”

“I mean it, Ms. Essie.” Elaine wiped more tears. “I would have felt lonely and abandoned for a while, but so what? I feel that way anyway. I would have wallowed in pity and soaked in guilt for a while, but so what? I do that anyway. I would have missed having him lying beside me at night, but so what? I'm sleeping by myself anyway. If he had left me, at least by now I might have been able to get over him. Maybe I could have been able to pick up the pieces and move on with my life.”

Essie's hand was back on top of Elaine's. “I know it's hard, honey, but sometimes things aren't as black and white as they seem. You're not the only one in torment. Mason's hurting too.”

“Hurting? Are you kidding me?”

“You don't think he's hurting from all this?” Essie searched Elaine's face. “There ain't no way for a marriage to go through the changes that yours has without both people being hurt.”

“I know I hurt him, Ms. Essie, but—”

Essie held up her hand. “Time for you to stop talking and just listen again.”

Elaine released a heavy sigh and sank deeper into her pillows.

“I ain't talking 'bout what happened back then. God forgave you for that a long time ago. He ain't punishing you, and Mason ain't trying to punish you either, sugar.”

That was the same message that Angel tried to relay to her. Elaine found it hard to accept then, and she found it hard to accept now. “Then what is it about?”

“You and Mason need to talk, Elaine. Ain't nothing ever gonna be solved if y'all don't sit down and talk it out. Pray and talk. That's what y'all need to do. You 'round here killing yourself, running for miles, half-eating, making yourself vomit . . .”

Elaine's eyes widened. She didn't think anyone knew. Essie kept talking like she hadn't even noticed Elaine's reaction.

“You doin' all this 'cause y'all ain't talked. If you talk to Mason, you'll find out that he prefers you the other way. With some meat on your bones.”

“I doubt it, Ms. Essie. He didn't touch me when I was that way either.”

“But it ain't had nothing to do with your size.” Essie stood from the bed and paced for a moment. “When he was looking at you funny the other day, when he said you needed to do something about your weight, he was trying to tell you that you were losing too much; not that you were fat.”

Using her hands for stability, Elaine tried to pull herself up. “What?”

“You would know that if you talked to him.”

Mason thought she was too thin? She never would have guessed. Had she known that, she would have handled things a whole lot different. Why wouldn't he just say that if that's what he thought? Why did she have to be the one to talk? Why couldn't it be Mason's responsibility to get the ball rolling? “What about him?” Elaine blurted. “Why can't he come talk to me? When did starting a conversation become my responsibility?”

“Child, women been the ones doing the most talking in marriages since the beginning of time. God made us to be better communicators. More expressive. More open. Men don't talk as much as us. They show everything through . . . well, they're more physical creatures.”

Elaine let out a grunt and rolled her eyes. That sure didn't sound like Mason. He hadn't made a move to be physical with her in forever.

“And I can't believe you been sitting by for a year without confronting your husband 'bout this.”

“I promised that I would give him time. That I'd be understanding and patient.”

Essie propped her hands on her hips. “Did you promise him you'd be a fool too?”

Elaine leaned back against her pillows again. Nobody understood her plight.

“Sugar, you listen to me and you listen good,” Essie said, approaching the bedside once more. “This ain't about pointing fingers, 'cause if the marriage falls apart, it ain't gonna matter whose fault it was. Besides, if the whole truth be told, ain't neither one of y'all doin' what you s'posed to be doing. Ain't y'all learned nothing from experience?”

Confusion etched its way onto Elaine's face. What kind of experience was Essie hinting at? Elaine had never been in this position before. There was no history to draw from.

“It might be a different situation, but it's being brought on by the same problem,” Essie said, challenging Elaine's thoughts. “Both of y'all acting just like you did back yonder when you fooled around and messed wit' that other boy.”

Elaine turned her face toward the window in protest. She didn't need to be reminded of her past sins.

“Think about it,” Essie said, apparently disregarding Elaine's nonverbal attempt to shut out her words. For added effect, she walked around to the other side of the bed so that she was in Elaine's view once again. “Back then, Mason was dealing with issues and so were you. Remember?”

