The Moonlight Monsters Detective Agency Volume One (8 page)

The Infirmary
were
a brotherhood of psychic monks who specialized in supernatural medical aid. They got their funding from the Byron Shelly Institute too, so whenever the SDA needed to dispose of some magical criminal waste then that was who they called. Tina only hoped they could get here before the regular cops showed up and came across the dead
Krampus
. She’d have a hell of a time explaining that one.

She pulled out her cell and dialed the Infirmary.

‘Hello?’ the receptionist answered in a deadpan voice.

‘Hello Janice?
Tina Peterson here.
I’ve got a messy
situation,
can you spare a team of cleaners?’

‘Let me guess, a
Krampus
, right?’

‘How’d you know?’

‘Your partner just called from
Castletown
Heights,’ Janice replied.

‘Shit,’ Tina said,
‘Boris,
is he ok?’

‘He’s fine sweetie,’ the receptionist told her, ‘but what about you? You sound awful.’

‘I’m ok,’ Tina said, ‘just get a team out to Waterside Shopping Mall as soon as you can. I’ll be in touch later,
there’s
more of these things out there still, so stay alert.’

She hung up the phone and continued back out to the parking lot.

‘Jesus love,’ Parker called as she climbed into the car, ‘you alright?’

‘Shut up.’ Tina replied.

She reached over to the glove compartment and pulled out a map. Boris’s mall was up north, while the Waterside was pretty much slap bang in the center of the city. That left three more major malls – one on the eastside, one on the west and the biggest of all, a huge plaza south of the city on the Interstate. Chances were it would be those that the remaining
Krampi
had targeted.

She closed her eyes and let her mind slip out, travelling at whirlwind speed to the east of the city. She honed in – and got him. The scumbag was kicking up a stink not unlike the one she’d just busted in Waterside. Next she went south to the interstate. There were two of them this time and, though they hadn’t let loose yet, it was sure to be messy when they did. She pulled out her cellphone and called Boris.

‘Hello?’

The Russian werebear sounded a little dazed but otherwise alright.

‘Hey Boris.
How are you?’ Tina asked him.

‘I’m
fine,
the little
svoloch
was no match for my claws.’

Ok, well I’ve picked up three more of the bastards. Can you get down to the Piccadilly Mall out on the Eastside? I’m taking the car south to Bucolic Gardens for the last two.’

‘I’m on it,’ Boris nodded and hung up the phone.

Tina hit the siren and swerved out of the car park. She burst out onto the street and, weaving around the traffic, made for the interstate.

‘Are you sure you’re alright love?’ Parker asked her, ‘you’re pale as a ghost.’

‘I’m fine,’ Tina answered, ‘just keep your mouth shut and let me focus on the road.’

Ten minutes later they arrived at the huge parking lot of The Bucolic Gardens Shopping Mall. The car-park was quickly emptying – aided by a young uniformed cop, directing the traffic.

‘Shit,’ Tina muttered, ‘the
normals
are already here…’

She killed the siren and gave an authoritative nod to the cop and he waved her on through. She’d have to put on a better show to get past the rest of them.

As she pulled up to the police line, Tina mustered all of her concentration. She hated to use her gifts to trick people but sometimes there was no other choice. Casting a light mist over the police officers up ahead – just enough so that they’d mistake her for one of their own – Tina drove on up to the cordon.

She rolled down the window as she approached the detective in charge.

‘How’s it looking in there?’ she asked him.

‘
It’s
Bedlam ma’am,’ the cop replied, ‘we’ve evacuated most of the shoppers but we think there’s probably still a few inside…’

‘Ok,’ Tina nodded, ‘I’m going in.’

‘Well good luck,’ the detective said, ‘we haven’t even got close. These dudes are serious.’ he looked past her to the pale vampire handcuffed in the back seat. ‘Everything ok with this guy?’ he asked, ‘you want us to hold on to him for you?’

‘No,’ Tina said, ‘he’s fine with me.’

The detective waved her on and she drove closer to the main entrance of the mall.

‘Impressive stuff,’ Parker grinned, ‘but I thought you were supposed to be little Miss Morality?’

Tina ignored him. She was more interested in picking up the
Krampi
. She filtered through the big glass walls of the mall, hitting the first one holed up in a shoe-store. The
slimeball
had taken a hostage – some kind of wannabe hero judging by the way it was currently taunting him. She continued on to the next demon and found it scaling the rafters making for the lights. It was planning to start an electrical fire.

Tina jumped out of the car and opened the back door.

‘Get out and show me your hands,’ she barked to Parker. ‘I need your help in there, but if you cross me on this then so help me God.’

Parker climbed out of the car and turned around to let her unlock his cuffs. ‘I’ve been straight with you so far, haven’t I?’ he said, ‘hell, I could still be up in Ardent Meadows if I wanted to be, sitting safe and sound in the tavern watching the game. Baseball’s for wankers but when you can’t get the footie it’s better than nothing,
innit
?’

‘Whatever,’ Tina muttered, ‘let’s
go
.’

They hurried forward to the big glass automatic doors and stepped inside.

‘One of
them’s
making its way along the ceiling, pulling out all the wiring, the other’s hiding out in a shoe store screwing with a hostage.’

‘I’ll take the climber,’ Parker said.

Tina watched with wonder as his pupils turned blood red and his canines stretched out into long white fangs. He smiled and then leapt up onto the balcony of the second floor. Then, with the agility of a cat, he jumped up onto the wall and started scaling his way up towards the rafters several feet overhead. Tina had to admit she was kind of impressed as she watched the night-crawler go.

‘Hey Parker!’ she called, ‘I better see you back here afterwards – we’ve still got unfinished business!’

