The Morning After (10 page)

“Apology accepted,” Reverend Tides simply said. “Please, go on, son.”

Mason looked back at the counselor, and with a slight smile, expressed his nonverbal appreciation for his kindness. And then he continued. “We fought. It got real ugly, and to tell the truth, as much as I'd like to say I won that fight, I was the one who had to get stitches, so I don't know who got the best of whom.” Mason paused to point at the reminder that could still be seen above his eye. “The dude was solid—probably can bench press three-fifty—but I gave it all I had. I probably would have killed him if I thought I could have done so and gotten away with it. I probably would have killed both of them.”

“But you didn't. God was watching over you even then.”

“Is that what it was?”

Reverend Tides returned Mason's smile. “You'd better believe it. You probably think that you didn't kill him because you weren't strong enough and didn't kill her because you still loved her in spite of it all. But rest assured; the reason you didn't kill them was because God wouldn't allow you to.”

Mason's smile faded. Those were the exact reasons that he'd always thought that he hadn't killed the two of them. How the preacher had been able to detect his year-long thoughts, Mason had no idea.

“You and Elaine are still together, right?”

“We're still married, if that's what you mean.”

“That's not what I mean,” Reverend Tides said. “I mean, are you still together? Are you, or were you ever estranged?”

Mason shook his head. “No. We actually never separated. At least, not in the sense that we ever lived under separate roofs.”

“Go on,” Reverend Tides urged.

“She slept in the bedroom, and I slept on the living room couch, but we were still under the same roof.”

“I see. And how long did it take for you to forgive her?”

“A few weeks. A couple of months. I don't know exactly.”

“But you
have
forgiven her?”

Mason paused and searched the preacher's face. He didn't even know how to answer the question. He thought he'd forgiven her; he honestly had. But maybe he hadn't. That's why he was here—he was confused. “I don't know. I told her I forgave her, but I really don't know if I have, Pastor. There has to be some reason why I can't . . .” Mason's voice trailed. “I don't know if I've forgiven her or not.”

“Why do you doubt yourself and the validity of your forgiveness?”

A sigh escaped Mason's partially separated lips, and he felt the build-up of unanticipated tears gathering behind his eyes. With a slight tremble in his voice, he answered, “Because it's been over a year, and she's still sleeping in the bedroom, and I'm still on the couch.”

An uncommon quietness blanketed the office space, and Mason couldn't bear to bring his eyes up to meet the preacher's. He could only imagine the shock that was on Reverend Tides's face. To Mason, even the sound of the words coming from his own mouth resonated as stupid. A whole year had passed and he hadn't slept with his wife. He could only imagine the thoughts that were running through his counselor's head.

“Why have you not moved back into the bedroom?” Reverend Tides's voice was steady and his tone was sympathetic, but Mason still couldn't look at him.

“I don't know.”

“Mason, why have you not moved back into the bedroom?”

Closing his eyes and swallowing, Mason repeated, “I don't know.”

“Look at me, Mason,” Reverend Tides said, suddenly sounding more like a concerned father than a pastor. Reluctantly, Mason complied. In a slow rhythmic manner, the preacher said, “Why have you not moved back into the bedroom with your wife, son?”

The pastor's face became a cloudy, distorted mess as Mason's eyes overflowed, sending silent tears streaming down his cheeks. “I don't know,” he said with a tone of exasperation.

Reverend Tides scooted forward in his chair and placed one hand on Mason's knee. “I want my prayers to be specific, Mason. Throw away your pride and your humiliations, and trust in the God that abides in me. I'm going to ask you this one last time, and I need you to answer me honestly. If you have forgiven your wife of her misdeeds, why haven't you become her husband again in every way?”

Tears had blinded Mason. He hadn't cried this hard since the day he found out about Elaine's affair. He felt the cup he'd been clutching being removed from his grasp, and with his hands now free, Mason used them to cover his face as he sobbed uncontrollably. He was a man. How was a grown man supposed to admit to something like this and still walk away with dignity? He had the feeling that Reverend Tides already knew the answer to his own question anyway. Saying it would just mortify Mason even more.

