The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress (109 page)

     Arragon who was a tittle important in the living of Alfred Hersland was different from this one I have been just describing. Arragon had passion in him but it was not poignant in him but brilliant and emotional and sentimental. I will now begin a description of his being and of what Alfred Hersland lived through with him. Later then I will be describing Ida the school-teacher and the kind she was in men and women. Now to begin again with the musician.
     I find it very interesting to know the difference between affection and passion, I will now just a little describe a kind of them having passion of which Arragon the musician who came to know Alfred Hersland when Alfred was just beginning being a man inside him was one. I know three very well of this kind of them and very many more or less connected with this kind of them. All these I am now describing, the one I have just been describing are of the attacking kind in men, the independent dependent kind of them. These then that I am now describing all have really passion in them passion that makes them creating or feeling in themselves creating feeling of something of very much in living. To begin then. Alfred Hersland was of the resisting engulfing kind of them, these I am now describing are of the passionate creating seizing attacking kind in men and women.
     There are many kinds of ways of being of the attacking kind in men and women that is certain. I am already realising a considerable number of them. I am realising pretty completely realising a very considerable number of ways of having resisting being in them and I have been already describing, very well describing some of those I am always now realising. I am realising now some of the attacking kinds of them. There are many kinds of them and I am realising some of the kinds of them. I have been realising Mr. Henry Dehning and Martha Hersland and Redfern and I was saying that Cora Dounor was of this kind of them but I am thinking in that I was mistaken I am thinking Cora Dounor was certainly of the resisting kind of them. There are almost border cases that is certain I am realising some of that kind of them and I will be describing that in describing the sister of the first governess the Herslands had had living with them. Now I am describing a musician Arragon who was a man having in him as I was saying passion but this was not poignant in him although to himself and to mostly every one it was poignant in him because he had so much weakness and sensitiveness and romance in him. This one then was of the attacking kind of them as I was saying. I am remembering that I mean by attacking being those having it in them that emotion is poignant like sensation, that use and purpose and organisation and synthesising and imagining and everything in relation is as true in them in beginning as the thing being existing. The resisting kind of them have it in them that a thing being existing is more real to them than use or purpose or meaning in anything, the attacking kind of them have it in them that emotion is as poignant as sensation and use and purpose and meaning and relation as primary as existing. Mr. Hersland was of the attacking kind in men and women, so was Redfern as I was saying so was Martha Redfern, so is the one I have been just describing as affectionate and never passionate in living and now I am describing this being in another one in Mr. Arragon a musician and I will tell quite a little now about him and Alfred Hersland liked him very much when Alfred was coming to be a young man as I have several times been saying. Arragon had attacking passion in him but as I was saying it was not very poignant in him. In Redfern it was poignant but not rich enough to sustain him, in Mr. Hersland it was poignant and rich but not steady in him, in the one I have been just describing it was as affection and not passion and in Arragon and it made him a pretty good musician, it was rich but not poignant in him and he made up for it in him by weakness and sensibility and feeling himself to be a really great one and by having moments of really inspired feeling when almost he made it in himself by loving by weakness by talking to be poignant inside him.
     This kind then of which Arragon was one is quite common. Every kind of being is quite common. That is certain. There are very many always existing of each one of all the kinds there are in being. That is certain. Anyway it would be certain but it is certain to me because I am more and more realising I know a considerable number of each kind I am ever knowing. More and more in living I come to know enough of each kind of them to make groups of them. Sometime I will be able to make a diagram. I have already made several diagrams. I will sometime make a complete diagram and that will be a very long book that will tell all about each kind there is of men and women. But just now I am thinking of this one kind of them, the kind of which Arragon was one.
     This kind of them as I have been saying are those having in them attacking passion. As I was saying I know just now pretty well three of them. I know too this one that I am now describing, that makes then four of them. In a way as I am saying Redfern was one of such of them. There are some connected with this kind of them that have this being in them passionate attacking as highly suggestible emotion in them. That is one kind of them, sometime there will be much description of such of them. Some are connected with this kind of them that have it in them to be so stupidly in them that it really makes of them that all their life they are obstinately resisting everything, these are connected with Mrs. Redfern, these are connected with Julia Dehning, these can sometimes sometime in their living get an impression but mostly all of their living they are obstinately resisting losing their attacking passion. There will sometime necessarily be very much description of them. Then there are some who have attacking passion so sensitively so delicately in them that mostly they are delicately vibrating and only sometime is the thing going fast enough in them to make such of them really attacking. Some of such of them are very lovely ones in all their feeling living, sometime there will be a long description of a lovely one. These then will be leading to a whole group having in them flavor realising as complete existing and sometime I will tell so very much about such a kind of them. And then there is the group that do not have it at all as passion but as affection as I was saying. And then there are some that are steadily pressing in attacking, some who perhaps in their living are always really winning. Then there are some in whom passion is emotion before it can be acting as passion and all these groups are of course extremely interesting. Now I am describing one group of this group of them who have it in them to have attacking passion in them and some have it in them poignantly and they are weak in living, and some have it poignantly and their natures are not abundant in them and some have it in them poignantly and they are rich in beginning and they are always all their living in beginning and some have it poignantly in them and are rich in being and are rich in developing in being and in living and some have it poignantly in them and nothing is good enough to hold them and some have it poignantly in them and they are not strong enough to keep anything and some are practical with it and some are not at all practical not even sensible with it and some do not have it poignantly in them and this musician Alfred Hersland knew in his younger living was one of such of them.
