The Last Rain (21 page)

Dori

I’m alone in the Children’s House. Suddenly I notice Skye’s necklace. The one with the gold heart. It’s in a little box on her bed. A pretty blue box.

I take the bracelet outside and dig a hole in the ground and bury it.

It’s not a very nice thing to do. Skye is going to miss that bracelet.

I can tell her where I buried it if she asks. I didn’t throw it out.

I have some things that are only mine—like the little doll furniture on the tray. But I keep them in the Room. I don’t bring them to the Children’s House where everyone can see them and be jealous.

Our First Year

30 August 1949.
We began the grape harvest yesterday. Some of the fruit is inferior, but there are many bunches that hang like clusters of monstrous jewels, succulent grapes the size of small plums, beautifully formed, with a powdery bloom that rubs off leaving an enamelled surface, shiny and sometimes pitch black.

Dori

Skye’s been asking about her bracelet. I want to tell her where it is but the problem is that I forgot where I buried it.

Diary of a Young Man

18 March 1922.
Sometimes you’re lying in bed, thinking about the commune, and suddenly you hear the sound of weeping. You get up and step outside to help your comrade in distress. But next to the tent where the sound is coming from several young women have gathered and they gesture to you, “Don’t come near!” They’re watching and helping. There are already quite a few experts in hysteria.

Dori

We’re at Galron and we’re having a problem. Carmella doesn’t know we’re here and there’s a dog barking in front of the door. He looks dangerous.

We’re afraid to go into the yard. Shoshana’s afraid too. We keep waiting for Carmella but she doesn’t come.

Finally Skye decides to be brave. She goes into the yard and walks sideways very very slowly. She keeps her back to the fence and then to the wall.

But the dog jumps on her and bites her. She screams and Carmella comes out. Skye is screaming her head off. Carmella puts her on a chair and gives her a candy and one of the children gives her a toffee and another child gives her a ribbon.

I want to give her something too. I have a boat in my pocket that I found yesterday on our Hike. It’s a teeny-tiny red boat and I decided I would keep it until I was old and bent with a shawl so I’d have something from when I was a little girl.

But Skye is crying and all I have is the boat so I give it to her. She takes it but she goes on crying.

Finally the nurse comes running in. She gives Skye a shot in her arm. Poor Skye! She was brave and she got bit and had to get a shot. In stories brave people end up with the prize but not in real life apparently.

Between the Motion and the Act

They sat at the table, singing apathetically in order to postpone the main event of the evening: a lottery to determine which two members would join the army on a dangerous mission the following morning. The army had asked for two men and the members had decided on a lottery. The tension grew as each of the men took a small piece of paper out of a hat. Two were marked.

Nat thought of the scene in Charlie Chaplin’s The Great Dictator
,
in which the Resistance puts coins in a pudding to select someone to go on a suicide mission to assassinate the dictator, and each person tries to hide the coin and secretly pass it on. As he opened his paper he contemplated what might be on it. They had arrived here only a few months ago, knowing that war was imminent. Most of them had fought in World War Two in the Canadian and U.S. armies, and were dismayed by the thought that they’d have to go through it all again. But duty and love of the country were the order of the day—and what were they if not the innocent sons of the era?

Nat’s piece of paper was spread out on the table now but he did not have the courage to look at it. He was not afraid of dying, of suffering, of being killed, but he dreaded the thought of leaving Avra—blonde, beautiful, flowering, and as mysterious as a Japanese opera; to be torn apart from her now—perhaps lose her forever—that was what he was afraid of. He looked at the other men in the room, and concluded that his own paper was not marked, for Rubin rose with feigned abhorrence and smiled, and his wife tried to be brave and smile too. Everyone felt somewhat relieved, for Rubin was considered indefatigable, an ex-Air Force Pilot who had been awarded a Silver Star. He would surely return, there was no doubt about it.

The second person whose paper was marked was Pinny. He went pale, and his blue eyes began to water. His wife moaned by his side, “Pinny, no!”

