Authors: J. Adams
Adagio's step is a little lighter as he exits his hotel room.
It is well past noon and he is late going to Cisely’s, but it
couldn’t be helped. He had needed this time away from her.
He'd spent most of the morning, as well as last night going over
his feelings. He’s tried for weeks to fight them, but he can’t
anymore because it has become impossible.
He is deeply in love with Cisely.
He loves her like he never thought he would be able to
love anyone. It is a desperate kind of love, the kind that people
talk about, but he had never experienced himself.
Adagio knows Cisely will always love Ingo and a part of
her will miss him, but surely she can make room in her heart
for someone else–that someone being himself. Surely he has a
chance. What he feels for her completely fills the emptiness in
him. He will forever think of Ingo and treasure the friendship
they shared, but he knows Ingo would never deny him this
chance at happiness.
Warmth flows over him, through him, validating that his
love for Cisely
is
right. It came to him only moments ago that
Cisely is the gift his mother had spoken of. As he thinks about
it now, the warmth increases, again telling him this is the way
things are meant to be.
He needs to tell Cisely how he feels, and he hopes
wherever Ingo is, he really understands. Somewhere in his
heart, Adagio is sure he does, and maybe even wants this.
Adagio
stops
by
Gary
and Tara’s
to
drop
off
his
cannelloni recipe Tara wants to make the dish for her husband.
He finds her in the back yard, wearing a wide brimmed straw
hat and gloves, trimming a large rose bush.
“I really appreciate this, Adagio,” she says, taking the card
from him. Looking over the ingredients a moment, she slips it
into her shirt pocket.
“Well, since it’s your recipe, I know he will, providing I
get it right.”
“I am sure it will turn out great.”
Tara
takes
in
Adagio’s
countenance,
noticing
the
brightness in his eyes.
“You've decided, haven’t you? About Cisely, I mean.”
Adagio is taken aback by her perceptiveness. “Yes, I have.
But how did you know?”
She chuckles. “It's not very hard to figure out. I only have
to look at your face and it’s obvious. I can tell Cisely cares a
great deal for you, too. I can see it in her eyes every time you
two are together. It's in her voice whenever we talk about you
during our visits. I think she holds back a lot because she is
afraid, but it's there in her every action.” She pauses, smiling.
“Gary and I talk about you a lot, and we’ve prayed that you
would find the
person
you
are
meant
to
be
with.
And
personally, I think Ingo would be happy to know his best friend
has found happiness with the woman he loved so much. You
two already spend so much time together, Cisely has probably
come to depend on the comfort and security she gets from you.
If you left, it would break her heart. You need each other.”
Adagio smiles, thinking about Cisely being a permanent
part of his life. It is soon and the emotions churning inside him
are still fairly new, but his love for her runs deep, and right now
he wants that permanence more than anything. It will bring him
the happiness he has longed for.
“I hope you are right. I don't think I realized just how
much I love her until now. Maybe it's because I have tried so
hard not to for fear of hurting my relationship with her and
betraying Ingo. As a matter of fact, it has taken so much out of
me, I am exhausted.”
“Then it’s time to stop fighting and just accept that it’s
meant to be.”
“It
is
time,” he agrees, and now that he has accepted it, he
can’t get to Cisely fast enough. He kisses Tara’s cheek. “Thank
you for listening, and for your insight.”
She chuckles. “You're welcome.”
“I had better get going. I have a stop to make on the way
to Cisely’s.”
“Good luck,” she calls after him.
I am so nervous I can hardly breathe. I usually anticipate
Adagio’s arrival, but today is different because I'm finally
admitting what I feel.
I am in love with Adagio St. John.
I didn't think I would ever fall in love again. I didn't want
to, but I have. And now that I have accepted it, the feelings
have only increased. The thought of opening up to him scares
me a little–okay, a lot, but I will no longer deny my heart what
it wants–what it needs. I won't try to compare my feelings for
him to what I felt for Ingo because my heart only knows one
way to love, and that is fully. I pray that Adagio feels the same,
and right now I am in agony waiting for him.
