The Love She Craves: Selling Her Soul to Declan (32 page)

They jerked and putted their way to his house, never getting past third gear. She even parked in the garage with Declan’s hand securely on the handbrake if need be.

“Good job,” he said tentatively as they entered the house. “How’d that feel?”

“Like shit. I’m sorry, but I warned you I’m a slow learner. This may be beyond my capabilities.”

“Bullshit!” he said slapping her ass hard. “It’s your first time. Everyone sucks their first time. Are you a good waitress?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’d like to think so.”

“Did you start off that way?”

“I see where you’re going with this. I sucked at first, but I learned and I got better.”

Declan sat down on the bench and removed his shoes, irritated that he’d forgotten to take off the booties earlier. God only knew what kind of nasty shit he might have brought home. He knew they should go in a mediwaste bag, but tossed them in the garbage then went to the sink and washed his hands. “You need to think of getting your kids back as a job. You need to attack learning to drive as if getting your kids back depended upon it. That needs to be your motivation for the way you get your license and GED.”

Nyxie nodded as she unzipped the heel of her sandals to remove them. “Joanie, the woman who drove us the other day, offered to teach me to drive if you don’t want to. We didn’t discuss how much, but I have her phone number.”

“I’ll teach you.” Declan took her hand and led her through the dark house to his bedroom. “I forgot to tell you, Junior called. He sent his associate to the jail to get Melinda’s signature. She had a change of heart.”

Nyxie looked stricken. Her face lost its color and the lines between her eyes appeared. The helpless look made him want to fuck her.

“I thought you’d be jumping for joy knowing she was signing over her rights to you.”

“What! Are you serious? She’s going to let me adopt them?”

“Yeah, they also had her sign guardianship papers because they were afraid if she relinquished her rights while they were in the custody of the state, it might make it harder to get them back. So Junior is going to sit on those until you have custody. You have a court date in two days.”

“Then I’ll have the girls back?”

“No. This just gives you the right to sue to get them back. Otherwise only Melinda has that right.”

“Will Lotus and Reina be there?” she asked looking hopefully into his eyes.

“I doubt it. But let me shoot off a text to Junior.”

Nyxie admired the way Declan always seemed to know what to do. He took charge when she felt lost. She wondered how he’d learned that kind of confidence. Had his grandparents bolstered his confidence by giving their unconditional love or had it come as quarterback of the football team? Or maybe it just grew because he excelled at everything he tried.

As he sent off the text, Nyxie entered the en suite bathroom and began running a bath for him in the huge granite tub. She'd never seen anything like it. It was round and deep with water jets all around and set into a little alcove surrounded by glass bricks. The bricks let in the sunlight during the day without compromising privacy and lights had been installed around the perimeter to make it look like a wall of light at night. Nyxie frowned at the wall wondering how to turn off the lights. The last thing someone getting ready for bed wanted was to be saturated in light.

“What’s wrong?” Declan said following her in after sending the text.

“It’s too bright. How are you supposed to unwind after work with all the lights glaring in your face?”

“This is for me?” Declan sounded surprised.

“Of course. How else am I supposed to s
how my gratitude for everything but by taking care of you?”

Declan showed her the dimmer and turn the lights in the wall down until it put off no more light than half a dozen candles.

“Jets on?” he asked her.

“It’s your bath.”

He picked up a small remote sitting unnoticed by her next to the tub and started the water pulsing and bubbling. He opened a linen closet, remove two large brown towels and wash cloths, placing the towels over an odd looking towel rack.

“It looks like you’ve got it under control. I’ll leave you to it,” Nyxie said taking a step back before turning to leave.

“Whoa. What if I need my back scrubbed?”

She turned back to him. “Of course, sir.”

“Nyx, come here, baby.”

Keeping her head lowered, she moved to stand before him and waited. Was he going to administer the two punishments she’d racked up? Would he use his hand, his belt or one of the instruments from the armoire?

“Sir?” She noticed the change in her breathing as his close proximity sent a charge of electricity coursing through her veins.

