The Longing (14 page)

Though Catherine had been touched by Kyle’s
proposal, she’d never wanted more than friendship from him.

Still, Kyle felt guilty for not having had
the opportunity to tell Catherine he was marrying Amelia. Now he
wished for a moment alone with her so he could thank her, so he
could try, in his stumbling manner, to tell her what she’d meant to
him, but all Kyle could do was catch her eye and silently ask her
to understand, to forgive his lack of tactfulness in ending their
relationship.

He knew Catherine would want him to be happy
in his marriage, just as he would wish the same for her.
Unfortunately, Kyle was learning that happiness was elusive and
sporadic. There had been moments in his life when his laughter had
come easy, when he’d felt a reckless burst of joy that fueled his
passion for living, but mostly, life had been demanding and
temperamental, sometimes even stingy.

Kyle’s gaze slid to Amelia. Would she, too,
prove to be demanding and temperamental? Or stingy? Would she ever
evoke a natural burst of joy and laughter in him? Would she give
him the passion he knew was bottled up inside her?

More importantly, what would he give her?
Protection and security, for certain. Regardless of the
circumstances of their forced marriage, Amelia deserved, and would
have, his respect and fidelity, but emotionally Kyle had nothing
left for anyone. Since the ordeal with Radford and Evelyn, Kyle had
been dead inside. Their betrayal had shattered his trust. He’d
spent the past several months easing the ache in his chest, and now
that he was finally breaking free of that weight, he wasn’t willing
to open himself again. Not even for his wife. They would share a
house and a bed. That would have to be enough.

As if Amelia sensed his scrutiny, her lashes
lifted and she looked up at him. Her eyes held unspoken feelings
Kyle couldn’t read, a depth of sadness he knew he’d caused, a
nervous shyness that warred with her curiosity to know him. He
sensed her hidden desire to be touched, her fear of embracing
passion, the unanswered questions she wouldn’t ask.

What
did
she think of him? Was she
really afraid of him or only apprehensive because of the newness of
their relationship?

“Is something wrong?” Amelia whispered, a
delicate crease of concern forming between her eyebrows.

Should he tell her the truth? That she scared
the hell out of him? That he ached to make love with her? That he
didn’t want to wait until tonight? No. He couldn’t tell her any of
that. To confess that he burned for her would frighten rather than
flatter her. For now, he would grit his teeth and wrestle with his
urges in silence.

Instead
of going home after church, Kyle slowed the carriage in front of
Evelyn and Radford’s house. “Do you mind if we stop in for a few
minutes?”

“Of course not,” Amelia said, her expression
shifting from anxious to elated. “I would love to visit a
while.”

She would love to delay spending the
afternoon alone with him was more likely, but Kyle didn’t comment.
If they wouldn’t be spending the time in bed, the long hours held
little appeal for him, too.

He stopped the carriage in the driveway and
saw Boyd near the barn dismounting from his horse. At the same
time, Radford exited the livery with his daughter, Rebecca, riding
on his shoulders. Though the eldest and tallest of the four,
Radford could have been Boyd’s twin. They both had dark coloring
and gold eyes, but unlike Boyd, Radford was a quiet, happily
married man who didn’t break his neck watching girls all day.

Boyd opened his arms to Rebecca. “Come here,
princess.”

Kyle climbed from the carriage, his attention
on the exuberant five-year-old who’d stolen his heart the day
Radford brought her home. She’d been abandoned by her mother at
infancy and was withdrawn and needy then. Now, with the healing
love of her stepmother Evelyn, Rebecca was as wild and reckless as
her uncle Boyd who was twirling her in a circle.

“If she loses her breakfast, you’re cleaning
it up,” Radford said, straightening his collar that Rebecca’s
skinny legs had crushed.

Rebecca clung to Boyd, weaving in his arms
like a drunkard. He nuzzled her neck, making her squeal with
laughter.

“Uncle Kyle, help!” She giggled, her arms
flailing toward him. “Uncle Kyle!”

Kyle helped Amelia out of the carriage, then
turned and swept Rebecca out of Boyd’s arms, glad for the excuse to
pull her into a hug.

Rebecca hooked her arms around his neck and
kissed his cheek. “You saved me!” She gave him a sloppy smack on
his chin. “Put me on your horse.”

