The Letter (35 page)

Chrissie folded up the letter again and tucked the photo inside. ‘Oh Billy,’ she sighed. ‘I loved you so much.’

When she awoke the next morning, Chrissie’s thoughts were muddled. She tried to focus on the events of the previous day and momentarily panicked when she concluded that it had after all been a dream. She sat up in bed and felt around in the gloom on her nightstand. She felt the crinkle of paper in her fingers and she pressed Billy’s letter to her chest with a sigh of relief. All these years she had thought there must be something innately wrong with her. Why else would a man walk out on his lover and their child? Of course, the nuns hadn’t helped, convincing her it was all her fault. She had been made to feel worthless and the degradation she experienced still resonated to this day. She smoothed Billy’s letter as she read it again. She knew all the words by heart now, but she never tired of seeing them again in Billy’s small, child-like handwriting. She had been worth loving after all. More than that, she herself felt able to love again. She had wasted nearly a whole lifetime grieving for her lost love, denying herself the opportunity of a relationship with another man. And that man had stood by her all these years, his devotion never wavering, his patience never ending. Her indulgence in her own misery could have cost them a chance of real happiness. It was time to put that right. She was ready.

Although it was still incredibly early, she crept downstairs, wrapped in a blanket, with thick socks protecting her feet from the achingly-cold stone floor. Jackie was already out of bed and had a pan of eggs and bacon sizzling on the range. The fire was already lit and the kettle on the hob blew out a plume of steam indicating that her morning cup of tea was almost ready. Jackie stood with his back to her, unaware of her presence and she suddenly saw the little cottage in a different light. Of course it was still sparsely furnished, but instead of hessian sacks at the window, there were now little red gingham curtains. Jackie had exchanged some eggs for the few scraps of fabric and together they had stitched the curtains by the fireside. On the rough stone floor in front of the range was an old rug which Jackie had picked up from a jumble sale. It meant she could attend to the cooking without the cold creeping up her legs. The smell of the bacon made her mouth water as Jackie forked it onto a plate. He carved himself a thick slice of the bread she had baked yesterday and dropped it into the frying pan to soak up the bacon fat. She looked again around the little room and for the first time saw it for what it was – home. She crossed the floor and, very quietly so as not to startle him, she placed her cheek against Jackie’s back and wrapped her arms around him.

Chapter 41

Tina’s hands were brittle with the cold as she forced her fingers to work the key into the lock. The temperatures were brutal, but the sky was clear and the heavy frost had covered the pavements, turning them into glistening sugar-coated slabs of concrete, which always reminded Tina of Nice biscuits. The door finally gave way and she almost fell into the shop. She picked up the pile of junk mail and free newspapers from behind the door and the pint of milk from the step. She tutted as she noticed the birds had pecked their way through the silver foil again in order to drink the heavy cream which had risen to the surface. Once she had thawed out and had a steaming mug of tea in her hands, she reached into her handbag and pulled out a long pale-blue envelope. Inside were several sheets of thin paper and Tina smiled to herself at the prospect of reading all William’s news. It had been six months since they had gone their separate ways, but they had written to each other almost every week since then.

She was so absorbed in William’s words that she jumped violently when the shop doorbell rang.

‘Sorry, love,’ said Graham. ‘Didn’t mean to startle you.’

‘Don’t worry, it’s fine. I was just reading William’s letter. Apparently, it’s minus fifteen there at the moment and forecast to get even colder. Imagine that!’

‘Sounds grim, I must say. Any tea in the pot?’

Tina answered without looking up from the letter.

‘Yeah, sure, help yourself.’

Graham sat down on the stool opposite and stared at Tina as she read the letter. Her face was flushed and her mouth was pulled into a permanent grin.

‘Aaaahhh,’ she said.

‘What does he say?’

‘He says he misses me so much and that he thinks about me every day.’

Graham looked up towards the ceiling. ‘And do you feel the same?’

Tina sighed. ‘I’m not going through this again, Graham. Of course, I miss him. We grew very close while we were together in Ireland, but he lives three thousand miles away. We’re just pen friends.’

‘For now, but I’m worried you’ll up sticks and go and join him.’

Tina laid down the letter. ‘And would that be so bad?’

‘For me, yes. I don’t want to lose you.’

