The Moonlight Monsters Detective Agency Volume One (2 page)

‘Yeah, yeah, yeah,’ Ernie shrugged, ‘just you go find Sam Parker,
I’ll
take care of it.’

Tina grabbed her coat and they headed outside.

Outside the sky was clear and sunny. A good day for mid-December, Tina observed as they left the agency office and made for the car.

‘Man,’ Boris muttered, ‘you can still smell that crap from here. They better get it cleaned up soon.’

‘Yeah,’ Tina smiled, ‘got to feel bad for Lonny though.’

 
They climbed into the sleek black company Mercedes and Boris started the engine.

‘So how’s everything at home?’ Tina asked him as she pulled on her seatbelt.

‘Oh noisy, noisy, noisy,’ Boris grumbled. ‘Svetlana’s reaching the terrible teens already. You think that’s bad with humans, just try to picture with bear-cubs…’

‘I guess it’s not easy on any kid.’

‘
Ya
.
And her brothers, all they care for is this X-Station,
Playbox
machine. I tell you, it’s not good for a boy to be inside glued to television screens and made-up pictures all day.’

‘These are wild times we live in,’ Tina said, ‘nobody can deny that. How’s your sister doing?’

‘Ah,’ Boris sighed, ‘her hands are full with the little ones, but she does her best. I suppose I am blessed in many ways.’

‘Yeah well they’re lucky they’ve got you,’ Tina said, ‘God knows you’re a good father to them Boris.’

As a younger man, Boris Rachmaninoff had used his unique skills – i.e., the ability to hulk-out bear-style at will (except for during full moons, when the transformation would take place whether he wanted it to or not) – to aid freedom-fighters in Soviet Russia before the collapse of the USSR. Although he’d been no more than twenty-one when the Berlin Wall came down, he’d already spent a good five years or so as the personal bodyguard for a cell of revolutionary soldiers. So when he immigrated to the states later that year with his young wife Arianna, it was just that experience which made him the perfect candidate for service with the Supernatural Detective Agency.

Over the next two decades he worked tirelessly for the Agency, even after the tragic death of his wife in two-thousand and eight. When Tina made the grade six years ago it had been him who’d shown her the ropes. They’d been partners ever since.

Moonlight City was a generally peaceful metropolis located on the East Coast, south of New York but north of DC, which was, for some inexplicable reason, occasionally disturbed by disasters and mishaps of a supernatural nature, which seemed to occur there much more frequently than anywhere else in the nation. Well if the heads up at the Shelly Byron Institute (the loose organization that governed paranormal activity across the globe and gave the agency their orders) knew why Moonlight City was this way predisposed then they certainly weren’t letting on. It was a mystery that Tina expected she might solve herself some day, but as for now, all she could do was guess.

 
As Boris drove the car across town, Tina let her mind filter out and spread around the city, searching for a psychic trace of Sam Parker. Tina had the ability to enter just about anybody’s mind with ease, though outside of work she usually abstained for ethical reasons.
Normals
were easy prey, she could pretty much find out anything she wanted off them with ease, but most supernatural beings had at least some semblance of internal defenses set up. When you know what’s really out there it pays to put in an extra bit of work.

That said, there
were
a few who could block her out completely, but unless Sam Parker was expecting them that day, then it should be easy enough to pick him up. All she had to do was listen out for the dude thinking thoughts in a British accent.

At the corner of Augustine and St. John’s Street, she hit the target.

“
Ok Mate, you’re set. You’ve got the cigarettes, a nice little drop of Irish Whiskey to keep you warm and a little pouch of pig’s blood in case you get thirsty…
”

‘I’ve got him.’ Tina said.

‘Ok,’ Boris nodded, ‘which way?’

‘Hold on…’

“
This bastard should be here anytime soon Sam, so just settle down and wait. That’s
it,
maybe light a fag to keep the chill away. Oh yeah, it’s all good…
”

‘North,’ Tina said, ‘North West along Augustine Avenue. He’s close.’

Boris changed lanes and set off up the street.