She did, but Elaine chose not to answer.

“Everybody knew 'bout your problems 'cept Mason, and everybody knew 'bout his problems 'cept you,” Essie pointed out. “ 'Fore you knew anything, Mason was trying to soothe his pain by buying expensive cars and hanging out with the wrong friends, and you was scratching your itches with some other man's fingernails.”

Elaine frowned. She wasn't particularly fond of Essie's choice of analogy.

“All of that could've been avoided if the two of you had just
talked
to each other and told each other what you were dealing with. Do you see what I'm getting at, child?”

Elaine remained silent.

“A few minutes ago, you was telling me about the morning after. But something else happened the morning after too. God extended another chance to you and Mason. Your marriage was all but over, but God used my going away to put y'all back together.” Essie glanced toward the ceiling, like she was getting her words directly from heaven. “When I was here, it had got to where you would lean on me. You'd talk to me. Tell me 'bout your hurts and pains.” A smile stretched her lips. “I needed to go so you could lean on
him
. Mason. Your husband. And you did. He became your rock, and he comforted you on the days you was hurting real bad. I had to go so you could see how much that boy loves you. He proved it by sticking by you in spite of what had happened. For his own reasons, Mason was distant from you for a certain time during your marriage, and that was the excuse you used to run out and bring truth to that old seven-year-itch theory, but he was there for you when you needed someone the most.”

Elaine released a soft sigh. “You're right.” She had to give credit where credit was due. “Mason was very much there for me. From the time you took your last breath, he was right by my side. Talking to me. Praying for me. Sometimes crying with me. We even rededicated our lives back to God on the same Sunday.”

“I know. See?” Essie exclaimed. “That's exactly what I'm talkin' 'bout.”

“But Ms. Essie, that's no more than any good friend would do. I could have gotten Angel to do any of those things for me.” Elaine noticed the sparkle in Essie's eyes at the sound of Angel's name, but she wanted to keep the subject on her and Mason. Besides, she wasn't finished making her point. “Mason and I weren't the only two to come to Christ that Sunday. Jennifer walked to the altar right along with us. Don't get me wrong. I thank God that Mason was there for me as a friend, but I already had friends. What I really
needed
him to be was my husband. He wasn't my husband on those days when I yearned to be held, caressed, kissed, made love to.” Elaine wiped away a new tear. “He wasn't there for me as a husband then, and he hasn't been there as a husband at any time since.”

Essie looked at her watch like she was pressed for time. “I wish I could just tell you everything you need to know 'bout Mason, sugar, but that ain't the way God wanted it to go. He sent me here to point you in the right direction. After that, it's all up to you.”

If that was supposed to be some kind of hint, Elaine wasn't sure that she was getting it. She shook her head from side to side, needing more information, but wondering if Essie had enough time to supply it.

“The right direction is to talk to him,” Essie urged. “Don't just sit by talkin' 'bout you promised to be patient. You
have
been patient, Elaine. Can't nobody accuse you of not keeping that promise. But now, it's time to talk. Just like there were deeper reasons why he was distant back then, there are reasons now. And if he ain't got the guts to come to you and talk about it, then you go to him.”

Elaine stared at the blanket that covered her lap, wondering how she could bring up the subject of her need for intimacy to Mason without upsetting him. She didn't know how she could do it without him seeing it as a broken promise.

“
Pray
,” Essie stressed. “Then talk.”

Elaine lay in silence. Pondering.

“No excuses, baby.” Essie bent forward and kissed Elaine's forehead. “Now, you get yourself some sleep so when you wake up, you can have a fresh mind.”

Elaine looked up at Essie, blinking her eyes and wondering why she was all of a sudden becoming fatigued. “Thank you, Ms. Essie.”

“If you really want to thank me, you'll do one thing for me.”

Elaine yawned. “Talk to Mason?”

Essie chuckled. “That too. But I was talkin' 'bout something different.” She tapped the blanket. “Jennifer put this over you when she came by to visit on her lunch break. I need you to give it to Angel the first chance you get.”

Fingering the knitted yarn, Elaine said, “You're not gonna be here when I wake up, are you?”

