The List (6 page)

“Jeez! Don’t shoot me!”

“Take your hand out slowly, no quick moves.”

“It’s papers. Just papers. Jeez, I think I browned my shorts.”

Bert, hand shaking, pulled a black leather binder out of his briefcase.

“It’s Jessup’s research binder. He wanted me to hold onto it for him.”

“Bring it here.”

“Stop yelling at me. I’m gonna have a heart attack, and you’ll have to use CPR, and you won’t do it because I had egg salad with onions for lunch.”

Bert opened the binder and took out a piece of paper. He placed it in front of Tom. It was a print out of a handwritten rough draft, filled with crossed out words, brackets, and arrows. Very old looking. Tom began to read it, some lawyerspeak about quartering large bodies of armed troops, when something struck him.

The handwriting was his.

He looked at his song lyrics, and then back to the photocopy. All the letters matched. The
Ts
were crossed the same way, the
Ys
had the exact same curly bottom. Tom copied the phrase,
he has erected a
multitude of new offices
, on his own paper, and found it impossible to tell the difference between the two.

“What the hell?”

“Does it match?”

“Exactly.”

“Eerie, isn’t it?”

“Who wrote this?”

“You don’t recognize the words? Here’s the first page.”

Bert handed Tom another photocopy, this one with a large scrawl on the top. He read, “
A Declaration by the Representatives of the
United States of America, in General Congress assembled.
What
is
this?”

Bert smiled a goofy little smile. “It’s a copy of the first draft of the Declaration of Independence.”

Tom stared at him, incredulous. “So this means—what? I’m a reincarnation of Thomas Jefferson?”

“Close.” Bert sat on the bed next to Tom. “You’re his clone.”

The words hung there like a crooked picture. Tom opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

“Jessup knew about you,” Bert said. “He was planning on contacting you soon. He just needed a final piece of verification. You were adopted, right?”

Tom nodded.

“Jessup didn’t know how or why, but he did have some idea of who. He found me, and you, and two of the others.”

“So... I’m Thomas Jefferson.”

“Not convinced? Here.”

Bert went back into the briefcase and took out a library book—

Jessup’s book on the Declaration of Independence. Tom stared at the face on the cover of the book. A painting of the Third President of the United States. Older, white hair, wrinkles. But it bore a striking resemblance to Tom’s face. The broad chin. The deep-set hazel eyes.

The tight mouth.

“This is insane.”

“Insane?” Bert laughed. “Are you saying you don’t hold this truth to be self-evident?”

“Funny. And who are you supposed to be, then? Groucho Marx?”

“I’m Albert Einstein.”

“I bet.”

“I’m serious. Look at this.”

Bert took an Einstein biography out of the briefcase and handed it to Tom, the page opened to a black and white picture of the scientist as a young man. It was Bert, down to the big nose and droopy jowls. Tom pushed the book away.

“Impossible. Humans can’t be cloned. Not thirty years ago. They didn’t have the technology.”

Bert spread his hands. “And yet here we are. Einstein and Jefferson, having a conversation.”

“Who was Jessup?”

“Thomas Edison.”

“And the others?”

“There’s a guy in Nebraska who we think is Abe Lincoln, and a guy in Tennessee who is probably Robert E. Lee.”

Tom’s cell phone vibrated. He put it to his ear.

“Nothing happening down here, Tommy. ‘Cept some guy just bought a lure worth more than my damn car. How’re things up there?”

“Surreal. I’m with Bert in his room. Come up.”

Tom hung up and stared at the Jefferson book, his mind a tangle.

This had to be some kind of put-on. He flipped it open and found a description of the man. Six feet two inches tall. Thin and wiry. Sandy hair.

“There has to be more proof than this. I can see that I look like Jefferson, and write like Jefferson, but I could be a relative, a great-great-grandson or cousin or something.”

Bert nodded, his jowls jiggling. “I figured the same thing. I mean, I flunked biology in high school. I get headaches when I do long division. But it all fits. I can explain it to you.”

Someone knocked at the door.

“Ah. The guy who wants the Luny Frog. Fifteen hundred. Don’t let me go less than fifteen hundred.” Bert went to the door, pulling it open and pointing dramatically. “The Heddon Luny Frog, right? I’ve got it right here. Excellent plus condition. I couldn’t go less than fourteen hundred for it. Maybe thirteen. You can touch it, you don’t need to wear those gloves.”