They felt sorry for Pinny and in spite of their previous resolution, they accepted Samuel’s offer to go in Pinny’s place. Samuel was not really one of them. He was a Brazilian who had come on his own. He was drawn into the enthusiastic devotion of the group; nevertheless, when he was killed on a lone hill in the Negev, he was barely mourned. When Pinny heard about it, all he said was, “What luck! It could have been me.”

Dori

Now that it’s colder we’re getting shirts with long sleeves. I really like this one red shirt with a high neck. It’s very soft. I’m not supposed to get a shirt just because I like it because what if the other children like it just as much?

But Shoshana gave it to me last time and again this time. It’s not what I expect from Shoshana but what do you know—she was nice for a change.

I like the shirt but I don’t like anything touching my throat. Even at night I sleep with my hand on my throat so the blanket won’t touch it.

I keep the neck of the shirt in my mouth so it won’t touch my throat. Just like Bazooka Joe. I wonder if he’s like me. Maybe he can’t have anything touching his throat either.

Baby Diary

January 1, 1956

Had a smallpox shot. I handed over the 10:00 nursing to the Minder. Gets food and a cup (no bottle). Niv, Simon and Dori have moved to new quarters next to the Baby House.

Weaning was very hard for me. (Emotionally.)

She is fine—a happy, sweet, pretty and good girl.

Dori

Mummy is baking a cake in the Room. I’m helping her whip the whites.

When Carmella baked a cake she whipped the whites so hard that when she turned the bowl upside-down they didn’t fall out. Even with gravity.

So when the whites are ready I turn the bowl upside-down to show Mummy. I say
look it’s standing
! but suddenly the whole thing slides down to the floor in one big piece.

Mummy is very upset but not angry. She finds a way to save most of the egg whites and she puts them back in the bowl. Daddy comes in and she tells him what happened. When she gets to the part where I said
it’s standing
Daddy bursts out laughing and Mummy laughs too and they repeat
it’s standing
over and over and they laugh so hard that tears come out of Mummy’s eyes.

It’s nice when you make your parents laugh. A bad thing turned into a good thing.

Kibbutz Cake

Dori

It’s Tu B’shvat Festival of Trees today. I love Tu B’shvat. We wear white shirts and everyone plants a tree. An adult helps me dig a hole and I put the sapling in the earth and I pat the earth back in. Pat pat pat.

Everyone is happy. There are hundreds of yellow and white wildflowers around us. The beautiful wildflowers of our land. I love our land.

Dori

I don’t know where we are. All I know is that we’re in Meron and the room is very crowded. We’re supposed to get sandwiches but I don’t know where. I can’t see anyone from my Group or anyone else from Eldar.

I find a girl to talk to. An old girl—almost ten. She’s from Meron. She says
I have a rabbit called Fifi
. I tell her about the dog that bit Skye.

Finally Shoshana comes to get me and we all leave Meron in a bus. It’s dark outside. Shoshana says we have to go straight to the Children’s House and to bed.

I say
I have to tell Daddy or Mummy we’re back
. But Shoshana says it’s too late.

I feel sick. I can’t go to sleep without a goodnight kiss. So when Shoshana isn’t looking I run away as fast as I can to the Room. There’s no one there so I run to the Kitchen. But Daddy isn’t there either and no one knows where he is. Someone says Mummy might be in Coco’s Room.

So I start running back to the Rooms but Shoshana comes running down the path and catches me. She grabs my waist and carries me screaming back to the Children’s House.

I try to stop crying but I can’t. My crying is like hic-cups. No matter what I do I can’t make it stop. Shoshana laughs
listen to her hiccup
. She wants everyone to laugh with her.

I know Daddy or Mummy would come if they knew I was back. But they don’t know and there’s no one to tell them.

This is the saddest anyone can be. It isn’t possible to be sadder than this.

Transcript of Meeting February 1962