The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress (115 page)

     Attacking being and resisting being have each their way of having hopeful feeling. Some have very much hopeful feeling, some have less, some have none, some have pretty nearly none, some not any at all really hopeful feeling. Each one has their own way of having in them certain feeling, hopeful feeling. I am loving to know every one having or not having hopeful feeling in them, certain feeling in them. I am wanting to know every one who ever was or is or will be living, all the being in each one of them, all the kinds there are of men and women, all the ways each one has anything ever in them everything they ever have in them in them.
     It is certainly a very queer thing to be certain sometime about some one that they have been all their living that kind of one in their being. It is certainly a most queer feeling of dreaming that one has in one when one is certain about some one of the being in them and then is remembering the being in that one that was in that one when one was not really knowing that one very well but still quite well. It is a very queer feeling of dreaming that one has then. It comes then sharply to one then to be deciding whether one is really then ever certain about anything, any one. And yet I certainly am certain that sometime I am really completely knowing some one and very often I have in me a queer feeling like dreaming. It is then a curious thing in feeling to be coming to learn to know very completely any one. I have come to know very completely now, pretty nearly completely now Julia Dehning and I am now beginning to tell all the being in Julia Dehning as I have been learning to be realising the being in Julia Dehning. Julia Dehning was of the attacking kind in men and women. I have mentioned this thing. Julia Dehning was of one kind of the attacking kind in men and women. I have told a little about this kind of the attacking kind in men and women. I will slowly quite slowly I am hoping be telling the complete history of Julia Dehning, I will slowly certainly fairly slowly be describing all the being of Julia Dehning, I will be always telling a very good deal about attacking being in men and women. I will be telling a good deal about hoping and loving and liking to be a cold or a hot one in the attacking kind in men and women. I will be always somehow managing to be remembering learning being in Julia Dehning. I am writing the history of Alfred Hersland and Julia Dehning and of every one pretty nearly every one they came to know in their living, of pretty nearly every one who came to know them or to know about them. I am remembering always that each one is repeating always all their being, I am remembering that very often I am very much not knowing what they are saying to other ones, what they are feeling, how they are not feeling and doing what I am thinking and hearing they are saying and doing, I am remembering that very often they are having being in them and I am supplying in them in my feeling what they certainly have not been having in them. In short I am remembering and I am a little melancholy with it in me now I am quite certain. I would so be content with knowing everything. I am giving now a history of Alfred Hersland and Julia Dehning. It is puzzling that each one has had being in them and have been repeating the whole being of them and I have not been hearing seeing feeling all the being in them. Yes it is certainly true of them of very many men and very many women I have not been hearing more than a part of the repeating coming out of them. They are each one always repeating all the being in them. I am certain. I am hearing always very much repeating coming out of each one I am ever knowing. I am not hearing anywhere nearly all the repeating coming out of them each one I am ever knowing. I am always hearing, seeing, feeling repeating coming out of each one I am ever knowing. I am knowing kinds in men and women. I am not hearing a wonderful amount of repeating always coming, I am now quite certain. I could be so happy knowing everything. I could be enjoying so much having curious feeling about every one if always more and more I could certainly be hearing, feeling seeing all every bit of repeating coming in any way out of every one. I am enjoying having curious feeling about every one, I like every bit of repeating I am hearing, I get an awful sinking feeling when I find out by an accidental hearing, feeling, seeing repeating from some one what I have not been hearing, feeling, seeing as repeating in this one and then I am saying if it had not been for this little accidental thing I would not have known this repeating in this one and it is so easy not to have such an accidental happening. Alas, I say then, alas, I will perhaps not really ever be knowing all the repeating coming out of each one. I know some of the repeating coming out of Alfred Hersland and Julia Dehning and some others whom they knew and some others who knew them and I will now be describing what I am desolately feeling is all being in them. I am desolate because I am not certainly hearing all repeating, I am almost sulking. I am beginning now to go on with my history of the Dehning family and of Julia Dehning and of her marrying and of the Hersland family and of Alfred Hersland and of every one they any of them came to know in their living. To begin again then from pretty nearly the beginning. I am remembering everything I have been telling. I am always loving all repeating. I am realising kinds in men and women. I am realising Alfred Hersland and Julia Dehning. That is I am certainly somewhere near to a fairly complete realisation of them and of some whom they knew each one and who came to know them either of them. I am a little tired now with all this beginning again. I am hoping that I am going on again.
