The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (211 page)
Read The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes Online
Authors: E. Henry Thripshaw
Tags: #Jokes & Riddles, #Humor, #Form, #General
So that the Germans can march in the shade.
What do you call a Frenchman killed in battle?
The slowest runner.
Why do French tanks have rear-view mirrors?
So they can watch the battle.
Going to war without the French is like . . . well, the Second World War actually.
What’s the difference between toast and a Frenchman?
You can make soldiers out of toast.
How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows, it hasn’t been tried yet.
How can you recognize a French war veteran?
Sunburned armpits.
You really do have to hand it to the French.
After all, they won’t fight for it.
Why is the French flag made of Velcro?
So the blue and red sections are easily removed during a time of war.
A man goes into an army surplus store and says: “I’d like a French army knife please.”
The assistant replies, “We have Swiss army knives sir, but I’ve never heard of a French army knife. How does that work?”
The man replies, “Oh, you know, no scissors or tweezers, just six corkscrews and a white flag.”
Ten Reasons Why it’s great to Be french
1 When you are talking quickly you can make yourself sound gay.
2 You don’t mind if your women never wash.
3 You get to eat insect food like snails and frogs’ legs.
4 If there’s a war you can surrender really early.
5 You don’t have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel 4.
6 You get to test your own nuclear weapons in other people’s countries.
7 You can be ugly and still be a famous film star.
8 You allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street without damaging your sense of national pride.
9 You don’t have to bother with toilets, just shit in the streets.
10 People think you’re a great lover even when you’re not.
An elderly Englishman arrived at Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris. At passport control, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his travel bag, much to the irritation of the French immigration officer.
“Have you been to France before, monsieur?” the officer asked. The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. “Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready, monsieur.”
The elderly visitor replied, “I wouldn’t know about that. The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show a passport.”
“Impossible,” snorted the official. “All visitors have to show their passports on arrival in France!”
The elderly gentleman replied, “Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Sword Beach on D-Day in June 1944 and I couldn’t find any Frenchmen to show it to.”
What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad?