The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (27 page)

Women will not be able to relax in a male’s presence if he is not relaxed himself, and if he is unable to make women relax, then he will obviously never be able to
sleep
with them.

We will return to the topic of making
women
relaxed later, but for now let us discuss ways to relax yourself. This is a process that a male has to master, because if he cannot stay cool, he will seem afraid, nervous, inexperienced, impatient, or even dangerous. Overall, a male’s
lack
of confidence and charm will become very apparent.

The fastest way to learn to relax around women is to have repeated exposure to them. An hour of experience with a woman will be more effective than an hour of meditation would be, especially for the kind of male who believes that an hour of meditation will be
more
comfortable than an hour together with a woman. A male needs to get over his anxiety the “hard way” by expanding his comfort zone. Excessive nervousness and unmotivated anxiety
caused by bad social conditioning will eventually diminish with increased personal experience, but a male can minimize socialization’s effects by controlling his body if he needs to. Slowing down your thoughts and relaxing your mind will relax your body, but the mind-body connection also works the other way. You can slow down your body to relax your mind.

When you are relaxed, your body will be doing certain things automatically, just like it will tend to do certain things automatically when you are not relaxed. By knowing
how
you would be using your body if you were relaxed under different circumstances and then consciously using your body that way, you can lead yourself toward relaxation. There is no need to rely on any external relaxant, such as alcohol or nicotine; just learn to control yourself instead of relying on drugs to do it for you.

First, you have to move your whole body
slowly
, including the pace at which you breathe and talk, and the speed at which you walk, gesture, and move your eyes. Thus, you must not rush toward women when you approach them, violently gesture with your arms to stop them, or dart with your eyes back and forth when you talk to them. You should also avoid fidgeting with your hands, shaking your feet, or displaying any other nervous tics.

Second, you have to
react
slowly instead of always being on edge. Do not be the type of person who jumps ten feet if something unexpected occurs, like when someone accidently shatters a glass or a balloon pops. You should also take care not to drop whatever you are doing
immediately
every time someone shouts your name, or worse, when someone yells, “Hey stupid!”

Third, you have to laugh
easily
. Laughter is a sign of letting your guard down and being able to express your emotions comfortably. However, do not force unnatural laughter and make sure not to laugh at your own jokes
before
anyone else does. Such
actions make you appear awkward and nervous or as if you are seeking approval.

Fourth, you have to lean
back
whenever you can, because you are not going anywhere soon, you are not a clingy desperate person, you are not an inadequate male in front of a goddess, and you are not ashamed of your desires. You can lean against the wall while standing, or if you are sitting, spread out your body by putting one arm across the chair next to you or on the back of the couch, while putting one leg on the table in front of you. Remember to expand! You will also appear manlier when you do, as you will expose vulnerable body areas like your chest by pulling your shoulders back and not crossing your arms and your throat by not tucking in your chin.

You can even unbutton the top buttons of your shirt for emphasis, as doing so reveals more of the throat and upper chest area, which is one of the most vulnerable spots of the human body. The fact that you are not trying to cover up this spot signals that you are both fearless and at ease, two synonyms for confident, and since a male’s Adam’s apple and lack of breasts are then more obvious, this is also masculine.

However, there is no need to change the way that you dress just so you can unbutton your shirt, as style is not very significant, but if you already wear shirts with buttons, feel free to unbutton.

Chapter Nine

STYLE

Style is highly overrated. The clothes a male wears and the accessories he puts on have very little significance in his success with women, despite the classic adage, “Clothes make the man.” It is not clothes at all that make the man; it is masculine manners.

However, we are traditionally conditioned to think otherwise, something that is particularly evident if you pick up any modern “men’s” magazine. They all feature sections dedicated to how to improve your style, what clothes to buy, and what accessories to wear.

Sometimes the articles in such magazines state explicitly that being more stylish will make a male more attractive to women. But since every other page in these magazines displays spreads of sexy girls in between articles of what a male “should” wear, mixed with ads for jeans, jackets, and expensive watches — often showing a woman looking the male’s way or even throwing herself over him if he is wearing those products — it is normal for a male’s mind to automatically link style with getting girls, as being
exposed to such imagery over and over will affect his confidence. Companies would not spend millions of dollars on advertisements year after year if this marketing strategy did not work, although none of us likes to think that
we
are affected.

But common sense should tell you that
something
is wrong with you if you
feel
better about yourself when wearing a newly purchased item or if you have matched your belt with your shoes. You should always feel good, and the way you feel about yourself should not be affected by how you dress.

Besides the fact that editors and writers for “men’s” magazines are as clueless as all other males about what women want, the main reason they discuss males’ fashion and accessories relates more to the publications’ own best interest. It gives them new material to publish as seasons and trends change, while what women want has not changed for a long time, and it will not change for several lifetimes, if ever. That reality is very different from fashion, which of course has not even
existed
for that long compared to how long men have been getting women.

Advertisement agencies have done a good job of convincing us that fashion is more than practical garments that keep us covered. People use fashion for so much more than that these days, particularly to “make a statement” and to express their personality. This is actually one valid argument of why a male
may
actually bother to be stylish — if he has understood that women are more attracted to a male’s personality and believes that his style is a representation of it. I am not going to argue against the validity of that argument, but I will argue against its importance. As life is so short, and there is no guarantee that you will live to see another day, it is imperative to get your priorities straight and to focus on what gives you the most bang for your buck — pun not intended.