     The Hersland family living was different from the Dehning family living. The Dehning family living was that of right very rich American being. It was the living of the Dehning family being and the living of the Dehning family living, very rich American living. The Dehning family was different from the Hersland family. There was Mr. Henry Dehning and Mrs. Dehning and Julia Dehning and George Dehning and Hortense Dehning. They were each one themselves inside them, they made together then a family living, they were living then right very rich American living. Mr. Henry Dehning had his being in him, Mrs. Dehning had her being in her, Julia Dehning had her being in her, George Dehning had his being in him, Hortense Dehning had her being in her, this is to be now the history of all the living in each one of them, of the family living they had in living, of the living they had each one with each one of the others of them and with themselves inside them, this is to be the history of every one almost every one, they ever came to know, any one of them in living, the history of every one who came to know of them to know of any one of them, of any one ever connected in anyway with them, in any way with any one of them. There are a great many men and women always living. This is to be now some history of some of them.
     Mr. Henry Dehning was a foreign American, he was living then the living of a very rich American, he was a very different kind of a person from Mr. David Hersland. They never met in their living. This will have been and will be a history of both of them. Mr. David Hersland as I have said was full up with beginning and later full up with impatient feeling. Mr. Henry Dehning was not at all the same kind in living as Mr. David Hersland. Mr. Henry Dehning was married to one who was of the attacking kind in men and women, Mr. Henry Dehning was a resisting kind of them that was so diffused in smoothly and compactly resisting that be seemed to be always steadily to be attacking. He would very often not be hearing what any one was saying to him. He was a very nice man, he was quite entirely almost a good man. He was pretty nearly completely a quite successful man. He was loving to his wife and to his children, he was ready to listen and to understand any one's wanting to be doing something. He and his wife lived together like very many good men and women, his wife was not too good a woman but she was a good woman, not a bad one. She was pretty harsh in any attacking, he was not gentle but he was smoother in resisting. They were really very nice and good and pleasant and successful and happy and content in married living. They both came to be a little worried with being old ones and having to take care of their own and each other's older troubles as older people come to have them with the body wearing they have then in them. She made him do what she wanted him to do, he made her do what he wanted her to do, they made each other do what they wanted each other to do, very much less were they doing this thing with their children. They were very rich American man and woman living very well the right very rich American living.
     I have been telling very much of Hersland family living. I will now be telling something of Dehning family living. I will be giving some history of each one of them. Mr. and Mrs. Dehning were really very nice very rich good kind quite completely successful a little troubled American man and woman. I am now beginning repeating with fuller repeating the living in them, the living they had in their living.
     The Dehning family each one and as family living was different enough from the Hersland family each one and Hersland family living. The Dehnings as I am saying were really always all their family living living the living as right very rich Americans. Mr. Dehning as I was saying in the beginning of writing after he was born came to America quite a poor person with brothers and sisters and a mother and a father all quite poor like him and he was quite a nice one then and he came to be quite a very rich one. Mr. Hersland came to the making of a large fortune out in Gossols as I was saying but as I was saying he was not in his family living living right rich American living. The Dehnings were all their family living living the right very rich American living. They were really very nice ones in this living, they were very different from the Herslands when the young Dehnings came to be knowing the young Herslands. The Dehnings were living completely nicely as family living very rich right American living. Each one of them of the Dehning family had their own being in them, all together they had a family living in them.