     I like thinking about kinds of them in men and women. I like feeling men and women each one as of one kind of them and that I can that sometime I will know others like them. It makes it to me a very pleasant world for living. It makes it simple to be certain that each one every one has their own being in them that each one every one is of a kind in men and women and that always there are existing very many of each of these kinds of them. This is a pleasant thing for me to have as certain in me. I know then there can be a history of each one and of all kinds all the kinds in men and women. This is a pleasant feeling, this is comforting to me just now when I am thinking of every one always growing older and then dying, now when I am thinking about each one being sometime a sick one each one being sometime a dead one. This gives to me then a pleasant feeling knowing kinds in men and women now when I am thinking that sometime each one will be an old one and then each one will be a dead one. I can understand that knowing there are kinds in men and women would not be a comfort to every one. I can understand this thing. I have it in me as a very pleasant feeling that always there are kinds in men and women and always there are very many existing of each kind of them. I have it in me then as I am saying this thing as a very pleasant feeling as a pleasant complete feeling, as a completely contenting feeling and I am knowing sometime each one will be a dead one and I am knowing each one has their own being in them and I am knowing each one is one of a kind in men and women and as I am saying I am having a pleasant completely completed feeling and always then it is a comfortable and calming thing this being certain that each one is one of a kind of them in men and women and that there are always very many of each kind existing, that each one has their own being in them is then completely interesting, that each one sometime is to be a dead one is then not discouraging, and so then I am having a completely pleasant and completed feeling, I who am completely certain that each one is of a kind in men and women, I who am always almost always knowing several of each kind of them I come to know in living, I who am expecting sometime perhaps to be knowing all there ever can be, were or are or will be of kinds in men and women. I have then even with sombre certain feeling that each one is always an older one and sometime a dead one I have then knowing each one is of one kind in men and women I have then a pleasant feeling, a contented a completed feeling as I have been saying. I have a quiet sombre feeling I have not so much an afraid feeling in being living now when I am certain, and I am knowing them, that there are a number of kinds in men and women, not such a great number of them, quite a number of them. Each one is themselves inside them, each one every one is of a kind in men and women. This is to me a completely satisfying thing. I am beginning again now to describe one kind of them, one of one kind in men and women.
     This musician, whom as I was saying Alfred Hersland knew in his younger living was of the sensitive passionate attacking kind in men and women but passion was not really poignant in him, sensitiveness was very spread out in him, to himself and to mostly every one passion was poignant in him and he could be ruining himself by loving but passion was not poignant in him and in a way this made him a very good musician, sensitiveness was in him and not concentration and this is a kind of them that to very many knowing them are those who are not successful because of passion and of weakness in them. Mostly those of this kind of them who have passion as poignant in them they have a different way of not succeeding, they do not come so nearly to succeeding, they do not appear again when they have gone down with the sensitive passionate weakness in them, they have less power of recuperation. Some of these succeed very well in living, there certainly are some of every kind there is in men and women who succeed very well in living, very many of this kind of them come very nearly to completely succeeding, very many of them have very much weakness, I am getting a little diffused about them, I have several in me all at once and they are crowding and they are coming out as a facile mixing and I am beginning again now with each one of them.
     Very many of this kind as I have been saying have not passion poignantly in them, very many of this kind of them have passion very poignantly in them, all of this kind of them are very sensitive in being, they are all of the sensitive passionate attacking kind in men and women. Two of those who were and are crowded in me just now are of the kind of them not having the passion poignantly in them. Three of those that were crowding each other in me of this kind of them are of the poignant kind in passion of this kind of them. I will go on a little with these poignant kind of them and then I will go on with Arragon the musician who had not passion as poignant in him.
     To begin then again. To begin with those having passion poignantly in them of the sensitive passionate attacking kind in men and women, the sensitive passionate attacking independent dependent kind in men and women.
     This one that I am now thinking about describing had passion poignantly in him that is certain. He had the conviction of being always completely creating everything in his living. He had passion poignantly in him that is certain, he was creating some part of his living, he certainly was not in any way completely creating all the living he had in him. Very often he was certain that he would be creating everything in his living if there were not so many things to make him nervous to disturb him. Mostly to himself he certainly could be creating everything in his living. He certainly did create something of his living, he certainly had passion poignantly in him. As I was saying to himself he was completely creating all his living, not that to himself he really was creating all his living for always and that he was always feeling he had very much to make a nervous restless person of him, but certainly he was to himself a being that could be creating everything in all his living. Passion was poignantly in him that is certain, he did create something in his living that is certain, more and more in his living he was having nervousness in him and not creating everything in his living in the way that to himself it was certain he could be creating everything in all his living. Always more and more then it was right for him to be seizing creating everything he could be seizing creating in his living. More and more then he had this in him, always all his living he certainly was creating something of his living, always lie was certain he could be creating everything in all of his living, always he had nervousness in him and this was to him that things were interfering to keep him back from creating everything in his living and so more and more he would be seizing creating anything and so more and more to every one he was such a one and more and to himself, always to himself he was one who should be creating everything in all his living. This is then a complete history of him. Passion was certainly poignantly in him, he certainly was not ever creating everything in his living, he was to himself one who certainly could be creating everything in all his living, he was then one who always more and more in his living would be seizing creating anything. This then is a complete history of one, a very complete history of one and I am understanding this complete history of this one.