The Morning After (14 page)

The massage setting on the shower head was just what her tired body needed. Elaine faced away from the rotating jet stream and allowed the water to beat on her back like a set of trained hands. Today's run was more difficult than usual. Her lungs didn't have the same wind capacity as normal. A routine that had become almost effortless for her over the past several months had been a worthy opponent today. Every hill, every winding way, every mile that she ran was a challenge.

“I've got to get to bed earlier tonight,” Elaine told herself just before shutting off the water. She couldn't workout at full intensity if she didn't get the proper rest.

For the past two nights, she'd labored late into the night to keep pace with her writing schedule's growing demands. She'd prayed for her writing to capture the eyes of other magazines, and it had. As of yesterday, she was now writing for two major magazines. The editor for a third one had left a message on her voice mail requesting a return call.

“I've got to make that a priority today.”

Elaine often had these self-chatting sessions in the morning before she began her day. They kept her focused on what things were most pressing. She'd discovered long ago that if she gave her day a schedule, more of the items on her daily list got accomplished.

She was already behind on today's agenda. Running hadn't been a part of Elaine's plan, and doing so had set her back an hour. She hadn't run on a Saturday since she reached her ideal weight. Or at least, what she
thought
was her ideal weight. Mason's continued detachment from her had put things in their proper perspective. Nothing like a man's repulsion to bring out the truth, and her husband's distance told Elaine that she still had a long way to go.

“Let's see here,” she said, examining her nude form in the mirror of the master bath that was connected to her bedroom. Her stomach was flat, her waistline was trim, and when she held her arms out and shook them, there was barely any jiggle. Her inherited hips remained, but Elaine could see a little improvement in them since she resumed the habit of purging herself at least once a day. Sometimes, she did it twice. But only when it was absolutely necessary. She didn't dare lose control and get like those silly women who did it after every single meal.

“Elaine . . . you here?” It was Mason's voice, and it was coming from the open doorway of their bedroom. It was his Saturday off, and he'd come home from getting his truck washed.

Elaine stood up straight and took in a breath that thrust forward her breasts. Striking the sultriest pose that she could, she purred, “Yes, Mason; I'm here. I'm in the bathroom. Just got out of the shower.”

“Oh. Sorry. I'll see you when you come out.”

The bedroom door closed and Elaine's chest deflated in synchronized fashion. She would have given anything for him to walk in on her. Maybe if she hadn't indicated that she wasn't dressed, he would have chanced coming in.

“You're so pathetic,” she scolded her reflection while snatching her silk robe from the counter and covering the hideous sight that was her body.

Mason hadn't seen her unclothed in over a year. Elaine had seen him once, but that was only because she'd invaded his privacy without his knowledge. Elaine imagined that Mason would be livid if he knew that she'd stood, like a common voyeur, peeking through the small opening in the guest bathroom door one morning as he prepared for work, and watched as he dried the water from his freshly bathed body. She wondered if lusting was a sin if the “lus-tee” was her husband. Elaine knew that Mason wouldn't approve of what she'd done, but she needed something to hold on to. Something to remind her of what used to be. Something to give her hope of what she might be able to look forward to again.

“Hey.” She put on her best smile when she emerged from the bedroom.

“What's up?” Mason was sitting on the sofa removing his second shoe. “Why are you showering so early? You going somewhere?”

Elaine sat on the loveseat opposite him and intentionally exposed the fullness of one of her legs. “I ran this morning, so I needed to freshen up.”

“Oh.” Mason's eyes lingered on her, but not in a good way. Elaine felt uneasy under his stare. “Listen,” he said, “how would you feel about missing services at Temple of God's Word tomorrow?”

“Missing service? Why?” They had been very faithful in their church attendance over the past year, and they still needed all the divine intervention that they could get. Elaine wasn't at all sure about agreeing to Mason's yet unexplained plans. “You don't have to work tomorrow, do you?”

“No. Nothing like that. I was just thinking that maybe, for once, we could do something . . . I don't know, different.”

Elaine reconsidered her apprehension. Maybe Mason wanted to take her somewhere romantic, where it would be just the two of them. Or maybe on such short notice, he had something less dramatic in mind, like a lazy day at home—never getting out of bed. Just the thought of it sent ripples up Elaine's spine. A quiet day alone could be just what they needed. Missing one Sunday service wouldn't hurt them. In fact, if they were creative and spontaneous enough, it would help them.