     Mr. Dehning was quite a good man, a good business man, a good enough citizen, a good husband to his wife and a good enough father to his children. He was quite a careful and generous and kindly man and always could be fairly made by his wife to do what she would have him, he was also fairly ready to listen to his children when they wanted anything in their living. He was as I am saying quite a good man, a quite good man in business living, a quite good man quite entirely a good man in his family, in his daily living. He came to be an old man and was then a little shrunk then from outside him. His wife was sick then, a good deal in taking care of him, keeping him from eating what was not good for him, keeping him then from smoking which was then bad for him, keeping him then from any excitement of business living which was then a thing the doctor had quite forbidden to him. Later then she was a sick one and while he was shrinking some away from the outside of him, she died from too much coming to be inside her for her living. She left him then wishing he had been the one to be the dead one for the sake of the children. She knew he certainly would be needing something to fill him, something to warm him now he would be shrunk away a little from the outside of him. Not any man certainly not the man she had known all her living could not be managed to be married by a woman and then there would be trouble with money and her children and it would have been better that he had been the first one to be the dead one and then she would have been handing the money over very entirely to the children. She was the first one to be a dead one as I am saying and he did not as a matter of fact marry any one but it was it is surely certain a little struggle for his children with a sister-in-law and some one else to help him to keep him from marrying. All this will be told later in the history of George Dehning and Hortense Dehning and Julia Dehning.
     As I was saying the Dehning family living was very different from the Hersland family living. Mr. and Mrs. Dehning and Julia and George and Hortense Dehning all were living all their family living completely and pretty nicely and quite pleasantly and fairly freely right very rich American living. They lived it very well then. It was quite a pleasant thing in them. It was not quite entirely a pleasant thing in them but it was quite a good deal a pleasant thing in them. There were five of them Mrs. Dehning and Mr. Dehning and Julia and George and Hortense Dehning, this is to be now some description of them again and some description again of family living in them and some description of some people knowing them. Then there will be more description of the marrying and married living of Julia Dehning and Alfred Hersland.
     One is telling and I am hearing that there is not a need in every one to be a courageous one to do ordinary living. Some are doing ordinary living without any need in them to have courage in them to do that thing. Very many are needing very much courage in them to do that thing, to be every day completely living ordinary living. For some it takes courage to be killing anything, like a buzzing thing or a fly, to buy anything, to sell anything, to eat anything, to drink anything, to remember anything, to want anything, to forget anything, to decide anything, to like anything. Some and some one is telling this to me and I am listening do not need courage for any such thing. The attacking and resisting kind in men and women, those having attacking naturally do not need much courage for just daily living. Mrs. Dehning did not need much courage for daily living, Julia Dehning had so little that she needed as courage for daily living that it went over to her being too energetic not to be nervous in her daily living. The nervousness of attacking and resisting being is interesting. I am now beginning to be ready to completely feel being in Mrs. Dehning. I am a little not ready yet to feel being in Mr. Dehning. I am almost ready to feel all being there is or was or will be in Julia Dehning.
     It is a very difficult thing to believe that any one has seen everything in anything and that one has just glanced at that thing and you have had to be looking very long at that thing. Some one has just glanced at a book and you have read that book and the other one knows everything in that book, in short the other one is a quick one and you are a slow one, it is a very difficult thing to really find it convincing that that one has really been reading that book in such a quick glancing. That one is telling all the things in the book that is certain, to mostly every one any one being a slower one or a quicker one in detail of daily living is an astonishing thing, a thing very difficult to be realising a thing to be believing because of its being a thing every little minute is proving, a thing that always is a little not a real thing like seeing any slight of hand performing. It is a very difficult thing being really certain of anything any one is doing in any kind of a way any one is naturally acting. I am beginning now to be describing Mrs. Dehning. Mr. Dehning is not completely in me yet, I am certain. Mrs. Dehning is quite in me, I am certain. Mrs. Dehning is an attacking, a harsh continuous, not too quickly, fairly good, attacking one. She was to herself and to every one a good enough one in all her living. This is to be now a description of her being and a little description of all her living. She was an attacking one, she could be a very gay and cheery one, she was a pretty stupid one, she was fairly quick and not a very quick one. She was an important one. She was important to herself to every one. She was a little a lonesome one in dying, she was knowing that her husband who was a very good man and a very devoted one would be needing a woman to fill him, she knew his children should not want for their sake that he should marry some one. She was a little a lonesome one in dying.