She felt his gaze. Heat radiated from him as he lifted her chin. His expression shifted moment by moment as if he needed to address something, but didn’t like broaching it. Then it occurred to her. It had to be her awkward admission of her feelings.

Why had she told him she might be falling in love with him? He didn’t want to hear that. He didn’t want a girlfriend. He wanted an uncomplicated Dom/sub relationship. He wanted her at his beck and call, to use her body for the particular brand of sex which curled his toes. Their toes.

Why did she have to say it?

“Do you want me to kowtow?”

He shook his head as he reached for her open cardigan.

“W-what are you doing?”

“You don’t want to get your sweater wet.” He pulled the sleeve while pushing it off one shoulder. His fingers trailed the full-length of her bare arm.

“N-no.”

Repeating the process on her other arm, he raised chill bumps with his feathery touch. He grinned, but her eyes were cast down and she didn’t see it. His finger touched her chin lifting her head and her gaze.

“You have way too many clothes on.”

Her head canted to the side. “You’re the one who’s going to bathe.”

“You would make me bathe alone?”

Nyxie tried to think of a way out of it, but had promised herself to try to live up to her end of the bargain.

“Is it Tuesday?”

33

This time she saw the crooked grin, so full of sexy male promise, so full of erotic desire that her knees felt weak. “Your sister signing the papers
is
something to celebrate, don’t you think?”

She nodded. His smile was infectious. “Yes, sir.”

His grin faded. “
Declan
. Don’t call me,
sir
. Use my name.”

Her eyes lit up and her whole face radiated her pleasure. “Why the change of heart?”

His lips grazed hers momentarily then travel to her ear. He ran his tongue along the lobe. “If you call out in the heat of passion, I want it to be my name on your lips.”

“I put myself in your hands, Declan.”

Declan glanced at the tub. He shut off the water and the water jets. “Let’s save the bath for some other time. I want you to put on the lacy lingerie I asked you to get for the occasion—oh, and those hot red-soled shoes, too.”

Nyxie nodded her head and swallowed convulsively.

“When I found out you’ve never been with anyone before, I bought something for the occasion. It’s in my office. When you’re dressed, I want you to give me a little shout down the stairs, then I want you to go stand in front of the mirror with your eyes closed.”

Nyxie watched him as he walked through the seating area to the stairs and disappeared. She felt as if she were living someone else’s life and looked around the room feeling anxious and punchy. It seemed alien, so large and spacious. Her garage apartment would easily fit inside this cavern. Just the openness of the room felt unsafe to her. Or perhaps she was projecting her anxiety to the room. Did she feel unsafe with Declan? God, she didn’t know.

No, it wasn’t Declan that frightened her but the prospect of having sex. Nyxie had an intrinsic aversion to new things. She liked Declan. She liked the way she felt when she was with him. She liked the things they did together and wanted to take the next step with him, even if it meant starting their clock which would ultimately begin the countdown to the end of their relationship.

Her eyes fell on the bed with its white Jacquard bedding, so pristine and perfect just like Declan. She wondered why white? If she tried to imagine what his home would look like before she saw it, she would’ve pictured everything as masculine black leather and chrome, gray walls, ultramodern, but instead it was mostly homey and a bit sparse and sterile like something from a magazine spread. She suspected he either hired at an interior designer or had gone into the store and just pointed at the room groups.

But white? Geez.

Nyxie had read enough books both fiction and nonfiction to know she’d bleed when he breached her hymen, but she didn’t know how much. She moved to the bed, removed the bedspread, then folded down the top sheet and cotton blanket tucking the edges under the mattress so it looked neat and crisp.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to release the tension from her body by shaking her hands in the air.

Why did he have to make such a big production of this? She just wanted it over quickly and he acted like she was handing over a hard-won Olympic medal instead of doing something that nearly every person in the world does—have sex for the first time.

Nyxie gathered up her lingerie and went into the bathroom. She washed up a bit, put on more of the deodorant she found in the drawer that morning and brushed her teeth and hair.

