The Look of Love (20 page)

“Well, I’ll
take my knickers off!”

Adam smiled.
“That is the intention.”

Chrissy began
to poke him in the ribs. “You slick bugger! You did it to me again,
didn’t you? You smug bastard! How much of that school tie crap was
truthful? I bet your dad’s still alive and living in the Bahamas!
You liar! You deceitful cheat!”

Adam had no
more success in fending off her jabs than he had on the outward
journey. “I told you before; the best lie is hidden among much
truth! My father is dead, and my feelings towards those I work with
was honestly expressed! Now stop! Or I may deposit the expensive
contents of my stomach on the car floor!”

“It would serve
you right!”

Charles
coughed. “Please, Miss. I’d prefer it if he didn’t. It would only
be me that would have to clear it up.”

Chrissy
relented. She glared at Adam. He couldn’t help laughing.

“I’m sorry,
Chrissy!” he said. “But the choice was yours, and you did say it
could be fun!”

Chrissy
continued to glare at him. She crossed her legs, and pulling her
coat more tightly around her, she folded her arms.

“Just you
wait,” she said in a stern voice. “I’m going to have a really good
look around your house tomorrow! I’m going to find your most
valuable possession, and I’m going to take it from you!”

“Fine
sentiments,” Adam replied, patting her leg. “But first you must
win! Twenty-seven to go, I think!”

In all, Louise
and Victoria spent two hours with Rosanna, and by the time they
were finished Victoria and Rosanna were well established as good
friends. Louise was pleased that her two friends got on so well,
she was also pleased at how easy going and friendly Victoria was.
It was quite a difference from that first impression in class last
week.

Was it only
last week?

Louise realised
that it wasn’t even that. It was Wednesday when Victoria first came
to class, and now it was Saturday evening. How things had changed
so quickly. But life was like that, wasn’t it? One moment you could
be at the pit of despair, and the next, overjoyed. But life also
threw the reverse at you, and in a moment, joy could turn back to
despair.

Even with
Victoria busily sorting out her bedroom, storing away her clothes
and investigating the cupboards and wardrobe, Louise was still
conscious of the fragile nature of her predicament. At the moment
Victoria was here, living with her. She had said that it was to be
only as friends, but downstairs in Rosanna’s presence, she had
indicated that love was still a possibility. That tiny possibility
tore huge holes in Louise’s heart.

Louise yearned
for the security of a permanent relationship, and even though
Victoria had always insisted that she was unsure of her feelings,
Louise still wanted that assurance. She was dying to question
Victoria about what she had said from the moment they had returned
to her flat. But so far she had held her tongue, knowing that
constant questioning on the subject might drive Victoria from her.
Louise hated this…this limbo, of neither knowing nor not knowing.
Even rejection was better than this.

No, it
wasn’t.

As Victoria was
unpacking, Louise tried unsuccessfully not to watch her, finally
distracting herself by telephoning Angela to let her know that both
she and Victoria were alright. She sat on the sofa and dialled the
number. It was a lot later than she had planned to phone, and
Angela must have been getting worried as she answered straight
away.

“Where have you
been?” Angela asked anxiously. “I rang and rang and there was no
answer! I was expecting you to phone ages ago!”

“I know. I’m
sorry,” Louise replied. “I didn’t mean to leave it this late, but
things sort of got out of hand, and this is the first time I’ve
been able to sit down.”

“Well, how did
it go?”

“It was very
eventful. Vikki got drunk as a skunk and ended up being beaten up
in the club we visited.”

“Oh, no! Not
again! Is she alright?”

“Yes, don’t
worry! She seems to be fine! A few cuts and bruises but nothing
worse. But I didn’t think that last night. She had me really
worried, I can tell you –what do you mean, again?”

Then Victoria
called out, “Tell her I was rat-arsed, as usual, so I didn’t feel a
thing!”

Angela picked
up her voice and immediately asked, “Is that Tori I can hear? Is
she with you?”

“Yes,” Louise
replied beginning to blush even though Angela wasn’t even in the
room. “She’s in the other room unpacking.”

“Unpacking?”
Angela repeated in surprise.

“Yes,
unpacking. She got thrown out of the halls of residence after that
binge on Thursday night, so I asked her to move in with me.”