‘Come on, come on,’ Tina whispered as she tried to hone in on the perp.

“
AAaahhh
, that’s a nice smoke mate. One good thing about the yanks is they know how to roll a – Hold on a second! Who the ‘ell are you!
”

‘Shit,’ Tina muttered, ‘he’s picked me up…’

“
Trying to have a little peek into Sam Parker’s head are we love? Ha! Not without buying me dinner first at least…
”

Parker’s defenses had kicked in strong now – there was no way she’d hear anything that he didn’t want her to hear. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t still find his location.

‘He’s along here somewhere,’ she said, ‘up high, I think.’

Boris slowed the car down, keeping his eyes fixed on the passing buildings. Tina placed her fingers to her forehead and started to speak, beaming the words directly into Parker’s head.

‘Sam Parker! This is Agent Tina Peterson of the SDA – that’s Supernatural Detective Agency, in case you aren’t aware. We have reason to believe you’re practicing investigation without a license.
An offense punishable under section eight of the Alighieri Act.
We know you’re on Augustine, so why don’t you just step out onto the street and surrender and maybe we’ll show you a little clemency.’

“
Hah!
” Sam Parker’s mind replied, “
The hell I will love, I’m on a case here.
”

‘Well then you should expect to be met with the full brunt of the law,’ Tina said and closed off her voice to Sam’s mind. ‘He’s up high somewhere, on your side,’ she said to Boris, ‘Check the rooftops and fire-escapes.’

‘I see him!’ Boris shouted, pointing down the street. There, hanging from a rusty fire-escape, was the figure of Sam Parker, his whole body hidden beneath a heavy coat and hood – the standard attire for a vampire out in the open during daylight.

‘Ok,’ Tina said, ‘pull up slow – we don’t want him to hear us approach.’

“
You still there love?
” Sam Parker asked, “
because
I’ve got to split – though you sound like a real keeper, so maybe we’ll meet again, yeah?
Toodles
then…
”

As they parked up beside the curb, Parker dropped down from the fire-escape, landing first on the canopy of a grocery store and then tumbling onto the sidewalk.

“
Ah shit, shit, shit, you bloody WANKER!
”

The detectives jumped out of the car, as Parker picked
himself
up and set off running down the street.

‘Freeze!’
Tina ordered.

“
Piss off love!
” Parker thought and turned off an alley up ahead.

With a roar, Boris turned one quarter bear and then bounded after him at breakneck speed.

By the time Tina rounded the alley Boris already had their
perp
pinned to the wall. By now, under the cover of the dark alley, her partner had permitted himself to go almost full ursine. Most of his body was covered in tufts of thick grey hair and he’d grown to a size roughly three times as big as his human form. Clutched in his giant paws was Sam Parker.

The vampire was panting and he had a nasty scratch on his unshaved cheek, but he still smiled when Tina came up to him. ‘Alright love,’ he grinned, ‘he’s a handsome one this fella, eh? What’s your secret then big man – testosterone in the porridge at breakfast?’

‘Shut it,’ Boris growled.

‘You read him his rights?’ Tina asked.

‘Yeah,’ Boris nodded.

‘Tried to anyway,’ Parker said, ‘although it’s not easy to understand when it comes from the maws of Grizzly Adam’s illegitimate love child.’ He gave Tina a quick once over and smiled. ‘You’re not bad looking though, eh love? I knew you’d be pretty when I felt you poking around in my noggin…’

‘In your dreams
leechbreath
.’

Sam Parker shrugged. ‘Don’t worry,’ he said, ‘you’re not my type. I don’t mess with demons.
Had a bad experience once.’

Tina was a little taken aback at that. Not many people could tell she was demon at first meeting. This guy was good, even if he
was
a total dick.

‘Smelt it on you love,’ Parker smiled, noting her surprise, ‘does me a lot of good to have a nose that’s particularly honed in to danger. Speaking of which, what’s this boy been rolling in?
Cor
Blimey, smells like a dead crocodile.’