Tom shifted to see the person in the doorway. Male, white, medium build, with dark blue eyes and thick, almost feminine lips. His face appeared to be stretched too tight. He was wearing latex gloves and a poncho, even though it wasn’t raining.

“
You can touch it, you don’t need to wear those gloves.
I’m Jack.

You’re Albert. We’ve both made history before, Albert. Let’s do it again.”

Jack reached inside his poncho pocket but Tom was already on his feet with the pistol in his hand.

“Freeze! Police!”

Jack grabbed Albert by the sweater and tugged him forward, his arm around the smaller man’s neck, using him as a shield. A knife came out, wickedly sharp with a long curved blade, the kind of crazy design that freaks bought from classified ads in
Soldier of Fortune
magazine. Fast as a snake he brought the point under Bert’s chin.

“I could cut out his eyes before you pull the trigger.”

Bert lost all color. “I like my eyes. They’re my second favorite body part.”

“Drop the weapon!”

“
Drop the weapon.
I know you. You’re Jefferson. I’m number ten.

Saucy Jack. A hundred year old mystery revealed.”

Tom’s finger flexed lightly on the trigger, aiming for the perp’s shoulder.

“Drop the weapon, now!”

“
Drop the weapon, now
. I don’t think so. Maybe you drop the gun, hmm?”

The knife slid half an inch into Bert’s chin, bringing forth a torrent of blood. Bert began to cry.

Tom let out a breath, ready to fire. Jack must have sensed his intention, because he pulled Bert backwards into the hall. Tom moved to follow, but then he heard Bert yell, “There’s two!”

A trap. Coming in low, under his line of fire, was Arthur Kilpatrick. He’d been waiting outside the door. Tom couldn’t bring the gun down in time and was caught in a flying tackle. Kilpatrick landed on top of him, his breath smelling of rotten meat.

“Hello, Mr. President.”

Tom’s gun was pinned next to his body, useless. But his left hand was only inches away from his pocket. The gravity knife. He yanked it out and flipped the switch. The blade sprung from the handle and locked into position. Tom jammed it into Kilpatrick’s hip.

The small man howled, rolling off of Tom and hobbling for the door, the knife jutting out of his leg. Tom rolled to all fours and stumbled into the hall after him.

Kilpatrick had gone left, heading for the stairwell. Tom brought up his gun, hesitant to take a shot. The hotel was fully booked. If he missed, the bullet could easily go through someone’s door.

Tom spun in the other direction, searching for Albert and Jack.

Jack had vanished. Bert was on the floor, his chest soaked with blood.

Roy was kneeling next to him, gun in hand.

“Where’s the perp?” Tom yelled.

“Ran down the stairs. Go!”

Roy pulled out his cell phone to call an ambulance, or back-up, or both. Tom took off down the hallway. He reached the door to the stairs and turned the knob. It didn’t budge. Tom looked down and saw the wicked knife blade jammed underneath it like a doorstop. Exercising bad judgment, Tom kicked at the blade, neatly severing a large flap of rubber from the bottom of his shoe.

He jogged back down the hall. Roy had taken off his tie and was holding it tight under Bert’s chin.

“Door’s jammed. They got away.”

“Kilpatrick again?”

“Yeah. Plus a friend.”

Bert gasped. “Tourniquet. Tie a tourniquet.”

“He okay?”

“Nasty cut to the chin, nothing fatal.”

“I’m bleeding to death. Tie a tourniquet.”

“Buddy, if I tie a tourniquet around your neck, it’ll strangle you.”

He turned to Tom. “What in the hell is going on here, Tommy?”

“It’s a long story. But I think I know the guy who cut Bert.”

“Did you see that knife? I come out of the elevator and he was waving it around through the air like Jack the freaking Ripper.”

“Got it in one, Roy.”

“Got what?”

Tom pursed his lips, eyes intent. “I think that was Jack the Ripper.”

Chicago

“I have to get my lures.”

Bert sat in the back seat of the Mustang, petulant. Five stitches in the chin did little to calm his resolve.

“I spoke to the hotel. They’re keeping your things for you.”

“You don’t understand. There’s, well, a lot of money invested in those. I want them by my side.”