As she stepped into the lacy white panties, Nyxie tried to remember what Declan said earlier about acting as if getting her kids back depended on the effort she put into getting her GED and license. She needed to put that same effort into her relationship with Declan—whatever that unconventional relationship entailed.

If he wanted her to absolutely not bother him at work, then that was what she should do. And if he wanted to tie her up and spank her, she’d let him.

Her sex clenched at the thought.

She caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror at the moment her thoughts went to his hand on her ass and it startled her to see how aroused and sultry her expression became. God, no wonder he knew what her brain refused to acknowledge when her face was so readable.

After removing the straps from the lacy push-up bra, Nyxie put it on and tried to adjust her breasts to give herself cleavage. She smiled at the results hoping when she reached her goal weight, her breasts would look like her reflection. She’d have to make sure to take care of the bras to make them last. Maybe when the end was near, he’d let her go bra shopping again so she’d have new ones to take with her because she knew when she returned to her old life, she wouldn’t be able to afford expensive bras anymore.

Realizing she couldn’t put it off any longer, she quickly pulled on the stockings and walked to the top of the stairs.

“Declan, I’m dressed, sir.”

She moved to stand in front of the full length mirror and scanned from her head to her shoeless feet. With a curse, she darted in the closet and put on the shoes he loved.

“Are your eyes closed?”

She snapped them shut. “Yes.”

She could hear him progress towards her, closing the distance with each purposeful step. “Keep them closed until I tell you,” he said circling her. “You’re so beautiful—the perfect combination of innocence, vixen and ripe fruit ready to be picked.”

“I feel pretty,” she said. “Thank you for the lingerie.”

Declan stepped between her and the three paneled mirror and kissed her lips. “The lingerie is only the icing on the cake. You’ve always been beautiful.”

She felt him slide something into her hair like a headband and she wondered if it was a small tiara. That would be just like him to give her some over-the-top impractical gift like a tiara. He was so wasteful, it probably wouldn’t occur to him to buy something plastic with rhinestones to make his point symbolically, but he probably bought the real thing.

“Keep them closed,” he repeated. “May I take a couple of pictures of you like this? I don’t ever want to forget this moment.
I promise no one will ever see them. I’m too jealous-natured to let another man see you like this. And you’re as covered as you would be in a bikini.”

She reached out a hand to touch him and found him bare chested. “I understand how important trust is to this lifestyle,” she said slowly, weighing her words carefully. “And I think you understand how hard it is for me to trust anyone. You don’t know how crushed I was when I thought Cody lied to me about wearing the helmet.”

His hand covered hers.

“Baby steps,” she whispered. “You can’t show me you’re trustworthy, if I can put my faith in you.”

“Is that a yes?”

She nodded. “Not naked pictures. Only with everything covered.”

“I promise.”

It was only a few steps to the dresser where he
had set down his phone earlier. “Tilt your head down a little and put your hands behind your back.”

Of course, he’d want her to look submissive. She sighed as she complied. She heard the old-fashioned shutter click over the phone speaker.

“Hold on. There’s something missing.”

“Standing on high heels with my eyes closed is challenging. I’d appreciate it if you’d let me open my eyes.”

“Not yet, baby.”

He crossed to the armoire on the other side of the bed. She heard the key rattle in the lock and then heard a drawer slide open then close. A moment later
, he returned to her side. “Put your hands in front of you. Hold this with both hands.”

She held out her hands palm up. “No, Nyxie” he said. “More like you’d two-hand a tennis racket.”

Nyxie knew immediately when he put the leather-wrapped shank in her hands, he handed her the flogger. She could feel the soft leather strips against the back of her hands and fingers.

She grinned and he snapped the second picture.

“Perfect. Now before you open your eyes, I want to explain what my thinking is so you don’t see it and get the wrong impression. I want you to realize I understand allowing me to take your virginity is a big deal. It’s also a symbol of the beginning of our contract—officially—of you as my sub and me as your Dom. Go ahead and open your eyes.”