“No.” Radford caught her beneath the arms,
but she clung to Kyle as if she were a bug with six legs hanging on
for life. Radford plucked her away and planted her bare feet on the
ground. “Tell your mother we have company.”

She scrunched her nose and tipped her head
way back to look up the tall length of her father. “Will she let us
eat cookies now?”

Radford’s eyes crinkled and he nodded. “Yeah,
sprite.”

“I’ll go get ‘em!” She skipped across the
driveway, then suddenly her head reared back and her face burst
into a glowing ball of joy. “Miss Drake!” she yelled, and Kyle felt
his stomach jump to his chest. It wasn’t Miss Drake anymore. It was
Grayson.
Mrs
. Grayson. Good God, he really had a wife.

Seeing Rebecca's bright face and waist-length
curls bounce as she ran across the driveway made Amelia kneel and
open her arms in welcome.

“I'm five now, Miss Drake! And I can count
over a hundred and do two cartwheels without falling over.”

“Well, isn't that something!” Amelia
exclaimed in a properly impressed manner before kissing Rebecca's
dimpled cheek.

“Mama says you’re my aunt now.”

“That’s right.” Amelia felt her heart swell
with love. “I married your uncle Kyle last night and now my last
name is Grayson, the same as yours. You can call me Aunt
Amelia.”

Rebecca’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yes, really.” Amelia laughed and tickled
Rebecca’s ribs, loving the yelp of laughter that burst from the
little girl.

The front door opened and Evelyn stepped
outside. “I thought I heard your voice out here. Come sit a while.”
She gestured Amelia toward the porch with a welcoming wave of her
hand. “I’m starved for company.”

Rebecca babbled as they ambled down the
driveway, and Amelia greeted Radford and Boyd with a smile. Kyle’s
inquisitive gaze seemed to inspect every inch of her. Amelia looked
away. Every time she saw his gorgeous face, she felt a burst of
excitement followed by a hard rush of despair. She wanted so deeply
to have a loving marriage like Radford and Evelyn’s, but the
guarded look in Kyle’s eyes made it seem impossible. He didn’t even
want to talk to Amelia, much less fall in love with her.

“Mama made some cookies,” Rebecca said,
grabbing Kyle around the leg, her bare feet looking precious beside
Kyle’s large dress shoes.

Kyle reached down and ruffled her hair. What
a mystery he was with his abrupt manner that hid surprisingly
tender actions.

“Missy’s gonna have kittens again!”

Kyle smirked. “Is that so?”

“Yup. I’ll get her for you!” Rebecca hopped
across the driveway on one foot, scuffing up tiny puffs of dirt
before she tromped up the porch steps.

Evelyn knelt in front of Rebecca and wiped a
smudge of dirt off her chin. “I think Missy’s in the barn,
sweetheart.”

Without a word, Rebecca wheeled around and
pounded down the steps. Evelyn and Amelia exchanged a smile, but
the desire for her own child gripped Amelia’s heart and she
struggled to keep her smile in place.

Amelia wondered what it would feel like to
have a child of her own, to slip into the porch swing with Kyle and
their sleeping baby for a lazy afternoon of quiet conversation.
She’d seen Radford and Evelyn in that swing, holding hands or
cuddling their daughter, and Amelia envied their companionship and
love.

“I’ll bring out some tea,” Evelyn said,
drawing Amelia away from her private wishes. “Radford, why don’t
the three of you visit with Amelia while I get our drinks?”

Boyd started up the steps. “I’ll keep her
company.”

Radford laughed, but Kyle snorted and
followed his brothers onto the wide porch. By the time they had
settled into comfortable chairs, Evelyn had returned outside with a
tray of tall glasses. “I’m so glad you two stopped in. I figured we
wouldn’t see you newlyweds for at least a week.”

Amelia forced herself to smile at Evelyn’s
teasing, but she didn’t have the nerve to look at Kyle.

Boyd smacked his forehead. “That’s why Kyle
looks so grumpy today. No sleep.” Kyle scowled, but a wicked grin
spread across Boyd’s face and he winked at Amelia. “If you don’t
want to live with a bear, you’d better make sure this boy gets some
sleep tonight.”

Though Amelia tried to laugh, she felt her
throat close and her eyes sting. Her mother had always called her
father a bear when he was tired. The onslaught of heartache had
come so unexpectedly, she couldn’t quell the moisture blurring her
eyes. Horrified to find herself on the verge of tears, Amelia
lowered her lashes.