Tina took hold of both his hands in hers. ‘Graham, I love you very much and you are so important to me. You are a dear friend and my rock, but I’m not yours to lose.’

Graham looked sheepish. ‘I know that, Tina. I just feel protective towards you, after all you’ve been through.’

Tina held her hand up to silence him. ‘No, we don’t re-visit the past, remember?’

‘Of course, but it’s been almost a year since you…you know…’

‘Lost the baby? I’m aware of that Graham, thank you.’ She was also aware she was beginning to sound impatient. ‘William makes me happy, okay? You want that, don’t you?’

Graham nodded slowly. ‘More than anything, Tina. You deserve it.’

‘Good, now can I finish this letter?’

Graham slid off the stool. ‘I’ll just finish my brew then and go and open up.’

Tina was once more engrossed in the letter.

‘Oh my God!’ She clasped her hand to her chest.

‘What is it?’

‘Chrissie and Jackie have got married! A couple of weeks ago, in the chapel nearby, just the two of them. Isn’t that romantic? William says he received a photo through the post and they both looked so blissfully happy. Oh, I’m really pleased for them. Looks like she was finally able to let go of the memory of Billy and move on. She’ll be fine now. Jackie’s a wonderful man.’ She wiped a small tear from the corner of her eye. ‘Well, fancy that!’

Graham stood behind Tina and placed his hands on her shoulders. She instinctively leaned back and he planted a firm kiss on the top of her head.

‘Thanks, Graham.’

‘What for?’

‘For caring about me. Even though you’re worse than a father, brother and probation officer rolled into one, I appreciate it.’

He laughed as he closed the door behind him and then blew her a kiss through the window.

She turned her attention back to William’s letter and as she read the final paragraph she almost fell off her stool. She felt her face and neck flush and the back of her neck prickled with heat. She was glad Graham was not there to witness her reaction.

In the run up to Christmas the shop was always busy and today was no exception. Everybody needed to rummage out bargains these days and she was doing a roaring trade. There were about five or six customers in the shop, which made the small room especially crowded. People were bundled up in their thick winter coats and at least three of the customers had huge tartan shopping trollies with them. Tina squeezed through to put some more clothes out on the racks. An old man who she had not seen before was talking to another customer. Even though he must have been in his eighties his voice was strong and loud, albeit slightly gravelly. He wore a trilby on his head, heavy dark-rimmed spectacles and although stooping somewhat, Tina could tell he had once been very tall. He took a stained, greying handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his nose. He then took off his glasses and rubbed his rheumy eyes. He hadn’t shaved for a couple of days and by the smell of him hadn’t bathed for even longer. His large fingers, the size of bananas, were blue with the cold and he had several sores on the back of his hands. In spite of his size he cut a forlorn figure and Tina immediately felt sorry for him. He shuffled along, leaning heavily on his walking stick as he thumbed his way through the clothes.

‘Are you looking for anything in particular?’ Tina asked kindly.

He turned to face her and she noticed the whites of his once-blue eyes were now yellowed and his pupils were cloudy. ‘Oh, you know, just having a look round. It gives me something to do.’

‘Well, let me know if I can be of any assistance.’

He nodded and turned his attention back to the rack of clothes. Tina picked up a pile of tatty old paperbacks and stacked them on a nearby shelf next to a tower of jigsaws. The old man suddenly guffawed and pulled a hanger from the rack. He scrutinised the green suit with the gold stripe and held it at arm’s length.

‘My God!’ he exclaimed. ‘Have you still not sold this?’

Chapter 42

Tina spun round when she heard the old man laugh, which had startled her and several of the other customers. She was now at the top of a step ladder arranging some more books and wobbled precariously as she turned to look.

‘I donated this ages ago,’ he said to no-one in particular. ‘It’s good quality. I wonder why it hasn’t sold.’ He went to put it back on the rack and Tina turned her attention to the shelf-stacking once more. She was thinking about William’s latest missive and how wonderful it was for Chrissie and Jackie to have finally committed to each other. They had both had so much heartache in their lives and Tina was grateful they could now live out the rest of their days happily together. That would not have happened had she not found the letter in that suit. Then she paused for a second as she replayed in her mind what she had just seen. That old man had just held up Billy’s suit and said that he had donated it! She haphazardly flung the remaining paperbacks onto the shelf and hurried down the step ladder, missing out the final two steps and landing with a thud on the floor. She pushed her way through the clothes racks and looked up and down for the old man. Although small, the shop was immensely cluttered and it took Tina a few seconds to realise that the man had left. She opened the door to an Arctic gust and spotted him making his way down the parade of shops, taking care not to slip on the ice.