‘There was an accident at the office,’ Boris muttered.

Tina frowned. ‘Hey Parker,’ she said, ‘keep your mouth shut. We’re the ones who ask the questions around here.’

‘Oh yeah?
Parker smirked, ‘Well why don’t you just forego the questions and go straight to the source? Or do you not have the skills to take me on?

‘Ha! I’d break your defenses down in fifteen minutes if I wanted to,’ Tina told him, ‘I’m just afraid of what other filthy thoughts I might dig up…’

Parker shrugged. ‘Can’t say I blame you,’ he said.

‘Ok, enough bullshit, we’re taking you back to the station.’

For the first time since he’d been intercepted, Sam Parker looked flustered. ‘Hey hold on a second,’ he said, ‘why can’t you just give me a warning here? Let me off with a slap on the wrist?’

‘You’ve committed a serious crime,’ Tina said, ‘that’s why. Come on Boris, we’re taking him in.’

Boris grabbed the vampire by the shoulders and pulled him forward.

‘Wait, wait, Goddamn it,’ Parker cried, ‘listen – I’m on a case here. There’s a
real
crime that’s gone on and I was just now in the middle of solving it before you two well-meaning morons showed up.’

‘Watch it,’ Tina said. She considered her options for a second. I suppose it couldn’t hurt to hear him out, she reasoned. ‘Ok,’ she said, ‘you got five minutes. What are you saying here?’

‘Thank you,’ Parker said, as Boris relaxed his hairy grip. The vampire made a show of dusting off his overcoat before continuing. ‘Well this guy came into my office yesterday, yeah?
A normal like, just a regular family guy.
Said he’d been ripped off by some shady con-artist.’

‘Keep talking.’

‘Well here’s the thing: I’m a paranormal PI, right? I mean that’s my gig and that’s how I advertise myself. So apparently there was more going on here than some huckster taking a shot at an easy mark. From the way this guy told it, he’d been hypnotized – and not your textbook Tony Robbins type shit – I mean this guy was under a seriously deep-trance, going on a full week, from the moment he first met the conman till he signed away his lifesavings and the guy disappeared right out of his life. He couldn’t remember anything; not the guy’s name, not the clothes he wore and not even his face. All he could recall was a pair of gleaming silver eyes…’

‘So why the hell didn’t he come to us then?’ Boris asked, ‘that’s our job after all.’

Sam looked the hulking grey werebear up and down. ‘Blimey,’ he said, ‘I can think of a reason or two.’

‘Mind your manners you little bloodsucker,’ Boris growled, ‘or I’ll snap you like a twig.’

‘Yeah ok big guy,’ Parker said, ‘but seriously, you people don’t exactly make it easy for the
normals
to find you when they need to, do you?’

‘You know how it is,’ Tina said, ‘as far as they’re concerned we’re not even supposed to exist.’

‘Exactly.
And that’s where I come in. Because the thing is we
do
exist, whether you deny it to them or not, and sometimes the
normals
get involved – even though they’re not supposed to. So you could say I found a niche in the market. When the
normals
get hurt by a rogue creature and they haven’t got a soul in the world to turn to then they can come to me…’

‘You sound like a real saint,’ Tina said, ‘and what makes you think you have the expertise for the job? How did you even track this guy down if the victim couldn’t remember anything?’

‘Aha,’ Parker smiled, ‘well our magician made one
mistake,
didn’t he? As a sign of good faith he made the family man a gift of a priceless gold statue – though in reality it was just a piece of polished wood, but try telling that to a man in deep-trance, right? Anyway, the bastard’s scent was all over it. Remember that good nose of mine, eh?’

Ok, Tina had to admit she was a little bit impressed here – not that she was going to let Sam Parker know; telepathy was her thing.

‘So I tracked him down to an apartment-building,’ Parker continued, ‘since the room’s pretty bare I’m fairly confident it’s not the guy’s usual place of residence. But there are
still a couple of suitcases and toiletries in there so if he’s going to make a run for it then he definitely hasn’t left yet…’