Authors: Kate Saunders
‘He’s utterly gorgeous,’ Justine said. ‘I’d leave Hugo for him like a shot. No wonder you lost your marbles and left poor old Berry at the altar. Is the sex divine?’
Polly laughed. ‘Utterly. I never imagined it could be this good.’
‘Well, you always were a lucky cow.’
Justine would broadcast Ran’s gorgeousness around
every
lunching place in London, and this was gratifying. On the whole, however, this evening was becoming increasingly vexing. It was the interval, and Ran had rushed away outside to smoke, though he knew it was a habit Polly abhorred. She had not bargained for the ex-wife, the daughter or the huge contingent of Hastys. Couldn’t Ran get it through his head that he didn’t belong to that clan any more?
The musicians were taking their places again, and only a few people remained at the back of the church, hurriedly draining their glasses of flat Perrier and warm white wine.
Hugo said, ‘I suppose we ought to – er –’
‘Yes, we won’t wait for Ran.’ Polly led the way back to their pew, pretending not to be furious that Ran had not rejoined them in time – what the hell was he playing at? How could he be so ill-mannered? How dared he leave her looking like a bloody lemon? She spent the second half of the
Requiem Mass
seething. Evidently a lot more work was needed, before her new lover was fit for public display.
Afterwards, she found him amongst the knot of Hastys, holding his sleeping daughter in his arms. He did not seem to think he owed any kind of apology. He did not even seem to notice her, until she touched his arm.
‘Oh, hello,’ he said listlessly.
She hissed, ‘What happened to you? Where were you?’
‘I was desperate for a pee, and the queue was a mile long. So I nipped out to the pub.’
‘For God’s sake! You might have told me.’
‘Hmm. Sorry.’ Ran’s heavenly black eyes were fixed
on
the people around Rose. Lydia, flushed and smiling, was introducing the conductor.
‘Phil’s been so kind,’ she was saying. ‘He refused to let me wriggle out of it, though I was petrified about squawking a duff note in the middle of the Sanctus.’
‘Phil’ shifted his feet self-consciously. ‘She wanted to sell programmes, but I told her we’re not so rich in good sopranos that we can afford to let her off.’
They shared a laugh, weighted with their private history. Polly watched the way he automatically sheltered Lydia from the people trying to push past. It was obvious to her that the man was deeply smitten – and what a wonderful solution he might be, to the eternal problem of the ex-wife and the child.
Ran had noticed, too. His angel’s face was nakedly, chillingly outraged.
Chapter Seven
‘IS THIS ALL
right?’ Ran asked. ‘I mean, you don’t mind me coming in here, do you?’
‘Darling, of course not,’ Nancy said. ‘This is a bar. We actively encourage people to come in. And anyway, it’s nice to see you.’
‘Thanks. You don’t know how much that means to me.’
Nancy’s lips twitched. She longed to laugh, but did not have the heart when Ran was obviously in woebegone mode. Though Rose had told her about his renovation, the reality of it still came as a shock. Short-haired, and stripped of all visible silliness, he was almost ridiculously handsome – the other girl behind the bar at Forbes & Gunning could hardly take her eyes off him.
Sighing deeply, Ran climbed on to one of the tall stools. ‘Nance, can I talk to you?’
‘Feel free. Think of me as a confessional, or a well-sprung psychiatrist’s couch. My Barmaid’s Vows will protect your privacy.’
The normal Ran would have found this funny. The renovated version only sighed again.
Nancy asked, ‘Well, what are you drinking? I’m afraid we don’t do wheatgrass juice.’
His great, poignant black eyes were reproachful. ‘I’ll have anything with a lot of alcohol in it, please.’
She leaned forward. ‘Don’t be daft. You know you can’t handle it.’
‘I have to practise,’ Ran said lugubriously. ‘It’s the only mood-altering substance Polly allows.’