As her eyes fluttered open, her gaze first fell on the reflection of the flogger in her hands, held like a bouquet. She flicked it against the palm of her hand once. As he moved behind her, placing his hands on her hips, she pulled her gaze up to meet his in the mirror, but instead it fell upon a miniature veil on her head. The headband had not been a tiara but a white padded headband with silver and pearl trim and an abundance of white tulle cascading no more than eight inches encapsulating the crown of her head. He had dressed her up as a bride.

“Don’t freak out on me, Nyxie. I’m not asking you to marry me. I just thought this got my point across a bit nicer than a collar or a pair of handcuffs.”

She nodded. “No, I get it. It just caught me by surprise. Plus, I would’ve freaked out if I felt a collar touch my throat while my eyes were closed and handcuffs probably would’ve scared me a bit…but I suppose that would’ve turned you on.”

He turned her around and she knew by his expression, she said something wrong. “You think seeing fear in your eyes would turn me on? You can’t be more wrong. I want to see trust in your eyes. If I’m doing my job right, you should never be afraid. If you’re afraid, you need to safe word me.”

She nodded and then laughed, but tried to suppress it.

“What’s so funny?”

“I’m more afraid of trusting you than I am of pain. How fucked up is that?”

His hand slipped over her narrow hips to her small but shapely bottom, rubbing the flesh so recently bruised.

“I think we fear what we don’t know. You know what pain is. You know what to expect and how to deal with it.”

He leaned down and kissed her slow and lingeringly until he felt her push away.

“Declan, uh, I know you’re expecting the Boston Pops playing the
1812 Overture
with all the cannons and fireworks. I just think you should know; I’m just a kid with a flashlight filled with cheap batteries whistling a bunch of off-key notes.”

He chuckled at her analogy. “Stop trying to manage my expectations. I already know you’re inexperienced. It puts a bit more pressure on me than a run-of-the-mill first fuck, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

“Neither would I.”

As a shy smile graced her waifish face, her bottom lip thickening and bowing in that way that was uniquely her. Their eyes met and locked. He reached out and tilted her head down as if he was afraid she could see into the deepest parts of his soul that he kept hidden from everyone.

He took the flogger from her. “As lovely as you look dressed like that, I think I want you naked. Hmm, where do I start?”

Declan ran his splayed hands over her stomach until he reached her breasts. “I don’t remember telling you to get a strapless bra.”

“I didn’t know if I’d be tied up when it came off. I didn’t want it shoved up because we couldn’t remove it.”

Declan didn’t look up as she spoke. “Take it off,” he demanded in that domineering way that made every nerve ending in her body tingle with anticipation.

Nyxie reached behind her.

“Wait. Turnaround and face the mirror.”

She thought he meant to unfasten it himself after she gave him her back, but when he didn’t make a move to help her, she reached back and unfastened it.

“Reach your hand out to the side and drop it on the floor and cover yourself with your arms.”

Facing the three-way mirror, he towered over her enough to see her full body in the reflection so she didn’t understand why he asked it of her until she saw herself and realized how innocent she looked trying to cover up her nudity.

“Move your feet apart—just about shoulder width—maybe a hair more. Yes, like that. Remind me to thank Joseph for taking you to the boutique for those shoes. So sexy. They make your legs look a mile long. Arch your back. Yeah, like that.”

He stepped closer and put his hand on her midriff and pulled her ass against his bulging zipper.

“Those shoes are going to be perfect for fucking you from behind standing up. I could stand behind you in a room filled with people, lift your short skirt, unzipped my fly and enter you. Would you like that? I can tell by the way your breathing change
d that the idea excites you.”

He ground his hips into her ass a few times to emphasize how erotic it would feel before slipping his hand inside her panties. “I knew you’d be wet for me,” he said grazing her clit a few times before withdrawing his hand and licking his fingers.

“I like the way the waistband of those panties V down like that. It’s like someone thought I might need a sign to point me to your treasure.”

Declan took the flogger and lightly traced the V with the ends of the tassels. “I like the contrast of the black leather against the white of your lingerie and skin,” he said. “It’s the softness and innocence of Nyxie, the dark and sinful knowledge of the lash.”