“I'm always here, sugar,” Essie reassured. “I'm always here.”

He sat up on the side of the bed and stretched. Forty-five. He made a mental note of the number he'd set on the Sleep Number bed. It had been perfect. And the nap had been just what the doctor ordered. Jerrod hadn't realized how uncomfortable the makeshift bed had been that he'd slept on for the past three nights. It felt like nails in comparison.

Yawning, Jerrod looked at the clock on his cell phone and stretched his eyes in amazement. He must have been more tired than he realized. It was nearly three o'clock. Time never went this quickly when he was in classes. At school, every hour that passed felt like two. Except when it came to his after-school track practices. That was the only time of the day that didn't seem like a chore. Jerrod enjoyed making good grades, but he had to work hard for every one of them. Running, on the other hand, came easy. Like second nature. If practice was on his Tuesday schedule, he probably would have gone to school today in spite of everything.

Today had been an adventure all by itself. The first few hours of the day had handed Jerrod enough excitement to last a while. He'd called 911 like his coach instructed when they discovered Elaine on the side of the street. From the looks of things, she was just getting started on her morning run, but collapsed before she even reached the mouth of Braxton Park.

It took only minutes for the ambulance to arrive at the Braxton Park subdivision. Seeing the medics climb from the truck and begin working on Elaine brought back year-old memories for Jerrod. Unpleasant memories. Memories that he knew he'd never be able to permanently bury. His heart pounded in his chest as the men did their job. The medics who had been sent to revive Essie that night had failed. Thankfully, Elaine's EMTs had been much more successful. They had her stabilized before loading her into the emergency vehicle and rushing off, sirens blaring.

Jerrod had been given five minutes to run into the house to pack a suitcase. T.K. chose to remain in the car. Jerrod didn't blame him. He figured that T.K. didn't even feel comfortable coming in the house now that Jennifer had replaced him with another man. More like half a man. One fourth of a man would be more accurate, although it too was a bit generous. Thinking about Devon and the havoc he'd wreaked on the Mays household only infuriated Jerrod; so he forced the thoughts from his head by continuing to recount the happenings of the day.

Jerrod loved T.K.'s Corvette. Something about the hum of the engine was exhilarating. When T.K. navigated out of the subdivision, Jerrod thought that they were headed to his teacher's Stone Mountain home. Instead, they wound up at Northside Hospital, where they sat in the waiting room to hear updates on Elaine's condition. En route, T.K. used his cell to call Mason, and then Angel, to relay the news. His call to Mason made common sense. After all, he was Elaine's husband. But Jerrod figured that T.K. had called Angel because he knew if he told her, the word would also get to Jennifer. Jerrod drew that conclusion when T.K. made it a point to tell Angel that Jerrod was with him when he found Elaine. No doubt, all of the people in Jennifer's inner circle knew that Jerrod had run away. T.K. was leaving a trail of popcorn for Jennifer to pursue. If she wanted to see her son, she'd have to follow the path that would lead her to the man whose heart she'd broken. T.K. was forcing her to face him whether she wanted to or not. “Smoooooth, Coach,” Jerrod sang softly, mentally tipping his hat to T.K. As far as he was concerned, his mother owed T.K. that much. “How she just gon' bring some other dude in the picture without even telling a brotha?” he mumbled. The reality of it was still hard to accept.

Had they hung around the hospital long enough, she probably would have gotten her chance. Jerrod was sure that Jennifer dropped everything when she got the news of her friend's illness. Elaine looked pretty bad when the medics first placed her in the ambulance, but when Mason came out and told them that the doctor had given Elaine a favorable prognosis, T.K. and Jerrod left so T.K. could salvage the rest of his workday.

After driving Jerrod to his house and walking the teen inside, T.K. told him to make himself at home, and then he headed to Alpharetta High. Jerrod enjoyed having the full run of the house. His first order of business was to raid the refrigerator since he hadn't had time to eat breakfast before T.K. picked him up. The fridge was stocked with goodies, and Jerrod grabbed several slices of turkey breast deli meat, which he folded and piled between a hamburger bun slathered with mayonnaise and mustard. He washed down the loaded sandwich and a bag of chips with two cans of fruit punch while he sat in front of the television and watched
The View
. It would definitely remain his secret that he'd gotten hooked on the women's talk show in just one day of watching it at Toby's.

