The Look of Love (31 page)

“I was with a
boy in Southern Cemetery. We had just had sex when two of his
friends turned up. I was drunk as usual, and I didn’t care when
they decided to take their turns. The third boy was on top of me
when it started to rain. It wasn’t just light rain, it really
poured. The soil turned to mud, and we got absolutely drenched. I
was cold, and the rain made me sober up. I could feel him on top of
me, and inside me. He was big, and heavy, and we kept slithering
about in the mud. The other boys laughed, but he was beginning to
hurt me. I told him to stop, but he wouldn’t. He had waited this
long for his turn and he wanted to finish. I started to struggle,
but he was too heavy, and we just slithered about more. Finally I
shouted out, telling him his balls were shovelling mud up my bum.
It made the other boys fall about in hysterics. But it put him off
and he stopped. Or maybe he had finished. Anyway, the three of them
were still laughing when they left me in the rain and the mud. They
had treated me like shit. But I was shit, so I guess they were
right. Apart from Zach, they were the last boys I slept with.

“From then on I
let the boys see and feel what they had always been able to have in
the past. But now I didn’t let them have it. Instead I would lead
them on, let them think they were going to get what they wanted,
but right at the last moment I took it away from them. I would put
them down horribly. I would squash their egos; ridicule them in
front of their friends. I treated them like shit, the way they had
treated me. And I enjoyed it.

“The more I did
it, the more I liked it, and the more I began to hate them. They
were all like my daddy. They only wanted one thing, and they didn’t
care who they got it from. They had all treated me like shit, like
worse than an animal, like meat. Dead meat. So I treated them the
same. I despised them all, even Chrissy’s boyfriends, or Jo’s. I
would seize every opportunity to break them up, to get rid of them.
They didn’t deserve to be with Chrissy or Jo. They were better than
me. They were good girls.

“I could never
understand why Chrissy would shout at me. I was doing it for her
own good, but she didn’t seem to understand. Chrissy and Jo were my
best friends. Now Chrissy hates me and Jo’s dead. That’s why it
should have been me. Jo should be alive and Chrissy should be with
Scott. She really liked him, I could tell. It made me hate him even
more.”

Victoria
suddenly sat up, turned to Louise, grabbed both her hands and
asked, “Do you hate me?”

Louise stared
at her in surprise. “No, of course not,” she said. “You did some
bad things, but bad things happened to you first. It made you act
badly. I don’t blame you for any of it. I don’t care what you did
in the past, who you slept with or who you didn’t sleep with. I
love you, Vikki, and I’ll always love you. I loved you from the
moment I first saw you. Even when you made a face at me in
class.”

Victoria smiled
in a sad sort of way. “Rotten, wasn’t I?”

Louise shook
her head. “You didn’t know me. And I was staring at you.”

“It’s a good
job I didn’t know why.”

“Would you have
avoided me?”

Victoria
shrugged. “I might have. But I’m not known for my good judgement am
I?”

Louise smiled.
“You know, if you went to a psychiatrist, I bet he’d make a fortune
out of your case.”

“If I went to
The Sun,
I’d
make a fortune.”

They both
laughed. But it wasn’t short and suppressed and filled with guilt
like it had been up to now. Instead it was loud and unrestrained
and happy. It was the first time like that in hours.

When their
laughter had subsided, Victoria held Louise’s hands even more
tightly in hers. She had never let go of them, and now she looked
at Louise with a very earnest expression on her face.

“You know,
Louise, I’m glad you never told me,” she said in a soft voice. “I’m
glad I never avoided you, and I’m glad we got together. I’ve never
felt so loved by another person until I met you. I don’t want to
think about what’s happened in the past, about my daddy, about
boys, not even about Jo. I don’t want to think about any of it
anymore. I just want to go back into my bedroom with you and do it.
Say you’ll come with me, Louise. Please?”

Louise stared
back at her and nodded, and together they went back into the
bedroom.

To say that
Veronica Davis was upset at the sight of her daughter being brought
home by the police was an understatement. And if that was being
upset, then the news that Chrissy had been found with Scott Headly
meant that Veronica’s disposition could only be described as
absolutely livid. Not only did she scream and bawl at Chrissy, she
physically chased her round the house brandishing a mop.