Victoria came
to stand in the doorway to her bedroom. “Are you telling her all my
secrets?” she said in mock indignation.

Louise nodded,
listening as Angela said on the phone, “Does she know?”

“Yes,” Louise
replied, going even redder.

“And she
doesn’t mind?”

“No, not at
all.”

Victoria could
only hear Louise’s side of the conversation, but she could tell
from Louise’s expression what the subject was about. She stepped
away from the doorway and stood in front of Louise with her hands
on her hips, and demanded, “Does she know?”

Louise smiled
shyly.

“Bollocks!”
Victoria exclaimed. Now she really was indignant. “Was I the only
one who didn’t know? And there goes my party girl reputation at
Uni! Give me that phone, Louise!”

Louise was just
telling Angela that Victoria wanted to speak to her when Victoria
reached out and snatched the phone. From then on it was Louise’s
turn to listen to a one sided conversation.

“You sly cow!”
Victoria said to Angela immediately she got the phone. “How long
have you known?…When?…You cow! You out and out cow! And I suppose
you knew Louise fancied me, too!…You did!”

Louise stared
on as Victoria paced around the room with the phone, getting more
and more excited and shocked with every word.

“I hate you,
Angie!…What? I’m not answering that question, you harlot! You’ve
got no room to talk, anyway! I saw you with that Andy last night!
Did you sleep with him?…Nah! I thought not!…Well, don’t ask me
then!…You listen to me, fat-arse! If you blab any of this to
anyone, I’ll shove an umbrella up you and open it!…We are doing no
such thing! As far as anyone is concerned, we’re just flatmates!…We
are not, you nosey cow! I have my own room!…What! You-! That-!
Awwwhh! That’s it, Angie! On Monday you die!”

Victoria
slammed down the phone and turned to face Louise. “She knows!” she
snapped. “This is all your fault! Did you plan this?”

“How could I
plan getting you beaten up in the toilets?” Louise answered
immediately. “Even though you seem to make a habit of it. How many
times has this happened before?”

“Oh, once or
twice, half a dozen times,” Victoria said as if it didn’t matter.
Her shoulders slumped and she threw herself down on the sofa next
to Louise. “Oh, bollocks,” she sighed. “That’s it, I’ve had it.
Angela will be on the phone this instant telling Jo and Chrissy the
juicy news.”

“She
won’t.”

“Ha! She will!
If you put the telly on in five minutes, it’ll be on Teletext!”

Louise laughed.
She looked across at Victoria, who was sitting on the sofa with one
leg tucked underneath her. She had discarded the trainers and her
feet were bare. Why were even her feet sexy?

“Vikki,” Louise
began slowly. “Do you mind? Really?”

Victoria
scratched her head and brushed at her long blonde hair. “Oh, I
don’t know. A bit maybe. It’s strange; I’ve never felt self
conscious before. Well, you’ve seen me, haven’t you? I go prancing
about with hardly a stitch on and it doesn’t bother me. And the
kind of responses I get from people I can deal with. But this feels
different, and I don’t know how to deal with it yet.

“Until now I
never realised how being a lesbian was so kind of public. I mean,
if you’re heterosexual, everybody knows that you like men, but even
if you have a boyfriend, nobody really knows who you’re sleeping
with. But if you’re a lesbian, every lesbian friend you have is
assumed to be sleeping with you. Like us. Once everyone finds out,
we’ll be the two lesbians in class. It’ll be like having a placard
hanging around our necks saying, ‘We are lesbians. We are sleeping
together’. But on the other hand, the fact that another girl in
class might be sleeping with an entire football team on a regular
basis will go virtually un-noticed. It doesn’t seem fair.”

“That’s what I
always thought,” Louise said recognising the feeling right away.
“But my friends Dayna and Sam think everyone has to know if you’re
a lesbian. It’s like they belong to an exclusive club and they want
to brag about it. I want to keep my sex life private, like everyone
else. People don’t want everyone to know what they are doing, do
they? That’s natural, isn’t it?”

Victoria
nodded. She seemed a little subdued. Then she suddenly smiled and
said, “We could always go in disguise. Do you remember the Adams
Family?” She brushed all her hair forward until her face was
completely covered. “I’ll be Cousin Itt.”