By the time the show ended, Jerrod could barely keep his eyes open. He peeled off his shirt, tennis shoes, and blue jeans and tossed them on top of his suitcase before becoming one with the bed in the room where T.K. had told him he'd be staying.

Now, some hours later, Jerrod reluctantly kicked the covers from his legs, and then sat on the side of his mattress. Scoping out the room, he guessed that it was about fifty percent larger than his bedroom at home. T.K.'s four-bedroom home could just about swallow the two-bedroom domicile that Jerrod shared with his mother. This room was what every kid dreamed about. Plenty of space, its own connected bathroom, a wall-mounted television, and a study desk in the corner that included a flat-screen Gateway computer. He could get used to this, but with his mother's decision to marry Devon, Jerrod knew that this could be nothing more than a fantasy.

Putting back on the clothes he'd abandoned earlier, Jerrod walked out of the room and made his way to the kitchen. The least he could do was prepare dinner for T.K. That would help him feel that he was earning his keep.

Jerrod had seen some ground beef in the refrigerator during his earlier raid. The one meal that he knew how to cook well was spaghetti. Finding all of the needed ingredients, he washed his hands in the kitchen sink and began his task. Jennifer had taught him how to make homemade sauce, but a can of Prego in the cabinet allowed him to save some time. The teenager felt like a regular chef G. Garvin as he twisted the black peppercorn grinder over the skillet that held the heating sauce. He cooked up a pound of ground beef, drained the excess grease from the pan, then set it aside while he tossed fresh chopped onions, basil leaves, oregano, parsley flakes, and Italian seasoning in with the simmering sauce.

Jerrod pulled some garlic bread sticks from the refrigerator and placed them in the oven. While they baked, he added the cooked ground beef to the sauce mix; then stood back to view his masterpiece in the making. In no time, the kitchen smelled like a Sicilian restaurant.

“Hey, kid. What's this? You're cooking?”

The voice didn't startle Jerrod. He'd heard the garage door open and close and knew that T.K. would be entering the house soon. Jerrod turned to face him and grinned. “Hope you like Italian.”

T.K. peeked into the oven and took a whiff. “If it tastes as good as it smells, I
love
it.” Fifteen minutes later, they were sitting at the dining room table enjoying the meal. It was so tasty that Jerrod wanted to pat himself on the back after T.K. had taken his turn.

“This is really good.” The coach's words were muffled behind the napkin that he used to wipe his mouth. “You've been holding out on me, Jerrod. You're about as skilled in the kitchen as you are on the track.”

Jerrod wished it were true. “Not really. This is pretty much all I know how to make. This, hotdogs, and hamburgers. That's about it.”

“Just enough to live off of, huh?” T.K. laughed.

“Uh-huh.”

“I still appreciate it. I usually have to come home and cook after working all day. This makes today a whole lot easier.”

Jerrod was glad that he had lightened T.K.'s load. “Just my way of saying thanks for letting me come and crash with you for a while.”

T.K. was quiet while he drank a few swallows of his fruit punch. He wiped his mouth before speaking. “Your mom called me today.”

Somehow Jerrod knew that he was going to say that. That small space of silence had felt a bit strained. He wasn't ready to go back home, and he hoped that T.K. wasn't going to force him to. Not yet. “What did she want?”

“I'm not sure, actually.” T.K. leaned back in his chair and patted his stomach like he was full. “She called twice. The first time, she left a message. That was during one of my classes. She was at the hospital with Mason at that time. Said Elaine was still sleeping. Then she said she'd call me back once she knew I was finished with my classes for the day.”

“So when she called back, you actually talked to her? She didn't leave another message?” While Jerrod wasn't ready to move his things back to Braxton Park, he was eager to hear what his mother had to say. He missed her. Even worried about her. But not enough to balance his disappointment.