“I know you . . . I mean,
we
made a commitment to attend Temple of God's Word regularly, but—”

“No, it's okay,” Elaine quickly put in. “We can do something . . .
different
. I'd love to, as a matter of fact.” She tried not to sound too anxious, but her body was already tingling.

“Really?” Mason's whole body relaxed, like he had been expecting the worst.

Elaine smiled. She was glad that she'd pleased him with her answer. “Really.”

“Wow, babe. I owe you an apology.”

This was already looking like a winner. Mason had called her babe and had mentioned his need to apologize in the same sentence. She hadn't heard either one of those words from him in months. Elaine was just about to put on a naïve front and ask him what on earth had he done to warrant an apology when she found out that had she “played dumb,” it wouldn't have been an act at all. Her assumptions of what Mason had in mind had been way off base.

“I told Reverend Tides that it would be like pulling teeth to get you to go to a church other than the one Ms. Essie went to,” Mason said.

“What?” Elaine felt like a fool. “What? Where? What? Huh?” She sounded like a fool too.

“Reverend Tides. B.T. Tides,” Mason said, still smiling with relief. “You know, the preacher that got kidnapped a couple of years back. The one with the big church over in Stone Mountain.”

Elaine knew very well who Reverend B.T. Tides was.
Everybody
knew who Reverend B.T. Tides was. Although his church wasn't as large, Reverend Tides's celebrity status, in recent years, had grown to challenge that of Bishop T.D. Jakes. What Elaine couldn't understand was how Mason had gotten close enough to the revered preacher to see him, let alone talk to him.

“What do you mean you
told
him it would be like pulling teeth? You know Reverend Tides?”

At first, Mason appeared to be thrown by her question. “No . . . no, I don't know him. I mean, I know him, but I don't
know
him know him. You know he's T.K.'s pastor, right?”

“Yeah, but what does that have to do with you?”

“Nothing, really.” Mason shifted his feet. “I just . . . well, I ran into him the other day, and of course, he didn't know me, but I knew who he was, so I spoke to him.”

“And he actually talked to you?” Elaine had never met the pastor personally. She'd heard Jennifer mention him and rave at how much she enjoyed the Sundays that she visited the church with T.K., but Elaine had never imagined that a pastor of his caliber would be so personable as to talk to common folks.

Mason laughed at her question. “Yes, he talked to me. Why wouldn't he?”

“I hear he has bodyguards and stuff.” Elaine frowned. “Jennifer says that the church has a security staff and they're always standing somewhere near him when church adjourns.”

“Well, I'm sure they do,” Mason replied. “If I were him and some crazy dude kidnapped and tried to kill me, I'd have some bodyguards too. But they ain't with him twenty-four-seven. They weren't with him when I saw him.”

“Where'd you see him?”

“Out near his church,” Mason said. “Why does it matter where I saw him, Elaine? That's not the point. The point is that I saw him and we spoke. He invited me to stop in and visit some time, and I thought tomorrow would be a good day to do it since it's not pastoral Sunday at Temple of God's Word.”

“Oh.” Elaine had nothing against New Hope Church, but this wasn't the
different
plan that she hoped Mason had in mind.

“Well, don't get too excited,” he noted in sarcasm. “What's wrong? You got a problem with going with me to visit his service tomorrow?”

Elaine tried to smile through her disappointment. “Of course not. Sure, we can go there if you want to. Just to visit though. I'm not crazy about churches whose memberships run into the thousands. That's just too many people for me.”

“We're just going to visit,” he assured her.

“Okay. Fine.” Elaine pulled her robe close to her body. Mason was staring at her again. That same strange, almost perplexed stare that made her uneasy the first time. She was about to ask him why he was looking at her in that manner, but his answer came before her question.

“What's going on with your weight?”

“My weight?” Without thinking, Elaine pulled back the leg that she'd left exposed for the purpose of bait, and hid it beneath her robe. “What do you mean?”

Mason stood from the sofa and took cautious steps toward her, looking her over like a paid inspector. Elaine squirmed. Why was he looking at her like that? “I mean, your weight,” he said. “What's going on? What are you trying to do?”

