The Miracle Morning (21 page)

Things do not change. We change.
—HENRY DAVID THOREAU

W
here you are is a result of who you
were
, but where you end up depends entirely on who you choose to be from this moment forward.

It’s your time. Don’t put off creating and experiencing the life— happiness, health, wealth, success, and love—that you truly want and deserve for another day. As my mentor Kevin Bracy always urged:  “Don’t wait to be great.”  If you want your life to improve, you have to improve yourself first. Get
The Miracle Morning 30-Day Life Transformation
Fast Start Kit today at
www.TMMbook.com
. Then, with or without an Accountability Partner, commit to your first
Miracle Morning
and beginning your
30-Day Life Transformation Challenge
tomorrow. You know,
tomorrow
—the day you begin your journey to creating the most extraordinary life you have ever imagined.

If there is anything I can do to support you or add value to your life in any way, please let me know.

Contact Me Anytime

I’m always grateful to connect with like-minded folks, and find it especially cool to hear from people who have read my books, seen my videos, or attended my speeches. So, if you have any questions or would just like to say hello, go to
www.YoPalHal.com
and click on the “Contact” tab to send me a message. I look forward to hearing from you, and exploring how I can add as much value to your life as I possibly can.

Let’s Keep Helping Others

May I ask you a quick favor?

If this book has added value to your life, if you feel like you’re better off after reading it, and you see that
The Miracle Morning
can be a new beginning for you to take any—or every—area of your life to the next level, I’m hoping you’ll do something for someone you love: 

Give this book to them. Let them borrow your copy. Ask them to read it. Or better yet, get them their own copy, maybe as a birthday or Christmas gift. Come to think of it—what better book to give someone for Christmas than the only book that
makes every morning feel like Christmas?!
 

Or it could be for no special occasion at all, other than to say, “Hey, I love and appreciate you, and I want to help you live your best life. Read this.” 

If you believe, as I do, that being a great friend or family member is about helping your friends and loved ones to become the best versions of themselves, I encourage you to share this book with them.

Please spread the word.

Thank you so much.

— AN ESSENTIAL BONUS —

Everybody needs feedback, and it’s a heck
of a lot cheaper than paying a trainer.
—DOUG LOWENSTEIN

Ask for feedback from people with diverse backgrounds.
Each one will tell you one useful thing.
—STEVE JOBS

I
t was 2 o’clock in the morning. I couldn’t sleep. Still renting a room from Matt, I was sitting at my cheap imitation-pine desk, crammed into my 12’ x 12’ living space. This sucked. Something had to change. Or maybe
I
needed to change.

Staring at my laptop and feeling frustrated with my life, I suddenly got inspired. I don’t remember exactly what prompted it, but I opened up a new email and started adding a very diverse group of people to the
To: 
field. Close friends, family, co-workers, former bosses, acquaintances, the girl I was dating, and even—believe it or not—my
ex-girlfriends
. You name it, I was ready to make some radical changes in my life. I was ready for a quantum leap in my potential, and I felt the only way for me to get an accurate assessment of who I was, how I was showing up in my life, and where I needed to improve was to solicit honest feedback from the people who knew me best.

I stopped when I got to 23 email addresses, because, well, I am a huge fan of Michael Jordan and have a mild obsession with the number 23. I began to compose an email to these people, who each knew me in different capacities and to varying degrees, explaining that I wanted to grow personally, to be a better friend, son, brother, and colleague, and that the only thing to do was to get feedback from people who could see things about me that I couldn’t see about myself. I asked if they would please take a few minutes to reply, at their earliest convenience, sharing what they believed were the three biggest areas that I needed to improve. I asked that they be brutally honest, and assured them that they would not hurt my feelings. In fact, the only thing that would hurt my feelings was for them to hold back, because doing so would only limit my growth.

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that this was the most nerve-racking email I’ve ever composed. I almost chickened out. I considered deleting it, and just going to bed. Thank God I didn’t. No, I took a deep breath, and I clicked
send
. Then, I went to bed, fell asleep, and awaited their responses.

Six hours later, I woke up. Wait,
did I really send that email at 2 o’clock in the morning, or was that just a dream
? I logged into my email. Nope, not a dream. I definitely sent it. And I already had two replies. One was from Mom, and the other was from J. Brad Britton, a well-respected Region Manager at the 200 million dollar company I worked for. Oh boy, here goes…  I paused for a second and reminded myself that the purpose of this exercise was for me to grow and improve, so no matter what anyone said in his or her email, I was going to keep an open mind and not get offended. Easier said than done.