‘Excuse me!’ she shouted. There was no response.

She braced herself against the chill, her thin satin blouse clinging to her skin as she picked her way along the pavement. As she approached him she tried again.

‘Excuse me.’ This time he turned around, a look of puzzlement on his face.

‘Sorry to bother you, but would you mind coming back to the shop a minute?’

The old man looked confused. ‘Which shop?’

‘My shop. The charity shop you’ve just been in.’

‘And you think I have stolen something? From a charity shop?’

Tina was taken aback. ‘No, of course not, but you’d be surprised the levels to which some people will stoop. No, I was wondering if I might have a word.’

The old man looked doubtful.

‘There’s a cup of tea in it,’ urged Tina.

‘Alright then,’ he said begrudgingly, and Tina took hold of his elbow and guided him back to the shop.

Once inside, Tina put the kettle on and waited until the shop was empty. Then she bolted the door and turned the sign round to read ‘Closed’.

‘What’s going on here?’ asked the old man suspiciously.

Tina laid out the two cups of tea and invited him to take a seat. She sat opposite and clasped her hands together on the counter between them. She suddenly felt like a police officer interviewing a suspect, so she leant back in her chair and adopted a more casual approach.

‘That suit over there, the one you held up before? You said that you had donated it. Are you sure?’

The old man looked affronted. ‘Of course I am sure. I may be old and decrepit, but I can assure you I am not losing my mind.’

‘Of course,’ Tina apologised. ‘I wonder, could you tell me how you came to be in possession of it.’

‘Well, it was a long time ago, but I bought it from a tailor on Deansgate. It was very expensive at the time, but it really is good quality. That was why I was surprised that no-one had bought it.’

‘So, let me get this straight, the suit belonged to you?’

‘That’s what I said.’

Tina’s mind was racing. This gentleman said he had bought the suit from new and he had donated it to the charity shop. So how had Billy come to own it?

She cleared her throat. ‘Does the name Billy Stirling mean anything to you?’

The old man’s eyes widened. ‘What’s this all about?’

‘Please bear with me, Mr…erm, I’m sorry, what was your name?’

‘It’s Skinner. Doctor Skinner.’

Tina’s mouth fell open and she struggled to think of anything to say. Her hands shook as she picked up her cup and took a sip of tea to calm herself.

‘What’s the matter?’ asked Dr Skinner.

She rubbed her temples. ‘I’m just trying to piece things together.’

‘You just asked if the name Billy Stirling means anything to me. I’m not sure why you want to know but, yes, I have the misfortune to know who you are talking about.’

‘How do you know him?’

‘Many years ago he used to court my daughter. That is until he got her pregnant and I had to send her away. It was for her own good, but it ended up destroying my family. I lost my wife and daughter because of him and now I have no family.’

As the fragments began to fall into place, she cleared her throat. ‘Dr Skinner, do you know anything about a letter addressed to your daughter? It was in the pocket of that suit and it was from Billy Stirling.’

Dr Skinner scoffed. ‘Yes, I remember. It was when the war broke out. He’d been pestering my daughter and when I told him to sling his hook he wouldn’t listen. Kept trying to get in touch with her he did, but I had to keep them apart, didn’t I? He was no good for her but he couldn’t see that and neither could she. I managed to stop them from seeing each other, I mean they were both so gullible, but then he goes and writes her a letter. It was only good fortune that I managed to intercept him on his way to post it. It was then he took great delight in telling me that my Chrissie was pregnant. I couldn’t believe it and I was livid, let me tell you. Then he says he wants to make an honest woman of her! Can you believe that? I offered to give her the letter myself and he reluctantly agreed. He didn’t trust me though, said he would call round the next day to check I had given it to her. He never gave up, that lad. Of course, as soon as I got home I made arrangements to send Chrissie away. I put the letter in my pocket and forgot all about it.’ He shrugged. ‘That’s what the name Billy Stirling means to me.’