Nancy poured him a glass of fresh orange juice, from the fat, dew-pearled jug in the fridge behind her. ‘How is dear old Polly?’
‘Radiant, thanks.’ Ran’s gloom intensified. ‘She says she never knew such happiness existed.’
‘Goodness, how wonderful.’
‘Yes.’
There was a significant silence.
Nancy asked, ‘What are you doing in London?’
He shrugged listlessly. ‘Polly’s meeting someone for lunch. And I’ve just been measured for a suit.’
She could not help laughing now. ‘What – a proper, tailor-made suit? The Digger’s determined to turn you into a gentleman. Wait till I tell Mum.’
‘Yes, tell Rose – why not?’ His voice was hollow. ‘She already despises me.’
‘Come on, Ran, do lighten up. What’s the matter?’
‘Why should you care? I don’t belong to you any more.’
Nancy briefly squeezed his hand. ‘I love you dearly, whoever you sleep with. You know that. Please don’t get maudlin on me – our Maudlin Hour doesn’t start till six.’
‘My life is running out of control,’ Ran said. He frowned at the surface of his drink, before knocking it back as if it had been single malt. ‘This is the fiercest passion I’ve ever experienced, and I don’t know where
it’s
taking me. Polly has colonized every cell of my body. And every second of every minute of every day. Which is fantastic, of course.’
‘Oh, of course.’ Under the bar, Nancy was spooning green olives into small bowls. She had heard many Ran speeches concerning passion.
‘But Nance, I’m losing my sense of self. My identity. All the things that make up who I am.’
‘She’s chucked out your caftans, has she?’
‘And my temple bells, and my shrine to Lakshmi.’ He detected no satire. ‘I wouldn’t care, if she left me a bit of personal autonomy. Nancy – I miss you all so much!’
Unexpectedly, she was touched. ‘But you’re always welcome at Melismate.’
‘Polly seems to feel threatened by it,’ Ran said. ‘She won’t come there with me, and she goes crazy if I try to drop in alone. She doesn’t understand that you’re the only family I have. Rose has been a mother to me, and you’re all my surrogate sisters. I’m exiled from the people I love.’
‘Oh, Ran – you’re Linnet’s father. Nobody wants to exile you.’
He was in full flow. ‘Do you know what I keep thinking about? That book Rose quotes all the time.’
‘Which book, darling? She’s read more than one, you know.’ Nancy’s sympathetic tone was wearing a little thin. She had always been the first of the girls to tire of his violin solos.
‘We took Linnet to see the film. The one about four sisters.’
‘
Little Women
?’
‘That’s the one. And there’s a boy who lives next door, who falls in love with the girls.’
‘Laurie,’ Nancy supplied.
‘Yes. They teach Laurie the meaning of love, and sort of adopt him into their family. That’s me. I’m exactly like Laurie.’
‘Steady on,’ Nancy said. ‘Laurie didn’t seduce one of the girls when she was under age, then knock her up, then proceed to misbehave with every other female in Concord, Mass.’
Ran’s lips quivered. ‘I’m trying to tell you, I’ve changed. I’m starting to see, with horrible clarity, everything I’ve lost. I’ve realized I’m in this situation because I’ve been very selfish, and very stupid.’
There was another short silence, during which Nancy pointedly did not disagree.
‘Anyway,’ he muttered, ‘it’s my own fault, and I have to deal with it alone. Totally alone.’
Nancy felt her face change colour. Berry was in the doorway, in his shirtsleeves, carrying his jacket over one arm. She had not seen him since Rufa’s wedding. For the first time, he was meeting her as a single man. There were teenage flutterings in the pit of her stomach. For the millionth time, she cursed the dog’s breakfast she had made of seducing him. If only she had known Polly was about to bolt, she could have waited and done it properly.
Ran yelped when he saw Berry. The two men stared at each other, horrified. The bar was empty. They could not possibly avoid each other. Berry was unsure how to react. He was beginning to be grateful to Ran for taking Polly off his hands, but it was surely rather bad form not to at least pretend to be angry. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Nancy trying not to laugh, and he longed to laugh with her.
