The Lonely Girl (7 page)

“A guest by the name of Jacob Kelso
,” Charlotte adds.

I wish I could say that made me feel better, but it only made it worse. The thought that it is Jake coming up and not Dillon should help my panic, but it doesn’t. He will have so many questions and so many things he will want to say that will only make this all so real. It’s like if Jake doesn’t know, then it didn’t happen.

“No, he can’t see me like this, Charlotte. I can’t let him know about this or have him look at me like this. I couldn’t bear it if he looked at me any differently.” I see her shoulders sag as she walks up to me putting her arms around me in an embrace.

“Becca, I’d do anything for you but I’m telling you nothing I do is going to make this man go away. He was very persistent at the desk even though we had a do not disturb on the room. I
’m guess his family is somehow involved in the area because when I said we weren’t taking guests the clerk was taken back at my refusal to see ‘Mr. Kelso’.” I knew Jake had connections, but I still didn’t think his family’s reach would be this far. I look around wondering if there was a way to stop this from happening.  I hear a knock on the door, and my heart literally feels like it’s about to smash out of my chest.

“You’ll be fine. Just let him see the Becca I know and love. The brave girl who fought back and fled.
That makes you a fighter and you will be able to tell him whatever it is you want to. I’m going to let him in and tell him where your room is but I think I’m going to go out for a few hours. Give you some space to talk. Is that okay?” I nod because as much as I want her to stay Jake isn’t going to take any of this well, and I’d rather not have Charlotte witness how chaotic my life is. I’m still very much trying to get her to come to school in Thunder Bay with me.

“
Yes, that’s okay. Thank you for being the very best cousin there is. I love you, Charlotte, so much.” She smiles at me with such warmth that it makes me feel better about what’s going to happen.

“You better or else. I love you too
, Becca.” With that I head into my room and close the door behind me.

I hear Charlotte let
Jake in. She’s talking to him as she walks him to my door. “She isn’t okay is she?” Jake asks.

I feel m
y palms begin to go clammy at the thought of everything I have to tell him because Jake isn’t going to buy the ‘I fell’ line.

“
No, she’s not, but she’s going to be. We will make sure of that, won’t we?”

I don’t need to see him to know he’s nodding. “Of course I just wish she’d called me. I would have come sooner.”

I hear them stop right in front of my door, and I start to back up to the wall and turn around looking out the window. “I should have come sooner. I knew when she started acting weird something was up. When I called her brother and he gave me some shit excuses like her adjusting to the new area, I knew he was hiding something.” I hear Charlotte’s infectious laugh. “I swear he has no skills at lying.” Then I hear Jake sigh, and my heart stops in its tracks. Jake is sad, and he doesn’t even know yet. “Charlotte, I just wish she’d let me in. I know she’s been hurt. I know I already said this but I just wish she’d have called me when whatever it was that happened. I’d have flown back to her right away.”

“You couldn’t have done anything you were already here in the UK and she wouldn’t want to burden you. I know that. I only
found out because she was already on her way here. If she hadn’t been I would be in the dark just like you. She’s shut herself off to the world. It’s how she makes sure she can live in it.” I hate that Charlotte thinks I wouldn’t tell her, but I know she’s right. If I hadn’t been on my way, I could have safely stayed in a hotel room, and I wouldn’t have told anyone. She knows me so well but never pushes me. It’s why I know she’d always have my side in anything. “You’re here now Jake, just let her tell you in her own Becca way. Just don’t react and go off the damn handlebars okay? She has enough crazy in her life as it is and she’s going to need you. Don’t let her scare you away. If you do, you’re dumber than you look and not at all who I think you are. Don’t let her down. I’m counting on you to pull her out of this because I don’t think anyone else can.” I hear her excuse herself and walk away without delay. I hear a knock on the door, and I tell him to come in, might as well get this freak show over with.

“Becca, I missed the hell outta you. I’m so glad you’re here.” I don’t turn around, but I do answer him.

“I missed the ever loving hell out of you too, Jake.” This had become our way of talking to each other over the past few months, and I loved every bit of it. “I’m glad you’re here, Jake but you didn’t have to rush over here. I’m fine, or I will be at least.”