It is true that a male can express his personality by the way
he dresses, but it is not necessary to do so, and even if he does, he still needs to back that statement up with congruent behavior. Actual
behavior
is still the best way to express one’s personality, and it will overrule any kind of fashion statement at the end of the day. To
act
boldly is far more important than to
dress
boldly when it comes to being successful with women. If a male cannot back up the message that he is trying to convey in his style with his manners, he will fail with women regardless of how he dresses, and proper manners come from having a proper mindset.

A male with the right mindset will no longer be affected by bad traditional social conditioning, his clothes will not have any impact on his emotions, and thus his confidence will not be affected by what he wears. He will wear whatever he wants to wear, whatever he is comfortable in, without feeling a need to buy expensive brands to feel more valuable or to prove his financial ability to provide, and he will not feel the need to wear dark sunglasses or a chicken costume so that he feels certain enough to look at or approach women, and he will not feel the need to wear eye-catching accessories to give women an excuse to approach him or to have an interesting topic of conversation.

What is best for a male to wear all has to do with his attitude. Since a lot of attention is not essential for a male to be attractive to women, there is no point for him to wear bright colors for the sake of being more visible, and if he wants to put on a bright shirt because he wants to be noticed or even approached by women, he should avoid it. On the other hand, if he lacks confidence and is afraid to wear something like that even though he really wants to, or if he usually wears dull, dark garments because he feels uncertain and wants to blend in with the crowd because he is afraid of how other people will perceive him if he sticks out, he should not avoid it. At the end of the day, his attitude is far more significant
and is the one thing a male should focus on, while his style should be at the bottom of his list of areas for improvement when it comes to getting girls.

Not until after a male has reached the point where his mindset and manners already bring him the success he wants with women will he know for sure how much effort, time, and money to spend on his wardrobe.

The same goes for his accessories. Would a male really wear a clumsy watch, hat, cane, bow, clown nose, sunglasses, teeth grill, big ring, belt buckle, thick gold chain, or shark tooth around his neck unless he lacked confidence or if he did not crave attention like a woman does?

I seriously doubt it.

However, one thing that certain pieces of clothing do have the
potential
of doing is improving a male’s body language. For instance, a male can use a tailored jacket to pull his shoulders back and make him straighten his spine, which would in turn improve his posture and help him stand more tall, confident, and proud, but he definitely does not need one to do it. He could, and should, make good posture a habit regardless, so that he always carries himself with dignity even if he is naked, because he wants to remain being attractive to women even after the clothes come off. That is his end goal after all, to end up naked with women.

I would make the same argument regarding a male’s grooming. A male can, of course, appear more masculine by trimming his facial hair to achieve a five-o’clock shadow; leave his body hair alone while rolling up his sleeves and unbuttoning his shirt so it becomes noticeable; and intentionally cut his hair so that is a bit spiky and messed up, giving the charming and confident impression that he just had sex and does not care about his hair being untidy.

However, it is still confident and charming
behavior
that gets males women, not confident and charming hairstyles. Correct behavior is required, but the hairstyle, or even the hair, is not. A male’s style is so insignificant that his attitude and behavior will override it anyway, so he should prioritize correctly in grooming too.

Body

While a male’s body language does matter, his body does not. Nevertheless, if you were to poll females, you would find that they supposedly prefer males who are taller than themselves. Despite this, a male’s height is of no significance to his success with women, as it is not the actual height that turns women on, but the feeling it creates in them — a feeling of being feminine, smaller and better protected by looking up to someone physically larger.

Although males in general are taller than females, a male does not have to be taller than the woman he wants, as long as he is more masculine and able to give her the same feelings that a taller male tends to give
initially
: the appearance of being dominant and more protective. Once again, it is the confidence and charm that matter, and if time proves that a taller male lacks both confidence and charm, he will still fail with women. A shorter male with the right manners can still have women look
up
to him; they will just look up to him in another way, the way that actually matters to them. Women will fall for a shorter male with confidence and charm any day over a male who is taller but lacks those traits, and most males, including the tall ones, lack
both
.

Hence, a man has no need for shoe inserts and should leave the high heels to the women, just as he has no need for makeup as his face is just as insignificant as his height as long as his confidence is unaffected.

If your mind is still preoccupied with how your body is perceived by women, you have to wake up and realize that women are not men. Women are with so-called losers, slobs, jerks, and idiots because, although those men may not have much going for them according to the measures of other
males
, their chances with women are infinitely higher if they understand, at least on some level, what women want and how to give it to them. You have to start looking at yourself from
women’s
point of view and not judge how attractive you are in the eyes of males — that is, unless you really are homosexual and want to be attractive to other males, but then you are reading the wrong book.

Because a male’s style really does not matter that much, a man can do as he wishes, as long as he stays comfortable and avoids relying on certain clothes or accessories. A man would never let his style (or lack of it) get in the way of meeting women, so you should never avoid approaching a woman because you are not dressed well or groomed well or because your hair is messed up (or not). Even if you run into a gorgeous girl on laundry day when you are wearing old, worn garments with holes, those are not valid reasons not to approach her, only excuses. If you ever find yourself in such a situation without approaching the woman you want, then you are obviously still rationalizing.