“Give him peace, Father.” Mason heard Reverend Tides say the words just as he felt the pastor place firm, but gentle hands on both sides of his head. “I come against every demon that rises to torment him and prevent him from getting the breakthrough that he so desperately needs. Still the hands of the enemy, Lord, and give him peace!”

She was putting away the last of the leftover dinner when her husband finally decided to come home. When she heard the security alarm beep, signaling someone's entrance, Angel's eyes immediately locked onto the numbers on the stove's built-in clock. It was almost nine-thirty. Colin had been working late many nights since the arrest of his associate, but this was a full ninety minutes later than he'd ever arrived before.

“Hey, babe, I'm home,” he announced, sticking his head in the kitchen only momentarily before disappearing again. Angel didn't even have time to respond before he was gone.

“It's about time,” she whispered.

On the other side of the wall, she could hear Colin walking down the hall, and Angel figured that he was going to their son's room to check on him. She'd had a tough time getting Austin to sleep and hoped Colin didn't wake him. No sooner than the thought had passed through her mind did she hear him returning to the living room with the child in tow.

“How's Daddy's Austin-Boston?” Colin asked.

“Da-da-da-da-da-da-da,” Austin replied. He'd been stringing the sounds together since he was nine months old. It was the closest he'd come to saying “Daddy” and Colin relished every time he did so.

“That's right, big man. Daddy's home. You missed me? Daddy missed you.”

“Da-da-da-da-da,” the one-year-old replied. His groggy voice gave way to the fact that he'd been awakened.

Angel dried her hands on a paper towel and retired to the living room to join them. “I'd just gotten him to sleep, Colin. Now, he'll be awake for hours.”

“That's fine,” Colin replied without even looking at her. “I'll stay up with him if you're tired and want to go to bed.”

Angel tossed a look at him that was as uncommon as Colin's words. Usually, her husband was vying for her attention, wanting to spend time with her when he got home from a rough night at work. She wasn't accustomed to him encouraging her to go to bed while he sat up with the baby. Plus, for a man who wanted to talk, he sure didn't seem in any hurry to do so. “Why are you rushing me off to bed tonight?”

Colin looked at her for the first time since her entry. “I'm not, baby. You can stay up as long as you want. I was just saying that I'll take the responsibility for waking up Austin. I mean, I'd understand if you were tired from all the
shopping
you did today.”

Angel noted the snide manner in which he had said the word. She had seen the note Colin had left for her on the bed, and she knew he was probably a bit upset that she and the baby weren't in place when he came home to spend lunch with them. “We did more window-shopping than anything else. I only purchased a few things that I saw on sale. I'm sorry we weren't home when you stopped by this afternoon. Every now and then I just need to get out of the house, see some other grown folks—maybe some other shopping mothers—and have some adult conversation. You know what I mean? It can be weird doing nothing but talking to a baby all day.”

“We'd just gone shopping Sunday, and if adult conversation was what you were looking for, you could have come by my office.”

Angel shifted her feet. Colin had invited her to his office many times, but she'd only taken him up on the offer a few. And she hadn't been there at all in the past year. “I know. I hate feeling like I'm disrupting your work. I know how far behind you are.”

“Have you ever heard me complain that you're interrupting me?”

He knew the answer to that question, so Angel didn't know if it were a rhetorical one or not. She decided to answer. “No.”

Colin grinned at Austin, and then added, “And if you were worried about disturbing me, you could have gotten adult conversation while walking with Elaine. Apparently talking to an adult wasn't all that important today since you decided not to workout with her this morning.”

Angel was blindsided by his comeback. She had been so busy playing catch-up and trying to be sure the house was in order by the time her husband got home that she hadn't had time to talk to Elaine since telling her friend that she wouldn't be walking with her today. So until Colin's remark, Angel wasn't aware that he knew she'd skipped her regular morning exercise routine with their neighbor.

“Sometimes I feel like I'm slowing her down,” Angel answered, not sure that the reply was the real reason she'd avoided this morning's routine. “Elaine likes to run the whole four miles, and I'm just not up to doing that yet. So every time I go with her, she has to slow down to accommodate me. I don't like feeling like I'm a hindrance.”

“You don't like feeling like a disruption, so you didn't visit me. You don't like feeling like a hindrance, so you didn't walk with Elaine. So what adults did you talk to while shopping who made you feel so at home?”