I opened Mom’s email first.
Hey son, I got your email.
(Really Mom? I had no idea that you got it.)
Well, you know I think you’re perfect!  But if I must give you some constructive feedback, it’s that you should call your mother more often!  I know you’re busy, but it would be nice to hear from you every once in a while. Anyway, I love you!  Come visit soon…  Love, Mom.
I opened up a blank document on my computer and titled it “Constructive Feedback and My New Commitments.”  #1. Call Mom at least once a week.

Then I opened the email from my Region Manager, J. Brad Britton. J. Brad is someone I admired and had learned a great deal from. Not to mention, he was one of the most positive people I knew. Although we only saw each other a few times throughout the year at conferences and on company trips, he knew me well, at least in a professional capacity.
My Pal Hal!  I love your email. However, I am only willing to give you the 3 pieces of “constructive” feedback you have requested if you let me follow it up with 3 things I like about you. Deal? Okay, here goes…

J. Brad proceeded to enlighten me to a few of my professional and social “blind spots,” all of which caught me by surprise. To be honest, my feelings did get a bit hurt. I felt a little defensive.
That’s not true. I’m not really like that. He obviously doesn’t know me as well as I thought he did
. Then, it occurred to me that it didn’t matter how accurate each of his criticisms were, because that was how I was showing up for him—and probably many others. It was important to me not just that
I
knew who I
really was
, but that I was living in alignment with my values, and congruent in all of my relationships.

Email responses continued to pour in over the next few days. By the end of the week, 17 of the 23 recipients had replied with their thoughtful and (mostly) constructive criticisms. I had added a lot to my “Constructive Feedback and My New Commitments” document since making a note of my mom’s request for more frequent contact. So, what were the results?

Let’s just say that I gained more
self-awareness
and grew more in a week from reading those responses than I had grown in the previous 5 years combined—and possibly my entire life. It was incredible. It wasn’t easy to put myself in such a vulnerable position and look at all of my flaws—but it
was
life-changing. It was career-advancing. It was relationship-improving. And it was all a result of mustering up enough courage to send what is probably the most important email that I have ever sent: 
The Email That Will Change Your Life
.

Before I give you
The Email That Will Change Your Life
below, word-for-word—so you can copy, edit, and send it to your circle of influence—I’d like to take a moment to share some positive feedback with you from one of my coaching clients. She sent this to me after she had sent
The Email That Will Change Your Life
to her circle of influence: 

[From Trudy, one of my VIP Success Coaching clients]: 

Hal, I can’t believe how effective that email you gave us, the one for requesting personal feedback, has been for me so far. Every reply I’ve received addresses my weaknesses and strengths from the different respective angles of my friends, coworkers, and family members that know me. This has presented me with a more complete picture of myself, and I feel so respected to receive the help from everyone. Not to mention, the email is also found unique and was well-received by everyone who received it!

Thank you, Hal, for helping me so much with your V.I.P. Success Coaching.

With gratefulness, Trudy

Problem: 
Feedback avoidance. Most people don’t enjoy negative feedback, so they completely avoid asking for feedback. This prevents them from gaining invaluable data about their strengths and weaknesses, thus preventing them from capitalizing on the former and significantly improving the latter.

Solution: 
Actively seeking and learning from the honest feedback of people who know you (in various capacities) is one of the
most effective
and
fastest
ways to gain a new perspective and accelerate your personal development and success.

Instructions:
 
Type the following text into an email (feel free to edit and personalize the email so that it sounds like you.) Send it to 5-30 people (the more the better) who know you well enough to give you an honest assessment of your strengths and weaknesses. This may include friends, family, colleagues, mentors, teachers, former employers or managers, customers, your significant other, and if you’re brave enough… wait for it—your
ex
-significant others. (Seriously.)

Important
:
 
Be sure to put the outgoing email addresses in the BCC field of the email, so that each recipient doesn’t see everyone else you’re sending it to. (Or, you can copy and paste, then send the email to each person individually.)

Subject Line: 
This means a lot…
Or
Would love to get your opinion…

Email Text: 
Dear friends, family, and colleagues: 

Thank you so much for reading this email. This isn’t an easy one for me to send, but it is extremely important to me, so I sincerely appreciate you investing your valuable time reading (and hopefully responding to) it.

This email is going out to only a select group of people. Each of you knows me well, and I’m hoping will give me honest feedback about my strengths and most importantly, my weaknesses (aka “areas of improvement.”)

I’ve never done anything like this before, but I feel that for me grow and improve as a person, I need to get a more accurate picture of how I’m showing up to the people that matter most to me. In order to become the person I need to be to create the life and contribute to others at the levels that I want, I need
your
feedback.