I hear him step closer
. He stops before he gets close enough to touch me and with my back to him, he can’t see the damage that Dillon had done to my face a few days ago.

“Becca, I’ll always come to you when you’re sad or when you need me. Just turn around and tell me what’s the matter? We will figure it out together. No matter how bad it is we will figure it out together. That’s what Jake and Becca do.” I take a
deep breath and turn around facing him. I see him tense a bit, but he lets it go. Knowing he sees my face, I feel embarrassed and try to turn from him. I feel like a car wreck that people are slowing down to watch.

Jake grabs me and stops me from turning away from him. “Becca
, what happened?” His fingers are now grazing across my bruised and battered face. When he gets close to my eye, I flinch from his touch. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you. Oh, Becca.” When he tries to remove his hand from my face, I grab it with my hand and lean into it.

“Thank you for coming
, Jake.” I didn’t know it until he was here, but I needed Jake. He had become my best friend, and I wanted nothing more than to tell him everything. No secrets between us. It was the only way I knew how to be with Jake.

“What happened, Becca?”

I sigh and keep holding his hand to my face. With a sadness rooted so deep in my soul, I said the words I feared telling him the most. “Dillon, that’s what happened.”

I hear him gasp, and I know he’s thinking just what
Alec and Keegan had. He wants to kill Dillon for this. I expect him to tense or pull away from me, but he doesn’t. He brings his other hand up and rubs my cheek with his thumb. “I’ll never let him hurt you again, Becca. Please tell me he wasn’t like this to you when you were at Lakehead when you were visiting. I can’t bear to think he’s been doing this to you the whole time.”

I shake my head and gather all the strength I have within me to say what I know is the truth. “He was always controlling. Never sweet but he never hit me. I saw this coming Jake. I knew what he was capable of. I heard whispers but I didn’t care. Not because I loved him, trust
me, I’ve never loved Dillon.”

He brings me into his arms, and I welcome it. Jake is safe. “Why did you stay then?”

I hold onto him tightly and say to him something I’ve never told anyone, “Because after everything with Michael this is what I deserve.”

Jake pulls me away from him and not at all in a gentle Jake way. “I never want you to say that again, Becca
. Never. You’re not at fault for Michael’s death. I know you think you are but you’re not. I wouldn’t lie to you. I will never lie to you no matter if it will hurt you or not. I’ll always be brutally honest with you. You will always know the truth when it comes to me. I will always be there for you. You just have to let me in. I know you don’t do that Becca but you’ve got to let someone in or the alternative isn’t going to be any better. I don’t want you to be that lonely girl anymore.” I feel tears start to well up behind my eyes begging to be shed. The guilt is exhausting. The constant guilt I feel because I know that I shouldn’t be feeling this happiness.

“I’ll always be that lonely girl
, Jake.” He lets out a groan of frustration and pulls me into his solid chest.

“No you won’t, because you will always have me. I won’t let you close yourself off to the world anymore, Becca.
Remember, I will always be there for you, Becca whether you think it’s what you need or want. You know why? Because I know what you need even when you don’t. You’re my best friend and I promise you that will never change and you’ll never be alone again.” With those words, I can’t stop the tears from falling down my face.

“Thank you for coming, Jake. For knowing I needed you before I even knew. For everything you’ve said and done for me.
So much more than I could ever begin to put into words, but most of all for knowing the real Becca, broken and all, and still coming.”

He sighs and gives me a tight hug. “Stubborn girl, I love you silly.” Even though he’s being playful, I know he means every word of it.

“I love you too, Jake and that’s never going to change.”

I know I can say that for a fact because Jake has given me something I
’ve never gotten from anyone. Not even my brother or Keegan. Jake has given me hope. Hope for the guilt that constantly eats at me for moving on with my life without Michael will one day be something that doesn’t overshadow my entire life. That one day I won’t be this lonely girl anymore.

“So
, Becca, what are we going to do this summer?” My eyes light up because yes, Jake is here, but hearing him talk about making summer plans with me makes me immensely happy.