“What do you mean, what am I trying to do?” Elaine blinked back tears. She was trying all she knew to lose the extra pounds. What more could she do?

“I mean it's too much,” he said. “It's too much, Elaine. You need to slow down or stop doing whatever it is that you're doing all together.”

Elaine's lips trembled as she tried to form her next words. The ringing of the telephone interrupted them, and Mason excused himself to answer. His walking away gave Elaine the opportunity to escape. She scuffled to the bedroom and back into the bathroom where she secured herself behind the locked door and wept silently.

What did he mean by saying she needed to slow down? She was already ignoring hunger pangs and barely eating as it was.

The end of his sentence rang in her ear. Stop all together? Did he want her to stop eating period? Starve herself?

With water still dancing in the corners of her eyes, Elaine looked at her blurred reflection in the bathroom mirror. “If that's what it takes, then that's what I'll do.”

For ten minutes, she'd been sitting in her car hoping that the downpour from heaven would at least lighten up so that she could get from her driveway into her house without getting drenched. “I thought for sure that my umbrella was in this car,” Jennifer muttered with regret while looking into the backseat. “Of all days to leave it at home.”

She glanced at her watch; her third check for the time since parking. An unconscious smile tugged at her lips as she ran her index finger over the glass face. The watch reminded her of T.K. He'd given her the gold Guess timepiece for Christmas last year. She'd never had a more beautiful accessory to grace her wrist. He had great taste and always seemed to know exactly what she wanted.

“Apparently not,” Jennifer scolded, shoving the pleasant memory from her mind. “If he
really
knows what I want . . .
wanted
,” she corrected in a tone that was meant to be convincing, “I would have had another, more defining piece of gold jewelry by now.” She rubbed her temples. This was no time to think of T.K. In fact, he was the last thing that needed to be on her mind right now. Thinking about him only confused the matter. He'd had his chance.

The rainfall had lightened, but still fell steadily. Whether it stopped or not, she had to get out. Jennifer was on a schedule; had a plan. And if there was any chance of everything going as smoothly as she hoped, her getting inside the house and having ample opportunity to prepare her son was her only option.

“Lord, if this boy messes this up for me . . .” Jennifer left the sentence open. As much as she'd like to believe that this conversation with Jerrod was going to be easy, the knot in the pit of her stomach indicated differently.

On second thought, he might just surprise her. Jerrod had matured by light-years over the past twelve months. The stubborn, temperamental, unruly Jerrod hadn't been seen since he came to accept Essie's death. If he could keep his cool and help pack away Essie's things, with the full knowledge that Angel was preparing the house for the market, then surely Jerrod could make other substantial adjustments.

“He's gonna do just fine. As a matter of fact, this could be something he's secretly wanted his whole life. What boy wouldn't?” The pep talk was working, and a smile sneaked across Jennifer's face. “God works in mysterious ways. Everything happens for a reason.” It was a notation that she'd heard Reverend Owens make during more than one Sunday morning sermon. “And if everything happens for a reason, and God is in control of everything,” Jennifer rationalized, “then God had to have His hand in this one. This is just too major to be a coincidence.”

The last of her declaration was muttered through wet lips. Jennifer had abandoned her car and dashed up the steps as quickly as she could. Despite her best efforts, her blouse clung to her body by the time she reached the shelter of her porch. It had been some time since Alpharetta had gotten a good soaking like this one. Jennifer pulled open the screen door, then fumbled with her keys in slippery hands.

“Jerrod!” The sight of her son standing directly on the other side of the front door shocked her. She wiped her hand across her flattened hair, and then proceeded to place her wet purse on the floor near the door. “Boy, don't scare me like that. If you were standing right here and saw me struggling to unlock the front door, why didn't you just open it?”

When she got no answer, Jennifer turned to see Jerrod still standing quietly, looking at her as though she were some uninvited guest. An invader, even. “Did you hear me, Jerrod?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I heard you.”

His uncommon less-than-reverent response took Jennifer aback. He hadn't responded to her with a
yeah
in months. Instead of addressing his backslidden behavior directly, Jennifer aimed for the root of the problem. “What's wrong with you? If you heard me, then why didn't you answer me?”