I could call him . . . but what would I say?
I release a nervous
laugh.
I’ve seen him every day for the past three and a half months and
suddenly I can’t come up with anything to say. Get a grip, girl!
Standing
by the living room window, I wait anxiously.
When Adagio finally pulls up, my heart starts pounding
so hard, I grow light-headed. Moving away from the window, I
take a calming breath, my fear growing the closer he gets to the
door.
Breathe. Just breathe
.
Sitting in the car for another moment, Adagio tries to
calm his racing heart and get a grip on his emotions. For years,
he has wondered if he would ever feel this way about a woman.
He hadn’t known if it would ever happen, or that he would
ever experience emotions so strong.
Adagio wants this to work out so badly, and it hurts to
think of Cisely rejecting his affections. He needs her with an
intensity he never thought possible. Closing his eyes, he takes a
deep breath and gets out of the car.
When Adagio knocks, I take a moment to compose
myself. I am about to cross a line that both excites and
frightens me. Once I take that step, I can never go back. Nor
do I want to.
He looks amazing in a beige polo and jeans, his hair
tousled, muscular arms lightly tanned. But then again he always
does. And I look . . . I look big.
Shyly dropping my gaze, I move aside, letting him in.
“You must have been pretty busy this morning,” I comment in
a steady voice, wondering what took him so long, yet glad that
it had.
He closes the door. “I had some things I needed to take
care of. I wanted to spend the whole day with you, and I didn't
want anything to interrupt. I hope that is all right.”
His words catch me by joyful surprise. “It’s more than all
right.” My gaze locks intently with his, and I don't try to
disguise the longing anymore, but I still have to remind myself
to breathe because my heart is racing like crazy.
Moving closer, he presses a hand to my cheek, caressing it
softly. He has touched me many times, but never like this.
Keeping my gaze riveted to his, I soak in the warmth of
his hand. His face is so close to mine, I can smell his cologne,
and the warmth of his breath on my skin is indescribably
intoxicating.
through me.
I shiver
as
a
heady
wave
of
emotion
surges
His eyes roam over my face for a moment and I imagine
him taking in my every feature–my brown skin, my full mouth,
and my emotion-filled eyes. I hope he can read in them what I
have yet to say. What a curiously-vulnerable situation I find
myself in–longing to know how he really feels, but too afraid to
reveal my own heart. His next words change all that.
“Cisely, your friendship is the most important thing in the
world to me.” Moving back a little, he takes my hands, lacing
his fingers between mine. “I never expected this to happen.
This is soon, and out of respect for Ingo, I have tried to wait,
but I can no longer keep my feelings hidden.” Tightening his
fingers
slightly,
he
draws
me
closer
until we
are
almost
touching. “I am in love with you, Cisely.”
Fully absorbing his words, I release a shaky breath, ready
to bare my soul.
“And I am in love with you.”
Smiling, he gently captures my face in his hands, brushing
his thumbs over my skin. I marvel at the words and feelings
that have just passed between us. Reverently caressing my face,
he softly brushes a thumb across my lips before lowering his
head and pressing his mouth to mine.
Adagio's insides quiver at the softness of her lips and the
sweetness of her kiss. It is new, yet familiar somehow. As her
warm mouth softens under his, anxiously answering his heated
affections, he finds that kissing her is so perfect, he wants to
cry. He has never experienced so much from a single kiss, and
he never will again with anyone but her.
Tears slip down my cheeks as I relish the feel of his moist
mouth
plying
mine.
His
kiss
is
warm and demanding,
producing emotions that stir my very soul. I never imagined
feeling so much from a kiss. Moaning softly at the feel of his
tongue dancing over mine, I circle my arms around his waist,
pulling him closer, needing to be wrapped in his warmth. The
emotional rush is staggering, and in this moment, I know I
belong in his arms. The haven of his love is now all that exists.