The measure of Colin's cynicism rocked Angel to the core, rendering her speechless. The man who sat in front of her had the face of her husband, but that's where the resemblance ended. Everything else about him was unfamiliar. Was he accusing her of something? Did he think she was with another man? It couldn't be. But why was he being so petty?

Snapshots of her wedding day flashed a slideshow through Angel's mind. During the celebratory reception that followed, Angel remembered Essie taking her to the side, tossing a look across the ballroom floor at Colin, and saying, “He's a keeper, sho' nuff. God done blessed you with a husband that most women can only dream of. But as beautiful as everything is today, just as sho' as God is God, there's gonna come a day when your love and your marriage is gonna be tried. But don't you worry none, 'cause the same God that got y'all now is gonna have y'all then. And while you can always talk to Jesus, I just want you to know that Ms. Essie gonna always be here for you whenever you need to talk to me too.”

In the moment of newlywed bliss, Angel could not even fathom the appearance of that trying day that Essie prophesied about. But now it was here. Boy, was it ever! Only problem was . . . Essie Mae Richardson wasn't. In the likeness of a child, Angel's mind whimpered the words,
But she promised.

Without Essie to help her, all Angel could do was stare at this familiar stranger in disbelief as he so generously fussed over their son. Colin didn't even look at her as he unleashed his obvious disdain; nor did he break his cycle of colorful facial expressions that kept Austin's giggling unrestrained.

“Are you upset that I didn't walk with Elaine?” Angel asked. “I mean, I never knew you cared one way or the other whether I walked with her or not.”

Colin released an annoyed sigh, like he was tired of trying to break down his language to a level that a person as dumb as she could understand. “Baby, why in the world would I be upset that you didn't walk with Elaine?”

“Then what's your problem?” Angel's voice rose. She didn't know what kind of game her husband was playing, but she didn't want to be a contestant. “Why are you acting so, so, so . . .” She couldn't even think of a word to describe Colin's actions that wouldn't offend him.

“Acting so what, baby?” His relaxed facial expression showed no signs of agitation, which frustrated Angel even more. She felt like he was taunting her. This was not the man she'd married four years ago. “Acting so what?” he repeated. The innocent look on his face deserved a Tony Award.

Angel flung her arms into the air, and then let them fall by her sides. “You know what? I'm going to bed.”

“Fine.” Colin remained calm as he kissed his son's forehead. “I already told you that I'd take care of Austin, and you could turn in if you wanted to.”

Deep, anger-induced lines creased Angel's forehead, and she planted both her hands firmly on her hips. “Yeah? Well, you also told me that you wanted me to wait up for you so we could talk,” she reminded him. “Which is it, Colin? Do you want to talk or not?”

Standing from the sofa, holding their child close to his chest, he replied, “I did. But my plan was to have a rational conversation, and this one has already crossed that line. I'm not gonna argue with you in front of my son. He doesn't need to see or hear that. I don't get to spend enough quality time with him as it is. What time I do have to be with him won't be tainted by arguments.”

Angel's hands slipped from her hips and dangled freely on both sides of her body. She could feel the build up of tears forming somewhere behind her eyeballs. “What about me?” she disputed. “You don't get to spend a whole lot of time with me either, but you seem okay with arguing as long as it's outside of the presence and ear-range of Austin. How much sense does that make, Colin? You're willing to fuss in front of me, but not in front of him. What's the difference?”

Shaking his head from side to side, Colin's lips vibrated under the pressure of the wind that propelled his newest sigh. “Baby, I don't want to fuss with you period, but it's clear that an argument is what a conversation tonight would turn into. It's already at that point right now, and it'll only get worse. So let's just drop it, okay?” He turned to walk away, but then stopped, snapped his fingers like he'd forgotten something, and faced her again. “Oh yeah. You asked for the difference, so here it is. Austin's limited time with me isn't within his control. Yours is. He's a baby. You're not. He can't decide to drive to my office for a visit, or be at home on days I make the sacrifice to spend time with him in the middle of the day. You can. He never opts to spend his free weekend times shopping for stuff he doesn't need or visiting friends that he could see any day of the week. You do. He hasn't reorganized his personal files so that everybody and everything in his life comes before I do. You have. That's the difference, Angel. That's the difference.”