“I didn’t intend my teasing to be callous,
Amelia.”

Amelia drew a breath and met Boyd’s concerned
expression. “You weren’t. You just reminded me of Papa, is all.
Mama accused him of being a bear on Sunday mornings, and I...it was
hard not having Papa at my wedding. I thought about him all night
and...well . . .” Amelia shrugged because she couldn’t force any
more words from her aching throat.

Boyd’s expression was sympathetic. “Of course
you miss him. How dense of me not to have considered how you might
feel today. I’m sorry.”

She nodded to let him know she accepted his
apology, that she understood he’d just been teasing her, but she
didn’t dare open her mouth for fear the sob in her throat would
roll out.

Amelia hid her face behind her glass and
pretended to sip the sweetened tea, but Evelyn’s misty gaze brought
a flood of tears to Amelia’s eyes. “Lord, I’m so sorry,” she
whispered, embarrassed to be teetering on the brink of a breakdown.
“I’m having a rough day.”

“You’re entitled.” Evelyn patted the back of
Amelia’s hand. “After my papa died, I didn’t sleep a full night
through until I married Radford. It’s good that you have Kyle to
help you through this.”

Amelia glanced at her husband and the
tormented look in his eyes made her stomach drop. What on earth
could he be thinking to make him look so...guilty? If it wasn’t
guilt, it was something equally strong, but definitely not love.
No. Love was an emotion that radiated warmth and light. The look in
Kyle’s eyes held compassion, but there was something deep and
painful there that chilled the warm May day.

Amelia leaned back in her chair and drew a
shaky breath. “Where did Rebecca disappear to?” she asked,
desperate to change the subject, and praying the little whirlwind
would barrel up the porch steps and light up the dismal mood with
her rambunctious enthusiasm.

“She’s on the swing.” Evelyn nodded to the
huge oak tree in their side yard. Amelia turned in her chair and
looked behind her. Rebecca sat on the board swing with Missy on her
lap, talking away as if Missy understood every word she spoke.

Evelyn called to Rebecca. “I thought you
wanted some cookies, sweetheart!”

Rebecca’s face lit up and she slid off the
swing. She lowered Missy to the ground then ran across the yard and
up the porch steps. As if she’d brought the sun with her, the mood
changed and it wasn’t long before they were all laughing at
Rebecca’s antics and thoroughly enjoying the day.

They spent three glorious hours talking and
laughing and lingering over lunch before Kyle insisted it was time
to head home. But only minutes after they arrived, Amelia’s mother
came by and brought leftovers from their wedding so Amelia wouldn’t
have to cook, and by the time her mother finally left, Amelia
didn’t even feel capable of taking the food out of the basket.

“Would you mind having leftovers for supper?”
she asked.

“No, but it’s too hot in the house. Let’s
take the basket and walk down to the gorge.”

It was only a few hundred yards from their
home, but Amelia was still surprised by Kyle’s suggestion. She
watched him disappear into the guest room and return a minute later
with a dark brown throw that had hung over the foot of the bed.

Though she was tired, the fresh air felt
great and Amelia filled her nostrils and chest as they descended a
steep wooded path. The peepers were waking up and the sun was a big
orange ball hanging low in the sky. It cast a soft glow across the
gorge and made the water shimmer.

“Is this all right?” Kyle asked, and Amelia
nodded for him to spread their blanket in front of a bank of shale.
The gorge was mostly loamy soil mixed with shale fragments and flat
rocks, but in some areas the ground was smooth and fairly
comfortable.

Kyle sprawled across the blanket and Amelia
sank down with a sigh. She set the basket between them and rolled
her shoulders. “All we need is for your mother to be waiting for us
when we get home,” she said, then realized how her comment sounded
and cringed. “Not that your mother isn’t a lovely lady, Kyle, but
one parent a day is plenty.”

Kyle snorted. “I’ve had enough contact with
relatives to last until next Sunday.”

Despite the underlying unease between them,
Amelia smiled. “You don’t like making small talk, do you?”

“It seems like a waste of time.”

“What do you like to talk about then?” she
asked, curious what a man like Kyle would enjoy discussing.

He shrugged. “Business, I guess. I think
about the mill a lot.”