The Look of Love (13 page)

“So what have
we got here?” he asked the Constable.

“Dead girl,
sir,” he replied. “Aged about sixteen to twenty. She was found by
two children riding their bikes through the ally at around two
o’clock this afternoon. DC Shawcroft is already here.”

When they got
to the scene they found several police officers, the pathologist,
and the whole forensics crew in their white outfits all waiting for
them. Detective Constable Michael Shawcroft was kneeling by the
body with the pathologist. He stood up to greet his boss. He was in
his mid thirties, about six foot tall, with short, fair hair and
very cool blue eyes. He stood almost a foot taller than Connors as
he shook hands with him.

“Sorry to get
you out on a Saturday, sir, but I thought you might like to see
this before they took her away.”

Connors nodded.
“You thought right, but at times like these, I’d much prefer
football duty.” He looked down at the body.

Lying on her
back on the ground was a slim young woman with long, light brown
hair. Her head was turned at a funny angle, and her arms and legs
were flung out. She was wearing a very skimpy and short dress. Both
of the straps on her dress were off her shoulders and she was
missing both shoes. There was some slight bruising on both her
upper arms, and her finger nails and toe nails were all painted
with light blue varnish. Her eyes were open and completely
lifeless.

Connors sighed.
She was very pretty, but then again, weren’t they all? He knelt
down next to the body and began to look more closely. “Have you
found her shoes?” he asked Shawcroft without looking up from his
task.

“No, sir. I’ve
had PC’s out looking for them for over an hour. I don’t think
they’re here.”

“You’re
probably right. When did it happen?”

The pathologist
coughed. “We won’t know for sure until the results of the post
mortem,” he said. “But in my opinion she’s been dead for at least
ten hours. So that means it could have happened any time between
two and six o’clock this morning.”

Connors looked
up at him. “Broken neck?”

“Again, we
can’t say for sure until the post mortem. There are no bruises on
her neck, but by the angle of her head, it looks very much like
that.”

“Hmmm.” Connors
looked down again at the body. “Scantily clad, but apart from these
straps and her shoes, her clothes haven’t been disturbed. And apart
from those bruises on her arms, there doesn’t seem to be any other
bruising or marks on her body…” He looked up at the windows above
them.

Shawcroft
smiled. “That’s what I thought! But all the windows on this side of
the buildings are barred. She couldn’t have been pushed out, or
fallen out.”

“The roof?”
Connors suggested.

The pathologist
shook his head. “Too high. Her body would have sustained far more
damage in a fall from that height.”

Connors stood
up. “Okay, I’ve seen enough.”

The forensics
crew started to clean up as Connors walked back down the alley with
Shawcroft.

“What do you
think, sir?” Shawcroft asked as they walked along.

“Somebody she
knew,” Connors replied. “It was quick and clean. She didn’t fight.
It has to be someone she knew.”

“What about the
shoes?”

“Her feet were
very dirty, so she probably lost them before she was killed. No,
Mike, I don’t think we’re looking for a murderer with a fetish for
his victims shoes.”

Shawcroft
smiled. “So it is murder then, and not a fall or an accident?”

“Oh, yes.
There’s no doubt about that. You were right to call me. It happened
early this morning, so she was probably coming home drunk. I’ll bet
she doesn’t live very far away.”

“You’re right.
We found her handbag near her body. She lives two streets
away.”

Connors nodded
solemnly. “That fits.”

“How so?”

“Someone she
knew, remember? So that means someone who knew her, and knew where
she lived. He also knew she was coming home, and he knew where to
wait.”

“So what’s the
motive? She wasn’t raped, assaulted or robbed.”

“Anger.”

Louise sat
slumped on the sofa of her lounge, waiting for Victoria to emerge
from the bedroom. She felt miserable. Just when everything was
going so well, Louise’s world had collapsed in on her again. It was
her own stupid fault of course. She had been chasing a silly
fantasy for days. Dayna had been right. Victoria may have her
problems, but she was straight, and all Louise had done was to
alienate her forever. But it had been going so well!

But had it?