Jerrod hunched his shoulders. “I wasn't standing here the whole time. I just walked up to the door right before you opened it.”

“Oh.” She didn't know if she quite believed him, but Jennifer let it slide. Still, she had an eerie feeling that something had happened in her absence. If she kept talking, maybe she'd find out. She softened her tone. “What did you do today? Did you and Angel get much done, or did the rain interfere with your work?”

Jerrod stepped away from the spot he'd been occupying and walked to the nearby couch and sat. “We packed some stuff, but we didn't make it to storage.” He crossed his right foot over his left knee; a pose he'd definitely gotten from his coach.

T.K. sat like that whenever he was in deep conversation; especially with Jerrod—when they had those man-to-man talks.

Jennifer shook thoughts of T.K. from her head for the second time, and then walked around the bar and pulled several sheets of paper towels from the upright metal holder that sat on the counter. As she dried her arms and face, the hovering silence felt as if it were closing in, threatening to smother her.

Jennifer searched for a way to introduce the topic of conversation that needed to be addressed. The clock was ticking, and her grace period would soon end.

“Where you been, Ma?” His question could have been the perfect segue, but Jennifer didn't like the tone in which it was posed.

She looked up and across the way toward where Jerrod still sat scrutinizing her for a reason she still hadn't figured out. “What do you mean, where have I been?” Jennifer tried not to sound defensive, but she could hear it in her own voice. “I told you where I was going this morning. I know you heard me.”

“Yeah, I heard you. But Coach D stopped by looking for you, so you wasn't with him like you said you were.”

Hot flashes couldn't have been more uncomfortable. An overbearing heated feeling traveled from the base of Jennifer's neck to the roots of her hair, forming beads of sweat around the edges. She wiped them away with the paper towel she still held. Of all the Saturdays for T.K. to make an unannounced visit, he chose today. What was he stopping in for? Actions spoke louder than words, and his actions had proven that she hadn't meant very much to him. At least not as much as she thought she meant. “I never told you that I was with T.K., Jerrod. I told you that I was going to breakfast.”

“With Coach D.” His voice was accusing.

Jennifer shook her head in denial. “Jerrod, I never said I was going with T.K. I said I was going to breakfast, and you
assumed
that I was going with him.”

Jerrod uncrossed his legs and stood to look at her. His voice didn't call her a liar, but his face did. “Ma, I sat right there in the bed and asked you if you and Coach were hanging out today, and you said you were going to breakfast.”

Jennifer knew that she'd misled her son, but she found vindication in knowing that her response to his accusation would be the truth. “I said that
I
was going to breakfast. I didn't say I was going with T.K.”

“But I asked you if you were going with Coach.”

“And my reply was, ‘Going to breakfast.' Not once did I say I was going with him.” Even to her own hearing, she sounded like a deceiver.

Jerrod flailed his arms in the air, and then allowed them to fall by his side. “Fine.” His concession clearly wasn't by choice. “So who were you with, then?”

Jennifer cocked her neck. “Don't you take that tone with me, Jerrod D. Mays. Who do you think you're talking to? I'm the mama. I don't have to answer to you.”

Plopping back onto the cushions of the couch, Jerrod immediately picked up the remote control and turned on the television set. Jennifer watched as he stared at the screen, watching some show that he probably had little or no interest in. This was not the way she'd planned for this conversation to go. How had things gotten so off-track? With her eyes resting on the digital clock that was built in to her oven, Jennifer knew that she had to work fast. She had less than ten minutes to start the conversation over and make it work to her advantage.

Quick steps delivered her from the kitchen to the living room where she gently took the remote from her son's hand and sat beside him, placing the television on mute. She shivered a little in the damp clothes she still wore, but there was no time for a wardrobe change. Jerrod's eyes darted away from her, aiming for the front door that she'd left open. The pitter of the spring shower was almost rhythmic.

“Jerrod, please look at me.” When he complied, she continued. “Listen, I need to talk to you about something. I need to ask you some questions so you can tell me what you think about some things.”

“Ma, how you gonna not answer my question, but then you got questions that you want me to answer?”