‘Of course love,’ Parker shouted back as he climbed onto the ceiling, ‘I wouldn’t run out on
you
would I?’

‘Ha,’ Tina snorted and made for the shoe store.

The
Krampus
was out back in the store-room, rifling through cardboard shoeboxes and flinging them about the room, while its hostage cowered in the corner. With her pistol drawn Tina moved closer to the door. She kicked it in and leveled her gun at the
Krampus
, but by the time she fired it had sprung across the room and wrapped its hairy arms around the poor prisoner.

‘Drop the hostage,
slimeball
,’ Tina warned, ‘or I put a bullet in your head.’

‘
Fock
off Bitch!
’
the
Krampus
hissed. It started to squeeze its hooved claws into the guy’s shoulders, deep enough for him to cry out in pain.

‘Why don’t you try that shit with someone who can handle you?’ Tina asked him, ‘or are you just a Christmas Pussy?’

‘
Ha! You think I’m stupid?
’ the
Krampus
sneered,
‘
I drop him and you just shoot me…
’

‘Wow,’ Tina smiled, ‘you’re pretty quick – for a
Krampus
. I’ll tell you what: how about I drop the weapon and then you and me fight, hand to hand.’

‘
I’d tear you to pieces…
’

Tina shrugged. ‘Why don’t we find out?’ Slowly she lowered her gun to the ground.

‘
Kick it over here.
’

‘Yeah right, so you can pick it up and shoot me?’

The
Krampus
grinned, caught out in its ploy but too stupid to pretend otherwise.

Tina stood up and flexed her arms. ‘Let’s do this.’

‘
I’ll tear your head off and shit down your throat…
’ the
Krampus
snarled.

It dropped the hostage to the ground and darted towards her. As it leapt though the air, Tina whipped out Parker’s pistol and shot the
Krampus
twice in the head.

The demon hit the floor and started seizing up, a disgusting guttural wheeze emanating from the back of its throat. Tina bent down to pick up her service weapon and then walked towards it. She raised her gun and shot the
Krampus
once more in the head – this time killing it for good.

She turned to the hostage. He was your typical have-a-go hero, big shoulders and fit, probably played football in high-school. He looked like he’d think twice before stepping up the next time.

‘Get out of here,’ Tina told him, ‘take the exit closest to the door –
there’s
more of them in here.’

The guy stared at her for a second. ‘What was that thing?’ he stuttered.

‘Terrorist – we think,’ Tina lied, ‘they’re in costume to up the fear factor.
Terrorist by name, right?

The dude ran out of the store-room and Tina followed after him to see how Parker was doing.

She found him sitting down by a huge over-turned Christmas tree. He was smoking a cigarette.

‘Thought you would have run off by now.’

‘Yeah well, I told you I’d be here, didn’t I?’ Parker said.

He turned to face her and Tina froze for a moment in shock. His chin was smeared with thick black blood that ran all down the front of his jacket.

Shit,’ she said, ‘hungry were we?’

‘Piss off Tina,’ Parker answered seriously, ‘for your information
Krampus
blood tastes like the toilet water in a
Peckham
kebab shop. And you know I only drink pig’s blood…’

Tina shrugged.

‘Maybe I’d be a bit more civil about it if you’d let me have my pistol,’ Parker muttered.

‘You want it back, show me a license.’

‘Ha! You know something
Tina,
you’re twice the thief I ever was.’

Tina looked over his shoulder. There was more of the black blood splattered along the white tiles, but the
Krampus
was nowhere to be seen. ‘Where is it then?’

‘Behind Santa’s grotto,’ Parker said, taking a slow draw of his cigarette, ‘or at least his head is anyway – the body’s still up in the rafters. Got the bastard just before he fixed an open wire into the water sprinklers…’

‘Jesus.’

Tina took out her cell. She’d missed a text from Boris.

“All clear out here,” it read, “you need back up?”

Tina looked back to Parker. ‘Well you better get out of here,’ she said, ‘I’m not sure I can think of a good reason for the cops outside as to why my prisoner look like he just hunted down a wild boar with his bare hands and teeth.’

Parker stood up. He looked a little surprised but obviously didn’t want to push it. ‘Can’t you just block it out of their minds?’ he asked her.

Tina smiled. ‘Sure, I
could
.
Doesn’t mean I want to.’

Parker laughed. ‘You know something Peterson,’ he said, ‘you’re not nearly as straight-edge as you like to let on.’

‘Get out of here,’ Tina told him, ‘before I have a crisis of conscience and change my mind.’

‘You’re the boss,’ Parker said and turned to walk away. He turned back. ‘What about the cash?’

‘Tell you what, drop by the station some day this week. As long as you can provide proof of ownership, then the money’s yours.’

A hint of uncertainty flashed across the vampire’s face for a second before he quelled it completely. ‘Sure,’ he shrugged, ‘no problem.
Some day this week.’

He turned away again and hissed as his vampire-side took over. He leapt to the second story of the mall and then up onto the ceiling.

 
‘Now you’re just showing off!’ Tina called after him.

She opened her phone and dialed Boris as she walked back towards the main entrance.

‘Hey Tina,’ her partner answered, ‘I was getting worried.’

‘It’s over.
Just finished putting down the last two.
You ok?’

‘I’m fine,’ Boris said, ‘but
there’s cops
everywhere here – nobody’s noticed I’m not one of their own yet, but I’m making myself scarce as soon as I can.’

‘Cool, see you back at base then.’ She clicked the cell shut and stepped outside.

As soon as she pulled back onto the Interstate Tina turned on the radio. She
surfed
the waves, looking for a news report. It was going to take a huge PR campaign to cover up this catastrophe alright, but thankfully that wasn’t her problem. The Byron Shelly Institute had its own special channels for that kind of thing. She hit on a newscast and listened in.