Louise smiled,
and leaning forward she brushed Victoria’s hair back, revealing her
face once again. Their faces were now much closer together, and for
a moment they stared into one another’s eyes. Louise started to
move closer, but Victoria suddenly got up and moved away.

“I better
finish unpacking,” she said, heading back to her bedroom.

Disappointed,
Louise got up and followed her. She stood in the doorway watching
Victoria. “You’re spending quite awhile in here unpacking.”

“I’m making
myself at home. This is a new room, and I have to make it me. And
don’t you dare say that the best way to do that is to just fling
everything on the floor!”

The remark was
meant to make Louise laugh, but it didn’t. “Did you mean what you
said to Rosie downstairs?”

Victoria took a
deep breath and sighed, leaning on the open wardrobe. “There’s one
thing I can say about Rosie, she’s not shy. I like her, she’s
straight forward, but the question was a bit unfair. Especially
with you sitting right next to me.”

“So you didn’t
mean it?”

“I didn’t say
that.”

“So you did
mean it?”

“Oh, Louise!
You’re as bad as Rosie!” Victoria snapped at her. “I told you
before, I don’t know. Just leave it alone will you!”

Louise lowered
her head, immediately downhearted. Victoria saw the signs,
muttered, “Oh, bollocks,” closed the wardrobe and came over to
her.

“Look, maybe
it’s more yes than no. I can’t be any surer than that. I’m here,
aren’t I? So why don’t we just leave it at that and see how things
go? If it’s going to happen, it’ll happen. If not, well, it won’t.
Okay?”

Louise looked
up and smiled weakly. “I’m sorry to pressurise you all the time.
But you know how I feel about you, and it’s just that I feel so
insecure not knowing how you feel about me. It’s like being in
limbo, it’s like…” Louise suddenly thought of a good example, and
said excitedly, “It’s like the moment before you open the letter
with your A’ Level results inside! Do you remember?”

“I was drunk.
Zach opened it for me.”

Louise was
deflated. “Trust you!”

Victoria
smiled. “I know what you mean,” she said, stroking Louise’s hair.
“Why do you think I got drunk in the first place? Look, I don’t
want to prolong your agony, but I have to be fair to my own
feelings. I don’t want to disregard the idea straight away, but I
don’t want to jump too soon either. I need to think about this.
There are some things I like, but there are some things that worry
me. Like the label, for example. I’ll suddenly be a queer, a dyke.
By the way I behave you might think I couldn’t care less what other
people think, but I do. We all do. It’s just that I’ve been used to
the labels I’ve lived with. I know I’m a slut, that’s just me, or
it was. Now all that’s going to change. So let me make up my own
mind first. And when I have, I promise that I’ll tell you straight
away. Okay?”

Louise nodded.
“That sounds fair.”

“Good! Now,
remind me were the toilet is. After all that tea I need a wee.”

Victoria was in
the bathroom when she had a sudden thought. “Why don’t we visit
your friends tomorrow?” she called out.

Louise came to
stand outside the door. “You mean Sam and Dayna?”

“Yes! Why not?
You haven’t got anything else planned, have you?”

“No, I suppose
not. But I’ll have to ring and tell them first. They like doing the
whole Sunday lunch thing.”

There was the
sound of the toilet flushing. “No, you don’t! I want to surprise
them. I want to see their faces when I come in the door with
you!”

Louise winced.
She had forgotten to tell Victoria that Sam and Dayna already knew
about her. But they didn’t know she had moved in. Maybe it would be
fun.

“Alright,” she
said with more conviction. “We’ll have to go early though, or
they’ll start without us.”

The door opened
and Victoria emerged with a grin. “I told you this would be fun,”
she said. “Have you got any videos? You’ve got a VCR, so you must
have some videos.”

Louise was
surprised by the sudden question. “Er…yes, they’re in the cupboard
by the telly.”

“Let’s have a
look then! I fancy a real weepy, or if not, a big block-buster with
a body-count to match! It’ll be much more fun than going out for
another binge! And we have to have something to nibble on! Have you
got any popcorn?”

“No.”

“What about
Frosties? Have you got a packet?”