The more Louise
thought about it, the more she realised that it hadn’t been going
so well after all, except in her own, stupid mind. She had never
really told Victoria about her sexuality, or about her feelings
towards her. Yes, last night she had blurted out that she was a
lesbian, but Louise was sure that Victoria had merely thought it
was a joke. And in a way it had been. Only in her own mind had it
made any difference. Victoria had continued to treat her like any
other friend, like Chrissy, or Jo, she had never even been aware of
Louise’s feelings for her. But Louise had used Victoria’s
friendship to get closer. And to cap it all, she had taken
advantage of Victoria’s drunken and injured state.

Oh, how she
hated herself! How could she have been so stupid? She had promised
herself that she wouldn’t, that all she would do was look after
Victoria and put her to bed. But all the way back to her flat she
had been filled with anticipation. Her stupid mind had dreamed on.
Only the sight of Victoria’s battered body had brought Louise
briefly back to reality. But even that hadn’t lasted, and when she
had been tending Victoria’s wounds last night, she had been unable
to resist. Now she hated herself for it. Victoria would hate her
too. And Louise couldn’t blame her. Louise wanted to die. She
wanted God to take her now, before Victoria emerged to shout and
scold her.

But it was too
late.

Victoria came
out of the bedroom. She was dressed in the clothes Louise had found
for her. As Louise had thought, the jeans were slightly too short
and a little baggy for her, but they still looked okay. In
contrast, the light blue sweater fitted Victoria perfectly. It was
tighter and more figure hugging, and very flattering.

Louise stood up
and waited for the inevitable. She felt terribly depressed.

Victoria took a
step forward and held up her hand. “Don’t say anything until I’m
done,” she said. Then she took a deep breath, opened her mouth to
speak, then closed it with a loud sigh. She looked down at her bare
feet, took two more deep breaths, looked up, opened her mouth to
speak again, then closed it with another sigh as before.

Louise waited
patiently, keeping silent, her head down.

“Oohhh!”
Victoria finally blurted out in annoyance, shaking her head
vigorously. It made her hair fly about. “Bollocks!” she announced
when she stopped. “I had it all worked out in my head! It was
really good, too! And now I’ve forgotten it!”

She saw
Louise’s sad expression and sighed again. “Listen, Louise. I’m not
used to this, okay? You took me by surprise.” She became
embarrassed by her own words and quickly went on, “No, I didn’t
mean that, I–Oh, bollocks!” She paused to take another deep breath
before going on. “I mean I didn’t know how you felt, about sex,
about me. You should have told me, Louise. And I don’t just mean
joking about it like you did last night. You should have told me
that day in the library. You should have told me straight out, then
and there. I don’t know how I would have felt, or if it would have
made a difference to the way I behaved with you last night.” She
shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe it would, I don’t know. When I get
drunk I do stupid things, and I don’t always think straight, so I
can’t say. But I can say that I felt safe with you, and that I
trusted you. I do like you, Louise. You’re far too soft for your
own good, but you’re nice. I like you as a friend, but I wouldn’t
have let you bring me back here last night if you had been a man.
So you should have told me. It wasn’t fair. You do understand what
I’m trying to say, don’t you? Oh, for God’s sake, say something,
Louise! You look like a condemned murderer waiting for the
drop!”

Louise burst
into tears. “I didn’t mean it!” she wailed. “Don’t hate me!”

“Oh, bollocks!”
Victoria said in dismay. She took a step forward and put her arms
around Louise, patting her back. “Stop crying, will you? I don’t
hate you, okay? Stop being a cry-baby!”

Louise quickly
put her arms around Victoria, hugging her close. “I can’t help it,
I love you!”

“Don’t be
silly!” Victoria said in disbelief.

“But I do!”
Louise sobbed. “And now I’ve messed it all up! I hate myself! I’m
such a coward! You’re right, I should have told you! But I was so
scared that you’d hate me that I couldn’t! I didn’t want to lose
you, Victoria. Even if you didn’t love me, I still wanted to be
your friend. That’s why I was so scared to tell you! And I do love
you! Really I do!”