By the time her
brother had returned from school, Chrissy was barricaded in her
bedroom. She daren’t even come out to visit the bathroom in case
her mother was lying in wait for her, mop at the ready.

Her brother
switched off his walkman and pulled the headphones from his ears.
He wondered what was going on as he listened to his mother ranting
on to herself in the kitchen.

“I don’t know
what ideas young people get into their heads these days. I work and
slave all my life. I try to do the best for my children. I teach
them to be careful, to look after themselves. Don’t talk to
strangers, I tell them, don’t get into any cars with people you
don’t know. And what does she do?” Veronica came out of the kitchen
and shouted upstairs. “She lies to her poor mother and goes
visiting murderers at their own homes! That’s what she does!”

As Veronica
returned to the kitchen to rant some more, her son shook his head
sadly and muttered, “Women,” under his breath. He replaced his
headphones and switched his walkman back on, and then he went
upstairs to his own bedroom to do his homework.

It wasn’t until
evening that her father came upstairs and knocked softly on
Chrissy’s door.

“Open the door,
Chrissy. It’s alright, love. I’ve come to give you the all clear.
The mops in the cupboard and if you don’t come down and let your
mother hug you, she’ll explode.”

There was a
click and the door opened. Chrissy peeped out, her eyes red from
her tears. “I’m sorry, dad. I know I was stupid, but I didn’t mean
it.”

Her father
pulled her out and hugged her. “Oh, it’s alright, you softy. You
mother and I just worry about you, that’s all. You did a daft
thing, and I’m just pleased that you’re alright. Now go downstairs
and talk to your mother.” He kissed her on the cheek and brushed
back her hair. “Go on now. I’ll follow you down.”

Chrissy
practically shot down the stairs, and her reunion with her mother
was plain to hear even before her father had reached the top of the
stairs on his way after her.

By the time
Adam Campbell rang, Chrissy was in the arms of her mother watching
telly.

“It’s for you,
Chrissy,” her father said coming back into the room after he had
answered the phone. “It’s that boyfriend of yours, the one with the
posh car and chauffeur.”

Chrissy clapped
her hands to her face in surprise. “Adam!” she exclaimed. After
everything that had happened, she had forgotten all about him.

As Chrissy got
up and hurried into the hall, her mother said, “Are we allowing her
to take phone calls after the shock she gave me?”

“Oh, I think
so,” her husband replied. “You did get her a few times with that
mop after all.”

“Huh!”

Chrissy sat
down by the phone and picked up the receiver. For a moment she
didn’t know what to say. Then she said the most obvious thing.
“Hello, Adam.”

Adam was blunt
and to the point. “Why did you do it? Why did you take it only to
send it back?”

Chrissy’s heart
sank. “Are you still angry with me? Oh, please don’t be angry with
me, Adam, not today, I don’t think I could stand it.”

The sadness in
her voice must have been obvious, because Adam recognised that
something was wrong as soon as he heard her. His tone changed
immediately. Now he sounded worried.

“What’s the
matter, Chrissy?” he said quickly. “What’s happened? Tell me!”

“I’ve had some
bad news, Adam. Some horrible news.” Her voice faltered as she
spoke, and as Chrissy told Adam about Jo, she began to cry
again.

Adam was
immediately saddened, and all thought of the game, the wedding
dress, everything vanished from his mind. “Oh, God…this is awful.
Look, Chrissy, I want to see you. I know we were together only
yesterday, but we parted in bad spirits, and I can tell how upset
you are about your friend from the sound of your voice. I’m coming
over.”

Chrissy wiped
the tears from her eyes and sniffed. “I’m not going out, Adam,” she
said. “Mum and dad want me at home, and I don’t think I’d be much
company anyway.”

“That’s
alright. I completely understand. I will stay with you. Your
parents can meet me. It is about time. Tell them to get out the tea
and cakes.”

“But,
Adam!”

“I am not
prepared to argue. I want to see you, Chrissy. And I want to hold
you.”

His words made
Chrissy wonder. “You sound like you really care about me.”