“Because I'm—”

“I know you're the mama,” he said through a sigh. “You ain't got to keep telling me that, Ma. But just 'cause you the parent, that means I don't get to get no answers? I ain't earned your respect yet?”

Jennifer swallowed hard. The last thing she wanted was for her son to think his feelings didn't count. She squeezed his hand. “Of course you have my respect, Jerrod. As a matter of fact, answering your question is what I'm trying to do here. It's just not as cut and dry as you want to make it. I need you to let me explain.”

“A'ight. I'm listening.” His left leg resumed its place; crossed over his right knee.

Jennifer squirmed on the leather couch. “I, uh . . . I've been seeing someone.”

“I know that, Ma. You and Coach can't think I'm that stupid that I don't know what's up.”

“I don't mean T.K.” With those words, Jerrod stiffened, and Jennifer felt that if she didn't keep talking, she'd lose her nerve. “I mean, I
was
seeing T.K., but not anymore.”

“What you mean, not no more? Since when did this happen? We was all just together less than a week ago.”

“I know, Jerrod, and that's when I realized that our relationship—mine and T.K.'s—wasn't going anywhere. Listen,” Jennifer said, interrupting another oncoming outburst from Jerrod. “I prayed about this, and I think God sent me my answer.”

“What answer? Coach D done been with us through everything, Ma. Ms. Essie's death, my trial, everything. How you gonna just dump him like this?”

“What makes you think I dumped him? Why do you automatically assume that I'm the villain here? T.K. has made it clear that—”

“Coach D just left here not that long ago, Ma. He came here to see you, so I know this ain't his idea. You had to be the one to walk, 'cause if he had ditched you, he wouldn't have been coming here to visit. Does he even know that you're seeing some other dude?”

Jennifer felt trapped. Her tongue was so pasty that she wanted to go back outside and stand with her face to the sky; mouth wide open. “Listen, Jerrod. It's not that sim—”

“He don't know, do he?” Jerrod was up and pacing now. “I can't believe you dissing Coach like this.”

Jennifer stood too. “I'm not
dissing
anybody, Jerrod. If you'd just listen for a second, I can explain everything.”

“Explain what, Ma? I knew you were gonna do this. I just knew it.”

“Do what?” Jennifer placed her hands on her hips and dared him to say something foolish. He was taller than she, and he was too old for her to whip, but she wouldn't think twice about banishing him to his room without dinner.

“
This
,” Jerrod stressed. “I knew that if I got to where I really liked Coach, you'd find some way to run him off.”

Tears burned in Jennifer's eyes. How could he say such a thing to her, like she got her kicks from breaking up with men just to add misery to his life? “I didn't run anybody off, Jerrod. It just didn't work out, that's all. Relationships fail all the time, and ours just happened to be one of them.”

“Don't a relationship take two people? How is it gonna fail when don't but one of y'all know it done failed? Coach don't even know he been dumped. And for who? Some man you just met?”

“I didn't exactly
just
meet him. I—”

“You might not have just met him, but you had to just start seeing him this week, 'cause before now, you ain't been seeing nobody but Coach.” He had a point, and Jennifer couldn't think fast enough to respond. Instead, it was Jerrod who continued his rant. “What's so good about him that he was worth leaving a man as great as Coach D? He can't be a better man. There ain't no better man than Coach D.”

“He's a
very
good man, Jerrod, and it's very unfair for you to judge him when you haven't even met him yet.”

“I don't want to meet him. He's your choice, not mine. If you marry him, he'll be your husband, but he ain't gonna be my daddy; that's for sure.”

“Jerrod!” Jennifer rebuked.

“Well, what you want me to say, Ma? That I like him? I don't. Like you just said, I don't even know the man.”

Jennifer looked up at Jerrod with pleading eyes when she reached out and touched his arm. “I want you to meet him and get to know him, Jerrod. I know if you get to know him, you'll like him. It's important to me that you like him. Your opinion matters.”

“It must not matter. You ain't talk to me before you ditched Coach, and you ain't talk to me before you hooked up with this other dude. If it didn't matter then, how come it matters now?”

“Because there's a very good chance that Devon is going to be a part of our family.” The words had exited Jennifer's lips before she had the chance to block them. This wasn't the way she wanted her son to find out. Nothing was going as she'd planned it.