“How can you
love me?” Victoria said, wide-eyed. “I’m a useless, selfish,
hurtful prat! And that’s what my friends think of me! And they’re
right! I get drunk all the time, say things I shouldn’t say, and do
things I shouldn’t do. Anyway you hardly know me! I’m always
getting into trouble, causing fights, getting beaten up, drinking
myself stupid. Even Chrissy’s had enough of me! And you don’t
really love me, you just fancy my body. All the boys are the same,
and you think the same as them, don’t you? They see my blonde hair
and my body and they think, yes, I’d like a bit of that! But they
don’t really care about me.” Victoria’s voice became bitter. “It’s
not love, it’s just sex.”

“No! That’s not
true!” Louise insisted. “I really do love you, Victoria! I loved
you as soon as I saw you that first day in class! And I care about
you! When you didn’t turn up for class last week and we found you
drunk and unconscious in your flat, I was worried sick! I wanted to
stay with you and look after you, but Chrissy made me leave. And
last night I was terrified when I saw those girls hurting you! All
I wanted to do was take you home and make you safe! I didn’t mean
to do what I did. I’m sorry. I took advantage, I did, and I
shouldn’t have. But I was with you all night, and everything you
did was so sexy, that I–”

“You got
horny,” Victoria said flatly, interrupting her.

Louise didn’t
reply. She rested her head on Victoria’s shoulder, holding onto her
tightly. She had already said far more than she had intended. But
her heart was breaking, and she wanted Victoria more than anything
else in the world.

Victoria shook
her head in despair. She stopped patting Louise’s back and just
stood there, thinking. A few seconds passed, and then Victoria
said, “You know what the craziest thing is about last night? The
more I remembered of what you did to me, the more I realised that I
liked it. It wasn’t hurtful, or heavy-handed and thrusting like it
usually is with Zach. It was gentle, and nice, and I liked it.
Crazy isn’t it? Me, the party girl slut, liking something like
that.”

Louise looked
up at her in surprise. “Most women wouldn’t say that if they were
completely straight,” she said thoughtfully. “They would be upset,
tell me off, hit me even. That’s what I was expecting you to do.
But instead you say you liked it. How can you say that? How can you
take this so well?”

Victoria was
suddenly defensive. “I told you, it was nice, gentle sort of. And
it lasted much longer than Zach can manage even when he’s sober!”
She tried to laugh it off, smiling wryly at Louise, but at the same
time wishing that she had kept her mouth shut. “I don’t know
though, maybe I should belt you, just for the sake of it. But you
did things to me that made me feel good, you didn’t just please
yourself, and so I didn’t feel like I’d been used. Does that make
sense?”

Louise shook
her head. She wanted a better answer. “You can’t just say you liked
it and leave it at that. You should hate me. You should feel
disgusted, sick even. It makes me wonder. It makes me wonder if,
well, you were so upset about Chrissy, and you are very close, so
it makes me wonder if–”

Victoria
realised what Louise was thinking and laughed. “You must be
joking!” she exclaimed, breaking away. “Chrissy would have snapped
me at the waist and put both halves in a sausage making machine if
I even mentioned the idea! Chrissy’s as straight as a die! You
better not try anything with her, or you will get a bashing!”

“But what about
you?” Louise said quickly, following Victoria. “Are you as straight
as a die? I know you have Zach, but you’re taking this so well, I
keep wondering–” Louise broke off and took a deep breath before
saying very bluntly, “I’m a lesbian, Victoria, and last night we
made lesbian love. What do you feel about that? About me?”

Victoria was
becoming unnerved by the constant questioning. She kept trying to
move away from Louise, but Louise kept following her. Now she stood
her ground.

“Look, if
you’re asking me if I’m a lesbian, then I can’t answer you,” she
said quickly. “I’ve never thought much about gay or lesbian people.
I think you must be the first one I’ve met. It’s sort of funny
knowing that you fancy me, sort of cute. But it’s not the same as
it is with a boy. I don’t feel threatened. As for the sex, well,
I’ve never done it before, so I don’t really know how I should
feel. Like I said, I liked it. But that’s all I can say.”

“But what about
you and Chrissy?”

Victoria
answered honestly. “I am very close with Chrissy. Maybe more than
she is with me. But that’s because we’ve known each other since we
were both little. I used to stop over at her house, and I’ve slept
with her in her bed. But we were children, we never did anything,
and it didn’t mean anything.”