“I more than
just care for you, Chrissy. I think you must be aware of that by
now. Why else do you think I was so angry about the wedding dress?
I will be there at eight. And I won’t be content until I hold you
in my arms.”

He hung up
before Chrissy could protest any further. She slowly put the phone
down and went back into the lounge.

“It was Adam,”
she confirmed as she sat down next to her mother again.

“I think we
gathered that,” Veronica replied.

“He’s coming
round.”

Veronica gave
Chrissy a stern look. “If you think you’re getting out of this
house again today, madam, you’re sadly mistaken!”

“We aren’t
going out. He said he’s happy to stay here. He wants you to meet
him. He said he’ll be here at eight and to get the tea and cakes
ready.”

“Tea and cakes?
I’ll give him tea and cakes! Where’s that Tabasco sauce? I’ll blow
his head off!”

“Mum!”

Even before
eight o’clock, Chrissy was in the front room waiting for Adam. She
watched at the window, and as soon as Adam arrived, Chrissy rushed
out the door to greet him.

Adam was just
getting out of the car when Chrissy flew into his arms and nearly
knocked him over.

“Oh, Adam! It’s
awful! I feel awful! There I was with you on Saturday night, and Jo
was already dead! I was enjoying myself, and now I feel awful!”

She began to
cry and Adam hugged her tightly. “Calm yourself. You weren’t to
know. There is no blame on you for being happy, Chrissy. I am sure
Jo wouldn’t be angry with you, so don’t be angry with yourself. You
will learn very quickly that life tries to kill you from the moment
of your birth. It has no conscience and it gives no mercy. Jo
merely lost the battle early. Now enough tears. Let’s go inside
before your parents become impatient. We can talk more later.”

Chrissy looked
round and saw her mother waiting for them at the door. She nodded
and quickly wiped at her eyes. Adam locked the car door and they
both walked up the drive.

Chrissy made
the introductions. “Mum, this is Adam Campbell. Adam, meet my
mum.”

Adam smiled as
he greeted Veronica and said, “I can see where Chrissy gets her
good looks.”

“Don’t think
that fancy charm will get around me,” Veronica replied bluntly. “If
I think you’re not good enough for our Chrissy, I’ll soon tell
you.”

“Mum!” Chrissy
protested, but Adam and her mother just ignored her.

“If you think
I’m not good enough for Chrissy,” Adam was saying, “then I’ll be
happy to abide by your decision.”

“That’s alright
then. Come in.”

Chrissy had
managed to persuade her mother to leave the Tabasco sauce where it
was, and when they went inside, tea was ready to be served in the
front room. Her father was waiting for them.

Adam smiled and
shook hands with him. “Pleased to meet you at last,” he said.

“It’s about
time,” Chrissy’s father replied. “Chrissy has spoken a lot about
you. I just wish the circumstances were better.”

Adam nodded
sadly. “Yes. I have to admit that I was shocked when Chrissy told
me.”

“We all were.
Jo used to come round here quite often.”

“Stop it, dad,”
Chrissy said. “You’re going to make me cry.”

Her father
nodded and they all sat down. Veronica poured the tea.

“Do tell me if
it’s too hot for you,” she said to Adam as she handed him a cup,
winking at her daughter.

“It will be
fine, I am sure,” Adam replied. If he had noticed the wink, he
didn’t say so.

At first,
everyone felt a little tense, Chrissy the most. But Adam was
charming and polite, and he answered all their questions without
hesitation. Chrissy’s father was eager to know where Adam made his
money. Adam explained about the bank and his investment company.
Chrissy could see that her father was impressed, and although she
did her best not to show it, even Veronica slowly began to warm to
him.

“I was planning
to poison you when you got here,” she finally announced.

“Mum!” Chrissy
exclaimed in shock. But Adam merely laughed.

“I wondered
what the wink was about. But isn’t that a harsh way of greeting
your daughter’s friends. What changed your mind? Or is the poison
slow acting?”

“I thought you
might be a bit stuck up,” Veronica admitted. “What with your money
and posh car and everything. But now that I’ve had a chance to talk
to you I can see that you’re alright.”

“I’m glad to
hear it.”