Roy turned around and faced him. “They set a trap for you. They knew you were there. If I didn’t come out of that elevator when I did, you’d be on the slab waiting for an autopsy.”

Bert folded his arms. “I need my lures. I won’t say another word to you until I have my lures.”

“Bert...”

“I want my lawyer.”

“You don’t need a lawyer. You’re not under arrest.”

“Then let me out right here.”

“Dammit, Bert.”

Bert leaned forward, his hands on their headrests. “Get me my lures, and I’ll tell you how Jessup figured it all out.”

“Figured what out? Tom, you know what he’s talking about?”

Bert tapped Tom’s shoulder. “You haven’t told him you’re Thomas Jefferson?”

Roy made a face. “Thomas—what?”

“This may take a while.” Tom turned up the heat and gave Roy the quick version, telling him about the handwriting and the Jefferson book and the cloning. Roy was less than impressed.

“Maybe, just maybe, I could see you as Jefferson. But this guy is
definitely
not Einstein.”

“I’ll tell you the rest of it, but we have to get my lures.”

Tom blew out a long breath and made a U-turn at the intersection, heading back towards the Hyatt.

“Okay.” Bert let out a long breath and visibly relaxed. “Jessup first contacted me by email. Said he knew about the tattoo on my foot and what it meant.”

“You knew you were adopted?” Tom asked.

Bert nodded. “I found out when I was a teenager.”

“Let me guess. Mysterious man dropped you off, along with fifty grand?”

“How did you know?”

Tom ignored the question. “How did you meet Jessup?”

“Emailed me. Said that he knew about the tattoo, he had some amazing stuff to tell me, and he wanted to meet. I thought he was nuts, of course. But he sent me a picture of a thirty-year-old Einstein. Black and white. Looked just like me, except it was old and the clothes were out of date. So I agreed to meet with him in Chicago. The convention was coming up, so I figured I’d be here anyway.”

Tom honked at some bozo ahead of him doing the speed limit.

The guy merged into the right lane and Tom passed.

“So then he did the handwriting thing?”

“Yeah. And more pictures. Plus he showed me the article. A year before I was born, Einstein’s brain was stolen from Dr. Thomas Harvey at Princeton. He had it in two jars. Jessup let me see a newspaper clipping on it. The brain was mysteriously returned the next month—it was thought to be some kind of college prank.”

“Back up. How did he find you?”

“Oh. Our Birth Certificates. Every person has a birth number. He got in touch with the Cook County Clerk and looked up the person whose birth number came right before his. That was me.”

“He already knew he was Edison?”

“Edison?” Roy snorted. “Am I the only one here thinks this is all crazy?”

Bert ignored him. “Last year he picked up a book on Edison and was surprised at the likeness. He wondered if he might be a relative.

So he began to study him, gather information. He discovered his handwriting was identical to Edison’s. Then he found a newspaper article about Edison’s grave being vandalized, a year before he was born.”

Tom reasoned it out. “Someone robbed the grave for a DNA sample.”

“That’s what he figured. So he paid to have a lab test his DNA, and then went to Edison’s grave and...”

Roy turned around again. “He dug up Thomas Edison?”

“It was the only way to be sure. Jessup figured since he had a 7 on his foot, there must be six others. He knew if he was a clone, then he really wasn’t born at Rush-Presbyterian Hospital, so those birth records were fake.”

Tom filled in the rest. “So he assumed they were all sent to the local registrar as a batch, and the birth numbers would be consecutive.”

“Right. The registrar assigns birth numbers in the order they’re received. So Jessup began to search through newspapers from a year before he was born, looking for famous people whose graves had been disturbed. That’s how he found the Einstein article, and took a guess that since my name was Albert, I might be Einstein.”

Tom nodded. It fit perfectly. “The man who dropped the babies off—he insisted they keep their first names.”

“My parents told me that too. Lucky, I guess. They wanted to name me Shlomo.”

“So Jessup found out Jefferson’s grave was disturbed.”

“Yes. Along with Abraham Lincoln’s and Robert E. Lee’s. And coincidentally, number 1 and number 2 are named Abe and Robert.”

“And he was planning on telling me?”

“After the tests came back. A few years ago, there was a sample of DNA taken from Jefferson, to prove if he ever fathered illegitimate children. Jessup tracked down the sample and was having the results sent to him. Then he was going to approach you.”

“What were the other names? On the birth certificates?”