“We can meet up when I’m in Paris?”

He laughs and shakes his head, causing me to be extremely confused. “No, Becca, I mean what are we doing all summer?”

I jump up and into his arms hugging him tightly before I even realize what I have done. He lifts me, and I wrap around him like I’m hanging on for dear life. I come to the realization that this could be taken in a sexual way and try to untangle myself from him, but he just holds me tighter. He is laughing in a full out hysterical fit at my discomfort.

“Jake, you can’t spend the whole summer with me. What about your family?”

He shakes his head, again, and I wish I could read his mind at times like this. “
Becca, I can still see them, but I’d like to spend the summer with Charlotte, you and a whole lot of art.”

I laugh and squeeze him tightly showing my approval. “This is going to be the best summer
ever, isn’t it, Jake?”

He laughs and nods. “I’ll make sure of it.”

Chapter 7

When this plane touches down, I will officially be a university student of Lakehead. The last three months have flown by. I spent my summer traveling Europe with my art program, my cousin Charlotte and Jake. I spent a month in Scotland and saw my family who I hadn’t seen in two years, which was nice.  They loved Jake, of course. My summer was mostly about art. I did have the unfortunate emails from Dillon that resulted in me deleting my email two weeks after I arrived and making a new one. All of them said the same things:

You don’t get to end this.

This is not the end of this.

Oh, and my favourite:

You don’t even know the truth.

I never told anyone other than Jake
that Dillon emailed me. He was mad that I wouldn’t do anything about it, but he understood I just wanted to move past this. The truth? I had no idea what Dillon was talking about, but I also didn’t care. I was moving on he should too. I loved spending all this time with Jake. I can’t believe how well we get along. It’s like I’ve known him forever. Jake is an amazing and deep person. He comes off as a joke, but his love for art mirrors my own. He left last week to head back to school early for hockey. He asked me to go with him, but I didn’t have a reason to move into the dorms early, so they wouldn’t let me. I didn’t want to go stay with my brother, so it left me no other choice. I waited until I could move into my dorm.

I convinced my parents into getting me a private dorm. I explained
to them with my odd sleeping habits and the fact I stay up to study and work on my art late that it would be better and they agreed. My dad wasn’t as thrilled as my mom. She saw it as me wanting to be hardworking and not be distracted by a roommate, and that I was finally being passionate about my art again. In all honesty, I didn’t want to explain my horrible dreams. It was bad enough Charlotte had to deal with it all summer. I even got a prescription for sleeping pills. They stopped me from screaming in my sleep, but I still had nightmares. I was also able to talk my parents into letting me take time off during my schooling to go to art school in Europe for a whole year. I promised my dad I would do my first two years at Lakehead, then make up my mind. When it came to going away for a year to art school, it was about putting distance between this world and me. As much as I love my family, I still need to be me, and I love art.

Alec
was even less thrilled about me having a private dorm. He had told Dad that he spoke to Keegan, and they were going to upgrade to a three bedroom, so I could room with them. Fat chance in hell that was happening. Alec would never let me out of his sight and then there was the fact that Keegan lived there. Keegan and I haven’t talked much since I left for Scotland. I sent him my updates that I forwarded to a bunch of friends, but other than the odd short message back; nothing. I’m moving on.

Well,
that was the case until I stepped off the plane and saw him standing there with Alec and my parents. Immediately, everything I had been telling myself became insignificant. Apparently, I haven’t moved on. I still have feelings for him. But the one thing that hasn’t changed is it’s one sided. He hasn’t really spoken to me since I left. I want to run up to him, but I refrain. Instead, I see my brother, and he opens his arms. I drop my bags and run up to him flying into his arms. I don’t know what I’d do without him. Even though he is a royal pain in my ass and constantly driving me up the damn wall I love him more than anybody. He called me every day while I was gone. I haven’t told him about seeing Jake or spending the summer with him. I’m not hiding anything about Jake from anyone. I told Jake I wanted to tell my brother in person. He’s my best friend and a guy. This is going to be a huge issue with my brother.