Oh, God, how he loved her. It was eating him up and driving him mad. And this was his one little window of opportunity. He had flown in from Frankfurt that morning, and would fly back that afternoon. He had two precious hours to bask in her smiles, before returning to the cheerless flat provided by his bank.
He smiled at Nancy, and held out his hand to Ran. ‘Hello.’
‘Berry, darling,’ Nancy said, ‘I thought you were in the Land of the Lederhosen.’
‘I am – I’m only in London for the day, I’m afraid.’
Ran jumped off the stool. He clasped Berry’s hand between both of his. ‘You’re amazing – aren’t you angry? Aren’t you going to challenge me to a fight, or something?’
Berry chuckled. ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
‘I thought you’d hate the sight of me. I stole Polly and ruined your life.’
‘Oh, I wouldn’t put it quite like that.’ Gently, he disengaged his hand. ‘Polly does have a will of her own, after all.’
‘You can say that again,’ Ran agreed.
Berry heard a stifled snort of laughter from Nancy, and had to bite the insides of his cheeks for a moment. ‘She didn’t want to marry me,’ he told Ran, ‘and I had to respect that. It’s totally fine now. I can even say I hope you’ll both be very happy.’
‘Oh God, that’s beautiful!’ Ran grabbed his hand again, before Berry could stop him. ‘That’s so – so magnanimous, so generous –’
Rather more firmly, Berry reclaimed his hand – there was always a danger that Ran would kiss it. ‘Don’t mention it.’ He turned to Nancy. ‘I’ve got some time to
kill
before my flight. I don’t suppose you could make yourself free for lunch?’
He was gratified to see the delight in Nancy’s heavenly blue eyes. It faded, however, when Simon, her boss, emerged from his office. The bar was filling. He frowned at Nancy. ‘This isn’t the Rover’s Return, Nancy. Less natter and more work, please.’
‘There’s your answer,’ Nancy said disconsolately. ‘But you owe me a lunch now – a very good one.’
He laughed. ‘The very best.’
‘And give me a bit more notice.’ She intercepted a glance from her boss, and rapidly moved away along the bar.
Berry sighed. Then he smiled at Ran. ‘Are you free for lunch?’
‘What, now? Are you sure?’
‘Absolutely. Just to prove there are no hard feelings.’ The angel had smiled at him; she had been glad to see him. It was one of those times when he felt fond of Ran. He felt fond of the whole world.
The restaurant was packed with men in identical striped shirts, ties and cufflinks. An identical dark grey jacket hung upon the back of every chair. Ran, in his modish black linen, stood out like a peacock among pigeons. Berry wished the tables were not set so close together. He thought how awkward it was to be seen with a man who was seriously beautiful, when neither of you were gay. He hung his jacket on the back of his chair.
‘Tomato soup,’ Ran said, behind the dog-eared menu. ‘Steak and kidney pie with mashed potato and onion
gravy
. Chocolate custard pudding.’ He handed the menu across the table.
‘In this heat?’
‘Polly never lets us have food like this.’
‘No, not quite her style.’ Berry felt uncomfortable discussing Polly with Ran. He hoped Ran had the basic normality not to expect him to compare notes.
‘She’s a very good cook,’ Ran went on. ‘But she doesn’t seem to do much ordinary stuff. I miss stuff like fried eggs and baked beans.’
Berry beckoned over the waiter, to order food and bottled water. It was hot. He wished he could rip off his tie.
‘This is very good of you,’ Ran said, once the waiter had gone.
‘Don’t mention it.’
‘Some guys would want to kill me.’
Berry laughed. ‘You really can stop mentioning it. Let’s just relax, and take it as read. It’s too hot for drama.’
‘OK.’ Ran rested his elbows on the table. ‘Can I ask you something?’