“She called as soon as I got in my car and was pulling out of the school parking lot,” T.K. revealed. “The first thing she did was ask about you. Then she thanked me for finding you and allowing you to bunk with me until everything could be sorted out.”

Jerrod was surprised that Jennifer wasn't angry that he'd run away to begin with. “So she was okay with me being here?”

T.K. nodded. “She seemed to be. We didn't talk too much because she said that she didn't want to talk over the phone. She wants to come over and talk to you in person.”

“Just her?” Jerrod wanted to be sure that he wasn't about to be surprised by another appearance by Devon.

“Just her,” T.K. assured. “She said she owed an explanation for everything that had happened over the past few days. She wants to come by this evening after she gets off from work and has had the chance to go by the hospital again to check on Elaine.”

Jerrod fidgeted. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear what his mother had to say. “So what did you say? Did you tell her she could come by?”

After draining the rest of his fruit punch, T.K. replied, “I told her that I needed to speak with you first. I wanted to be sure that you were ready and willing to have a face-to-face meeting with her. A meeting won't do any good if all parties involved aren't open-minded and prepared to be rational.”

T.K. had lost Jerrod at:
I told her that I needed to speak to you first.
It meant everything to him that his coach had considered him and his feelings. As the adult, he could have easily just given Jennifer permission. T.K. could have handled it like Jennifer and Devon did. Jerrod was in no way prepared to meet his biological father, but he hadn't been given a choice in the matter. This time he had.

“So is it okay with you?” T.K. asked. “I told your mom that I'd call her back and let her know.”

“What if I say no?”

T.K.'s shrug made it seem that the answer was a no-brainer. “Then I'll call her and tell her that you aren't ready yet, and we'll have to do it another time.”

“If she comes over and talks tonight, does that mean I'll have to go back home tonight?”

Twirling the last of his spaghetti around his fork, T.K. said, “Not unless you want to. I already told her that you'd be staying here at least until Sunday, and she didn't fight me on it. I mentioned the fact that you had a friend who wanted to go to church with me on Sunday, but he would only go if you were there; so you might as well stay here until then.”

That was all that Jerrod needed to know. He could breathe much easier now. “Okay. Then she can come over and talk. As long as it's just her, and I won't have to go back home with her.”

“Okay.” T.K. nodded. “I'll give her a call a little later and make certain that she's clear on the terms.” He got up from the table and placed his empty plate in the sink. “Sit here. I'll be back.”

Jerrod watched as T.K. rounded the corner, disappearing from his view. While he waited for his teacher's return, Jerrod finished the last of his meal, then wiped his mouth with his napkin. T.K. walked back into the dining room just as Jerrod was polishing off the last of his punch. As he placed the empty can on the table, T.K. slid a small box on the table in front of him.

“Is this the ring?” Jerrod knew the answer before he asked the question.

“Yeah.” T.K.'s whisper was wrapped in regret.

The red velvet box was so striking that Jerrod just knew the ring would be too. And he was right. Jerrod had to catch his breath when the solitaire captured the overhead light and sent a blinding sparkle into his eyes. It was somewhat simple, but stunning at the same time. Seeing the jewelry reminded Jerrod of what could have been. What should have been. What
would
have been had it not been for his mom. He faulted her the most. Devon might have been the big winner, but he wouldn't have if Jennifer hadn't let him in the game. Jerrod couldn't be mad at him without feeling anger toward his mother as well.

“Nice, huh?” T.K. said, breaking the silence.

Jerrod blinked back liquid distress. “Yeah.” His unstable smile must have given away his inner anguish. The chair beside him pulled away from the table and T.K. sat in it.

“You know this won't change things between me and you, right? I mean, just because I'm not gonna be dating Jen anymore, doesn't mean that you and I can't still be tight. You know that, right?”

Jerrod nodded his answer. Speaking was out of the question right now. He needed to channel all of his energies to winning the fight against his tears.

“Come on, Jerrod.” T.K. nudged him with his knee. “Don't do this. I mean, I'm glad that you wanted this to happen for me and Jen, but it's hard enough to deal with my own disappointment. I don't need to walk around with the added guilt of feeling like I let you down.”